Can't trust the dude!

[Paris_Blues]

I don’t know where to post this but I thought it might fit here…if not, sorry.

Okay, there’s this weird young guy who lives in my apartment (not in same room thank goodness but same building) and ever since he let his buddies park in my parking spot when I was gone (this happened over the summer last year) and I got quite irritated, he had been throwing things and spitting at my car! What makes matter worse is that my car is parked right underneath his window (though he’s on the third floor same as me). He wants negative attention too. unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_rolleyes.gif

I have told my building manager about it. It’s not just me who complains, the whole building knows about him and has complained (one woman called the cops on him one time!). Heck, even the manager and her husband wish he left the apartment!

I’ve tried to be patient and have mercy on him and even prayed for him (I thought he should become a monk or a friar!). I don’t really consider him a Christian due to the fact of how he uses foul language and plays dirty heavy metal music (not my taste) and I know I shouldn’t judge the dude for that but I just know it.

Well, this afternoon after getting home from college, I was walking in the door and he was right behind me, probably finishing a cigarette or something. Unfortunetely, he had to follow me up the stairs and all that because yes, we’re on the same floor. I was trying to the find the key to my door when he stopped by me and asked me my name and I hesitated but told him and told him his name and he was surprised I knew it (well, he wasn’t that surprised because he probably knew everyone in the building knew who he was by the way he acted). He was like, “well, you know, maybe we can have some tea together or something” and all I could mutter was, “uh, right” or something like that.unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_ignore.gif

I KNOW he’s flirting with me but this dude is almost 32 yrs. old though a handsome fella - he has dark wavy long hair with a nice face - but I really don’t think it’s a good idea because I have this terrible gut feeling that he’s dangerous. I was trying to unlock my door and wanted him to leave me alone but he still stood there and I didn’t say anything else and I think he got the message and said, “talk to you later” or something and he finally went his way and I walked in my apartment and thought, great.unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_shock.gifunity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_disturbed.gif

What should I do? I don’t want to be mean to him but I want him to leave me alone because I don’t know what he has in mind or will do (if you know what I mean)unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_unsure.gif

He always watches me from his window whenever I go out to the car or get the mail and oh, it’s so annoying

:banghead:

Suggestions???

 

[stanley123]

Paris Blues:

Suggestions???

You might think about moving out.
It takes a while for a landlord to evict anyone, and the police may not take your complaint seriously.

 

[Sir_Knight]

He spits and throws things at your car and then he wants you to go out with him is he on drugs or just psycotic?

Depending on where you live, consider getting a gun for protection. Even our Lord advised those that He cared about to sell their outer gaments if they had to and purchase a sword if they did not have one. (Luke 22:36-38; cf. 2 Corinthians 11:26-27 – a plain reading of the passage indicates that Jesus approved of self-defense). Here the “sword” (Greek: maxairan) is a dagger or short sword that belonged to the Jewish traveler’s equipment as protection against robbers and wild animals. Pretty much the equilavent of what a handgun is today.

Along with the gun, you may want to consider getting some training in leathal force procedures and applying to your state for a license to carry a concealed weapon.

Many states have recprical agreements with each other and a license in one state will be honored by another. My PA & FL gun licenses has me legally covered for over half the states in the country.

 

[Paris_Blues]

Sir Knight:

He spits and throws things at your car and then he wants you to go out with him is he on drugs or just psycotic?

I think he has some problems and I know I shouldn’t judge but I know SOMETHING is wrong with himunity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_unsure.gif

Depending on where you live, consider getting a gun for protection. Even our Lord advised those that He cared about to sell their outer gaments if they had to and purchase a sword if they did not have one. (Luke 22:36-38; cf. 2 Corinthians 11:26-27 – a plain reading of the passage indicates that Jesus approved of self-defense). Here the “sword” (Greek: maxairan) is a dagger or short sword that belonged to the Jewish traveler’s equipment as protection against robbers and wild animals. Pretty much the equilavent of what a handgun is today.

