Hi Vanessa,
I have been a lay Carmelite for almost six years. In my case I knew this was my vocation before I even entered. Of the ten or so people who were with me during the course of my aspirancy only four are still in the Order. As with any vocation people need to check things out to be sure whether or not it is really for them.
You voice a concern as to whether this may be for you:
I am currently thinking about joing Lay Carmel, but I am not sure it I have a real vocation or not.
The only way to know for sure is to enter first. You will be admitted to aspirancy which is a period of discernment which lasts at least one year but can drag on for over two years in some cases, during which time it should become apparent to anyone whether it is something to which they really want to belong.
St Augustine once defined Theology as faith seeking understanding. The same can be said, in most cases, of discerning whether one has a vocation as a secular Carmelite: enter first, ask questions later.
I don’t know about the other Third Orders like the Dominicans and Franciscans, but with the Carmelites
everyone is fully a member of the Order, whether priest, nun or layperson. No one is less a Carmelite for being in the Third Order. That’s why we aren’t usually encouraged to refer to ourselves as “Third Order Carmelites” as this may have the connotation of being like second-class citizens, which we decidedly are not. But then the term “secular” has negative connotations too, though “lay” may have a more positive or at least neutral meaning. So I prefer simply to call myself a Carmelite and leave it at that, though if asked to elaborate I do.
If you are accepted into aspirancy, and you and the Council of your particular chapter should come to the conclusion that you indeed have a vocation you will then enter into Formation as a novice, just like the “real” Carmelites (tongue in cheek here), which may take up to another couple of years, after which you will make your first profession for a period of at least three years before making your final profession. All told you are looking at a minimum of five years before final profession, though as many as ten is not uncommon. Patience is obviously a requirement. I have joked that it takes longer sometimes to become a lay Carmelite than to become a diocesan priest.
As for being a beginner, we are all beginners, no matter how far along we are, or think we are. I believe it was Thomas Merton who said that. And he of course was right: before the living and eternal God how can we be anything but beginners, both in time and in eternity? And thank God for that. Things could get pretty boring otherwise.
Come on in. The water is fine.
