Catholic gal dating Muslim Man

[happynoodlecat]

Weird, isn’t it?

I’ve been dating a Muslim man for about a year now. We’ve met each other’s parents and have an approval from both sides, although I think my old-school, pre-Vatican II mom is a bit hesitant.

Interestingly enough, he’s also gone to Mass as well and enjoyed talking with the parish priest.

We’ve discussed the possibility of marriage. Both of us wish to wait though and finish college and probably launch our careers. I told him I wouldn’t marry him until I got commissioned into the Army Nurse Corps (which would be in about 2 years). We’ve encouraged each other to see other people to make sure that we feel connected with each other and that it’s simply not lust or mere infatuation. Both of us agree that we’re truly in love. I have a few questions though.
**
How terrible is it, from a Catholic view, that I refuse to try and encourage him to convert?

Is it really that bad that I am quite fine with not raising the children Catholic? I’m quite fine with them being raised Muslim and going to Catholic schools.

And from a Catholic perspective, is it really that bad to be in a mixed faith marriage? I mean, we do have disagreements, obviously, but we’ve found compromises to be beneficial in our relationship. for example, he’d go to Mass on Sundays if I went to Jum’ah (Muslim Prayer service) on Fridays.**

I should also note that he’s a rather lax Muslim. Very modern sort of guy and very respectful. He enjoys drinking a nice beer once in a while with me. But he staunchly refuses to eat anything containing pork, which I respect, though it amuses me.

For me, I’m a very tolerant Catholic. Not that militant or aggressive. For me, I see the Islam as another route to God. It’s not better or worse than Catholicism, just another way.

 

[Sister_Amy]

I should also note that he’s a rather lax Muslim. Very modern sort of guy and very respectful. He enjoys drinking a nice beer once in a while with me. But he staunchly refuses to eat anything containing pork, which I respect, though it amuses me.

I can’t give you the Catholic perspective, but it would concern me that he is “a rather lax Muslim.” That fact was obvious before you mentioned simply because he is dating you. And if he’ll abstain from pork but drink alcohol it shows that he’s not really serious about his religion. If he’s not serious about his religion, do you think that in the long run he’ll be serious about yours?

And are you sure that later down the road he might take a less compromising position towards his religion, and might become harder in his implementation? And what if you decide to get more serious, and you don’t like what he is teaching your children?

Just between you and me, I don’t trust guys like this. (And I’m a Muslim!!) But if you’re not planning to get married for another two years… there’s a lot that can happen in two years.

 

[Mjae]

From a Catholic perspective, it’s not a good idea. You, as a Catholic, have an obligation to raise your children Catholic, in the same way that he is obligated, as a muslim to raise them in the muslim faith. It may not seem like a big deal now as you do not seem to be particularly strong in your faith.

Once you have children though, that may change and it’s the kind of issue that can tear a marriage apart.

You would need to discuss these kinds of issues with a priest.

 

[Bwsherman]

Weird, isn’t it?

I’ve been dating a Muslim man for about a year now. We’ve met each other’s parents and have an approval from both sides, although I think my old-school, pre-Vatican II mom is a bit hesitant.

Interestingly enough, he’s also gone to Mass as well and enjoyed talking with the parish priest.

We’ve discussed the possibility of marriage. Both of us wish to wait though and finish college and probably launch our careers. I told him I wouldn’t marry him until I got commissioned into the Army Nurse Corps (which would be in about 2 years). We’ve encouraged each other to see other people to make sure that we feel connected with each other and that it’s simply not lust or mere infatuation. Both of us agree that we’re truly in love. I have a few questions though.
**
How terrible is it, from a Catholic view, that I refuse to try and encourage him to convert?

Is it really that bad that I am quite fine with not raising the children Catholic? I’m quite fine with them being raised Muslim and going to Catholic schools.

And from a Catholic perspective, is it really that bad to be in a mixed faith marriage? I mean, we do have disagreements, obviously, but we’ve found compromises to be beneficial in our relationship. for example, he’d go to Mass on Sundays if I went to Jum’ah (Muslim Prayer service) on Fridays.**

I should also note that he’s a rather lax Muslim. Very modern sort of guy and very respectful. He enjoys drinking a nice beer once in a while with me. But he staunchly refuses to eat anything containing pork, which I respect, though it amuses me.

For me, I’m a very tolerant Catholic. Not that militant or aggressive. For me, I see the Islam as another route to God. It’s not better or worse than Catholicism, just another way.

There is nothing wrong with a mixed marriage depending on the circumstances. Both Vatican II and the Catechism have sections dealing with it. It is a good thing that you are both willing to explore your relationship and make sure that you are being called together by God.

