Catholic funeral without the body?

[DarkLight]

I do say this with all sincerity… if you are a man, join the Knights of Columbus and take a look at their (incredibly affordable) life insurance plans. Your situation is exactly what life insurance was created for. If you are a woman, meet and marry a nice Catholic man who can join the Knights of Columbus and take a look at their (incredibly affordable) life insurance plans.

What if I don’t think marriage is my path in life? That would leave my wishes permanently in the hands of relatives of my original family.

 

[maryjk]

My family doesn’t know. Not that it would make a difference. I’m not kidding - they’re of the stripe where the Catholic church is Satan himself. They will not even set foot in one.

What if I don’t think marriage is my path in life? That would leave my wishes permanently in the hands of relatives of my original family.

I feel like we have been here before. Haven’t we had threads or at least posts that have to do with this same topic?

There are solutions.

Move away from your family.

Stand up to your family and tell them about your conversion. That is at least the first step in being an adult.

Meet and talk to your pastor. Put your wishes in writing. Have an attorney draw up papers indicating your wishes.

But all of those ideas come back to *you *having to act.

At this point your family would have no idea that you would want a Catholic funeral.

 

[DarkLight]

I feel like we have been here before. Haven’t we had threads or at least posts that have to do with this same topic?

There are solutions.

Move away from your family.

Stand up to your family and tell them about your conversion. That is at least the first step in being an adult.

Meet and talk to your pastor. Put your wishes in writing. Have an attorney draw up papers indicating your wishes.

But all of those ideas come back to *you *having to act.

At this point your family would have no idea that you would want a Catholic funeral.

You’re missing one point. Where I currently live, the family has absolute legal right over the disposition of the deceased’s body, regardless of anything the deceased may have written otherwise. I most certainly don’t live near them, and I haven’t told them because I don’t see anything productive arising out of it, given that our current situation is we don’t talk about religion until I’m satisfied there’s a decent chance of a productive discussion. But none of that changes the law where I live. And the law is that ONLY way to change that my parents would be in control in this case would be to get married. A written document would have no authority, no matter how many lawyers and notaries and whatever else I got involved.

 

[maryjk]

You’re missing one point. Where I currently live, the family has absolute legal right over the disposition of the deceased’s body, regardless of anything the deceased may have written otherwise. I most certainly don’t live near them, and I haven’t told them because I don’t see anything productive arising out of it, given that our current situation is we don’t talk about religion until I’m satisfied there’s a decent chance of a productive discussion. But none of that changes the law where I live. And the law is that ONLY way to change that my parents would be in control in this case would be to get married. A written document would have no authority, no matter how many lawyers and notaries and whatever else I got involved.

So your question is, what??

Edited to add:

If you have exhausted every avenue, looked into every law, and checked with attorneys, what advise do want from us?

 

[DarkLight]

nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/making-funeral-arrangements-michigan.html

Here’s a good summary of the law where I live. As you can see, there is absolutely no way to either change who is in charge or to ensure that they respect your wishes. Any document I could make would be considered invalid because it violated state law.

 

[DarkLight]

So your question is, what??

What I wrote in the first post - what’s the best way of going about making sure you can have a Catholic funeral, presuming the family isn’t going to cooperate and that there isn’t going to be money available?

 

[maryjk]

nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/making-funeral-arrangements-michigan.html

Here’s a good summary of the law where I live. As you can see, there is absolutely no way to either change who is in charge or to ensure that they respect your wishes. Any document I could make would be considered invalid because it violated state law.

Your own link suggests that you write down your wishes.

Naming a representative. Unlike most states, Michigan does not have a law allowing you to appoint a representative to oversee your final arrangements. Consider doing so anyway, by naming the person you choose in a signed, dated document. Your survivors aren’t legally required to follow your instructions, but they are more likely to do so if your wishes are clear. Also, in the unlikely event of a court dispute, your instructions would likely carry great weight.

 

[maryjk]

What I wrote in the first post - what’s the best way of going about making sure you can have a Catholic funeral, presuming the family isn’t going to cooperate and that there isn’t going to be money available?

Talk to your pastor.

 

[DarkLight]

Your own link suggests that you write down your wishes.

I understand that, but it also seems to be talking about cases where someone’s actually likely to respect them. My point is that I have very good reason to believe my family will have no interest in my wishes - my writing them down would just be seen as further evidence of my corruption. And given the situation where I live anything I wrote would be of no legal value.

 

[maryjk]

I understand that, but it also seems to be talking about cases where someone’s actually likely to respect them. My point is that I have very good reason to believe my family will have no interest in my wishes - my writing them down would just be seen as further evidence of my corruption. And given the situation where I live anything I wrote would be of no legal value.

We have gone through something like this before.

You need to move forward.

Yes, right now, you live in Michigan. That doesn’t mean you will live there forever.

You are young. In the normal course of events, your parents will die before you. That means they will have no say in your funeral.

You may marry and have children. Right now you are still in school. You never know what the future may bring. If you marry, your husband and children would be “in charge.”

So, put it in writing, like your own link suggests. Do what you can to get out from under the thumb of your parents. And look to the future.

Really, that is all any of us do.

 

[DarkLight]

What I was thinking of doing was asking a trusted friend to make arrangements, knowing the body would likely not be available. Particularly given that I will be moving a lot in the next few years and it might be easier than trying to have new arrangements for every different place. If someone called up the church and said, so-and-so died and wanted a funeral, but the family isn’t going to release the body, how would a parish react?

 

[DarkLight]

We have gone through something like this before.

You need to move forward.

Yes, right now, you live in Michigan. That doesn’t mean you will live there forever.

