Catholic Schools and pregnant students

[AngelicDoctor]

I am a theology teacher at a Catholic High School. Recently the Respect Life Club had all theology classes pass out a “life issues survey” to see what students know and believe about the Church’s teachings on life issues.

While completing the survey, some students became very angry at the item that asked them if they agreed or not with the school’s policy of not allowing a pregnant student to continue attending the high school. Some students thought this was a violation of Catholic “pro-life” moral stance. “Isn’t the school abandoning a girl who is doing the right thing (in keeping the child)… shouldn’t the school be more forgiving?”

They have asked to debate some of the issues on the survey in class (and the other issues–premarital sex, contraception, are easier for me to address).
I have done a quick search on the forum for this issue and found many people opposed to the actions of one catholic HS who denied a pregnant student the opportunity to walk in the graduation ceremony. However, that thread was concerned with many of the details of that particular case (and whether the male student shouldn’t also have been banned from graduation ceremony).
I wanted to try and get some fresh opinions on this question. Obviously the school is trying to maintain its defense of chastity, and also students need to know that life choices do result in consequences (one of those being new barriers to education), but… what do you think?

 

[Servus_Pio_XII]

I agree with the school’s policy. The girl may be doing the right thing in keeping the child, but she commited grave sin to have the child in the first place. The last thing the Church needs to do is show some sort of support for it.

 

[Catholic2003]

AngelicDoctor:

Obviously the school is trying to maintain its defense of chastity, and also students need to know that life choices do result in consequences (one of those being new barriers to education), but… what do you think?

Being an unwed teenage mother carries enough natural consequences on its own. There is no need for the Church or the school to heap additional “consequences” as punishment for the sin of fornication. Besides, how long do you propose that the school punish the girl? Nine months? Up to four years until graduation? How about 18 years of additional punishment?

There are too many Catholics that don’t understand that the Sacrament of Reconciliation actually reconciles the sinner with the Church. This is one area of catechesis that needs major improvement.

 

[mosher]

On the one hand I can see the reason for not allowing the student to continue because of the grave scandel that could be implied by the School not having serious consequences for an action that in itself is a scandel.

However, on the other hand I think that a girl that gets herself in this situation could serve as a witness to life.

I would propose a third option if you will. Perhaps it would be better if she were to be allowed to continue her education at the Catholic institution with the requirement that she refrains from actions or speech that would promote fornication. In effect placing the obligation on her to promote good Catholic Sexual Ethics in word and deed from this point forward with the consequence of removal from the school if she does not.

BTW: Just because a person is forgiven in Confession does not mean that that person is not subject to temporal punnishment by the Church or in the afterlife. All actions have consequences and to be too permissive would be to deny the necessity of living a truly virtuous life.

 

[Lady_Cygnus]

I get the idea it is not so much to punish the mother as to stop the idolization that occurs. When there is a pregnant woman all the girls crowd around her and you start hearing “hey neat, the baby is kicking” and “isn’t it so cute”. The attention teenage mom gets (or at least got in my highschool) was unreal. It seemed to lead to young girls thinking it is ok to be an unwed mom, or even desirable.

Perhaps there would be a way for the school to help the girl get her degree outside of the school, like setting her up with the GED program? That way she can still complete her education, but is taken out of the setting of influencing other young women.

 

[aria13]

Catholic2003: Good questions. How long does the Church and it’s members want to punish an unwed mother. How would they have acted if Mary was in their midst? You’d think that with such high praise and honor that the Church has for Mary that they would be the most forgiving of unwed pregnancies. I know…I know…Mary became pregnant from God, but how many people at the time believed her? Not many. I’m not comparing an unwed girl with the Virgin Mary, which I’m sure someone will say, BUT I want everyone to look at the similarities in acceptance.

OH…hypothetical situation: what if the girl was raped? Does she have to let everyone know that she was raped in order for everyone to accept her again? She lives with the rape every day, especially since she remained pregnant with other options available. She remained pregnant for her beliefs and faith, yet her Church could cast her aside if she doesn’t tell of the sin against her, and have to tell, and retell a horrid event. And will everyone believe her? Or does she remain quiet to be persecuted by those that should accept her.

Even if she wasn’t raped, isn’t that what confession and absolution is all about? Or does she remain unforgiven until she has the baby?

 

[Karin]

AngelicDoctor:

I am a theology teacher at a Catholic High School. Recently the Respect Life Club had all theology classes pass out a “life issues survey” to see what students know and believe about the Church’s teachings on life issues.

While completing the survey, some students became very angry at the item that asked them if they agreed or not with the school’s policy of not allowing a pregnant student to continue attending the high school. Some students thought this was a violation of Catholic “pro-life” moral stance. “Isn’t the school abandoning a girl who is doing the right thing (in keeping the child)… shouldn’t the school be more forgiving?”