In terms of what you believe about Islam, you are entitled to that opinion as a child of God. I would encourage you to read what the Church has to say about Islam. You will find that Her opinions differ from yours, however, two things must be understood. 1) The Church will not say that you cannot marry this man. It just could not be considered a sacramental marriage. 2) That the Church only wishes the best things for her children. The ‘rules’ in place are not there to limit our ability to engage in activities, but rather to save us at times from ourselves.

As a child I had parents that were from two different backgrounds and it presented problems for my brother and I because children need to have guidance when determining truth. The truth in small manners and in big ones, and while you and your boyfriend can agree on small truths it is the larger truths that will be very difficult if not impossible to reconcile. An example might be the Holy Trinity.

I encourage you to pray about your decision and to seek counsel from either a priest or someone you know can help guide you in spiritual matters. All my best to you and your beau.

 

[Veritas41]

You mentioned in your post that you don’t feel a need to evangelize your boyfriend and that you would have no problem with your children being raised Muslim and that you feel Islam is another way to God. If this is true, then there is no compelling reason for you to remain Catholic. But if it isn’t, then are you willing to gamble the soul of your boyfriend and any future children you may have?

Have you studied Islam to learn all its beliefs? Have you read the Koran?

Jesus made some very exlusive, extraordinary claims about himself in the Bible, including being the only way to God (John 14:6). Islam teaches Jesus is only a prophet, and certainly not God or the only way to God. Both of these things cannot be true at the same time – either Jesus is who he claimed to be (God) and Islam is wrong about something very important, or Jesus isn’t who he claimed to be. In that case, Islam would still be wrong about Jesus because Jesus couldn’t possibly be a prophet of God if he were delusional or arrogant enough to believe he were God.

If it was necessary for Jesus to suffer and die on a cross for our sins in order for us to be reconciled to God, then Islam is wrong in teaching that we can make it to heaven on our own efforts. But if Islam is just one of many paths to God, then why did Jesus die on the cross?

Do you believe all we need to do is believe that God exists, or does God want us to *know *him? And how can we know God if what we know *about *him isn’t true? And if God wants us to *know *him, then he must have made it possible for us to know the truth about *him *–so different religions that teach contradictory things about God and his nature and character can’t all be different paths to God. If I want someone to know me, I have to tell him and show him the truth of who I am. If I hide who I am or make up things about myself that aren’t true, then I haven’t revealed myself to others and they don’t really know me. This is true of God as well, since he is a personal Being.

If Jesus really is God and really is the only way to God, and the Eucharist is really his Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, and the other sacraments truly convey his grace and power (including the indwelling of the Holy Spirit – how awesome is that??) then why would you want your boyfriend or children to miss out on those great gifts?

I’m a convert to the Catholic faith from evangelical Protestantism, and the reason I am Catholic is because it is true. The Catholic Church makes some pretty audacious claims about itself – being the one and only Church founded by Christ; infallible in teaching, etc. I realized long ago if those claims aren’t true, then the Catholic Church is a church I want nothing to do with, but if they are, then I want to be in it and I want others to be in it as well. Did I know Jesus before I became Catholic? Yes! Was I saved before I became Catholic? Yes! But now I know and love him more than ever before and have access to all the grace he wants to lavish upon me through his own Body and Blood and the other sacraments. I want my non-Catholic friends to have what I have, and my children as well.

I was married for twenty years and then my husband died in an accident. From those years of experience in marriage, I can tell you that it is very important that husband and wife be “on the same page” in important matters like faith, especially when children are involved. The whole purpose of marriage is for unity – it’s an image of Christ’s relationship with his Bride, the Church. Where there are significant differences of belief there will not be complete unity. And marriage is a difficult thing to succeed at because it calls for us coming out of our selfishness and giving of ourselves completely to another for their good, something we can only do by the grace of God. If one or both in a marriage aren’t depending on the grace of God to be selfless in marriage, then there will be problems. And when problems come, how are they dealt with? Suffering makes sense and can be put in perspective and have redemptive value in light of the Cross, but without the Cross it is simply something to avoid or just endure. When I got married the only advice I got from my pastor was “Keep Christ in the center of your marriage.” Simple, but very profound, and true – I can’t even begin to tell you how much that simple statement meant to me and kept my marriage together.

I don’t know how well grounded you were in the Catholic faith growing up, but I would encourage you to learn more and read and pray the Scripture for God’s guidance and wisdom.

