I do appreciate what Jesus did for us, opening up a pathway for us to Heaven through Him, it’s just that I’d so much rather help the process than participate in it.
Think of someone you love a lot, but who isn’t especially wise (a child, perhaps), and whose happiness and well-being you feel especially protective over. Then try to imagine that this person begins to make terrible, self-destructive choices (say, joining a gang), and he ends up stuck in a situation that will surely lead to his demise unless someone (you) steps in to save him. You do, giving him the opportunity to walk away if he so chooses, and you, sadly, die in the process.
But as it turns out, he, well, kinda likes it where he’s at. In fact, he insists that, though he knows your intentions were pure and that he appreciates your suffering and care, he’s just convinced you were wrong about his situation’s being so bad. (He may say it just grew on him to the point that, like a newly released prisoner struggling to settle back into society, a better life wouldn’t somehow be “better for him.”)
Does such a person sound like he
truly does appreciate your sacrifice? Or like he respects your wisdom and guidance (just in general or even simply as above his own opinion)? I hope you’ll trust me when I say that I’m not trying to offend you (and that I hope I’ve misinterpreted somehow), but your post comes off as quite disrespectful and self-centered.
I’m actually afraid of Heaven. The “Eternal Happiness” thing is a very kind offer, but I’m afraid I’d lose “me” if I was happy all the time. I like my pain, my angst, it’s part of who I am, my story, my being.
Do not think that I came to send peace upon earth: I came not to send peace, but the sword. For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s enemies shall be they of his own household. He that loves father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loves son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me. And he that takes not up his cross, and follows me, is not worthy of me. He that finds his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for me, shall find it.. (
Matthew 10:34-39)
You are obligated to want to be with God much more than you are obligated even to save another man’s soul. Love of Him is more important than love of anyone or anything else, yourself or your neighbor. Charity is primarily the highest virtue only with respect to Him, to the extent you love the Lord first and fully, and everyone else mediately,
out of your willing what He wills.
But seriously, if I willingly reject a ticket to Heaven, can I still be considered christian?
A Christian
follows Jesus. Christ will come back down here one more time, to judge the living and the dead. sure, but he ain’t stayin’ down here. A true Christian will willingly and gladly follow Him up to Heaven; he would rather spend eternity in a direct relationship with Him than with himself.
I realize in Heaven we’re as close to God as we can be, but being close isn’t the same as the joy of following Him, or trying to anyway. I don’t want a permanent vacation from doing that, I want to (always) be challenged to hear Him in ever more creative circumstances.
A lover yearns to be as close as possible to the beloved. Usually it’s only the naive “romantic” who needs the challenge, the conflict, or the “joyride,” which often is a good sign that his love is in an immature stage at best, like teenage infatuation, or vain thrill-seeking at worst.
The next quote is what really set off an alarm for me.
I don’t want to see God because it’ll prove He exists, and I’ll lose my faith, my chance to Believe by choice, to follow Him by free will.
If you do not want to see God, then you will not be forced to. I heartily advise you to work on wanting to want to see God, forever, so much so that you will not have any desire to avert your eyes, even for a second, toward yourself. These statements give me the impression that you exalt your own autonomy over His infinite Goodness.
This, here, now, IS my “Heaven.”
No, it isn’t. He’s trying to save us from that tempting notion. Your good, the destination of your happiness, like everyone else’s, has been pre-established by the Divine Mind. It’s spiritual union with God. If you prefer imperfect union to perfect union, then you do not sufficiently love Perfect Goodness. “Your heaven” is Heaven; it’s the same Heaven as everyone else’s. (Thank God! “Subjective” Heaven could get lonely.)
We love, we dance, we play, always wanting to see “What Happens Next.” Well I do at least.
But in Heaven, I’m afraid we’d become like the cliche’d “old married couple,” lol… knowing each other all too well, nothing new, no mystery…
Once again, I think you may unconsciously be too obsessed with the pleasure you get out of noble, joyful, yet still worldly duties. If it’s any consolation, I can assure you that you’ll never get too familiar or too knowledgeable of God. Nothing new? His actually infinite Being will eternally be a never-ending succession for you, always a potential infinity. That’s like thinking that if you counted for long enough you’d reach repeat-numbers. No mystery? Unless you are God, you’ll never fully understand God.
I may sound harsh, especially in a tongue-in-cheek thread, but I’m afraid the lightheartedness may be hiding potentially dangerous assumptions. I promise I’m only wanting to help you, which is why I don’t want you to dismiss my perhaps unpopular, (tentatively) judgmental take. I might add that presumption is just as sinful as despair – do not forget to fear the Lord while you love Him.
Maybe He could, for example, put you in charge of something really stressful, like directing traffic leading up to the pearly gates.
