Can your Confessor be your Spiritual Director?

[Turtle_Turtle]

A spiritual director leads one on a journey to perfection.
This is an obligation for the religious and they are better trained than a diocesian priest.
I use a religious( regular priest) rather than a secular priest on my journey!

I am being drawn more and more to a contemplative way of living, and that is why I wanted to change my Confessor and if possible ask a priest who is in religious life to be my spiritual director. I am not discerning a vocation but I am starting to feel a tug in my heart in that direction.

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

Thank you all, I am going to ask my New Confessor if he can be my Spiritual Director, please be in prayer for me.

And if this does not work out, please pray that I will be led to the Spiritual Director that God would have me have.

Thank you.

 

[marleelynn]

Can your Confessor be your Spiritual Director?

If any of you have a Confessor who is your Spiritual Director, can you please share your experience with me.

What are the pros and cons of this?

Thanks.

my confessor is also my spiritual director … we meet once a month.

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

my confessor is also my spiritual director … we meet once a month.

So, if I am wrong, you meet once a month for Spritual direction right, what happens if you need to go to Confession like say more than once a month?

 

[Joannm]

So, if I am wrong, you meet once a month for Spritual direction right, what happens if you need to go to Confession like say more than once a month?

I see my SD about every 6 weeks. Sometimes I go to confession as part of our session and sometimes I go to a priest in my parish. My SD is my regular confessor but I have no problem going to someone else if necessary.

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

I see my SD about every 6 weeks. Sometimes I go to confession as part of our session and sometimes I go to a priest in my parish. My SD is my regular confessor but I have no problem going to someone else if necessary.

Good to know, thank you.

 

[EcceAgnusDei]

St. Theresa of Avila said “The person who has himself as a spiritual director has a fool for director!”, which is really what happens when you try to use the Bible or the Spirit alone.

We need someone to help us recognize what’s going on because we can miss things and misinterpret things. Yes, the Bible is the word of God but it is the job of the Church to interpret it for us because we’re very good at getting led astray (see: Protestant reformation).

(We’ve had the back-and-forth in other threads, curlycool, so it’s good to find a thread where we absolutely agree. Since we’re both Catholic, I’m sure we agree much more than we disagree, despite our conflicts on other threads. Peace be with you!)

• PAX

 

[EcceAgnusDei]

I just had the experience today of receiving some spiritual direction from my regular-ish confessor. In the context of the conversation, I brought up the fact that he knew my struggles from the confessional. He just smiled at me. I really appreciated knowing that the person giving me direction also knew my weakness and it was obvious that he was tailoring his direction to my weakness. It allowed me to trust the spiritual direction more. It was interesting how he didn’t break the confessional seal, even with me. I brought it up so we could talk directly about it, not him.

So, in my case, it was positive to receive spiritual direction from my confessor.

• PAX

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

I just had the experience today of receiving some spiritual direction from my regular-ish confessor. In the context of the conversation, I brought up the fact that he knew my struggles from the confessional. He just smiled at me. I really appreciated knowing that the person giving me direction also knew my weakness and it was obvious that he was tailoring his direction to my weakness. It allowed me to trust the spiritual direction more. It was interesting how he didn’t break the confessional seal, even with me. I brought it up so we could talk directly about it, not him.

So, in my case, it was positive to receive spiritual direction from my confessor.

• PAX

Thank you for sharing. This is what I feel I need in my life right now.

I thank God that I found this forum and there were some really helpful people such as yourself and others who asnwered my question.

 

[finisterra]

I was having this discussion with someone who told me sometimes it is better to go it alone. Sometimes things don’t work out with a spiritual director.

Someone else told me that spiritual directors in the past were primarily for those who had a vocation such as a Religious vocation Is this true?

Is everyone meant to find a spiritual director?

I think it depends on what you call a spiritual director.
It is very important to compare your behavior and your way of thinking with other Catholics. Now, it does not need to be a priest. And it does not need to be one only. For sexual problems, I think priests are not the best, though they are good at doctrine.
To stick to one even if you do not like him, it is not good.