WHAT?!?? You’ve got to be kiddin’ me! I am not the type to go out shootin’ people!:nope: That’s just not in my nature. I would NEVER own a gun. I could just use my fingernails (make sure I have lots of calcium) and shoes (give 'em a good kick where it hurts unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_grin.gif).

Along with the gun, you may want to consider getting some training in leathal force procedures and applying to your state for a license to carry a concealed weapon.

I’m sorry but you certainly must be joking. :ehh: It may work for you but not for me.

 

[Sir_Knight]

Paris Blues:

WHAT?!?? You’ve got to be kiddin’ me! I am not the type to go out shootin’ people!:nope:

Who said anything about shooting people? I merely suggested that you are properly prepared to deal with a potential threat in the event that danger should manifest iteself.
Paris Blues:

That’s just not in my nature. I would NEVER own a gun.

That’s a personal decision that everyone needs to make for themselves. My wife was the same way until we became parents. When our little one was still in diapers, she said that she was willing to die for her child. I commented that I found that statement to be ironic in that she was willing to die for our child but she was not willing to take the required preparation steps to better ensure that they both could survive a threat to their safety.

Suddenly a light bulb went on in her head and she now has a FL license to legally carry a concealed firearm.
Paris Blues:

I could just use my fingernails (make sure I have lots of calcium) and shoes (give 'em a good kick where it hurts unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_grin.gif).

Against someone who in all likelihood would be bigger, stronger and mostlikely with better fighting skills?
Paris Blues:

I’m sorry but you certainly must be joking. :ehh: It may work for you but not for me.

Well, I would never suggest that you carry a firearm illegally. Don’t forget that as a Catholic, you not only have a right to self defense but a GRAVE duty to protect yourself from harm (see the Official Catechism of the Catholic Church - Part 3, Section II, Chapter 2, Article V, Paragraphs 2264-2265). Being prepared to deal with danger is part of that responsibility.

As you correctly pointed out, firearms are not for everyone and if that is the case in your particular situation, then I strongly suggests that you seriously look into other means of protection preparation in order to deal with a potential threat in the unfortunately event that that threat manifests itself. The time to prepare is before – not during or afterwards.

 

[Libero]

Paris,

Please please please dont get a gun. If you have to get a weapon to defend yourself get CS Spray or something.

Other than that, if he continues to really creep you out, I would take photos of him spitting on your car, and then keep a diary of the creepy things he does, then, should you need to, give it to the police, and they will more than likely take your complaint seriously.

 

[Paris_Blues]

Libero:

Paris,

Please please please dont get a gun. If you have to get a weapon to defend yourself get CS Spray or something.

I think by my last post it said it all…I WILL NEVER OWN ONE! [unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_afraid.gif](javascript:insertsmilie(’:afraid:’))

Other than that, if he continues to really creep you out, I would take photos of him spitting on your car, and then keep a diary of the creepy things he does, then, should you need to, give it to the police, and they will more than likely take your complaint seriously.

The only problem is, see, his window is facing east, mine is facing west and the parking lot is on the east side unfortunetely (hey, at least I get a great view of the mountains [unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_grin.gif](javascript:insertsmilie(’’))while he gets a view of the other buildings…sorry, that was pride…time to go to Confession:crying: [’)"]http://unity.enya.com/images/smiles/icon_smile_disapprove.gif](javascript:insertsmilie(’[V)) so I CANNOT see what he’s doing.unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_disturbed.gif

What makes matter worse is, he is a “snake in the grass” and will do whatever he can when no one is watching, how pathetic. But I know he knows that I will know it is him so he has backed off but still, I still can’t trust the dude. He’ll do it when he knows he wont get caught in the act.

That’s the worse and bad and sad part of it.

 

[Fidelis]

He sounds like a creepy jerk, Paris. Take your big brother’s advice here and give the guy a wide berth. Be civil when you encounter him (no need to antagonize him), but don’t let him get close to you --physically or emotionally. Creepy guys, somehow, can have their own kind of charm and can dupe even the most careful of women (I’ve been around a long time, but I’ll never figure that one out ).

