Catholic married men

[King_Lazy]

Unless I hear other men say how ridiculous this statement is, especially the one I bolded, I will count my lucky stars I have never been married

What’s ridiculous about “if arousal were difficult to attain, sex and reproduction would in many cases become impossible”? Men cannot have sex if they are not aroused. Without chemical interference, such as Viagra, at least. It’s patently obvious.

And I said that, “most women aren’t that good looking,” because most people aren’t perfect, and physical beauty objectively wanes as people get older. Perfectly good looking men and women are only so for a few years of their lives. But it doesn’t matter. Nature has allowed a subjective and psychological element, and they can still be perfect in their partner’s eyes.

That is such a cruel statement.

Why? Women often fret over minor imperfections like putting on a few pounds, and most guys don’t care and still see them for their beauty. Would it be better if that weren’t the case? Would it be better if it were only the photoshopped women presented in the media that were somehow good enough? That was the alternative scenario I was presenting. So what’s the problem?

 

[domandcarols]

If men did not have this fairly low threshold, the vast majority of women would never be able to have sex, because it is dependent on the man’s arousal; if arousal were difficult to attain, sex and reproduction would in many cases become impossible, because most women aren’t that good looking.

Your girlfriend/wife needs to slap you and if you don’t have one I think we know why.

 

[King_Lazy]

Your girlfriend/wife needs to slap you and if you don’t have one I think we know why.

Pray tell, why?

 

[TrueLight]

Pray tell, why?

Over the years, I have learned how to identify the pink and red flags that give me warnings about a particular man and I am teaching the same to my daughters.

I don’t know anything about YOU personally, but if I heard a man say something like that, I would probably peg him as a man who does not respect women or appreciate the beauty of a woman.

Women are beautiful in different ways, and it doesn’t take perfect breasts or a perfect derriere, or a perfect face to be perceived as beautiful or “good looking”.

I’m also pretty sure that your current or future wife would not be thrilled to know that you are aroused by her not because she i s beautiful to you, but because it is easy to get aroused despite her stretchmarks.

Unlike with women, for men, arousal is a necessary precondition for sex. It physically cannot happen otherwise, and so nature has given men a fairly low threshold for arousal. If men did not have this fairly low threshold, the vast majority of women would never be able to have sex, because it is dependent on the man’s arousal; if arousal were difficult to attain, sex and reproduction would in many cases become impossible, because most women aren’t that good looking.

 

[King_Lazy]

Over the years, I have learned how to identify the pink and red flags that give me warnings about a particular man and I am teaching the same to my daughters.

I don’t know anything about YOU personally, but if I heard a man say something like that, I would probably peg him as a man who does not respect women or appreciate the beauty of a woman.

Women are beautiful in different ways, and it doesn’t take perfect breasts or a perfect derriere, or a perfect face to be perceived as beautiful or “good looking”.

I’m also pretty sure that your current or future wife would not be thrilled to know that you are aroused by her not because she i s beautiful to you, but because it is easy to get aroused despite her stretchmarks.

Well, yes, but my point is that not everyone is Aphrodite or Adonis. The fact of the matter is that nature has placed a demand on men that there must be some psychological stimulus for sex to become physically possible. And that is mostly involuntary. There is no on-off switch. A man cannot be aroused by a tree no matter how hard he tries. Women tick boxes when evaluating a potential partner, and men have involuntary psychological tick boxes too. A tree ticks no boxes. But nature has made it so that men find women who aren’t Aphrodite beautiful still because these women are caring, loving and have beautiful hearts, so they don’t even see the stretch marks. Nature, or God, has made this possible. Like many good things, this faculty can be misdirected and is liable to abuse, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a good reason why it’s there.

 

[Pomme]

