I have taken the approach famously championed by St. Francis of Assisi: âPreach the gospel at all times; when necessary, use words.â Ironically, the Catholic disposition in terms of attitude towards lifeâs stumbling blocks (as I understand it) appeals to her. Many times she has commented that I am more Buddhist than she is. Thatâs my personality working, I guess. Daily prayers, private intentions at Mass, and prayers by close family members make up the rest of my effort. Please God help her and us, Amen.
I very much would like to see a spiritual counselor or even a marriage counselor. After the move is completed perhaps I will have the opportunity to find one.
her occasional threat to initiate a divorce simply to allow her to educate the kids in her faith. I have to take her words seriously, but her personality does drive her to say anything she feels at the moment without considering real life implications.
In this particular instance, Iâm praying itâs all talk and blowing off steam.
There was a time I was taking the kids sporadically to the local Vietnamese Catholic church. The service there is the same in all respects except that it is solely in Vietnamese and I believe they do some form of adoration to Our Lady of La Vang immediately after.
I honestly think this has a lot of positive potential, at least for you and your kids, and especially as they get older.
And youâve just reminded me: Prayers to Our Lady of La Vang and the Holy Martyrs of Vietnam would not go amiss!
I think I am dealing with her personality at least as much as her new-found zeal for her faith.
No doubt! I donât recommend the Vietnamese pastor as an alternative to marriage counseling, but as a supplement especially for yourself.
I should look into studying the Buddhist faith again. I stopped soon after she began attacking Christianity, since it made no sense to me to try while she exhibited no charity towards my own faith.
I can definitely understand that.
I know youâve received book recommendations before, but here are my unsolicited suggestions if you donât mind my two cents. :twocents:
Generally speaking, I find it most helpful to use firsthand sources. I mean this: when people want to know more about and better understand Catholicism, I think itâs usually better that they get their primary info from Catholic sources. Sure, not all Catholic sources are great, and some non-Catholic sources are remarkably good, but overall, the Catholic sources tend to convey a more accurate picture. Even a very intelligent, educated, and well-intentioned N.T. Wright (Anglican) sometimes writes things about Catholicism that make me wince, if you know what I mean.
I feel the same way about Buddhism. When I study Buddhism, I think itâs usually better to get my primary info from Buddhist sources. It can be confusing at times, because we sometimes use the same words with different meanings, but a Buddhist is generally a better representative of what Buddhism really is and isnât than someone else.
That said, here are my suggestionsâŚ
Buddhism: A Concise Introduction by Huston Smith and Philip Novak. This one is a good general intro for the non-Buddhist, very simple and readable, and not very long. Probably available through your local library. Not Vietnamese or even Mahayana specific, but it will cover the basics.
Buddhism for Beginners by Thubten Chodron. This book is by a Tibetan nun, so her specific tradition (Vajrayana) is different from your wifeâs (probably Thien/Zen). But they are both Mahayana traditions and it strives to be a very basic and general presentation (not merely Vajrayana). I think itâs pretty engaging. The explanation of emptiness/selflessness (a.k.a. no-self/not-self) is one of the best Iâve seen for a Western audience unfamiliar with Buddhism, and thatâs a very hard thing to communicate! This book will be a little harder to find at a library, but I think itâs well worth the trouble of interlibrary loan, purchasing a used copy, etc.
The Heart of the Buddhaâs Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh. Most books by Thich Nhat Hanh appear to be collections of his speeches/talks about specific topics shaped into a book by his disciples (I donât say this as an insult, plenty of speakers âwriteâ their books this way). This one is an actual book-book, and itâs his only general introduction to Buddhism. I think this book would be difficult to make your first, but excellent after one or both of the two above. This is a more thorough presentation of Zen Buddhism by a Vietnamese master, and I think this would put it closest to your wifeâs probable tradition. I think itâs very likely your local library will have this.
Living Buddha, Living Christ and
Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers by Thich Nhat Hanh. These are much briefer reflection-style books in which Thay (as he is called) explores Buddhism & Christianity-- as he understands them-- in an effort to encourage interfaith dialogue and cooperation. You wonât necessarily agree with his point of view or what he has to say (in fact, you may be reminded of what I said above about Christians being better at representing Christianity!), but I think it is worthwhile to get this perspective, especially from someone whose tradition is probably similar to your wifeâs but whose perspective and practice seems quite different. I think itâs very likely that your local library will have one or both of these books.
