Catholic and non Beleiver Marrige

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Matt_Guitar_Man

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I am hoping to get some insight from other peoples experiance.
I am the Catholic, my wife is the non-beleiver we have been maried for Ten years and all was fine until Children, now there seems to be conflict even about the smallest decisions to do with our Son’s future??? Help!
 
Were you married in the Catholic Church? Did you two discuss this before you married?

This is, unfortunately, a very common problem in a mixed faith marriage.

I would suggest counseling with your pastor.
 
Thank you for your reply, we were not married in the church. We were married in a registery office for legal reasons, I personaly do not beleive in civil marriages and I realy consider myself not married except in a purely legal agreament.
And no we did not disscuss the faith etc of future children, I always had my Faith which I practised myself and as far as my wife is concerned it is just a part of someone she loves very dearly and for my part I have always respected her opinions and have never tried to push my beleif’s upon her.
 
Well, in the eyes of the Church, you are not really married. Catholics are obligated to marry in a Catholic Church in front of a Catholic priest. You need to go to your priest and explain your situation. And, you will probably need to get some counseling.
 
You’re in a pickle here. Essentially you are living with a girlfriend and coparenting a child with her. You need to speak to a priest or deacon who can help you sort this out. You are currently commiting fornication. Are you surprised that she does not take your views seriously? If your girlfriend/wife refuses a convalidation, you can have the marriage recognized via a radical sanation. That kind of needs to be your priority, IMO.
 
Yes, Thank you for your reply. Of Course I know that I am not married in the eyes of the church. I come from a family that can boast two priests and a nun in the last two generations, and with respect this was not my question, I have a very good relationship with my parish priest and he had no problem baptising my son.
I love and respect my wife very much and last time I checked she felt the same way about me.
Having a Child though has brought into a sharper focus some critical diffrences that we have, and as far as I know all couples must have. I do not want to change my wife! I love her they way she is however I do want the best for our son and so does she, it is just that our diffrences which have never been a problem befor and as a matter of fact I would say has been part of our strength as a couple, seem to be becoming a battle ground when it comes to our diffrence of opinion in what is the best for our son.
 
Thank you JackieMom,
I dont consider myself to be commiting fornication, Nor does my parish priest, nor the clergy in my family, and my wife takes my views very seriously because she knows that they are important to me, just in the same way I take her views seriously because I know that they are important to her.
Our Issue is not one of lack of respect or love for each other, and our dissagreaments are not marked by shouting matches and trying to bring the other to a particular point of view through submission and battle fatigue.
 
Matt_Guitar_Man said:
Yes, Thank you for your reply. Of Course I know that I am not married in the eyes of the church. I come from a family that can boast two priests and a nun in the last two generations, and with respect this was not my question, I have a very good relationship with my parish priest and he had no problem baptising my son.
I love and respect my wife very much and last time I checked she felt the same way about me.
Having a Child though has brought into a sharper focus some critical diffrences that we have, and as far as I know all couples must have. I do not want to change my wife! I love her they way she is however I do want the best for our son and so does she, it is just that our diffrences which have never been a problem befor and as a matter of fact I would say has been part of our strength as a couple, seem to be becoming a battle ground when it comes to our diffrence of opinion in what is the best for our son.
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You don’t want to change your wife? Your primary role as her husband is to aid her in achieving salvation.

If you don’t take your faith seriously, your wife has no reason to believe that you’re serious about raising your son to be a Catholic. She will use the hypocrite card every argument, and she will be correct. Not to mention, your non-married situation is not a healthy example for any child.
 
Thank you JackieMom, for your pricless insight,my faith journey and that of my wifes toward the salvation that can only be found in the Church of course is the main issue in every persons life. However I do not consider myself a hypocrit because I live in a civil marraige with a non-believer, and neither does my wife as I have already stated the tensions we have are not of a personal nature but a more about the institutional nature of my faith.
May I ask you apersonal question Jackiemom, are you a convert to the faith?
 
Matt_Guitar_Man said:
I dont consider myself to be commiting fornication, Nor does my parish priest, nor the clergy in my family
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Well they’re wrong. If you’re having sex outside of a valid marriage then your committing fornication period.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Well, in the eyes of the Church, you are not really married. Catholics are obligated to marry in a Catholic Church in front of a Catholic priest. You need to go to your priest and explain your situation. And, you will probably need to get some counseling.
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He’s not going to like what the priest tells him. Now that kids are involved, the situation just got really difficult for him.
 
1 Corinthians 7: 12-14
12 For to the rest I speak, not the Lord. If any brother have a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him; let him not put her away.

13 And if any woman have a husband that believeth not; and he consent to dwell with her; let her not put away her husband.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy.

Please tell me you who are happy to cast the first stone! were these people St Paul was ministering to, Hypocrits and Fornicators?
 