Hi I assumed nobody would be interested in the thread since the poll didn’t work!
Please help me :my husband is the sort of person everybody takes as a good example-and he did it for the whole decade we have been married.We have 7 kids the oldest is 9,I am not overweight and was really popular w boys before we got married(so not unattractive).I never said no to my husband and am "creative"in bed.
Now my sons are obviously not into it:too young+no Internet no TV at home.
I understand where my husband comes from he had a very unusual unhappy childhood.
BUT I found out about a friend too and I am starting to think maybe my dad,maybe my uncles,etc…they all have marriages that are joyful happy and very good example with high moral standards,they obviously love each other,but so do we with my husband.
I know Our Lady (Fatima) said that the majority will go to hell and we have to pray and sacrifice.
I am suddenly in the situation where:I believe almost no marriage is beautiful and like it’s supposed to be because all men must have been lusting after other women.I am not talking about temptation,I am ok with temptation I’ve had them too but they disgust me and they are a threat to me and my husband-I don’t want them!!
So I am not only grieving my marriage,I am bEginning to grieve the views I had on catholic marriage,and also I am beginning to think things like the majority of the men I know will go to hell for that if “all men do it”.If we can’t expect men to be as faithful as women then it is not worth getting married:I always thought if the sacrament exists then it means it’s possible and it’s actually the norm(2 faithful people united in matrimony).
Now I think I don’t want my kids to get married and I shouldnt have had so many -most of them will do things like that and some of them go to hell…
As you see I am a deeply discouraged person and I couldn’t post the poll,it may be just as well because it could hav discouraged me further.
I need to know a majority of catholic married men see temptations as a threat and are successful at fighting them off(with the grace of God of course),and that they have a spotless faithfulness towards their spouse.Thank you for the men here who said they are not watching porn,it helps me believe it’s possible an that with my husband we can go back to the norm,not the exception.Although deep down I am scared and not comfortable with men anymore(trying to!)

 

[King_Lazy]

BUT I found out about a friend too and I am starting to think maybe my dad,maybe my uncles,etc…they all have marriages that are joyful happy and very good example with high moral standards,they obviously love each other,but so do we with my husband.

Okay, the problem is common and it is a terrible thing, but things aren’t that bad. Seriously. The problem is getting worse, unfortunately, because our culture has approved of pornography and so many guys find it easy to rationalise it or don’t realise there’s anything wrong with it until it’s too late. Many men, especially those raised when the culture wasn’t such a corrupting influence, will have a similar aversion to pornography that you do. But things have definitely changed for the worse. Nevertheless, you need not suspect every guy you meet.

I am suddenly in the situation where:I believe almost no marriage is beautiful and like it’s supposed to be because all men must have been lusting after other women.I am not talking about temptation,I am ok with temptation I’ve had them too but they disgust me and they are a threat to me and my husband-I don’t want them!!

There are some beautiful marriages. It’s not true that all men lust after other women. It’s not uncommon for the wife to become the only woman the husband sees. It’s just that it’s easy for men to go the wrong way, but they can and should pick themselves up again. The worst thing is that in our world, nobody seems to see anything wrong with it, and we, men, and especially those of us who lack faith, have internalised this rather convenient view.

So I am not only grieving my marriage,I am bEginning to grieve the views I had on catholic marriage,and also I am beginning to think things like the majority of the men I know will go to hell for that if “all men do it”.If we can’t expect men to be as faithful as women then it is not worth getting married:I always thought if the sacrament exists then it means it’s possible and it’s actually the norm(2 faithful people united in matrimony).

Yes, a lot of men do it, and it’s unfortunate because they offend their wives, they offend God and they offend their own dignity, and many do so because the culture approves it and they are blind to this evil and don’t know it’s wrong. Those that realise that it is wrong, struggle against the addiction and they typically succeed. We live in a culture that approves of evil, and many people fall prey to sin and are corrupted in this way. It is indeed difficult to find a man who has always been pure, but it is also difficult to find a woman who has always been pure. Both can, however, with the grace of God become so. Marriage does indeed become pointless if there are no expectations on the husband and wife, and society has headed in this direction and we are beginning to face the consequences.

Now I think I don’t want my kids to get married and I shouldnt have had so many -most of them will do things like that and some of them go to hell…
As you see I am a deeply discouraged person and I couldn’t post the poll,it may be just as well because it could hav discouraged me further.
I need to know a majority of catholic married men see temptations as a threat and are successful at fighting them off(with the grace of God of course),and that they have a spotless faithfulness towards their spouse.Thank you for the men here who said they are not watching porn,it helps me believe it’s possible an that with my husband we can go back to the norm,not the exception.Although deep down I am scared and not comfortable with men anymore(trying to!)

