Catholic Wedding with Protestant Guests/Family

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Bear, I’m in a similar situation to your husband, as in being theorethically eligable for a dispensation. I’m fine w receiving a Catholic Eucharist at a wedding if insisted on. Our church weddings are non-mass but I’m flexible.

But if you really intend to cut your half of the family afloat, symbolically, before the full congregation, that’s of course your prerogative. Not arguing.
Lets say I’d view that cousin or, from-now-on-ex friend differently, but that’s just me.
 
Really???

My Catholic family were all understanding and supportive with our decision not to have communion. They understood we didn’t want to exclude or alienate our Protestant family members.
 
I understand that too… But I first didn’t even want a Mass wedding because of my family but decided to meet in the middle and do what my fiancé wanted and I thought a private communion would be a great option. It seemed like he was for it a few months ago but now is very defensive and stubborn because he wants his family to receive communion. I just feel he is putting his families needs above my own…
 
Except in the case of some who are stubborn and obstinate and believe it is their RIGHT to receive since they are Christian.

IE: My mother. Who even after I explained what it all meant insisted she would receive because the Catholic Church didn’t have the right to deny her.
 
You need to have an open and honest talk with him about that. Those kind of feelings can fester and become something more. Also give him the opportunity to explain why it’s so important to him. You never know, his reasons might sway you.
 
cbirtell said:
We are having a Mass wedding its the matter of having a private communion or letting his family receive it with us
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I would actually pray on this one with your future husband.

What about baptisms, weddings, funerals, other religious family gatherings—if there is a Mass, how will your family deal with that?

This should be a broader topic of discussion, and not just for the wedding. Have a private communion, what does that solve truely? Unless you discuss the religious differences and find out if they would be upset, and if so, what would they think is reasonable.
 
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cbirtell said:
I think that’s what I will do… Talk to my Priest.

I have a somewhat good relationship with her but feel her opinion may end up being bias.
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Unfortunately most weddings have something that annoys or bothers someone in the family.

The goal is to mitigate this for everyone as much as possible, but someone will most likely have their feelings hurt before the wedding day.

So with that said, I would still talk with your mother-in-law and explain it with something similar to this (after you speak with father):

“I’m trying to find a way to make everyone happy. If we have communion for the guests during the wedding ceremony, my parents will feel left out and excluded from part of the ceremony. Father says we can do ________. I think this will be a good compromise. My parents already feel that I rejected their faith, I don’t want them to think I’m rejecting them too”

God Bless
 
My impression from the many discussions about this issue on the forum is that the sacrament, and who’s allowed to receive it, may be viewed differently among Lutherans and Anglicans and in Europe, than it is among other Protestants and in USA. We’ve had Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, non-denominationals in my family, but no Lutherans or Anglicans/ Episcopals. So maybe there are different expectations.

If my husband’s family had been the type to make a big deal out of something like Communion or other religious difference, I probably wouldn’t have married him. They were very relaxed and nice to me, as were my father’s Protestant mom and siblings. I don’t remember ever having any strained discussion about a religious subject.
 
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I was talking about if they are given the option of receiving a blessing…If OP tells them they can get a blessing instead of communion (so they can “fit in”), odds are they’ll skip it. I did it once because I was in a wedding party and will probably never do it again.

It was really awkward and I felt really dumb. All the adults receiving then one groomsman with the ring-bearer and flower-girl getting their blessing…¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
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phil19034:
Why is this such a sticking point with your husband? I would suggest you speak with the priest (alone) as other have suggested and see what Father says.

Also, do you have a good relationship with your future Mother in Law? if so, perhaps you can speak with her and explain the situation?
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I can totally understand why this would be a sticking point with her husband. If my husband had tried to keep my Catholic mom, Catholic aunts, and Catholic uncles from receiving Holy Communion at my Catholic wedding, I would have been extremely upset. And my mom would have blown a gasket.
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@Tis_Bearself
I would understand if the bride has been Catholic for years, but the bride just converted. This is exactly why the Church has this option.

@cbirtell
BTW - who’s paying for the wedding? If the Bride’s parents are paying more than the groom’s parents, then their feelings should play a part.

Also, have you spoken to your mother about this? What does she say?
 
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Your marriage should not be a “you vs. his family” thing, or a “him vs. your family” thing. You are going to be part of his family after you marry him, and vice versa.