They have asked to debate some of the issues on the survey in class (and the other issues–premarital sex, contraception, are easier for me to address).
I have done a quick search on the forum for this issue and found many people opposed to the actions of one catholic HS who denied a pregnant student the opportunity to walk in the graduation ceremony. However, that thread was concerned with many of the details of that particular case (and whether the male student shouldn’t also have been banned from graduation ceremony).
I wanted to try and get some fresh opinions on this question. Obviously the school is trying to maintain its defense of chastity, and also students need to know that life choices do result in consequences (one of those being new barriers to education), but… what do you think?

**Does the school also expell the boy that got her pregnant (assuming school is co-ed and boy also attends). **

 

[JimG]

Lady Cygnus:

I get the idea it is not so much to punish the mother as to stop the idolization that occurs. When there is a pregnant woman all the girls crowd around her and you start hearing “hey neat, the baby is kicking” and “isn’t it so cute”. The attention teenage mom gets (or at least got in my highschool) was unreal. It seemed to lead to young girls thinking it is ok to be an unwed mom, or even desirable.

I’m guessing that this may be precisely the type of situation that the school policy is trying to prevent.

 

[Ana]

**Does the school also expell the boy that got her pregnant (assuming school is co-ed and boy also attends). **

It does seem that she is paying a consequence, not for fornication (sin), but for being pregnant (not sin.) This would mean all non-virgins should be prohibited from receiving a Catholic education. And if pregnancy is the only way to “prove” fornication, then the boys have NO standard with which to be held accountable.

I think if the girl was giving speeches promoting fornication, than the school would have grounds for expulsion for disciplinary reasons, not needing to use the pregnancy as a reason.

Also, considering that PP is constantly spouting the parallel between poverty and unwed mothers, it seems counter productive in our fight against the culture of death to deny the mother an opportunity at a Catholic education. This carries a higher academic acheivement and a chance at a better future for herself and her child.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

 

[Ana]

Lady Cygnus:

I get the idea it is not so much to punish the mother as to stop the idolization that occurs. When there is a pregnant woman all the girls crowd around her and you start hearing “hey neat, the baby is kicking” and “isn’t it so cute”. The attention teenage mom gets (or at least got in my highschool) was unreal. It seemed to lead to young girls thinking it is ok to be an unwed mom, or even desirable.

Perhaps there would be a way for the school to help the girl get her degree outside of the school, like setting her up with the GED program? That way she can still complete her education, but is taken out of the setting of influencing other young women.

Yes, I was one of those girls that would crowd around and rub the belly and oooh and ahhh. Believe me, not for a moment was I “desiring” her swollen ankles and huge girth. For most “worried about my prom dress age” girls, we’re just being nice. I mean the girl is usually humiliated inside … no matter how acceptable our culture tries to convince us it is. In fact, the reality of seeing someone so young … pregnant, could be just the thing to knock out any lingering thoughts to the romance of having a baby to some of our more suggestive youth…

A GED? Then maybe she can work at McDonald’s.

 

[Catholic2003]

aria13:

Even if she wasn’t raped, isn’t that what confession and absolution is all about?

Exactly! No repentant sinner should be “shunned” by the Church or school, or treated as a pariah by fellow Catholics. Such treatment is not a natural “consequence” of the sin. All this kind of treatment does is to send the message: You’ve been forgiven by our Father in Heaven, but it will be a cold day in Hell before we forgive you on Earth.

For an idea of how Jesus would have us treat repentant sinners, read Luke 15, especially the tale of prodigal son and how the father welcomed him back. Luke 15:7 says,

I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance.

 

[CARose]

I think a pregnant girl should be allowed to finish her Catholic education, with the above suggested requirement that she become a role model for Catholic Moral Values from that point forward if she is to remain enrolled, perhaps even requiring her to give talks on the subject, but she may need time to get to that point.

I think the father, if known, should also be required to take responsibility for his role in the affair and be asked to give talks on Chastity. If the father is not known, I think it’d be worth considering requiring the girl to give his name as a prerequisite for staying in school. It might not be a good idea to make this a hard and fast requirement, but I’d be open to arguments on either side.

CARose

 

[Forest-Pine]

I agree with the majority of posters.

The last thing that girl or her child need is to be pushed away from her faith! If I were her mom, I’d be wanting to get her INTO a Catholic school if she wasn’t already.

Push her away and where will she go? The folks at Planned Parenthood have a shoulder they will let her cry on. They’ll cry with her. They’ll sympathize. And they’ll tell her to kill her baby and it will all be over. What will we be telling her if we kick her out? That they are right! That it is just the swelling baby that is her problem.

