Catholic Consistency {please help!}

[MrsWilcox]

Hi all, I’m in need of some help here.

Background - convert in 2009, married a non-practicing (but willing!) catholic. Love the TLM.

Problem - I tend to go back and forth on practicing my faith. As of late its been ‘back’. One slip up - missed confession - then missed mass (rationalized this by thinking I couldn’t receive anyway without confession). Other times I’ll go to daily mass multiple times a week and pray a daily rosary, then it just slips away out of nowhere. (It certainly doesn’t help my husband either as I’m not setting a very strong ‘example’ if you will - see another post of mine for more info on this issue…)

Any tips for breaking this cycle?
Thanks and God Bless!

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Hi all, I’m in need of some help here.

Background - convert in 2009, married a non-practicing (but willing!) catholic. Love the TLM.

Problem - I tend to go back and forth on practicing my faith. As of late its been ‘back’. One slip up - missed confession - then missed mass (rationalized this by thinking I couldn’t receive anyway without confession). Other times I’ll go to daily mass multiple times a week and pray a daily rosary, then it just slips away out of nowhere. (It certainly doesn’t help my husband either as I’m not setting a very strong ‘example’ if you will - see another post of mine for more info on this issue…)

Any tips for breaking this cycle?
Thanks and God Bless!

You mean sometimes not fulfilling your requirements and sometimes being very active in religious things?

If that’s what it is, some people do have cycles like that. To me it sounds like there must be some compelling reason why you quit. Do you just feel “lazy,” or distracted, or don’t feel like you’re benefiting from your religious activities? Is it a matter of motivation? Time management?

That raises the question of what you would like to get out of the Church that would be compelling enough to keep you interested. During the times you don’t go, do you feel bad because you’re missing, or maybe even free – like frees up your schedule? If there are compelling reasons not to go to Mass that offset the reasons for going, then it might be more confusing to figure out how you feel about the whole thing.

Alan

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Hi all, I’m in need of some help here.

Background - convert in 2009, married a non-practicing (but willing!) catholic. Love the TLM.

Problem - I tend to go back and forth on practicing my faith. As of late its been ‘back’. One slip up - missed confession - then missed mass (rationalized this by thinking I couldn’t receive anyway without confession). Other times I’ll go to daily mass multiple times a week and pray a daily rosary, then it just slips away out of nowhere. (It certainly doesn’t help my husband either as I’m not setting a very strong ‘example’ if you will - see another post of mine for more info on this issue…)

Any tips for breaking this cycle?
Thanks and God Bless!

You mean sometimes not fulfilling your requirements and sometimes being very active in religious things?

If that’s what it is, some people do have cycles like that. To me it sounds like there must be some compelling reason why you quit. Do you just feel “lazy,” or distracted, or don’t feel like you’re benefiting from your religious activities? Is it a matter of motivation? Time management?

That raises the question of what you would like to get out of the Church that would be compelling enough to keep you interested. During the times you don’t go, do you feel bad because you’re missing, or maybe even free – like frees up your schedule? If there are compelling reasons not to go to Mass that offset the reasons in favor of going, then it might be more confusing to figure out how you feel about the whole thing.

Alan

 

[Scottgun]

Well, just to clarify one thing: the Sunday obligation still remains even if you don’t or intend not to take communion. Taking communion is only obligatory once per year.

Advice? Simplify. Make your obligation without fail whatever your state.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

Yes!!

Being that it is Lent, check with the parishes in your area. Many of the parishes in my city are have special Lenten days of prayer, parish retreats, Stations of the Cross on Fridays, at various time & locations, etc. Pick something, and commit to it for Lent.

Read “Redicovering Catholiscism”, by Matthew Kelly. It’s a great resourse, easy to read, and perfect for someone new to the faith, or back after a long time.

Get into a “prayer routine”. If you have a smartphone, set your alarm for specifc times during your day. When the alarm goes off, use one of the great free apps that are available. I use Laudate. It has the LOTH, 2 versions of the Bible, a library of prayers, the Catechism, etc.

Ask your priest, deacon, faith formation coordinator, if there are adult faith formation opportunities. If not, could there be? Are there any books that they would recommend? Get involved in parish life. It a great way to meet people who can help you to “live” your faith. Since you are a convert, why not look into helping with the RCIA program?

Stop making excuses to miss Mass! You are letting the Devil win!
One of the most humbling experiences I ever had was forcing myself to go to Mass and refrain from receiving Communion. My confession 2 days later was the best I ever had!! :getholy:
We are not “obligated” to receive Communion, we are “obligated” to go to Mass.

Talk to your priest about the possiblity of spiritual direction. If he is not able, he will probably be able to give you some names. A Spiritual Director is companion on the journey, who helps you to become more aware of how God is working in you and how you are working against God, and how to grow into someone who will cooperate with God so that His will may be done.

