Catholicism depresses me deeply

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Praedicare

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Friends,

I have struggled with my faith since shortly after I was baptized 4 years ago.

To me, Catholicism isn’t a thing of life or energy. Whenever I try to increase my sense of identity as a Catholic, and frequent the Sacraments, and become closer to my local community, I immediately become depressed. I lose the will to live or work. It’s as if the Church is so gargantuan, and I am so small, that there’s no identity for me in it.

I can’t explain very well. Despite some good local friars who bolster me, I just find Catholicism so heavy and oppressive. Merit, good works, guilt, fear about purgatory, all the old ladies obsessing over the rosary, the sheep-like laity, the boring priests whose homilies say nothing – it all makes me very sad. To me, it seems like a waste of time to try to engage all this. It’s a big but crumbling culture.

Whenever I spiritually revert to my beloved old Protestant Anglican identity, as an English person, I feel an onrush of energy. It seems like the laity can act to save that Church from ruin, whereas we Catholics simply sit and accept everything that’s told us. When I am Protestant, it seems like Jesus is very close and forgiving. I don’t feel guilty for going straight to Him instead of through a tangled web of saints. In Catholicism, I just sit around and remain passive because I experience no love or union with God. Nothing inspires me to move forward in spiritual life, in vocation, or in holiness.

I don’t believe the Anglican Church(es) can be saved from apostasy at this time, given how much their belief system has crumbled. I just can’t seem to find any reason to do anything as a Catholic, though. The Pope’s in his heavenly infallibility, the bishops are unapproachable, the priests ask for 10 Our Fathers and then dismiss you, and the youth just sit and strum their guitars and play their pianos. It’s all so terribly depressing to me.

What’s the point of being Catholic? What’s the use?
 
For me, that’s simple. The Holy Eucharist. I can’t imagine being anything other than Catholic.

I am very sorry you are going through this difficult time. Who says your prayers need to go through the Saints? I always speak and pray directly to our Father, His Son and the Holy Ghost. How else are we going to get to know Him better?

Perhaps you can go back 4 years and remember what initially drew you to Catholicism. Maybe that might help. Or, have you tried joining a Bible Study, or volunteering in any of the ministries? That’s when things really came alive for me. I’ve found so much more joy in joining with other Catholics in smaller groups.

I’m saying a prayer that the Holy Spirit will guide you.

God Bless you.
 
Thank you for the prayer,* Mummsie*.

I have so far engaged in many small ministries, one-by-one, little-by-little, as quietly as I could. It comes back to a sense that somehow Catholicism hasn’t “gotten it right” with regards to human nature. Perhaps my sense is screwed up because of anxiety. Maybe it’s all me.

Hardly seems something to distract people from Holy Week with…
 
I know how you feel,when ever I go to the Lutheran church for whatever reason,
I find its full of life,and the Catholic Church I find a bit boring ,
Why is this so ? No idea, but I find what I’m looking for by reading the bible,
Look up interpretations on different web sites, and sometimes interesting gospel readings which I later look up, for me it’s a more personal experience than a public experience,
 
Mummsie said:
For me, that’s simple. The Holy Eucharist. I can’t imagine being anything other than Catholic.

I am very sorry you are going through this difficult time. Who says your prayers need to go through the Saints? I always speak and pray directly to our Father, His Son and the Holy Ghost. How else are we going to get to know Him better?

Perhaps you can go back 4 years and remember what initially drew you to Catholicism. Maybe that might help. Or, have you tried joining a Bible Study, or volunteering in any of the ministries? That’s when things really came alive for me. I’ve found so much more joy in joining with other Catholics in smaller groups.

I’m saying a prayer that the Holy Spirit will guide you.

God Bless you.
Click to expand...
Well said. I cannot imagine not receiving the Eucharist and also the strong sense of morals in the teaching of the Catholic Church
Mary.
 
Praedicare said:
Thank you for the prayer,* Mummsie*.

I have so far engaged in many small ministries, one-by-one, little-by-little, as quietly as I could. It comes back to a sense that somehow Catholicism hasn’t “gotten it right” with regards to human nature. Perhaps my sense is screwed up because of anxiety. Maybe it’s all me.