You sound like a wonderful and holy person and your husband is lucky to have you. I don’t think you need to be so discouraged. Faithful Catholic men will not watch porn, or if they do, they will repent and try to stop and will succeed. Engaging in lustful thoughts about other women is definitely something that men can resist. And not even all secular men will watch and enjoy pornography, so the prospect for Catholic guys is much better. You are right in lamenting how common this problem has become and things are indeed in a sorry state among men, in part because they have come to internalise the view that this sin is innocuous and have learned to rationalise and become addicted to it. We live in a world that tries to corrupt all that is good, but with the grace of God, you and your husband will succeed in restoring the fullness of beauty in your marriage. You needn’t give up hope. God bless you and your family.

 

[Pomme]

Thank you!
I don’t want to give the impression I’ve always been pure:although I was a virgin when I got married I had my own struggles with purity before.But I believed in marriage and love my husband so much that it was finished the day I got married.I was expected to be faithful and I promised to so when temptations came up they disgusted me and I rejected them-as simple as that.
I feel this is not being holy,it’s being faithful.Thank you so much for your response I will try to think that way…God bless

 

[Emmelia]

Hi I assumed nobody would be interested in the thread since the poll didn’t work!
Please help me :my husband is the sort of person everybody takes as a good example-and he did it for the whole decade we have been married.We have 7 kids the oldest is 9,I am not overweight and was really popular w boys before we got married(so not unattractive).I never said no to my husband and am "creative"in bed.
Now my sons are obviously not into it:too young+no Internet no TV at home.
I understand where my husband comes from he had a very unusual unhappy childhood.
BUT I found out about a friend too and I am starting to think maybe my dad,maybe my uncles,etc…they all have marriages that are joyful happy and very good example with high moral standards,they obviously love each other,but so do we with my husband.
I know Our Lady (Fatima) said that the majority will go to hell and we have to pray and sacrifice.
I am suddenly in the situation where:I believe almost no marriage is beautiful and like it’s supposed to be because all men must have been lusting after other women.I am not talking about temptation,I am ok with temptation I’ve had them too but they disgust me and they are a threat to me and my husband-I don’t want them!!
So I am not only grieving my marriage,I am bEginning to grieve the views I had on catholic marriage,and also I am beginning to think things like the majority of the men I know will go to hell for that if “all men do it”.If we can’t expect men to be as faithful as women then it is not worth getting married:I always thought if the sacrament exists then it means it’s possible and it’s actually the norm(2 faithful people united in matrimony).
Now I think I don’t want my kids to get married and I shouldnt have had so many -most of them will do things like that and some of them go to hell…
As you see I am a deeply discouraged person and I couldn’t post the poll,it may be just as well because it could hav discouraged me further.
I need to know a majority of catholic married men see temptations as a threat and are successful at fighting them off(with the grace of God of course),and that they have a spotless faithfulness towards their spouse.Thank you for the men here who said they are not watching porn,it helps me believe it’s possible an that with my husband we can go back to the norm,not the exception.Although deep down I am scared and not comfortable with men anymore(trying to!)

I read your post and cried because I really understand how you feel and I am going through a very similar situation. I am very bitter at the whole thing. I don’t know if all men watch porn, but I think most of them do. Also, even if they say they understand how wrong it is and how much it offends their wives, I do not believe them. I think they tend to minimize and rationalize a lot. I do not think they really get how deeply it hurts a woman and a marriage. I am very discouraged as well…

 

[King_Lazy]

Thank you!
I don’t want to give the impression I’ve always been pure:although I was a virgin when I got married I had my own struggles with purity before.
But I believed in marriage and love my husband so much that it was finished the day I got married.I was expected to be faithful and I promised to so when temptations came up they disgusted me and I rejected them-as simple as that.

You have done an wonderful thing, as our culture these days not only corrupts men but it also corrupts women, and yet you have lived a grace-filled life and resisted this, which further confirms to me that you have a heart of gold. I am really sorry that your husband has let you down; chances are, he has done this through weakness and doesn’t understand just how much this has hurt you or how much he has offended God. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, and I have to say that God has truly blessed him in giving him such a wonderful wife, who so wishes to lead him and her whole family to salvation.

I feel this is not being holy,it’s being faithful.Thank you so much for your response I will try to think that way…God bless

Growing in faith and in holiness is the vocation of every Catholic man and woman, and I am touched by how truly loving you are. I will pray that God will give you strength not to be tempted into discouragement and that He will help your husband in overcoming his weaknesses so that he becomes the man that you truly deserve.