Pray for him certainly, but don’t stop reporting his sociopathic activities to the apartment managers. And don’t hesitate to contact the authorities if his activity becomes provably criminal.

 

[kage_ar]

Work out a signal with your roomate - call when you are on your way home and that way she can “pop” out and walk with you inside. If she is at work or not home, work out a similar arrangment with neighbors -

Of course, take a self defense class. Learn how to protect yourself, it is part of being a grown up!

Last resort, move.

 

[Paris_Blues]

kage_ar:

Work out a signal with your roomate - call when you are on your way home and that way she can “pop” out and walk with you inside. If she is at work or not home, work out a similar arrangment with neighbors -

The problem is, I don’t have a roommate, it’s actually a studio (I don’t know why I called it an apartment[unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_rolleyes.gif](javascript:insertsmilie(’’)) ) and it’s all to myself…besides, I don’t think anyone would want to share it with me by how I leave a lot of religious stuff on walls, etc.[unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_grin.gif](javascript:insertsmilie(’’))

Of course, take a self defense class. Learn how to protect yourself, it is part of being a grown up!

Last resort, move.

My mom took one when she was younger and taught me a few things…very interesting! At least the manager told me that she would help me anyway she could if something went wrong.

I don’t know if I want to move because it’s so cheap and a nice place to stay (close to college, my parish, etc.). He should move, the dude!

BTW, he is on his last warning and if one more person complains, that’s it, he’s outa there. Now I don’t want that to happen but I just wish the dude would leave me alone.[unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_ignore.gif](javascript:insertsmilie(’:ignore:’))

 

[MulusChristi]

Greetings Paris,
Sounds to me like you are being stalked. Look at Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear: amazon.com/gp/product/0440226198/103-2155695-1890245?v=glance&n=283155

Your instinctive feelings of fear are particularly troubling.  Your subconscious is picking up cues which your conscious self is missing or discouting.  Take these feelings seriously.  Your life could be on the line.  I'd think about moving out and doing your best to make sure that this person doesn't know where you've gone.  Look at de Becker's book.

     Best of luck and I'll pray for you.

 

[Homebrew_roots]

So complain about him the first time you get a chance so he gets the BOOT! Why wouldnt you want that to happen? It wouldnt be wrong to get this fella kicked out, in fact, it would be smart.

 

[Namid]

WHAT?!?? You’ve got to be kiddin’ me! I am not the type to go out shootin’ people!:nope: That’s just not in my nature. I would NEVER own a gun. I could just use my fingernails (make sure I have lots of calcium) and shoes (give 'em a good kick where it hurts unity.enya.com/images/smiles/smiles_grin.gif).

I don’t blame you about the gun they can just be use against you.
When you go out make sure you wrap your keys between your fingers (pointy end out) and hold tight. You can use them if you were to be grabbed from behind go over your shoulder to the face or if they are in front of you …this sound gross but…up the nose and rip. They won’t see for a little while and you can run. The eyes are a good spot also. Also kicking the groin dosn’t always work on some guys. Some it will not phase at all so not always a good option but the face will bring tears and give you a chance.

 

[beckyann2597]

I agree that you should complain about this guy again and hope he gets kicked out. In case this guy IS stalking you, it would be helpful that the apartment manager know about him “asking you out” and giving you the creeps while at the same time vandalizing your car. That just sounds so wrong to me.

I am not scared of guns, but I would agree that a gun may not be your best option. When it comes to weapons, they can be turned against you. I agree with the PP that suggested you take self defense classes. You can always be more sure about yourself and in control of your body even if a situation gets out of hand. I would let the apartment manager know this as well so he/she knows how serious you are taking this.

 

[Donna_P]

And you’re asking us becuase…?

Run and run fast. Pray for all you want but his behavior points to problems.

(By the way… what is it with women who go for dangerous guys?)

Look for someone nice at church!