Hardly seems something to distract people from Holy Week with…
Click to expand...
You’re not distracting, you are sharing how you feel lately. Maybe after Easter when things aren’t so busy you could speak with a priest and hear him out. Many people have struggled with the Faith at one point or another so you are not alone.

Mary.
 
I understand some of what you are feeling. I have not actually attended Mass in some time. I have had ‘reasons’, e.g., my health hasn’t been good, or the weather has been particularly foul.

Today I won’t be going because I can’t bear to sit through another Palm Sunday Mass, during which all the ‘parts’ are spoken by several different people. I recall it all very clearly from last year. I went to Confession a couple of weeks ago about my lack of attendance on Sundays (or any other day), but now I have continued to miss Mass.

I read the daily Mass readings every morning, and also read Scripture and pray a rosary daily, but can’t seem to make myself get to Mass. I pray about it, but have not had my mind and heart changed. It seems like a ‘Dark Night of the Soul’.

I wish us both peace.
 
Dear one: It would seem to me that your education in the Catholic faith is sorely lacking. RCIA is just the beginning in learning about the church that Jesus started 2000 years ago. The promptings of the Holy Spirit led you home to the Catholic church, however you seem to be losing your grip on why you converted. I suggest that you seek out a spiritual director in the Church and get busy with enriching your knowledge of what the Church actually teaches. Use your Bible daily and refer to the Catechism of the Catholic Church when you face opposition and criticisms about fallacies you are still holding onto, about saints, rosaries, the sacraments etc. God led you to the Catholic church, pray for His guidance, ask Him for a source of nurturing your faith. The Catholic faith should give you great joy, receiving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist especially. I will pray for your faith journey to bring you ever closer to Christ. As you rightly pointed out, the tradition you came from is moving further and further away from the truth of God’s teachings. I suspect a part of your longing is for the social aspects you enjoyed, not for what that church is actually teaching. Rest assured that you have found the one true Church and deepen your faith by learning more. Read the teachings of the Catholic Church, read the conversion stories of others who have walked the path you are on, such as Scott Hahn, Allen Hunt, watch EWTN and listen to Mother Angelica, and The Journey Home show with Marcus Grodi. You need reassurance at this time and there is plenty of it available. God Bless you.
 
Maybe you’re mind needs to be focused in the right direction? Could it be you are doing too much comparison with the Protestant faiths you knew? We go to mass to be with Jesus and it is not so dependent on whatever Priest is there as in some protestant Churches. The Priest facilitates us to turn our hearts to Jesus, so does the music, etc… And so we come to mass to pray and become in the Spirit of God which comes from within, not whatever the Preacher does or says… The Word of God should be enough to generate our hearts towards Jesus… It’s a different way of looking at things. How can one not be inspired but to have Jesus in front of us in the Eucharist…? Maybe spending time in Eucharistic Adoration would lift up your heart to the Lord? Remember, that desire for the Lord brings grace to you… If you desire, that’s the beginning of grace moving in your heart… Jesus is there if only you have the eyes of faith to See… 🙂

I have also found being part of ministries and reading books on Catholicism has invigorated my faith. The more that I give, the more that is given to me, the more that is expected of me…🙂 See how that goes?? hehe… I don’t care, I love Jesus and wish to have more of Jesus… I attend bible studies, and when the Priest gives any sort of class I take it and I’m blessed by it.
 
Thanks for all your replies and thoughts, everyone. It is all appreciated very much…

For me, the existence of God is first of all a logical necessity, given our Universe. The truths of basic Christianity - the Trinity, the Incarnation, etc. - follow pretty easily on that. Intellectually, I believe all of them. I know what the Catholic Church teaches; I have the Catechism beside me, and the Scriptures as well. Still depressed, though.

I’ve tried Eucharistic Adoration, as well as chaplets, litanies, contemplating icons, and a variety of other things. To me, the idea of actually relating personally to God has become quite absurd. I hit a huge brick wall every time I try to pray. Sometimes, in darker moments, I wonder if anyone is even there at all.