 

[thomas_jd]

I am being drawn more and more to a contemplative way of living, and that is why I wanted to change my Confessor and if possible ask a priest who is in religious life to be my spiritual director. I am not discerning a vocation but I am starting to feel a tug in my heart in that direction.

A Contemplative way of living is a good start and a spiritual director can be a great asset in moving closer to God. I look to obedience as the first and most important quality in the spiritual direction of myself and my spiritual director.
If one does a nightly examination of conscience, the results can be outstanding.

 

[PatriceA]

How can one possibly follow your advice?

Same as anyone can follow yours apparently.

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

A Contemplative way of living is a good start and a spiritual director can be a great asset in moving closer to God. I look to obedience as the first and most important quality in the spiritual direction of myself and my spiritual director.
If one does a nightly examination of conscience, the results can be outstanding.

Thank you.

Do you mean a examination of conscience that one does before Confession? Those are long and take me awhile to do it. Do you have a particular one or format you use?

Obedience is key.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

Same as anyone can follow yours apparently.

I’m not sure if you’re serious or just having fun, but I’ll take your jab lightly.

 

[Batfink]

I can’t think of any cons, it’s all pros for me! The only way it wouldn’t work is if you didn’t get on with your confessor/SD, in which case why would you still be going to him?!

In terms of practical advice/experience:
I also meet my SD once a month. I like to confess every 7-10 days-ish so in between I go to someone else ( I don’t have a fixed ‘someone else’ but there are 2-3 priests locally I would usually go to). With the in between confessions, I just accept whatever advice they give me and carry on; it has never conflicted with anything ongoing with my SD but if that were to happen then I would bring it up with him at our next meeting and, depending on time/person possibly discuss it with the confessor at the time as well. Like I say, it’s never arisen. I have been given advice in confession that I thought was inapplicable to my situation or once just plain wrong, and I did discuss it with my SD, but on that occasion it was so obviously wrong that I wouldn’t have followed it even if I had no SD. Generally, though, I know the priests I confess to and they are all orthodox and well-informed and great, holy men. They obviously have different personalities and approaches to spirituality but I can’t imagine that they would recommend anything really conflicting.

As a previous poster said, I do sometimes have to have conversations with my SD which are the equivalent of those annoying plot devices in badly written books where one character tells another one something they blantantly already know so that the reader is informed, i.e. even though I know that he knows what my sins are, so that he doesn’t break the seal I say things like 'You may not remember but last time I mentioned that … ’ and then I’ve talked about it outside of confession and we can go on to chat about whatever it is. It’s long-winded but saves bother

Also, we make sure that the confession is clearly distinguished from the rest of the SD session so we both know what we can talk about if we meet in between sessions (he’s a Dominican friar and I’m a Lay Dominican so we do tend to see one another around). For us that means that, even though we’re still face to face and not in a church, he puts a stole on, I kneel and he starts with a blessing. Then we know what’s what and what’s not

 

[Batfink]

… I forgot to say:

I also do a nightly examination of conscience as part of Compline. I wouldn’t do a full list of questions like before Confession because you’re right, that would take forever! Plus I’m not sure that it would be very useful for me personally as I probably would get lax about it and not concentrate on the questions.

One of the most common ways (which is what I do) is I just mentally go through my day chronologically and note down what comes up (I have a spiral bound notebook which has people who have asked me to pray for them at one end and my sins which I have discovered through an examination at the other, then I organise the list thematically before I go to Confession and then tear the page out and start over).

Other ways to do it are to focus on a particular fault you wish to overcome and examine your conduct in more detail in the light of that. Or just read a short list such as maybe the 10 Commandments or Beatitudes and see how your conduct that day matches up to it.

 

[curlycool89]

It seems by reading your post that there are really no cons for A Confessor to be a Spiritual Director. I was thinking if my SD knew my sins and what I was confessing, it would be more helpful for me in spiritual direction.