No. She needs to be uplifted. She needs to have a LOT of one-on-one time with people who love her, love her baby, and out of that love will tell her the TRUTH. That she has a very difficult life ahead of her. That she can choose to make an adoption plan. That she can choose to parent. That the father has an obligation and a right to be in the child’s life. That her current reality really stinks. But that with the grace of God she and her baby will get through this. She’s already pregnant. You can’t undo that. And as a pregnant mom, she is going to need A LOT of help in the coming months from those far older and wiser than she. If not us, who?

She should not be used as an example, as in, “Look at Mary over there. That’s what will happen to you if you have sex, too.” First, it will probably just encourage more contaception, not abstinence. Second, it subjects her to shame that she already has plenty of. But she should be encouraged to discuss the truth of her situation (in appropriate times, like break). That she is now struggling. That she hurts. That she loves this baby so much. That she is excited about finding out the gender. That she is so worried about the future for them both. Believe me, when she is sitting out PE with a swollen belly and when she is absent for a month doing her work at home while the other teenagers are having fun, they will not be envying her. Sure, they might rush her to ooh and ahhh over the sonogram pictures. But when they walk away, there will be a great divide there between them. And the pregnant girl will know it all too well.

While I’m on the subject, does your school use those real-life dolls to prepare kids for what it is like? They wake randomly to scream and cry. Have to be fed and rocked. And they keep a log inside them of how well the parent does. AND it logs things like the batteries being removed, too. I tell you, not one girl came back wanting a baby after that. I wish they used them on the boys, too.

I wouldn’t encourage anything like a school-sponsored baby shower. But I probably would quietly work behind the scenes to make sure she had all she needed as well. A young, unwed mother has plenty going against her. Working at a Catholic school you have two things to offer her–her faith, and an education. What great gifts! Ones she needs now more than ever, and will help her and her baby for all time.

ETA: If the girl or the guy either one did not show shame or guilt or were publicly flaunting that they continued to be in defiance of church teaching, I would reserve the right to kick them out for the protection of the other children. The same holds true for any pupil flaunting that s/he is sexually active, pregnant or not. And, I am totally in favor of the guy getting equal treatment. The problem is pre-marital sex, not the subsequent pregnancy. And you better believe he was an equal part of that!

 

[1ke]

AngelicDoctor:

I wanted to try and get some fresh opinions on this question. Obviously the school is trying to maintain its defense of chastity, and also students need to know that life choices do result in consequences (one of those being new barriers to education), but… what do you think?

For the life of me, I cannot understand a high school that takes this position. Why deny a person their education? I understand a code of conduct, etc. But, does the school kick out every sinner that gets caught sinning?

My sister was unwed and pregnant at 19 (and gave her baby up for adoption). As a Catholic, she went to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, was forgiven her sins, and carried the baby to term while fully participating in the Church and the Sacraments.

If the church does not bar repentant sinners from the church and the Sacraments, why should the school bar them from attendance?

I just don’t get this AT ALL.

 

[Kay_Cee]

I taught in an all-girls Catholic high school, and I can tell you how my school handled it.

If a girl became pregnant, she continued her studies at home. She was not, therefore, denied her education, but at the same time the school was not supporting girls getting pregnant out of wedlock. After delivery, she was allowed back in class.

I knew one girl this happened too, and the other students were encouraged to be helpful (with baby clothes and the like). They were also encouraged to support our local Pregnancy Counseling Center, and they often raised money to buy cribs for unwed mothers.

It seems to me this is a reasonable compromise, and the girl in question had no problem with it. Unfortunately, her baby died of SIDS within a few months.

 

[Orionthehunter]

Kay Cee:

I taught in an all-girls Catholic high school, and I can tell you how my school handled it.

If a girl became pregnant, she continued her studies at home. She was not, therefore, denied her education, but at the same time the school was not supporting girls getting pregnant out of wedlock. After delivery, she was allowed back in class.

I knew one girl this happened too, and the other students were encouraged to be helpful (with baby clothes and the like). They were also encouraged to support our local Pregnancy Counseling Center, and they often raised money to buy cribs for unwed mothers.

It seems to me this is a reasonable compromise, and the girl in question had no problem with it. Unfortunately, her baby died of SIDS within a few months.

This is such a difficult decision. One one hand, you don’t want to appear to condone premarital sex. You have to keep in mind the signal this might be sending to other girls. On the other hand, you don’t want to create an environment that would encourage the girl to kill the baby (remember that a girl who got pregant already doesn’t have a well-formed conscience in communion w/ the Church). On one foot, you are a Christian entity called to live by Gospel Values. Most critically, these are to love one another and expulsion seems to run contrary to this value. On the other foot, any action that is taken regarding the girl may not be evenly applied to the boy who is equally responsible.

I’m glad that I don’t have to make this decision. I believe that an answer might to be to make the decision rest solely in the hands of the School Chaplain and trust in his discernment.