For me, apart from the Passions of Bach and the Oratorios of Handel, Scripture is empty – especially at Mass, where it’s often read so badly: no power, no effect.

Used2beSherryG, I know why I converted. I had an Empire complex and wanted to be part of the Biggest Church, in order to feel safe in its infallible arms. Perhaps Gregorian Chant and some old churches helped me, with their Beauty, but the Protestants have beauty too. When I really examine it, I was baptized more to satiate my issues with fatherhood and authority, than to profess Catholicism. I seem psychologically incapable of getting past those issues in order to love God and settle in the Church. I have a Catholic therapist, but after a year of weekly meetings I find absolutely no difference; in fact, I feel worse than a year ago.

Strangely, when in “Protestant Mode”, God seems very near, loving, merciful, etc., but my impression of God when I’m Catholic is… distinctly the opposite. I wonder what it is in this religion that might cause that in me. I feel very inferior to priests. They make me envious, jealous, and sad, because I know I am too weak in faith and too shy to attain to their lofty dignity. All else in this world is like mud.

I have priest friends; in fact, my only friends are a bunch of friar-priests. I am on very intimate terms with them. They used to have time to talk. Ironically they’ve all developed busy ministries, of late, leaving no time to aid their friends. They (and other priests) just tell me they can’t help me anyway: that I should get a therapist. Heh.

It’s all so impersonal…
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strengrh, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
Praedicare said:
Friends,

I have struggled with my faith since shortly after I was baptized 4 years ago.

To me, Catholicism isn’t a thing of life or energy. Whenever I try to increase my sense of identity as a Catholic, and frequent the Sacraments, and become closer to my local community, I immediately become depressed. I lose the will to live or work. It’s as if the Church is so gargantuan, and I am so small, that there’s no identity for me in it.

I can’t explain very well. Despite some good local friars who bolster me, I just find Catholicism so heavy and oppressive. Merit, good works, guilt, fear about purgatory, all the old ladies obsessing over the rosary, the sheep-like laity, the boring priests whose homilies say nothing – it all makes me very sad. To me, it seems like a waste of time to try to engage all this. It’s a big but crumbling culture.

Whenever I spiritually revert to my beloved old Protestant Anglican identity, as an English person, I feel an onrush of energy. It seems like the laity can act to save that Church from ruin, whereas we Catholics simply sit and accept everything that’s told us. When I am Protestant, it seems like Jesus is very close and forgiving. I don’t feel guilty for going straight to Him instead of through a tangled web of saints. In Catholicism, I just sit around and remain passive because I experience no love or union with God. Nothing inspires me to move forward in spiritual life, in vocation, or in holiness.

I don’t believe the Anglican Church(es) can be saved from apostasy at this time, given how much their belief system has crumbled. I just can’t seem to find any reason to do anything as a Catholic, though. The Pope’s in his heavenly infallibility, the bishops are unapproachable, the priests ask for 10 Our Fathers and then dismiss you, and the youth just sit and strum their guitars and play their pianos. It’s all so terribly depressing to me.

What’s the point of being Catholic? What’s the use?
Click to expand...
Sounds to me like you have an overactive imagination. Prayers, God Bless, Memaw
 
Perhaps you have a misguided sense of what is truly Catholicism. For many people it is a set of rules that you keep if you love God. The hierarchy knows all the rules and we better do what they say. For others, Catholicism is a community of people who are friends with God and who accept the fact that He is sharing Himself as a friend because He loves us. This friendship is best expressed in the transfer of love that is intrinsic to the sacraments and which is uniquely Catholic. This love exchange does occur in untold number of other situations also. The ‘rules’ become less important than the living within the friendship of God which we express within the sacramental exchange. We need to build this friendship so that we can discern good from bad in making decisions that foster our friendship. Get some guidance from theologians who have developed this theme of spirituality. “A Friendship Like No Other” by William Barry, SJ was the starting point for me. Fr. Barry has been involved in the development of Jesuit priests for many years and has some special insights and the ability to express them.
 
Praedicare said:
Friends,

I have struggled with my faith since shortly after I was baptized 4 years ago.

