Catholic Etiquette

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Through_Him

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I was reading the thread on the hats in Church and was wondering if there is a book on etiquette. Some were discussing who should come to the funeral dinners. A lady at our parish said many just come to the funeral and stay for the dinner as it is free, and they don’t even know the family. We are all suppose to be family so is this very important? The choir members and ushers and singers and pianist of course is invited but this one lady has a bird because many invite themselves. This lady is a bit judgemental as it is a small world and usually everyone knows someone that knows someone that is married to someone of the deceased. We have frequent funerals here.
 
Vatican II got rid of the fact that Women need to cover there heads wear a vail in church. there is no catholic “dress code” when i got to mass i just wear normal clothing and so does everyone else. except for the priest of course. Im probably going to anger quite a few people on this forum but the days when you had to “dress up” for church are long gone. a funeral is a totally different thing you are there to honor the dead so you want to wear something nice. as for people inviting themselves to the wake or im not sure what you were talking about if someone wants to come pay there respects even if they didn’t know the person is all right in my book.
 
bostonboy23 said:
Vatican II got rid of the fact that Women need to cover there heads wear a vail in church. there is no catholic “dress code” when i got to mass i just wear normal clothing and so does everyone else. except for the priest of course. Im probably going to anger quite a few people on this forum but the days when you had to “dress up” for church are long gone. a funeral is a totally different thing you are there to honor the dead so you want to wear something nice. as for people inviting themselves to the wake or im not sure what you were talking about if someone wants to come pay there respects even if they didn’t know the person is all right in my book.
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I would disagree. Some people dress up at my parish (myself included) All it would take is for CAtholics to remeber who they are going to spend time with.
 
bostonboy23 said:
Vatican II got rid of the fact that Women need to cover there heads wear a vail in church. there is no catholic “dress code” when i got to mass i just wear normal clothing and so does everyone else. except for the priest of course. Im probably going to anger quite a few people on this forum but the days when you had to “dress up” for church are long gone. a funeral is a totally different thing you are there to honor the dead so you want to wear something nice. as for people inviting themselves to the wake or im not sure what you were talking about if someone wants to come pay there respects even if they didn’t know the person is all right in my book.
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Um, no Vatican II did not get rid of that.

It was simply left out in the Code of Canon Law in 1983.

Also, we encourage proper grammar and punctuation on the board.
 
CWBetts said:
I would disagree. Some people dress up at my parish (myself included) All it would take is for CAtholics to remeber who they are going to spend time with.
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What i meant was it is not strictly said that you must be dressed up for mass. the persons question was if there is a “dress code” there isn’t. God is our friend Jesus called us His brothers would you dress up fancy to visit your brother?
 
I look forward to dressing up on Sundays for mass. I have to wear scrubs for my job and it feels soooo nice to wear something nice, and feminine!!! I really think people should dress nice when they go to mass. No jeans or tank tops or shorts. You are in the presence of the Lord and should want to look your best. Of course there are exceptions to that. Example: I am recovering from surgery and none of my “regular” clothes fit. I have to wear sports type clothing until I heal more and the swelling goes down. I have some dresses that used to be refered to as “moo-moos”. They are comfortable, but I feel like a moo moo!! 😃 Wearing your work clothes if there is an evening mass for a holy day and no time to go home and change, or if you are on vacation and forgot to pack something nice for mass, jeans would be ok. I’ve done that too. True, God doesn’t care what you wear as long as you are visiting him, but I don’t think you should look like you are at a beach instead of church.

As for funeral attire, again I think one should dress up for the occasion.
With the funeral dinner, it is appropriate to invite the priest (of course), members of the choir and anyone attending the funeral and burial. I am sure there are people attending the funeral dinner just because it is free, but they are probably attending the funeral because they could get a day or two off of work, possibly with pay. The point of the dinner is to feed guests that have come from a distance to pay their respects, at least that is what I’ve been told.

:manvspc:
 
bostonboy23 said:
What i meant was it is not strictly said that you must be dressed up for mass. the persons question was if there is a “dress code” there isn’t. God is our friend Jesus called us His brothers would you dress up fancy to visit your brother?
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I think your purposely left out punctuation.

That aside…

Regardless of what Vatican II said on the topic, at the time of the Council, up until the introduction of the Novus Ordo, women wore hats, and there was an unwritten dress code.

Vatican II had no role in the dress of the laity.
 
bostonboy23 said:
What i meant was it is not strictly said that you must be dressed up for mass. the persons question was if there is a “dress code” there isn’t. God is our friend Jesus called us His brothers would you dress up fancy to visit your brother?
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He is also the King of Kings
 
bostonboy23 said:
What i meant was it is not strictly said that you must be dressed up for mass. the persons question was if there is a “dress code” there isn’t. God is our friend Jesus called us His brothers would you dress up fancy to visit your brother?
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If my brother happened to be GOD, yeah, I might. 😉
 
bostonboy23 said:
when i got to mass i just wear normal clothing and so does everyone else. except for the priest of course. Im probably going to anger quite a few people on this forum but the days when you had to “dress up” for church are long gone. **a funeral is a totally different thing you are there *to honor the dead ***so you want to wear something nice. .
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I had to chuckle when I read this…The bold part. So we should dress up or wear something nice to honor the dead.

Yet, dressing up for our Lord, is long gone? Do tell, does that make sense when we *honor the dead ***More than Our Lord **who died for us, for our salvation? Yep mankind sure has a different kind of “look” at things now days.

I’m not saying this to knock the person I’m quoting, because I know several Catholics on here happen to agree with this viewpoint. But I just wonder what Our Lord thinks of that viewpoint, after all He’s done for us.