 

[BlestOne]

Hey Paris,
Of course you know better than anyone how he makes you feel. I always advise following your gut reaction to a person. I know he makes you feel uncomfortable and he is ummm, inappropriate to you and others in your building, but have you considered that he maybe just needs a friend? He may be very awkward because he is just socially backwards…then again he could be a serial killer…don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to buddy around with this guy…don’t do that but please keep praying for him. If God wants you two to have any positive social interaction he will let you know…just keep praying and avoid avoid avoid…perhaps you could ask a male friend to drop by and visit on a regular visit so it appears that you have a protector.

 

[JCPhoenix]

MulusChristi:

Greetings Paris,
Sounds to me like you are being stalked. Look at Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear: amazon.com/gp/product/0440226198/103-2155695-1890245?v=glance&n=283155

Your instinctive feelings of fear are particularly troubling.  Your subconscious is picking up cues which your conscious self is missing or discouting.  Take these feelings seriously.  Your life could be on the line.  I'd think about moving out and doing your best to make sure that this person doesn't know where you've gone.  Look at de Becker's book.

     Best of luck and I'll pray for you.

I was JUST ABOUT to post and recommend this book, so instead, let me second this post!

As far as endorsement of the book goes…I have worked in law enf., mental health, etc… and as I turned the pages, I could actually NAME people and places in my own life that MATCHED exactly what he was talking about.

It also helped me to identify a stalker for both myself and other people I know.

You are recieving very good advics, and from a law enf. perspective, I will tell you to do the following things:

• keep a log of the dates/times of EVERY contact with him or “event”. Keep “guessing” out of it. This needs to be factual.
• Do NOT give him any indication that you are willing to meet with him, etc. For example, regarding “having tea”, simply tell him you are married and not interested. End it there. This is NOT about his feelings.
• If this escalates at all, tell him in no uncertain terms that he is not to approach you-- if you do have to file a police report, you will be asked if you have told this individual to leave you alone.
• do not make the mistake of thinking that a restraining order can protect you. It can’t. It’s just a piece of paper and the only authority it has is the authority the person it effects is willing to respect. In the case of a OFP (Order For Protection) this means exactly ZIP to a stalker.
• If you can, MOVE> Tell no one where you are going, or if necessary, plant a false address, talk it up as if it were real, and then get out of town. Once you have moved, then reveal your address as your normallly would.
• Don’t go out and get a gun. I have one, but I have a different mentality and different training. Guns, pepper spray, etc., …all can be taken from you and used AGAINST you. Instead, find a class in self defense, and start applying it. For example. Consider: what if you’re in the shower and someone breaks in and enters the bathroom. (what a nightmare!). What weapons do you have available to you? Well…shampoo in the eyes is quite blinding, and on the floor…slippery. Towels to buy time. Razor blades, tweezers (right up the nose, into the eye). A finger down the throat to vomit? Be creative, do the unexpected. Know your house, know your tools.

For example, I have a candle holder with a huge spike. A candle, of course, covers the spike. But in a pinch, the floor candle holder is a great blunt weapon, and the spike could do a lot of damage with the canle removed.

I don’t mean that you should be paranoid. Awareness is your best weapon by far, and you have already recognized the red flags. Do your best to ignore this guy, to change your pattern of behavior…ie when you come and go, etc. If he is in fact a stalker, he knows your routine.

If you have any questions, please feel free to send a PM. But my recommendation is to look for “The Gift of Fear”
google.com/search?hl=en&q=The+Gift+of+Fear+by+Gavin+DeBecker

(google search results). He’s written other books also…I should look for them myself, as I also have a weird neighbor and recently posted a thread about him.

My issue was more about how to not feel guilty for not answering the door even when you can and someone may KNOW you’re home. ((( NO ONE POST ON THIS< NOT RELATED TO THIS SUBJECT)))

God bless…I will pray for you also. !

 

[JCPhoenix]

Fidelis:

He sounds like a creepy jerk, Paris. Take your big brother’s advice here and give the guy a wide berth. Be civil when you encounter him (no need to antagonize him), but don’t let him get close to you --physically or emotionally. Creepy guys, somehow, can have their own kind of charm and can dupe even the most careful of women (I’ve been around a long time, but I’ll never figure that one out ).