To me, Catholicism isn’t a thing of life or energy. Whenever I try to increase my sense of identity as a Catholic, and frequent the Sacraments, and become closer to my local community, I immediately become depressed. I lose the will to live or work. It’s as if the Church is so gargantuan, and I am so small, that there’s no identity for me in it.

I can’t explain very well. Despite some good local friars who bolster me, I just find Catholicism so heavy and oppressive. Merit, good works, guilt, fear about purgatory, all the old ladies obsessing over the rosary, the sheep-like laity, the boring priests whose homilies say nothing – it all makes me very sad. To me, it seems like a waste of time to try to engage all this. It’s a big but crumbling culture.

Whenever I spiritually revert to my beloved old Protestant Anglican identity, as an English person, I feel an onrush of energy. It seems like the laity can act to save that Church from ruin, whereas we Catholics simply sit and accept everything that’s told us. When I am Protestant, it seems like Jesus is very close and forgiving. I don’t feel guilty for going straight to Him instead of through a tangled web of saints. In Catholicism, I just sit around and remain passive because I experience no love or union with God. Nothing inspires me to move forward in spiritual life, in vocation, or in holiness.

I don’t believe the Anglican Church(es) can be saved from apostasy at this time, given how much their belief system has crumbled. I just can’t seem to find any reason to do anything as a Catholic, though. The Pope’s in his heavenly infallibility, the bishops are unapproachable, the priests ask for 10 Our Fathers and then dismiss you, and the youth just sit and strum their guitars and play their pianos. It’s all so terribly depressing to me.

What’s the point of being Catholic? What’s the use?
Click to expand...
I am a Catholic revert and kind of know what you are feeling but I think it is because when in protestant mode we get a feel good sense that Jesus did everything, I am saved, there is no purgatory, I don’t need the prayers of the saints and I do not have to do anything because Jesus loves me and I am saved for always, but those things are not true.

Biblically those protestant theological ideas are wrong.

The Bible tells us we do have to participate in our salvation. Like you I didn’t want to come home at first because I thought of all those issues also: poor homilies, purgatory, saints and more and maybe that would mean I am not saved. I thought at first I would rather be told I am saved but that is a deception.

Then the more I studied the Catholic faith, the more I have grown to love it. It is the most beautiful place on Earth. You can’t get any closer to Jesus here on Earth than in the Catholic church.

My suggestion would be to study it deeper. Go to Jesus, pray directly to Him, yes, but those saints in that tangled web are awesome. They are our heavenly prayer partners. Ask God to send you the right saints. He will and they will lead you so much closer to Jesus. He did me and they are my friends.

Also, turn to the Blessed Mother, she is a beautiful gift, who will lead you closer to Jesus.

The whole Catholic church is a beautiful gift from God given to us so we can know his truths and not be deceived.

Plus Jesus said if you love me you will keep my commands. He gives us the grace through his Church to do that.

The Catholic faith is the place to find the true relationship with Christ.

God bless.
 
Praedicare said:
Thanks for all your replies and thoughts, everyone. It is all appreciated very much…

For me, the existence of God is first of all a logical necessity, given our Universe. The truths of basic Christianity - the Trinity, the Incarnation, etc. - follow pretty easily on that. Intellectually, I believe all of them. I know what the Catholic Church teaches; I have the Catechism beside me, and the Scriptures as well. Still depressed, though.

I’ve tried Eucharistic Adoration, as well as chaplets, litanies, contemplating icons, and a variety of other things. To me, the idea of actually relating personally to God has become quite absurd. I hit a huge brick wall every time I try to pray. Sometimes, in darker moments, I wonder if anyone is even there at all.

For me, apart from the Passions of Bach and the Oratorios of Handel, Scripture is empty – especially at Mass, where it’s often read so badly: no power, no effect.

Used2beSherryG, I know why I converted. I had an Empire complex and wanted to be part of the Biggest Church, in order to feel safe in its infallible arms. Perhaps Gregorian Chant and some old churches helped me, with their Beauty, but the Protestants have beauty too. When I really examine it, I was baptized more to satiate my issues with fatherhood and authority, than to profess Catholicism. I seem psychologically incapable of getting past those issues in order to love God and settle in the Church. I have a Catholic therapist, but after a year of weekly meetings I find absolutely no difference; in fact, I feel worse than a year ago.

