Can you be friends with someone who is gay?

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ellam27

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So here is a little about me:
when I fell out of the church at 18, I had a relationship with a girl (the same gender as me). I knew I felt wrong about it, and refused to tell my parents and felt ashamed deep down even though I tried to act like a big rebel at the time. I am now married to one of the most wonderful men in the world and have never looked back.
So my question is this: I was friends with a boy (now a man) for a while that is homosexual. I am wondering if this is wrong? I feel a little hypocritical saying “your lifestyle isn’t right” when he knows darn well my history, but I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t show support by going to his house or conversing with him a lot. What does everyone think as a fellow Catholic? Answers would be greatly appreciated 🙂
 
My best friend is gay (lives in Seattle ironically). Yes, you can have gay friends. Your friendship can help them. He actually has become Christian over the last couple of years. Not even sure if he is sexually active anymore, not any of my business.

You don’t have to chastise him on his lifestyle. If the subject comes up, be honest about your beliefs and know the Church teachings on it inside and out. Be sure to tell him that he is your friend. If he can’t live with your beliefs, it is his choice not to be your friend.

You do want to be careful about validating any sinful activities, but that really applies to straight and gay friends alike. For example don’t go out with friends if you know the plan is to do a lot of heavy drinking.
 
Sure. But it can become difficult if they don’t know what you believe from the beginning. I’ve had gay friends who accepted me as a Catholic, but I’ve also had gay friends who for a time thought “he doesn’t really believe that”, and when they later came to understand what I do believe, things did disintegrate. So my advice is to be open and unafraid to be 100% yourself.
 
This is if the person is sexually active in a homosexual relationship. I believe that it dangerous to spend a great deal of time with anyone who is in perpetual state of MORTAL sin. Would we spend time with chronic adulterers? Or robbers? St. Paul warns not to keep company with anyone who calls himself a brother but indulges in such behavior. The Bible also says that bad company corrupts good manners. Just my opinion.
 
ellam27 said:
So here is a little about me:
when I fell out of the church at 18, I had a relationship with a girl (the same gender as me). I knew I felt wrong about it, and refused to tell my parents and felt ashamed deep down even though I tried to act like a big rebel at the time. I am now married to one of the most wonderful men in the world and have never looked back.
So my question is this: I was friends with a boy (now a man) for a while that is homosexual. I am wondering if this is wrong? I feel a little hypocritical saying “your lifestyle isn’t right” when he knows darn well my history, but I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t show support by going to his house or conversing with him a lot. What does everyone think as a fellow Catholic? Answers would be greatly appreciated 🙂
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It is not allowed to engage in homosexual activities, but you can have gay friends and not do that. You are not being hypocritical, you’ve been there, done that and are older and wiser now, and know it is the wrong choice.
 
ellam27 said:
So here is a little about me:
when I fell out of the church at 18, I had a relationship with a girl (the same gender as me). I knew I felt wrong about it, and refused to tell my parents and felt ashamed deep down even though I tried to act like a big rebel at the time. I am now married to one of the most wonderful men in the world and have never looked back.
So my question is this: I was friends with a boy (now a man) for a while that is homosexual. I am wondering if this is wrong? I feel a little hypocritical saying “your lifestyle isn’t right” when he knows darn well my history, but I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t show support by going to his house or conversing with him a lot. What does everyone think as a fellow Catholic? Answers would be greatly appreciated 🙂
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You might be the example for them that they can change.
 
robwar said:
You might be the example for them that they can change.
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Um, if the friend is truly homosexual, then no, they CAN’T change. It would be not only pointless, but downright WRONG to try to get a homosexual person to somehow become heterosexual. At most, you’d just be making them anxious about something they can’t change. In the end, we can choose whom we love, but not to whom we feel attracted.

I don’t know what the OP’s sexual orientation is. She might be bisexual, or she might be homosexual and made the decision (hopefully with full knowledge of her husband) that the emotional and financial benefits of marriage were worth sacrificing sexual attraction. On the other hand, there are a great many heterosexual women who can become sexually aroused by the female form and confuse this phenomenon for genuine sexual attraction (especially in adolescence. Nevertheless, concluding that people can change sexual orientation at will is NOT the correct conclusion.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
Um, if the friend is truly homosexual, then no, they CAN’T change. It would be not only pointless, but downright WRONG to try to get a homosexual person to somehow become heterosexual. At most, you’d just be making them anxious about something they can’t change. In the end, we can choose whom we love, but not to whom we feel attracted.

I don’t know what the OP’s sexual orientation is. She might be bisexual, or she might be homosexual and made the decision (hopefully with full knowledge of her husband) that the emotional and financial benefits of marriage were worth sacrificing sexual attraction. On the other hand, there are a great many heterosexual women who can become sexually aroused by the female form and confuse this phenomenon for genuine sexual attraction (especially in adolescence. Nevertheless, concluding that people can change sexual orientation at will is NOT the correct conclusion.
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Unchaste → chaste.

I think that’s the change robwar meant.
 
Yes you can, unless you’re a judgmental homophobe, in which case you don’t deserve to be their friend.
 
Undoubtedly, any Catholic can be friends with someone who is gay. There are Catholics who are attracted to the same sex - likewise there are non-Catholics, and everyone on Earth is deserving of true and faithful friendship.
 
Et_Cetera said:
Yes you can, unless you’re a judgmental homophobe, in which case you don’t deserve to be their friend.
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I’m not a “homophobe” or else I would never have been friends with him in the first place. What I am afraid of is sin. Thanks,
 
coachkfan1 said:
This is if the person is sexually active in a homosexual relationship. I believe that it dangerous to spend a great deal of time with anyone who is in perpetual state of MORTAL sin. Would we spend time with chronic adulterers? Or robbers? St. Paul warns not to keep company with anyone who calls himself a brother but indulges in such behavior. The Bible also says that bad company corrupts good manners. Just my opinion.
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What if your Gay friends aren’t Catholics, so do not regard their relationship as any sort of “sin”?
I have several friends who are in Gay relationships and very much enjoy their company.
Their private life is exactly that - private.
 
ellam25 said:
He is living with his boyfriend. Sorry should have made that clear in my thread.
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No worries. Thanks for clarifying!

There’s nothing hypocritical about your situation. It’s not like you’re saying and doing different things now. People change. Maybe he will too… you never know.
ellam25 said:
I’m not a “homophobe” or else I would never have been friends with him in the first place. What I am afraid of is sin. Thanks,
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Yeah that post was a little uncalled for. You’ve not said anything remotely suggesting a lack of charity.
 
Sometimes I think a better question might be, can a person who is sexually active as a homosexual can be friends with a Catholic? While I might not judge them for the sin of sex outside of marriage, they might judge me for my belief in marriage being between a man and a woman, or that sex should only be in marriage (which is a man and woman).

I have gay acquaintances. I have a gay relative. We do not discuss her sex life, nor mine. We also do not discuss politics.
 
coachkfan1 said:
This is if the person is sexually active in a homosexual relationship. I believe that it dangerous to spend a great deal of time with anyone who is in perpetual state of MORTAL sin. Would we spend time with chronic adulterers? Or robbers? St. Paul warns not to keep company with anyone who calls himself a brother but indulges in such behavior. The Bible also says that bad company corrupts good manners. Just my opinion.
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So it must be equally as bad to be friends with a person who is sexually active in a heterosexual relationship.
 
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