I must admit, I’m one of those Catholics who happens to think I need to dress up nice, not expensive, in fact all of my nice dresses came from Good Will, as I too can’t aford Expensive clothes or Dresses. Since Our Lord did so much for me, it’s the least I can do to Honor and Respect Him.
 
Through_Him said:
I was reading the thread on the hats in Church and was wondering if there is a book on etiquette. Some were discussing who should come to the funeral dinners. A lady at our parish said many just come to the funeral and stay for the dinner as it is free, and they don’t even know the family. We are all suppose to be family so is this very important? The choir members and ushers and singers and pianist of course is invited but this one lady has a bird because many invite themselves. This lady is a bit judgemental as it is a small world and usually everyone knows someone that knows someone that is married to someone of the deceased. We have frequent funerals here.
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I think Through Him wanted to talk about people going to the funeral Mass and staying for the meal rather than what people wear to church.

Some at his church feel that it is wrong to stay for the meal, but he sees nothing wrong with it.
 
I’m with you Through Him.

If you go to the Mass, you stay for the meal. Now if the meal is somewhere else, maybe not, but at our church most of the time it is in the church hall.

My son ends up at a lot of funerals and meals after. He is an altar boy. I generally don’t go to the mass, since generally I don’t know the deceased. But they always invite me to stay for the meal.

I don’t think it matters if you personally know the deceased, I do think it matters if you attend the Mass.
 
saskatoon said:
I look forward to dressing up on Sundays for mass. I have to wear scrubs for my job and it feels soooo nice to wear something nice, and feminine!!! I really think people should dress nice when they go to mass. No jeans or tank tops or shorts. You are in the presence of the Lord and should want to look your best. Of course there are exceptions to that. Example: I am recovering from surgery and none of my “regular” clothes fit. I have to wear sports type clothing until I heal more and the swelling goes down. I have some dresses that used to be refered to as “moo-moos”. They are comfortable, but I feel like a moo moo!! 😃 Wearing your work clothes if there is an evening mass for a holy day and no time to go home and change, or if you are on vacation and forgot to pack something nice for mass, jeans would be ok. I’ve done that too. True, God doesn’t care what you wear as long as you are visiting him, but I don’t think you should look like you are at a beach instead of church.

As for funeral attire, again I think one should dress up for the occasion.
With the funeral dinner, it is appropriate to invite the priest (of course), members of the choir and anyone attending the funeral and burial. I am sure there are people attending the funeral dinner just because it is free, but they are probably attending the funeral because they could get a day or two off of work, possibly with pay. The point of the dinner is to feed guests that have come from a distance to pay their respects, at least that is what I’ve been told.

:manvspc:
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Amen, saskatoon!
 
Try the Catholic Manual of Civility by Dr. Marian T. Hovant.

You can get it on the Tradition in Action website.
 
This thread reminds me of an old, true story.

Way back when I was in college my roomate (Catholic too) asked me if it would be ok for him to go in the church in shorts all alone during the week to visit the Blessed Sacrament.

I told him I do not see why not, God knows what your hairy legs look like. And that is true, God is with us all of the time, not just in church, God is even with you when you are in the shower nude. Like Adam and Eve you cannot hide from God.
 
bostonboy23 said:
Vatican II got rid of the fact that Women need to cover there heads wear a vail in church. there is no catholic “dress code” when i got to mass i just wear normal clothing and so does everyone else. except for the priest of course. Im probably going to anger quite a few people on this forum but the days when you had to “dress up” for church are long gone. a funeral is a totally different thing you are there to honor the dead so you want to wear something nice. as for people inviting themselves to the wake or im not sure what you were talking about if someone wants to come pay there respects even if they didn’t know the person is all right in my book.
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  1. vatican II made no change to the dress standards; the requirement for the women wearing hats in the US died its own death in the 1970’s; it formally was abrogated only in 1983, with the new code of canon law.
  2. the requirement is modest dress. Exactly what that means varies from town to town, and country to country. In general, it means at least mid-bicep sleeves, knees covered, no cleavage, not overly tight, not see through.
  3. Many parishes still suggest dressing at least as well as one would for work. If you wear a shirt and tie to work, you should wear one to church.
 
In answer to the original question regarding staying for the meal after a funeral. When my FIL passed away, we invited the altar boys, the pall bearers, the organist and father to join us for the meal after the Mass. The rest was family…HUGE family. The meal is usually paid for by the family (at least the meat portion) and side dishes are donated by the funeral mass volunteers.

When I go to a non-immediate family funeral, I do NOT assume that I am invited to the meal.
 
Through_Him said:
I was reading the thread on the hats in Church and was wondering if there is a book on etiquette. Some were discussing who should come to the funeral dinners. A lady at our parish said many just come to the funeral and stay for the dinner as it is free, and they don’t even know the family. We are all suppose to be family so is this very important? The choir members and ushers and singers and pianist of course is invited but this one lady has a bird because many invite themselves. This lady is a bit judgemental as it is a small world and usually everyone knows someone that knows someone that is married to someone of the deceased. We have frequent funerals here.
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Crashing events happen all the time. People crash weddings also.

My sister, who is retarded, inadvertantly crashed a very posh and rich wedding at a fancy hotel once. She had the time of her life. The people at the wedding treated her with love and respect. The waiters and waitresses were very kind to her. We don’t know if the wedding party was aware that she didn’t belong to either the groom’s family or the bride’s family. But it didn’t matter, they were wonderful to her and it was a very special day for her and I hope for them also.

As for funerals: I am a musician and often do the music at funerals. I am always invited to the dinner. Sometimes is seems appropriate to go and sometimes it doesn’t. I doubt if it would be possible to formalize the etiquette in such a situation. Each family is different. Some families want all lot of people to surround them. Other families just want their very closest friends and family.
 
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