 

[whm]

I read your post and cried because I really understand how you feel and I am going through a very similar situation. I am very bitter at the whole thing. I don’t know if all men watch porn, but I think most of them do. Also, even if they say they understand how wrong it is and how much it offends their wives, I do not believe them. I think they tend to minimize and rationalize a lot. I do not think they really get how deeply it hurts a woman and a marriage. I am very discouraged as well…

I do understand how much it hurts. I don’t know if this helps, but do you wonder about the supposed 98% of catholic women that use birth control? It has been shown that 98% number is greatly distorted. It is possible that the numbers on porn usage are also greatly distorted. Men who correctly avoid porn, are likely to be quit scrupulous and could very well be confessing putting themselves in tempting situations (like unintentionally seeing a rated r movie with nudity in it, yet not getting pleasure from it) vs succumbing to temptation itself.

Another thing to consider is if these men are already in mortal sin for using birth control, how surprised should we be that they would not be tempted to use porn? I am not saying by any means that you have done anything wrong, however since you are greatly disturbed by the statistics thrown around, I wanted to point out that there is a bigger picture and that they are complicated and distorted stats.

 

[Irishgal49]

Before men really “get it”, I want to say I struggle with this myself. I am much better but the main thing is what Jesus asked the man at the Pool of Bethsaida “Do you want to be healed?” and many men AND women deny they even need to be healed at all.

It’s not just a men’s problem.

Lorrie

 

[moon1234]

I read your post and cried because I really understand how you feel and I am going through a very similar situation. I am very bitter at the whole thing. I don’t know if all men watch porn, but I think most of them do. Also, even if they say they understand how wrong it is and how much it offends their wives, I do not believe them. I think they tend to minimize and rationalize a lot. I do not think they really get how deeply it hurts a woman and a marriage. I am very discouraged as well…

Remember that Chirst did not come to establish a Church for the non-sinners. The Catholic Church exists specifically for sinners. Remember that St. Augustine was a playboy and participated in all sorts of sordid sexual activities. It was not until later in life that he realized what he was doing and had a change of heart.

Remember despair, it is a sin too. You almost seem like you are playing God in your mind. We don’t know the mercy that God grants. As Catholics we never assume someone is going to Hell. If you husband watches porn, masturbates, etc. then it is HIS failing (assuming you are trying to help him avoid, etc.). You should pray for him. The worst thing you could do is get angry at him and act as if he has cheated on you. This will only further drive him into his sin.

Men that watch porn, etc. are looking for some type of sexual gratification. I think their wives should work on that aspect of it and not react as if they were cheating. MOST men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman. I know that may not be how women feel, etc.

Again, don’t despair. Even if they sometimes fall into sin with porn, masturbation, etc. there is the confessional and they will be forgiven. Men are human and sexual sins can be our biggest failing. If you husband loves you otherwise and is not cheating with another woman, then this may just be a vice that he needs your help, not your scorn, to overcome.

Remember your primary role is to get yourself to heaven, then your spouse, then your children. You are just a help to these other people and as long as you try you have done your part.

 

[Emmelia]

Men that watch porn, etc. are looking for some type of sexual gratification. I think their wives should work on that aspect of it and not react as if they were cheating. MOST men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman. I know that may not be how women feel, etc.

Is it true that most men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman? And would the opposite be true? I mean, if a woman gets aroused by viewing graphic pictures or videos of other men and masturbates, her husband won’t see it as cheating? I doubt it. I feel there is a lot of double standards around this issue… Finally, I do not think this is the matter of personal opinion (I view it as cheating, you do not): Jesus Christ has equated even lustful thoughts with adultery!

Also, you say that men that watch porn are looking for some type of sexual gratification and their wives should work on that, instead of getting angry… So if men look at porn, it means that there is something lacking on the part of their wives! I think if men are unsatisfied in their marriage, they should communicate it and work through the problems with their spouse, not run to watch pornography - which makes everything more difficult.

 

[moon1234]

Is it true that most men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman? And would the opposite be true? I mean, if a woman gets aroused by viewing graphic pictures or videos of other men and masturbates, her husband won’t see it as cheating? I doubt it. I feel there is a lot of double standards around this issue… Finally, I do not think this is the matter of personal opinion (I view it as cheating, you do not): Jesus Christ has equated even lustful thoughts with adultery!