 

[AngelicDoctor]

Catholic2003:

Being an unwed teenage mother carries enough natural consequences on its own. There is no need for the Church or the school to heap additional “consequences” as punishment for the sin of fornication. Besides, how long do you propose that the school punish the girl? Nine months? Up to four years until graduation? How about 18 years of additional punishment?

There are too many Catholics that don’t understand that the Sacrament of Reconciliation actually reconciles the sinner with the Church. This is one area of catechesis that needs major improvement.

I have not read all of these thoughful replies yet. However, I must clarify something. When I wrote that there are consequences to one’s education when one becomes pregnant, I am not talking about consequences that the school inflicts upon the student. For example, if the girl was allowed to continue to attend class she would without a doubt miss more classes than most (trips to doctors, etc., sickness, etc.)… which means she misses my exams, etc. I don’t know–how comfortable is it to sit through 8 periods of class when you are pregnant. As it is students constantly ask me if they can use the restroom (I can’t even imagine what a preganant student would have to endure). Again, maybe it is no big deal, but what I meant was that the mere fact that the student is pregant is going to provide serious difficulties for her education (what happens once she delivers the child… she is out for a period time… then, who takes care of the child?)… Is a school even the safest place for a pregant woman to be (girl is geting knocked around by flying book bags in the hall ways, how quick will the response time be once she goes into labor?–a woman made a post earlier bringing up this point… )

Please do not think that I am saying the school has the job of punnishing her or inflicting her with more “consequences.” Also, I am not saying that her sins are not forgiven if she went to Confession (what made you think that?). No, I do not need any extra catechesis in this area, thank you. I was not at all implying that she could not be forgiven her sins (as we are all forgiven the sins we confess). But, there must be reasons why Catholic schools have implemented this policy. That is what I am asking about.

 

[fix]

aria13:

Catholic2003: Good questions. How long does the Church and it’s members want to punish an unwed mother. How would they have acted if Mary was in their midst? You’d think that with such high praise and honor that the Church has for Mary that they would be the most forgiving of unwed pregnancies. I know…I know…Mary became pregnant from God, but how many people at the time believed her? Not many. I’m not comparing an unwed girl with the Virgin Mary, which I’m sure someone will say, BUT I want everyone to look at the similarities in acceptance.

The Blessed Mother was never an unwed mother.

“The angel Gabriel was sent… to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph… But Mary said to the angel, ‘How shall this happen, since I do not know man?’” The word “betrothed” among the Jews referred to a true marriage being celebrated with the woman fully entitled to be called “spouse.” To translate the Greek “epiandra ou ginosco” as “I have no husband” is bizarre and only furthers the misconception of poorly catechized Catholics that the Theotokos was a 14-year-old pregnant unwed mother!

In his beautiful Apostolic Exhortation on St. Joseph, Guardian of the Redeemer (nos. 2, 18), Pope John Paul II has repeatedly reaffirmed (in conformity to Catholic Tradition) that it was “after her marriage to Joseph that Mary is found to be with child of the Holy Spirit.”

credo.stormloader.com/Letters/mbvirgin.htm

 

[Vincent1560]

AngelicDoctor:

I have not read all of these thoughful replies yet. However, I must clarify something. When I wrote that there are consequences to one’s education when one becomes pregnant, I am not talking about consequences that the school inflicts upon the student. For example, if the girl was allowed to continue to attend class she would without a doubt miss more classes than most (trips to doctors, etc., sickness, etc.)… which means she misses my exams, etc. I don’t know–how comfortable is it to sit through 8 periods of class when you are pregnant. As it is students constantly ask me if they can use the restroom (I can’t even imagine what a preganant student would have to endure). Again, maybe it is no big deal, but what I meant was that the mere fact that the student is pregant is going to provide serious difficulties for her education (what happens once she delivers the child… she is out for a period time… then, who takes care of the child?)… Is a school even the safest place for a pregant woman to be (girl is geting knocked around by flying book bags in the hall ways, how quick will the response time be once she goes into labor?–a woman made a post earlier bringing up this point… )

Please do not think that I am saying the school has the job of punnishing her or inflicting her with more “consequences.” Also, I am not saying that her sins are not forgiven if she went to Confession (what made you think that?). No, I do not need any extra catechesis in this area, thank you. I was not at all implying that she could not be forgiven her sins (as we are all forgiven the sins we confess). But, there must be reasons why Catholic schools have implemented this policy. That is what I am asking about.

Women in the workplace who become pregnant face very similar difficulties, but no one suggests that they get fired from their jobs.

 

[johnnykins]

I can hardly fathom that anyone thinks it is a good idea to expel, or otherwise ostracize, a pregnant student from a Catholic School. High School kids know all about sex - no mileage there. Sending her off does nothing but send the wrong message. I’m simply stunned and very saddened. God help us all if this is the attitude of Christians.