God bless you,

 

[stbruno]

familyministries-chgo.org/www.inthespiritofcana.org/2.6.11.1.htm

More information on marriage to a Muslim from the family ministries website of our diocese.

 

[Corki]

From the Church’s standpoint, you have to get a dispensation to marry a non-Christian and she considers it a serious issue.

You are required to do all in your power to raise the children with full knowledge of the faith (Catholic). You would possibly be covering that by sending them to Catholic schools, if they are good ones, but you are putting them in a difficult positiion.

You are required to accurately represent the Church to your children. What is it going to be like for your kids when you say Jesus is God and your husband says, “no, he is just a great prophet”?

Your parish will undoubtedly require you to attend pre-cana counseling. In some places, there are additional requirements if marrying outside of the Church. In many parishes, pre-engagement counseling is available too. I think this is a very good idea and suggest you ask your priest about it.

 

[ricko]

Have you been paying attention to what is going on in the world concerning Muslims? You probably will not accept any advice that you consider negative and I would bet that you already have your mind made up. You are young and of course you think you are mature, but I can tell you a person is never fully mature until the day they die. Join the Army, become a nurse and consider staying in. Forget him, learn about your Catholic faith and be the best nurse you can. Help others and life will take care of itself. When the right guy comes along you won’t have to go to some forum asking questions. Good luck and God Bless.

 

[rinnie]

Please forgive me for being blunt, but if you dont see a problem you need to go back and start from scratch about your faith. Are you really a Catholic, or are you Catholic in name only. There is such a differece in the religions its unreal. It would just confuse the Children. Its none of my business but i can tell you now. There is no way you can have two religions that contradict eachother so much and making them work. Also I cant see you getting married in the Catholic Church and Father being cool with this. I believe that if you get married in the Church you still must sign a paper with the children being Catholic. I would suggest you go back and reconnect with your faith, then when you see what the big problems are then make your decision. I can not see this working for you.

 

[churchcamefirst]

Weird, isn’t it?

I’ve been dating a Muslim man for about a year now. We’ve met each other’s parents and have an approval from both sides, although I think my old-school, pre-Vatican II mom is a bit hesitant.

Interestingly enough, he’s also gone to Mass as well and enjoyed talking with the parish priest.

We’ve discussed the possibility of marriage. Both of us wish to wait though and finish college and probably launch our careers. I told him I wouldn’t marry him until I got commissioned into the Army Nurse Corps (which would be in about 2 years). We’ve encouraged each other to see other people to make sure that we feel connected with each other and that it’s simply not lust or mere infatuation. Both of us agree that we’re truly in love. I have a few questions though.
**
How terrible is it, from a Catholic view, that I refuse to try and encourage him to convert?

Is it really that bad that I am quite fine with not raising the children Catholic? I’m quite fine with them being raised Muslim and going to Catholic schools.

And from a Catholic perspective, is it really that bad to be in a mixed faith marriage? I mean, we do have disagreements, obviously, but we’ve found compromises to be beneficial in our relationship. for example, he’d go to Mass on Sundays if I went to Jum’ah (Muslim Prayer service) on Fridays.**

I should also note that he’s a rather lax Muslim. Very modern sort of guy and very respectful. He enjoys drinking a nice beer once in a while with me. But he staunchly refuses to eat anything containing pork, which I respect, though it amuses me.

For me, I’m a very tolerant Catholic. Not that militant or aggressive. For me, I see the Islam as another route to God. It’s not better or worse than Catholicism, just another way.

If you need to ask these questions of yourself, your in the wrong relationship. There are plenty of Christian men out there. And what puzzles me is, how can you even want to raise your kids Muslim if you are a Catholic? My opinion? Do not marry early, for you never know who you truly are marrying until it’s too late.
I once knew a woman who married a Muslim, had three kids with him, he simply took them from her and returned to his country. She never knew what hit her. Just an FYI.
For you to see Islam as another way to God bothers me also. There is only one way to God and that is through his son, Jesus Christ.

 

[RedSoxFan]

Weird, isn’t it?

I’ve been dating a Muslim man for about a year now. We’ve met each other’s parents and have an approval from both sides, although I think my old-school, pre-Vatican II mom is a bit hesitant.

Interestingly enough, he’s also gone to Mass as well and enjoyed talking with the parish priest.

We’ve discussed the possibility of marriage. Both of us wish to wait though and finish college and probably launch our careers. I told him I wouldn’t marry him until I got commissioned into the Army Nurse Corps (which would be in about 2 years). We’ve encouraged each other to see other people to make sure that we feel connected with each other and that it’s simply not lust or mere infatuation. Both of us agree that we’re truly in love. I have a few questions though.
**
How terrible is it, from a Catholic view, that I refuse to try and encourage him to convert?