Also, you say that men that watch porn are looking for some type of sexual gratification and their wives should work on that, instead of getting angry… So if men look at porn, it means that there is something lacking on the part of their wives! I think if men are unsatisfied in their marriage, they should communicate it and work through the problems with their spouse, not run to watch pornography - which makes everything more difficult.

As bad as it may sound I think if most men saw you looking at dirty pictures and masturbating it would be a turn on and not off. In his mind he would be thinking there are more opportunities to have sex rather than less and that his is somehow not fulfilling your needs/desires.

Maybe my mind works differently, but if I found my wife masturbating with dirty images I would see that more as an opportunity to fill in rather than being disturbed by it. If she told me not to join in, THEN I would be offended as I would see that as a rejection. This is putting aside the fact that she should be finding me first and not using porn in the first place.

As to it being sinful, I agree, but most of the men I know would NOT be offended by it. Maybe it is the culture, maybe it is something inherent in men, etc. I think what you fail to understand is that MOST of the wives, as reported to me by my friends, do NOT satisfy their man as much as he would like. They get the “I’m too tired, I was with kids all day, etc.” line. This means that he is getting rejected by his wife. This leads to temptations to use alternate forms of gratification.

I think this is why women get so offended. With the rare expection, they just don’t have as high of a sex drive so they don’t understand the urges that men must endure when they can not be with their wives. Why else would the porn industry target men primarily? If women are equally tempted, why is their not an equal amount of porn targeted towards women.

I am not trying to justify the actions, just to explain to you WHY many men behave the way they do and that it is not seen as cheating in the minds of men.

 

[moon1234]

Is it true that most men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman? And would the opposite be true? I mean, if a woman gets aroused by viewing graphic pictures or videos of other men and masturbates, her husband won’t see it as cheating? I doubt it. I feel there is a lot of double standards around this issue… Finally, I do not think this is the matter of personal opinion (I view it as cheating, you do not): Jesus Christ has equated even lustful thoughts with adultery!

Also, you say that men that watch porn are looking for some type of sexual gratification and their wives should work on that, instead of getting angry… So if men look at porn, it means that there is something lacking on the part of their wives! I think if men are unsatisfied in their marriage, they should communicate it and work through the problems with their spouse, not run to watch pornography - which makes everything more difficult.

Look at how you would react if you got “caught” looking at porn or masturbating. If you got really upset and mad how do you think the other person would react? If, instead, you said “Honey I am here whenever you want to have sex, you don’t need to use those dirty pictures or masturbate.” THAT would have a very different reaction from a male than a scolding. I think the second response would have more of a “your an *** I should have just asked her” thought in a mans’s mind, versus being scolded which usually has the “I guess that’s why I am doing this” thought.

You get more flies with sugar rather than vinegar. I find with my talks with guys that the common thread is that sex drops off in frequency and her desire for her husbad takes a nose dive after more than 7-8 years of marraige and a few kids. Most women may not even be aware of it.

I know I hear women joking about their husbands being rabbits, acting like their a teenager yet, etc. when they are with their lady friends. That is very damaging to a male ego. It says you do NOT want to have sex with us, you think we are somehow distorted in our wanting of sex with out wives, etc.

I know one couple where she “permits” sex once a week. His words, not mine. Consequently he has a lot of dirty magazines, etc. He told me it is the only way he keeps from cheating on her with other women. I don’t know why his wife is like this, I also am not sure what to say other than “I don’t think the pron is helping the situation.”

You, PERSONALLY, may not be like that, but I know many men who are in that situation and it causes problems.

 

[Joshua_Shorter]

Is it true that most men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman? And would the opposite be true? I mean, if a woman gets aroused by viewing graphic pictures or videos of other men and masturbates, her husband won’t see it as cheating? I doubt it. I feel there is a lot of double standards around this issue… Finally, I do not think this is the matter of personal opinion (I view it as cheating, you do not): Jesus Christ has equated even lustful thoughts with adultery!

Also, you say that men that watch porn are looking for some type of sexual gratification and their wives should work on that, instead of getting angry… So if men look at porn, it means that there is something lacking on the part of their wives! I think if men are unsatisfied in their marriage, they should communicate it and work through the problems with their spouse, not run to watch pornography - which makes everything more difficult.