Matt_Guitar_Man said:
1 Corinthians 7: 12-14
12 For to the rest I speak, not the Lord. If any brother have a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him; let him not put her away.

13 And if any woman have a husband that believeth not; and he consent to dwell with her; let her not put away her husband.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy.

Please tell me you who are happy to cast the first stone! were these people St Paul was ministering to, Hypocrits and Fornicators?
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Those people’s marriages weren’t invalid.
 
devoutchristian said:
Those people’s marriages weren’t invalid.
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I’m Sorry but the scripture gives no reference to how these people were married, they most likly had pagan weddings and propbably the non beleiver was still a pagan and had no interest in a vaildation by what they probably considerd to be an athiest religion!
 
Matt_Guitar_Man said:
I’m Sorry but the scripture gives no reference to how these people were married, they most likly had pagan weddings and propbably the non beleiver was still a pagan and had no interest in a vaildation by what they probably considerd to be an athiest religion!
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Exactly. These people married before becoming Christians, and as such they had valid natural marriages. Even if they did marry after conversion in a non-Catholic ceremony, canon law at the time did not mandate that Catholics be married in the Church.
 
2 pagans can have a valid natural marriage.

Everyone here talking about your marriage validity is dead on. You have a big symptom of a problem going on, and the validity of your marriage is the source of the problem.

Just like the government has rules for 2 people to get married in order to be considered valid, so does the Catholic church, for Catholics. You didn’t follow them. The civil laws have no power to actually marry you as a Catholic (Actually means-- in the spiritual sense. legal means nothing in this circumstance).

You can keep denying it, but this is the source of the problem. Get yourself to a priest and get counseling, and get your marriage valid. Or perhaps, you may see that this person doesn’t meet the requirements for a valid marriage. (and I truly mean “perhaps”. I’m not making a comment on her suitability-- just that it is a possibility).
 
O.K Thank you everybody for your marriage insights.
I posted this thread in the hope that I may find some people out there going through a similar experiance to myself, and that they may care to share thier experiances with me.
As I said earlier I have been married by civil union for over 10 years and we have a very healthy marriage. I beleive and hope that my marriage will be validated by the church at some point in the future however this is not the present reality.
Since posting this thread I have been told that I am a hypocrit and fornicator and generally castigated by what would seem to be the self appointed marriage police of this site.
I would like to ask if anyone who has responded so far has been in a similar sittuation to myself?
And I would like to add that I know the Churches laws on marriage and If I ever feel the need to be castigated as a bad catholic I can always call my Aunt Cathy a Nun now for 52years.
How about some real life experiances with relevence please? rather than theoratic moralising
 
Matt_Guitar_Man said:
I’m Sorry but the scripture gives no reference to how these people were married, they most likly had pagan weddings and propbably the non beleiver was still a pagan and had no interest in a vaildation by what they probably considerd to be an athiest religion!
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The requirement for Catholics to be married in the Church is a matter of canon law and specifically comes from the Council of Trent some 1500 years after the epistles were written. If they were married before comming to Christ then they had valid natural marriages. Catholics that marry outside of the Church since the decree of Trent do not have valid marriages. Canon law is pretty clear about that. The definition of fornication is also pretty clearly stated in the catechism as carnal union between an unmarried man and woman. It is a sin agajnst the sixth commandment. Regardless the passages you point out are not about validity of their marriages, but rather about divorcing a nonbeleiving spouse.

Believe it or not people aren’t trying to beat you up but to help you understand Church teaching. If you want to baptize your son and raise him to be holy you need to understand what the Church teaches. You also need to do your best to live your life in accordance with Church teaching. The quickest way for a kid to lose faith and respect for the Church is to have parents that only pay lip service to Church teachings. If mom or dad just give a wink and a nod to that teaching then maybe other things are up for debate like the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.
 
No one has personally attacked you. All we’ve done is give you the facts. Why can’t you get your marriage convalidated or radically sanated?
 
Usige said:
The requirement for Catholics to be married in the Church is a matter of canon law and specifically comes from the Council of Trent some 1500 years after the epistles were written. If they were married before comming to Christ then they had valid natural marriages. Catholics that marry outside of the Church since the decree of Trent do not have valid marriages. Canon law is pretty clear about that. The definition of fornication is also pretty clearly stated in the catechism as carnal union between an unmarried man and woman. It is a sin agajnst the sixth commandment. Regardless the passages you point out are not about validity of their marriages, but rather about divorcing a nonbeleiving spouse.

Believe it or not people aren’t trying to beat you up but to help you understand Church teaching. If you want to baptize your son and raise him to be holy you need to understand what the Church teaches. You also need to do your best to live your life in accordance with Church teaching. The quickest way for a kid to lose faith and respect for the Church is to have parents that only pay lip service to Church teachings. If mom or dad just give a wink and a nod to that teaching then maybe other things are up for debate like the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.
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As stated earlier I know what the church teaches here about marriage!
 
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