Strangely, when in “Protestant Mode”, God seems very near, loving, merciful, etc., but my impression of God when I’m Catholic is… distinctly the opposite. I wonder what it is in this religion that might cause that in me. I feel very inferior to priests. They make me envious, jealous, and sad, because I know I am too weak in faith and too shy to attain to their lofty dignity. All else in this world is like mud.

I have priest friends; in fact, my only friends are a bunch of friar-priests. I am on very intimate terms with them. They used to have time to talk. Ironically they’ve all developed busy ministries, of late, leaving no time to aid their friends. They (and other priests) just tell me they can’t help me anyway: that I should get a therapist. Heh.

It’s all so impersonal…
Click to expand...
Dear Pradeacare… I thought about what you said… You’re on very intimate terms with Friars yet you find Priest to be 'unapproachable"? Would you use that term? Well sometimes things aren’t as they appear… Maybe the Priests really don’t have the time to spend with you because they are so busy leading the many of their parish. Often my priests don’t have a lot of spare time to minister to all of us individually as much as we would like. Some parishes only have one or two priests and they have to do much of the busy work that laity might help with had they a bigger parish.

I want to remind you that it is not the Priest you have to answer to about your sins, it’s God. Perhaps before you weren’t as sin conscience as you are as a Catholic but as a Catholic you have the sacrament of reconciliation available to you where you can forgiven of your sins and that is a healing sacrament which will bring you closer to God and free your spirit! . I know it is ‘freeing’ feeling for me, that which I couldn’t get elsewhere. To hear the words “You are forgiven”! Now I know it is lent and we are reflecting on the things that take us away from God but that is preparing us for the Joy that we will experience because of the resurrection! Jesus is working in our hearts transforming us every day…!

My advice to you is that you quit trying so hard to feel Gods presence and just let it happen… That may mean that you do other things that make you happy and then maybe you’ll appreciate spending time with Our Lord at Church… You might go to the movies with friends or go outside and see Gods marvelous creations and spend time at your home doing things and set aside time in prayer. Even when we participate in ministries we purposely take time away to prevent burn out and when we come back we appreciate God and what we’re doing all the more!.. Even the religious take time out for retreats to renew their Spirits… Think of Jesus in this… He always took time out for prayer…40 days in the desert, which is why Lent is 40 days… We’re taking time in prayer and contemplation…

Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I pray for your peace of heart and your lively Spirit!!
 
Praedicare said:
Friends,

I have struggled with my faith since shortly after I was baptized 4 years ago.

To me, Catholicism isn’t a thing of life or energy. Whenever I try to increase my sense of identity as a Catholic, and frequent the Sacraments, and become closer to my local community, I immediately become depressed. I lose the will to live or work. It’s as if the Church is so gargantuan, and I am so small, that there’s no identity for me in it.

I can’t explain very well. Despite some good local friars who bolster me, I just find Catholicism so heavy and oppressive. Merit, good works, guilt, fear about purgatory, all the old ladies obsessing over the rosary, the sheep-like laity, the boring priests whose homilies say nothing – it all makes me very sad. To me, it seems like a waste of time to try to engage all this. It’s a big but crumbling culture.

Whenever I spiritually revert to my beloved old Protestant Anglican identity, as an English person, I feel an onrush of energy. It seems like the laity can act to save that Church from ruin, whereas we Catholics simply sit and accept everything that’s told us. When I am Protestant, it seems like Jesus is very close and forgiving. I don’t feel guilty for going straight to Him instead of through a tangled web of saints. In Catholicism, I just sit around and remain passive because I experience no love or union with God. Nothing inspires me to move forward in spiritual life, in vocation, or in holiness.

I don’t believe the Anglican Church(es) can be saved from apostasy at this time, given how much their belief system has crumbled. I just can’t seem to find any reason to do anything as a Catholic, though. The Pope’s in his heavenly infallibility, the bishops are unapproachable, the priests ask for 10 Our Fathers and then dismiss you, and the youth just sit and strum their guitars and play their pianos. It’s all so terribly depressing to me.