Also, you are newly converted. It’s a bit odd for long-time Catholics to have some newly converted in-law telling them they can’t go to Communion. It’s like somebody just got accepted for membership into a club and has decided to make new rules for all the people who’ve been members for 50 years.

I hope you all can work this out.
 
cbirtell said:
We are having a Mass wedding its the matter of having a private communion or letting his family receive it with us
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Perhaps Father would be willing to allow your future in-laws to receive communion right after the wedding mass, after everyone walks out?

At my Cathedral, the priests do this for the choir, who are up in the choir loft. They walk up to a side altar after mass and receive from the priest (similarly to people receiving at home).
 
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TBH, here the OP has a little more control than that of a baptism, funeral, etc… but LittleFlower is right. My siblings didn’t attend my oldest’s first communion mass due to some things the priest said about non-Catholics during his homily at my youngest’s baptism. They decided to drive up to our house on Saturday, go to his hockey game and then take him out for lunch rather than going to Mass. I don’t think my parents were that hot on going either, but they did decide on going.
 
Yep…I’m not sure if a suggestion was even made. We spoke for about 30 seconds, were on the same page and she told them no communion.
SnowRose said:
Ok, so you guys don’t see a problem? At all?
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I’m not going to say if I see a problem or not…just pointing out that she is welcome. Like I said, my wife and I didn’t have communion at our wedding and it was just as much her idea as it was mine.
 
In our family they refused to attend baptisms, first communion, confirmation etc. BUT each family is different so yes, it’s a very valid concern. At a baptism or first communion you can’t have private communion.
 
cbirtell said:
It seemed like he was for it a few months ago but now is very defensive and stubborn because he wants his family to receive communion. I just feel he is putting his families needs above my own…
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TBH…this kind of raised my eyebrows a little bit. Sounds like someone in his family is in his ear about this for him to flip from being for it a few months ago to now being defensive about it, especially if it gives you the feeling that he’s putting his family ahead of yours.
 
LittleFlower said:
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cbirtell:
We are having a Mass wedding its the matter of having a private communion or letting his family receive it with us
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I would actually pray on this one with your future husband.

What about baptisms, weddings, funerals, other religious family gatherings—if there is a Mass, how will your family deal with that?

This should be a broader topic of discussion, and not just for the wedding. Have a private communion, what does that solve truely? Unless you discuss the religious differences and find out if they would be upset, and if so, what would they think is reasonable.
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This is a good point.

@cbertell
Perhaps, it would be a good idea to sit down with BOTH sets of parents at the same time and discuss this as a family (again, after you speak with Father).

Your kids are obviously going to be raised Catholic, so Catholic traditions are going to win out. But Catholics do not have to receive communion at every Mass.

Having a wedding Mass with a private communion for just you two and the priest (and perhaps the Catholic members of the wedding party) is a VALID Catholic Mass for all, esp assuming that your wedding is a private mass and not talking place during a regularly scheduled mass.

Parents have to learn how to compromise when their kids get married. The wedding is just the first time. There will also be who’s house you go to each year for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc.

Plus family vacations: will one set of parents get upset if the other set takes your future kids to Disney World or on a family cruise? Or even naming kids after family members…?

There will be plenty of these situations in the future. The best way to handle them is by letting them know that the final decision is SOLELY up to you and your groom. His parents and your parents ultimately do not have a say. That doesn’t mean you don’t do your best to include them, but sometimes one set of parents (or both) won’t get what they want.

To start your marriage off good, your groom needs to be on YOUR SIDE now. And you need to be on HIS SIDE. He cannot be on his parent’s side and you can’t be on your parent’s side.

In all honestly, what you two do should be what makes the two of you happy, not them. What your parents and his parents want should NOT play a factor.

Good luck and God Bless!
 
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somecanadian said:
In our family they refused to attend baptisms, first communion, confirmation etc. BUT each family is different so yes, it’s a very valid concern. At a baptism or first communion you can’t have private communion.
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Well, actually a Baptism can be done outside of Mass. At my Parish, they never do baptisms during Mass.
 
I learn new things every minute!!! My sister would have foregone public baptism if that’s the case. And knowing this I will definitely ask for a private baptism as I HATE being the center of attention (causes major anxiety).
 
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