Is it really that bad that I am quite fine with not raising the children Catholic? I’m quite fine with them being raised Muslim and going to Catholic schools.

And from a Catholic perspective, is it really that bad to be in a mixed faith marriage? I mean, we do have disagreements, obviously, but we’ve found compromises to be beneficial in our relationship. for example, he’d go to Mass on Sundays if I went to Jum’ah (Muslim Prayer service) on Fridays.**

I should also note that he’s a rather lax Muslim. Very modern sort of guy and very respectful. He enjoys drinking a nice beer once in a while with me. But he staunchly refuses to eat anything containing pork, which I respect, though it amuses me.

For me, I’m a very tolerant Catholic. Not that militant or aggressive. For me, I see the Islam as another route to God. It’s not better or worse than Catholicism, just another way.

Hey I hope things work out for you, but I strongly consider thinking long term on this one. Sure everyone gets along now but when kids enter the picture its a whole new story. Both sides are convinced that they are right when it comes to eternal salvation. You need to talk about this stuff now, before you have kids and both of you start fighting over to raise them as Catholics or Muslims.

When I married my Southern Baptist wife I made it clear that the kids would be Catholic no exceptions. She understood and accepted that or else I would walk away from her. My conviction was enough for her to convert and thank God she did.

The problem is it should be a much bigger jump from islam to catholicism. So I hope things work out. Protestants make great converts, hopefully this muslim can make a better one.

 

[emeraldcoast]

This is a strange comment for me " I’m quite fine with them being raised Muslim and going to Catholic schools. "

I am not Catholic but currently our Episcopalian children attend a Catholic School. I will be honest with you, as a parent of non-Catholic children attending a Catholic School, I do find myself explaining a few differnce in our faiths but only a few and none of them seem to be salvation issues but slight differences. I think that you would confuse your children sending them to a Catholic School if your intent was to raise them Muslim.

I am also one to believe that one faith in the house is important. I have heard some mention 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 when speaking of mixed marriages.

God Bless!

 

[TheOldOne]

Be VERY wary about this. I have heard MANY MANY stories like this where the husband after a couple of years has a religious awakening. This can go bad very quickly!
When this happens he might demand that the children become muslim. He might demand that you practice hijab and purdah and stay in the home 24/7 with the curtains drawn. He might beat you for noncompliance, he will see this as his right and duty. No movies, music or TV. No novels. Islam is a cult and when practiced can be frightening to behold.
Because Islam is so demanding many Muslims go through wild swings in practice. After those “wild” college years of mingling with kafirs and drinking beer he might swerve into excessive practice.
I was muslim for over a decade and I have seen it happen many times. Often times after hajj. He might swing again after months or years but by then the damage might be done.

 

[dolphinlove]

I strongly recommend you do some study on Islam and see what their ‘contract’ on marriage is.
I think up front if you want children, you should make a point of saying you want them to be Catholic so there will be no conflict later on down the track.
Secondly, if he happens to start to become a devout Muslim, expect things to change. I wont go into it, but some things might be hard for you to comprehend.
Thirdly, if he does become devout, according to his beliefs, he can stop you practicing your religious beliefs.
I know for my personal belief, no mans love is greater than Gods, so make sure you go into a marriage with all the i dotted and the t crossed.

 

[happynoodlecat]

I strongly recommend you do some study on Islam and see what their ‘contract’ on marriage is.
I think up front if you want children, you should make a point of saying you want them to be Catholic so there will be no conflict later on down the track.
Secondly, if he happens to start to become a devout Muslim, expect things to change. I wont go into it, but some things might be hard for you to comprehend.
Thirdly, if he does become devout, according to his beliefs, he can stop you practicing your religious beliefs.
I know for my personal belief, no mans love is greater than Gods, so make sure you go into a marriage with all the i dotted and the t crossed.

Well thank you all to have posted to my thread. First off, I want to say that I’m not star-struck about Islam. I know that it’s not perfect and there are people who seriously screw it up.

I’m all for studying more about the faith. And he is interested in studying more about Catholicism. I’ve studied Islam for more than a year now and will admit I’ve only touched the surface.

But when talking about forcing people into another religion, that is a fundamental mishap belief about Islam. it is actually forbidden in Islam to force people to convert to another religion.

“Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth has been made clear from error. Whoever rejects false worship and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that never breaks. And Allah hears and knows all things.” [Surah al-Baqarah: 256]

Do fundamentalists hold up this belief? Obviously not. And that’s the thing; I’m not dating a fundamentalist Muslim, nor a Muslim from a fundamentalist family.