Thank you.

Well, the priest cannot use the information from your confession anyways.

I know of a priest once who took a confession, and then after confession did spiritual direction. The person wanted to talk about what they said in confession, and the priest asked them to explain it again because they had left the seal of confession and the priest was not allowed to talk about what was heard without hearing it again outside the seal.

So, if I am wrong, you meet once a month for Spritual direction right, what happens if you need to go to Confession like say more than once a month?

Most priests will tell you to call them if you need something.

Or just go to another priest for confession. I’d say that most SD’s wouldn’t have a problem with this unless there is some persistent sin or problem that they are working on (between the SD and directee) like being over scrupulous.

(We’ve had the back-and-forth in other threads, curlycool, so it’s good to find a thread where we absolutely agree. Since we’re both Catholic, I’m sure we agree much more than we disagree, despite our conflicts on other threads. Peace be with you!)

It happens. I don’t consider it to be anything more then spirited disagreements.

I actually find that when you have to argue something it helps you to understand what you believe and what you mean because you are challenged to think about it and respond to ideas you hadn’t thought of.

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

Well, the priest cannot use the information from your confession anyways.

I know of a priest once who took a confession, and then after confession did spiritual direction. The person wanted to talk about what they said in confession, and the priest asked them to explain it again because they had left the seal of confession and the priest was not allowed to talk about what was heard without hearing it again outside the seal.

Okay good to know, so I know if I want to talk about something I confess, I bring it up.

Most priests will tell you to call them if you need something.

Or just go to another priest for confession. I’d say that most SD’s wouldn’t have a problem with this unless there is some persistent sin or problem that they are working on (between the SD and directee) like being over scrupulous.

I shall ask my SD what he wants me to do. I hope that I can go to Confession with him as well should the need arise.

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

I can’t think of any cons, it’s all pros for me!

I could not think of any cons either, but am glad to hear someone else couldn’t either.

Thank you for sharing your pratical experience. Yes I am making sure that the priest that I want to go to for SD and Confession are Orthodox in their faith. My present Confessor has always stressed that.

As a previous poster said, I do sometimes have to have conversations with my SD which are the equivalent of those annoying plot devices in badly written books where one character tells another one something they blantantly already know so that the reader is informed, i.e. even though I know that he knows what my sins are, so that he doesn’t break the seal I say things like 'You may not remember but last time I mentioned that … ’ and then I’ve talked about it outside of confession and we can go on to chat about whatever it is. It’s long-winded but saves bother

That is nice to know that the Seal of Confession is maintained in this way. I will remember this.

Also, we make sure that the confession is clearly distinguished from the rest of the SD session so we both know what we can talk about if we meet in between sessions (he’s a Dominican friar and I’m a Lay Dominican so we do tend to see one another around). For us that means that, even though we’re still face to face and not in a church, he puts a stole on, I kneel and he starts with a blessing. Then we know what’s what and what’s not

Do you do the Confession before or after the SD session, if you do not mind me asking. Is there a a better choice to do it either after or before the session?

One of the most common ways (which is what I do) is I just mentally go through my day chronologically and note down what comes up (I have a spiral bound notebook which has people who have asked me to pray for them at one end and my sins which I have discovered through an examination at the other, then I organise the list thematically before I go to Confession and then tear the page out and start over).

Thanks. This is so much easier to do. That is a great way to do the regular Examniation of Conscience too. If it’s done every single night in this manner, I won’t have to spend hours doing it later.

Other ways to do it are to focus on a particular fault you wish to overcome and examine your conduct in more detail in the light of that. Or just read a short list such as maybe the 10 Commandments or Beatitudes and see how your conduct that day matches up to it.

Also good to know. The frist one I can definetly use in charting progress with some particular sins in my life.

You’ve been most helpful thank you.

 

[curlycool89]

I shall ask my SD what he wants me to do. I hope that I can go to Confession with him as well should the need arise.

Or you can just do that. That’s probably the easiest thing to do.