I think that watching porn and/or masturbating is cheating. I think it is something, probably not unlike cigarrettes, that most men (and women) start not realizing the long term consequences of the action. A lot of guys start in high school, some younger, and don’t even think about the effects it will have on their marriages. It is not an easy thing to overcome and it can creep its way back into marriages decades down the road, I’m sure.

As for men not getting enough affection from their wife, I’m not married so I can’t speak to that. However, I can only imagine how devastating it would be for a marriage to find out your husband or wife has been looking lustfully at another woman or man and finding sexual pleasure and gratification from that person. Someone they don’t even know!!

Anytime my friends bring up porn, I try to ask them how they would feel about men watching their sisters in bed with another man engaging in all types of XXX rated acts. They are almost all violently opposed. Guess what, those women (and men) in those movies and pictures are someones daughter, sister, future mother, future wife, etc.

It is simply a devastating and horrible thing anyway you look at it. And if studies are accurate, I don’t even think people get as much satisfaction from porn and masturbation as they think they do. The one that always got me was that married people watching porn tended to have a more negative view of their sex life than married people who didn’t.

So let me get this straight: my sex life is bad. I think I will look at porn. Porn gives me a negative view of my sex life because my wife can now never live up to my porn driven fantasies. Therefore, my sex life is bad. I will make up for it with more porn. And the cycle repeats itself.

Let’s pray for an end to this industry and pray for help to those people caught in the grips of the addiction.

 

[Joshua_Shorter]

Look at how you would react if you got “caught” looking at porn or masturbating. If you got really upset and mad how do you think the other person would react? If, instead, you said “Honey I am here whenever you want to have sex, you don’t need to use those dirty pictures or masturbate.” THAT would have a very different reaction from a male than a scolding. I think the second response would have more of a “your an *** I should have just asked her” thought in a mans’s mind, versus being scolded which usually has the “I guess that’s why I am doing this” thought.

You get more flies with sugar rather than vinegar. I find with my talks with guys that the common thread is that sex drops off in frequency and her desire for her husbad takes a nose dive after more than 7-8 years of marraige and a few kids. Most women may not even be aware of it.

I know I hear women joking about their husbands being rabbits, acting like their a teenager yet, etc. when they are with their lady friends. That is very damaging to a male ego. It says you do NOT want to have sex with us, you think we are somehow distorted in our wanting of sex with out wives, etc.

I know one couple where she “permits” sex once a week. His words, not mine. Consequently he has a lot of dirty magazines, etc. He told me it is the only way he keeps from cheating on her with other women. I don’t know why his wife is like this, I also am not sure what to say other than “I don’t think the pron is helping the situation.”

You, PERSONALLY, may not be like that, but I know many men who are in that situation and it causes problems.

While I agree with your reasoning, a wife being unavailable for sex or not “allowing” it is not a just reason to commit mortal sin.

 

[Emmelia]

So let me get this straight: my sex life is bad. I think I will look at porn. Porn gives me a negative view of my sex life because my wife can now never live up to my porn driven fantasies. Therefore, my sex life is bad. I will make up for it with more porn. And the cycle repeats itself.

Absolutely true.
Plus porn gives people unrealistic and sinful ideas about sex, destroys the ability to get aroused by their spouses, creates a fantasy that makes it even harder to deal with reality.

 

[King_Lazy]

Is it true that most men will only see cheating as being physically with another woman? And would the opposite be true? I mean, if a woman gets aroused by viewing graphic pictures or videos of other men and masturbates, her husband won’t see it as cheating?

Well, no. Men generally wouldn’t see that as cheating. I think even pure and Catholic men would innately find it very hard to see it as anything more than an offence against God and wouldn’t themselves be particularly offended. I think it might be to do with the fact that sex and love don’t have to be so closely interlinked in a man’s mind, and a good Catholic man might just consider it a weakness and would still be inclined to think, “She still loves me; she hasn’t cheated on me with another man.”

Perhaps if a woman masturbates to graphic pictures of other men, it is a sign of a lack of love for her husband, but that is very difficult, if not impossible, to see from the perspective of a man. We might intellectually admit that it might be a form of adultery in some sort of ethereal sense, but I don’t think it’s something that men in general would assign any significance to or be innately and emotionally bothered by it. I think that’s one reason why men and women tend to talk past each other on these issues.

I think if men are unsatisfied in their marriage, they should communicate it and work through the problems with their spouse, not run to watch pornography - which makes everything more difficult.

I agree with you there.