And for Muslims, the marriage contract specifically states that the children must be raised Muslim. Honest to God, I have no problem with that. I really don’t. I suppose a large part of it is due to the fact that I honestly don’t see why whether the kids are Muslim or Catholic is such a big deal.

I think part of it is because I’ve been somewhat discouraged and disillusioned by my mother’s strict old-school Catholicism teachings that she brought me up with.

Pope John Paul encouraged interfaith dialogue and the connections between Islam and Catholicism.

catholic-forum.com/saints/pope0264qr.htm
mereislam.info/2005/04/pope-john-paul-ii-and-islam.html

 

[dzheremi]

Pope John Paul II did indeed inter-faith dialogue, but I think I can confidently say that he would not extend that to Catholics having “no problem” raising their children outside of the faith.

Let’s not open our minds so wide that anything can fall in, right?

 

[jen_fla]

while it might be rare, you do know he can marry 3 other women while he’s married to you? he could change his mind about monogamy 20 yrs down the road.

his religion also allows him to have mistresses (right hand possessions.) i know that some Christians cheat, but our religion does not condone it.

please read through the authentic hadiths to learn a bit more before you choose a spouse that believes in some very contrasting things to Catholicism.

God bless you both.

 

[thomasf]

Here’s the deal with interfaith or mixed faith or faith and no faith marriages. What might seem like it’s ‘fine’ now, might change 10 years down the road. Then you’ve got 2 kids that are 5 or 6 years into being muslim, and you might just have a deep conversion to your faith, and suddenly want to expose them to your faith. Then what do you do? Or what happens when you suddenly get serious about your faith and your husband resents it and/or forbids it? It might not seem possible now, but you don’t know what will happen in the future. Then you’re mixed up and in a world of hurt.

I speak from experience. I changed my mind and had a deep reversion back to the faith, and had my share of difficulties because what didn’t seem like a big deal 10 years ago suddenly stood as a barrier to me practicing my faith.

Think about it.

 

[Layman]

Interfaith marriages can be awkward.

1. His family. How accepting will they be of you? He’s easygoing; are they?
2. Children. In what faith will they be raised?
3. It’s a lot easier if both of you have the same religion.
4. Islam has very different views about how women should be treated.

You could go from a carefree urban girlfriend to a chattel very quickly.

I’d never marry someone from a different religion. It would place a big burden on what can be a difficult journey in the best of circumstances.

 

[dolphinlove]

Well thank you all to have posted to my thread. First off, I want to say that I’m not star-struck about Islam. I know that it’s not perfect and there are people who seriously screw it up.

I’m all for studying more about the faith. And he is interested in studying more about Catholicism. I’ve studied Islam for more than a year now and will admit I’ve only touched the surface.

With every religion, there is a lot to learn.

But when talking about forcing people into another religion, that is a fundamental mishap belief about Islam. it is actually forbidden in Islam to force people to convert to another religion.

“Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth has been made clear from error. Whoever rejects false worship and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that never breaks. And Allah hears and knows all things.” [Surah al-Baqarah: 256]

And why dont fundamentalist hold this belief, that is because there are other sections of the quran that says otherwise, but i will not get into this with at this time, this is not the thread for it.

Do fundamentalists hold up this belief? Obviously not. And that’s the thing; I’m not dating a fundamentalist Muslim, nor a Muslim from a fundamentalist family.

Im glad to hear that, but keep this in mind, Muslim men, according to their belief, can stop you from worshipping Jesus. It says it somewhere in the quran or hadiths, cant remember where, but im sure someone will know and can show this to you. And this is not a fundamental belief, its an Islamic belief.

And for Muslims, the marriage contract specifically states that the children must be raised Muslim. Honest to God, I have no problem with that. I really don’t. I suppose a large part of it is due to the fact that I honestly don’t see why whether the kids are Muslim or Catholic is such a big deal.

It is a big deal because they will not know the full truth of Jesus and who Jesus really is, do you really want to stop your children from believing that? To Islam, Jesus is nothing more than a prophet, i would never want my children to believe Jesus was just a prophet. EVER.

I think part of it is because I’ve been somewhat discouraged and disillusioned by my mother’s strict old-school Catholicism teachings that she brought me up with.

There is no old school Catholicism, our teachings have not changed in 2000 years. Its very important we teach and show people Jesus, especially our own children.
I dont think you understand the full differences between Islam and Catholicism, and i think its very critical for you to learn before you go and marry this man.
Is this man really more important than Jesus?