You are young. In the normal course of events, your parents will die before you. That means they will have no say in your funeral.

You may marry and have children. Right now you are still in school. You never know what the future may bring. If you marry, your husband and children would be “in charge.”

So, put it in writing, like your own link suggests. Do what you can to get out from under the thumb of your parents. And look to the future.

Really, that is all any of us do.

Also, young people never have health problems? I do. I make medical decisions often enough knowing that they could have life-threatening results. But sure, young people are never in danger of death. So it’s not worth worrying about.

 

[SMHW]

Suppose someone desired a Catholic funeral, but the family objected and would not release the body. Could a Catholic funeral still be held for the deceased? How would such a thing be arranged?

This is a very real concern for some of us (though hopefully not soon given my age). There are 4 states with strict next-of-kin rules, of which I live in one. Two more only allow the deceased control with a pre-paid contract, putting it out of reach for anyone who can’t afford such a thing.

There simply is no one standard way to do this.

If you can’t rely on family or the law then you have to hope friends and/or associates will take care of this for you. Do you have any Catholic friends who would do this for you?

Now there are funeral planning booklets that you can buy or download (or perhaps get from your parish) that will help you express your wishes. But you’d have to convey those wishes to someone who had the power and intention to carry them out. Do you have any Catholic friends who would do this for you?

Perhaps your parish has some way to track your wishes. If so, it’s going to be at the parish level and is subject to changing whenever you get a new pastor or staffers. You would have to stay on top of things. If you move to a different parish you’d probably have to start from square one.

Also keep in mind that funerals usually have costs (donations, stipends, and fees) associated with them. What those costs are will vary from parish to parish. A simple memorial at a regularly scheduled Mass time is going to be less expensive (probably just a stipend) than a funeral (with or without a Mass) that is scheduled for a special time. You might want to find out what is standard at your parish.

 

[DarkLight]

There simply is no one standard way to do this.

If you can’t rely on family or the law then you have to hope friends and/or associates will take care of this for you. Do you have any Catholic friends who would do this for you?

Now there are funeral planning booklets that you can buy or download (or perhaps get from your parish) that will help you express your wishes. But you’d have to convey those wishes to someone who had the power and intention to carry them out. Do you have any Catholic friends who would do this for you?

Perhaps your parish has some way to track your wishes. If so, it’s going to be at the parish level and is subject to changing whenever you get a new pastor or staffers. You would have to stay on top of things. If you move to a different parish you’d probably have to start from square one.

Also keep in mind that funerals usually have costs (donations, stipends, and fees) associated with them. What those costs are will vary from parish to parish. A simple memorial at a regularly scheduled Mass time is going to be less expensive (probably just a stipend) than a funeral (with or without a Mass) that is scheduled for a special time. You might want to find out what is standard at your parish.

I have friends who would, though they obviously wouldn’t have the power over any physical remains. Mix of Catholic and non, but I would trust the non-Catholics among them to honor my wishes. I’ll look into the costs, but I expect if burial and other costs are not an issue even a scheduled funeral mass would not be terribly expensive. I don’t need fancy or anything.

 

[Memaw]

nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/making-funeral-arrangements-michigan.html

Here’s a good summary of the law where I live. As you can see, there is absolutely no way to either change who is in charge or to ensure that they respect your wishes. Any document I could make would be considered invalid because it violated state law.

Then what do you expect us to say except for you to move to a state where you would be in control. We have no control over your state either. Maybe you could work to have that law changed. God Bless, Memaw

 

[DarkLight]

Then what do you expect us to say except for you to move to a state where you would be in control. We have no control over your state either. Maybe you could work to have that law changed. God Bless, Memaw

I wasn’t aware the state prohibited saying a funeral even if they don’t have the body. Did you actually read the question?

 

[Memaw]

I wasn’t aware the state prohibited saying a funeral even if they don’t have the body. Did you actually read the question?

I said in an earlier post that you could arrange to have Masses said for yourself after death. The body doesn’t have to be there for that. There are Memorial Masses for that reason. What is really your problem? If you want your body there, than it’s up to you to do whatever it takes to make sure it is. We can’t do anything about that! God Bless, Memaw

 

[DarkLight]

I said in an earlier post that you could arrange to have Masses said for yourself after death. The body doesn’t have to be there for that. There are Memorial Masses for that reason. What is really your problem? If you want your body there, than it’s up to you to do whatever it takes to make sure it is. We can’t do anything about that! God Bless, Memaw

I do apologize - I missed your earlier post; there were quite a few when I got up.

The question is still how do I arrange for my wishes. I would want a special memorial Mass said, not just a regular service dedicated. I have no money and I don’t have any idea how to arrange things when everything I’ve found has involved paying money in advance, or writing it up to do with your estate in your will.

 

[maryjk]

Also, young people never have health problems? I do. I make medical decisions often enough knowing that they could have life-threatening results. But sure, young people are never in danger of death. So it’s not worth worrying about.

Do you even read our posts? Or are you just shooting from the hip?

As I said, “In the normal course of events,” I never said young people never have health problems. Or that young people never die.

So is it is worth worrying about? Not really.

Why do you spend time worrying about things you can’t change?

And you have made it pretty clear that you can’t change your situation.

 

[Memaw]

I do apologize - I missed your earlier post; there were quite a few when I got up.

The question is still how do I arrange for my wishes. I would want a special memorial Mass said, not just a regular service dedicated. I have no money and I don’t have any idea how to arrange things when everything I’ve found has involved paying money in advance, or writing it up to do with your estate in your will.

If you belong to a Parish, and if you get to know your priest, surely he knows about your state laws and he can help you work it out. I doubt your the first to ever have that problem. God Bless, Memaw