So, that’s my SHORT LIST!
Good luck and peace be with you on your journey!

 

[seeker_of_God]

I know how it is. I’ve gone through the same kind of thing, and am trying to prevent it from happening again.

My first thought is…what do you mean by “miss” confession? The only reason you shouldn’t be receiving is if you have unconfessed mortal sins. Do you fully understand what mortal sins are, and if so, are you really committing them so often that you cannot receive if you don’t go to confession?

If you simply have venial sins, and don’t go to confession, it doesn’t mean you don’t receive. You definitely should receive, as you will be forgiven of all venial sins, and be strengthened to resist sin in the future. It is very good to receive.

I will pray for you. I’m not sure how to break the cycle.

Except one thing. If you are too active when you are in your active stage, then that can become overwhelming, and so when you drop away, you drop away more. It’s like a pendulum. Too far one way, and too far the other way. Find a balance. Definitely go to Mass on Sundays and holy days, of course, and definitely confess regularly (even once or twice a month is OK). Add more if you feel comfortable, but if it gets to be too much or it gets to be monotonous, then tone it down or replace it with something else.

For instance, I enjoy doing the Divine Office more than I do the Rosary. It is perfectly OK. You have to find what you enjoy doing, and what helps you to feel closest to God.

 

[mab23]

maybe become an active person in your parish , if your spouse is not Catholic have them enroll in RCIA and go with them, also volunteer in your parish and find more reasons to be at the church and you will see yourself going more and more

 

[po18guy]

There is one good habit that will overcome all bad habits: spending time in our Lord’s True Presence. Make it a habit to go before Him at adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. If we truly love someone, we should desire to spend time with them. There is nothing more rewarding than spending some precious moments with the Cause of our hope. As we read about in scripture, and as I can attest, the supernatural occurs in His presence.

 

[babs57]

That raises the question of what you would like to get out of the Church that would be compelling enough to keep you interested.

We do not go to Mass to get something out of it. The most common reason I hear from people explaining why they no longer attend Mass is that they “don’t get anything out of it.” It is, rather, about what *we bring into *it, and what *we do *while we’re there that make it “compelling enough”.

 

[Oren]

I used to be the same way. By the grace of God I’ve grown past it (hopefully!) My reasons could be different from yours but the reason I was like that was because I wasn’t praying as I should have been, I didn’t put trust in God, and I was attached to serious sins. Once I got past those issues (in as much as possible for a poor sinner like me) then I didn’t have the problem anymore. I would say the most important thing was putting my trust in God. Before when I messed up I would get so discouraged and I would give up for a while. But after I put my trust in God even if I messed up I wouldn’t give up. I knew God loved me no matter what I did and I knew Him more as a person and could start growing in love for Him.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

We do not go to Mass to get something out of it. The most common reason I hear from people explaining why they no longer attend Mass is that they “don’t get anything out of it.” It is, rather, about what *we bring into *it, and what *we do *while we’re there that make it “compelling enough”.

I didn’t say what to get out of Mass; I said “Church,” and I meant it. Obviously you either have a relationship with the Church that is, or you hope will, bring you something – or you are just walking through it like a robot or a lab rat. Or somewhere between. If a person can fail to go to Mass, and not believe that person is losing anything for not going other than the fact they are breaking a rule, then that person has extremely Low Expectations for where the Church can take them.

If we get nothing from going to Church, no transformation, no holiness, no improvement with our minds and hearts, no fellowship, no admiration of the holy and the beautiful, and no interest in tradition, then why in the world would anybody go? To wear a label? Because we’re told we’ll go to hell if we don’t and we figure we need to cover our bases? If these are the types of reasons the OP has for even being involved with the Church, it helps to indicate where the problem area lies. Now we’re looking at an issue of what faith means to the OP.

OTOH if the OP were sitting home, fretting about missing Mass, feeling separated from God, believing the Church is there to bring them into Divine Union, except for a paralyzing fear of getting out of the house, that would be an entirely different story. Here it wouldn’t be about what faith means, but a behavioral, possible mental/emotional issue more than a spiritual issue. There may be more to it than time just “slips by.” Some things slip by and others don’t, so why does this one? Once one considers a few possibilities, “what does the Church mean to the OP” is really a rather obvious question.

One thing I find with people who are “in love with the process,” is that they tend to jump to solutions before they know the problems, often more of the same of whatever isn’t working already. Or if they don’t have solutions, sometimes they even belittle the discovery process. I take a different approach of trying to establish what is wrong before prescribing a fix. In general, I find it useful when people are conflicted about their own behavior, to ask them what motivates them toward that behavior – I would think this is self-evident but I keep being proven wrong. Do not try to make it sound like I’m one of those who thinks we should all have an emotional high for going to Mass and walk out with starry eyes or something. Such reductionist interpretation of my question has no bearing on the avenue of discovery I was trying to navigate.

Alan