What’s the point of being Catholic? What’s the use?
Click to expand...
Here’s the basic message of Catholicism: 1) Love and Goodness are real-and foundational to the universe. 2) God, the source/essence of this love and goodness, has always desired nothing less than sheer, boundless, eternal happiness for man. But He won’t force it on us.
 
Try some Peter Krefft lectures on You tube. He’s great!
N.T. Wright is even better, but of course he is Anglican.

Maybe you are longing for the familiar things of your childhood rather than what the C of E can give you spiritually.

Disregard the culture if you must and concentrate on the intellectual aspects of the Catholic Church. You will be amazed.

And if you are in the UK, I must admit that I found the Catholic Church there is the epitome of dour. When I lived there, I had a hard time with it too.
 
Protestants don’t have the Eucharist… just think about this, we receive Jesus physically into ourselves! 🙂

I think it might help to learn more about God’s mercy, and trusting in Him, and developing a more inner life with mental prayer… the Saints and (accepted) mystics in Catholicism can really help here.

I’d recommend a book like this: tanbooks.com/index.php/Words-of-Love

Catholicism is not all just “rules” etc 🙂
 
Praedicare said:
Thanks for all your replies and thoughts, everyone. It is all appreciated very much…

For me, the existence of God is first of all a logical necessity, given our Universe. The truths of basic Christianity - the Trinity, the Incarnation, etc. - follow pretty easily on that. Intellectually, I believe all of them. I know what the Catholic Church teaches; I have the Catechism beside me, and the Scriptures as well. Still depressed, though.

I’ve tried Eucharistic Adoration, as well as chaplets, litanies, contemplating icons, and a variety of other things. To me, the idea of actually relating personally to God has become quite absurd. I hit a huge brick wall every time I try to pray. Sometimes, in darker moments, I wonder if anyone is even there at all.

For me, apart from the Passions of Bach and the Oratorios of Handel, Scripture is empty – especially at Mass, where it’s often read so badly: no power, no effect.

Used2beSherryG, I know why I converted. I had an Empire complex and wanted to be part of the Biggest Church, in order to feel safe in its infallible arms. Perhaps Gregorian Chant and some old churches helped me, with their Beauty, but the Protestants have beauty too. When I really examine it, I was baptized more to satiate my issues with fatherhood and authority, than to profess Catholicism. I seem psychologically incapable of getting past those issues in order to love God and settle in the Church. I have a Catholic therapist, but after a year of weekly meetings I find absolutely no difference; in fact, I feel worse than a year ago.

Strangely, when in “Protestant Mode”, God seems very near, loving, merciful, etc., but my impression of God when I’m Catholic is… distinctly the opposite. I wonder what it is in this religion that might cause that in me. I feel very inferior to priests. They make me envious, jealous, and sad, because I know I am too weak in faith and too shy to attain to their lofty dignity. All else in this world is like mud.

I have priest friends; in fact, my only friends are a bunch of friar-priests. I am on very intimate terms with them. They used to have time to talk. Ironically they’ve all developed busy ministries, of late, leaving no time to aid their friends. They (and other priests) just tell me they can’t help me anyway: that I should get a therapist. Heh.

It’s all so impersonal…
Click to expand...
When I was feeling a similar block to my relationship with God, for me it ended up being a call to go deeper. Have you tried a different form of prayer? For example, if you’ve been doing litanies, try doing lectio divina, or just talking to God. Or add on some time of pure contemplation.

You could also try putting your faith into action–volunteer or just make an effort to connect with people in your life or on the street and do something that affirms their dignity as children of God.
 
Praedicare said:
Perhaps my sense is screwed up because of anxiety. Maybe it’s all me.
.
Click to expand...
These lines of yours may be helpful to reflect upon.

As you continue to seek out your Priest Friends or other Priests and see your counselor.

Ones “glasses” can color current experience…or make one fixate upon things that are not the Catholic Faith but misunderstandings or those of others or those who are not living it in the full way etc.
 
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