Pray for him certainly, but don’t stop reporting his sociopathic activities to the apartment managers. And don’t hesitate to contact the authorities if his activity becomes provably criminal.

I have to take issue with one thing: We women are raised to be civil. Most people are raised to be “civil”. Forget “Civility”. This guy has spit on your car, he is “following” you with his eyes, and don’t get the idea that his thoughts are pure. He is violating your privacy, your body in his mind, etc. Civility is NOT in his vocabulary, and in reference to him, it need not be in yours.

Yes, continue praying for him, but when he is coming, DO NOT acknowledge him. Keep your eyes straight ahead and averted. DO NOT look down, just ahead.

I’m not suggesting that you pick a fight, and there may be a time where “civility” is demanded, but in that case, keep it simple, keep it reserved, and then let it be. The best thing is no contact whatsoever, but of course this is not always practical.

Internally, you may think that the above advice is “not Christian”. But at the same time, keep in mind that Jesus’ stalkers were very direct and crucified him. Your own stalker has no such methods…they are worse, more long term, and you are not Jesus. God does not ask you to suffer the impurity of a stalker. Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance, and defend your life.

Again, don’t be paranoid, just aware. Awareness is the key.

 

[JCPhoenix]

BlestOne:

Hey Paris,
Of course you know better than anyone how he makes you feel. I always advise following your gut reaction to a person. I know he makes you feel uncomfortable and he is ummm, inappropriate to you and others in your building, but have you considered that he maybe just needs a friend? He may be very awkward because he is just socially backwards…then again he could be a serial killer…don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to buddy around with this guy…don’t do that but please keep praying for him. If God wants you two to have any positive social interaction he will let you know…just keep praying and avoid avoid avoid…perhaps you could ask a male friend to drop by and visit on a regular visit so it appears that you have a protector.

There is a difference between “socially backwards” and someone who spits on your car.

I had a friend I met once who apparently decided that we were in a relationship. He would corner me at the most inappropriate times and say, “I’m glad we’re taking this slowly…etc.” He was always in a very dominant posture at this time, such as…arm aginst the wall over my shoulder, etc.

But he was harmless. He would never spit on ANYONE’S car, and he was not dangerous… He was socially inept.

Someone as Paris described, agreeably, is socially inept, but given the behavior of his friends and her reaction to it, and his subsequent response…well, that is NOT “socially inept”. That is better known as “Conduct Disorder” or even more appropriate, “Antisocial Personality Disorder”. A Sociopath.

Don’t mistake the 2 and give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes, there are people who are simply inept…and there are others who are psycho. You WILL be able to figure it out if you let the Holy Spirit and your Guardian Angel speak to you.

 

[Sir_Knight]

JCPhoenix:

Don’t go out and get a gun. I have one, but I have a different mentality and different training. Guns, pepper spray, etc., …all can be taken from you and used AGAINST you. Instead, find a class in self defense, and start applying it. For example. Consider: what if you’re in the shower and someone breaks in and enters the bathroom. (what a nightmare!). What weapons do you have available to you? Well…shampoo in the eyes is quite blinding, and on the floor…slippery. Towels to buy time. Razor blades, tweezers (right up the nose, into the eye). A finger down the throat to vomit? Be creative, do the unexpected. Know your house, know your tools.

For example, I have a candle holder with a huge spike. A candle, of course, covers the spike. But in a pinch, the floor candle holder is a great blunt weapon, and the spike could do a lot of damage with the canle removed.

Let me get this straight? You are advising her not to get a gun, which can be fired from across the room before the attacker can get anywhere near her because the attacker can get the gun away from her. Instead, you are suggesting the use of razor blades, tweezers, candle holders, etc.; all of which require her to come within striking distance of her attacker in order for them to be effective and there is no concern that he will get these things away from her?

That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever! A gun is the least likely weapon to be taken from her because she can fire it from dozens of feet away before he can get anywhere near her to even attempt to take it away. All of the other weapons are more likely to be taken away from her more readily than a gun because all of the other weapons that you mentioned require her to come within striking distance of him where he can block the attack, grab her and attempt to take the weapon away from her.