Catholics, help a brother in need..serious doubts

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fineca

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Dear brothers&sisters,

I need your help and prayers. Yesterday and today I’ve been hit by a tidal wave of doubts about the faith and a desperate if not depressed state of mind/soul…I’ve been into theology and apologetics for some time and I’ve loved to learn more about the Faith, but sometimes apologetics just makes me want to abandon the Faith although it’s supposed to do the opposite…

Suddenly I seem to have a long list of problems with the faith and I don’t find satisfactory answers to them… but at the same time I don’t see any better alternative, neither Atheism or any other religion convinces me…and that’s the worst part: I still see Catholicism as the best candidate for the Truth, but at the same time I can’t stand my Faith, which means I’m knowingly opposing what I “know” to be the true God…but as I said I can’t stand this true God…why? well…

I’m reading debates between Catholics about Scripture, one says Catholics must believe there is no error, another says we can allow for scientific error, both have ecclesiastical approval, both say the other one is being judgmental/liberal…Vatican 2 and the Catechism teach ambiguously, seemingly allowing for hist./scientific error, while earlier documents do the opposite… same with extra ecclesiam nulla salus, some oppose the emphasis on the exception and there are debates over what the dogma means… the magisterium is supposed to interprete the Bible&Tradition infallibly so that we don’t interprete them privately&wrong, but now everyone is interpreting the magisterium differently, we’re no better than the Protestants, we’ve just moved the issue one step forward… and how do I know the Church is infallible? My decision to submit to the Church is a fallible one… which means I might have made a mistake… ok, we have the words of Christ, but how do I know I interprete them correctly…?..or that the Church does? Ok, the Church has the promise…sure, but how do I know where the Church is? Sedevacantists claim there is no Pope and the true Catholics are the Sedevacantists…and they seem to have good arguments for it…SSPX says something else…and they have convincing arguments too…then there are the charismatics in the Catholic Church, then the ones that say that they are from the devil…same with neocathecumenals…same with Opus Dei, Legionaries of Christ…division, division, division…where is that ONE holy catholic apostolic Church…and then the Orthodox, the Protestant, the LDS, everybody thinks their arguments are the most consistent and that they have the Truth…now how can we believe in a God that makes it so unclear to so many people (even ones that pray and evidently have the Holy Spirit) what the Truth is…and then holds us responsible for what we believed at the day of Judgment? He has revealed heresy to be a sin…and schism…and atheism…yet he doesn’t care to provide clear enough signs for people to know that…for us it’s easy to say he has, the Church, but for all others (whom he supposedly loves above all things) that’s not the case…they see this Catholic God as a terrible monster who’d offer “salvation” as a “free gift” for all those who are willing to accept that only the CC with its bad and heretic popes, crusades, inquisitions, totally unChristian 70% membership, gay priests, lifeless services, etc. is true and all others false…to those who are ready to give up premarital sex, contraception, masturbation etc., those who would attend Mass every Sunday plus Holy days of Obligation…who would firmly believe in Indulgences, the “apostolic” Marian dogmas that none of the apostolic fathers even mention, the divinity of the Holy Spirit and all other dogmas…to those that persevere in all this until their death, to those this Church can extend the “free” gift of salvation…and the ones that aren’t saved, of course, suffer eternal punishment in the unquenchable fire… if you answer this by saying God doesn’t condemn anyone in their ignorance or something, then why did he found the Church since he could’ve saved a lot more people by letting them be ignorant… if you say God only condemns to Hell those that want to go there, why didn’t he found a religion that simply teaches that and doesn’t require anything else…?
 
Why did God punish man in such an unjust way for the sins of Adam, that we have insufficient knowledge, perhaps have no faith at all, an inclination to offend God…why did he choose one people to be his favourite and slaughter the others / let them suffer and die in ignorance of the truth… why does he permit some Muslim girl in Iraq be raped, shot and burned by US soldiers…it’s of no use to talk about free will, since God didn’t apparently see any problem with interfering in the lives of the 3 Portuguese kids and the 70 000 spectators that saw the Virgin at Fatima…he didn’t think it violated the apostle’s free will to appear to them after the resurrection…but yet he won’t intervene to save the thousands or millions of people on earth from perishing… what kind of Love is this God? Ok, he sent his son and died for our sins…but this we know from the Church and the Bible, and to millions of people the historicity and logic of the teachings of both are seriously unconvincing…there’s no way of knowing that to be true…the witness of God in prayer won’t do either, perhaps that’s just self-deception, why doesn’t God just plainly speak to us at least once so that we’d know the mission/test… and then again the problem of choosing the right religion…does God expect all to go through all possible historical, theological, testimonial etc evidence to decide? Why doesn’t he just make it plain clear what the truth is so that people could then freely accept or reject it… to an outsider it’d seem that God is at work with the Pentecostals but that the sacraments don’t give any divine grace at all…and alas, to the insider too! - wouldn’t be writing this if it were otherwise…
I don’t know if there’s any point in continuing this…all I’m saying is that I feel like rebelling against this God…all the things I said above, or most of them, I can argue against, I can defend the ban on contraception and I agree with the Church, I can defend the historicity of Christ and I believe it, etc, but I see that others have arguments for their positions too and I don’t see any convincing reason how I can know I’m right…or how I can know the Church (whatever and wherever she is, given all the ambiguities) is, and I don’t see why God hasn’t made it clear to all, why he has favourites, why he seems so Calvinistic, so arbitrary… even if I can’t convince myself of any other than the Catholic position, I can’t stand the Catholic truth, it’s repulsive, abhorrent…I feel like shouting and yelling in anger and aversion to this God about how horrible he is and why he’s so stupid, but at the same time I know God is love and those things are sinful so I just shut up and go to Church and pray the rosary while still intellectually and emotionally being against it all…and then I’m afraid this God is going to hold me (or is holding me) accountable for this…which makes it worse again because if I, (I don’t mean to sound like the Pharisee in the Gospel but to make the opposite point) a Catholic that has loved the faith, prayed a lot, frequently received the sacraments, received good Catholic formation, been faithful in believing all the doctrines, done apostolate, written apologetics articles…walked hundreds of miles on pilgrimages…etc etc- don’t receive the graces to pass God’s judgment, then what about all the others…?..the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction…that seems to include practicing, God-trusting Catholics too…what a nice God…

Guess if I want to think all the above? Of course not…but that’s the thing…God’s grace is supposed to take care of us…why is God allowing me to almost blaspheme him, although I want the opposite…I wish I was still completely convinced of GOd’s universal love like I was a few years back…where is God’s grace? I don’t know if I’ve committed a mortal sin by thinking all of the above…I can’t go to confession either because my repentance (if I need to repent) can’t be genuine since all those thoughts won’t just magically disappear after the confession…I can’t change unless God answers me, can’t change without Him… I can’t just pretend to forget about all that…or does God indeed require blind adherence to…to…indeed, to what? And how are people supposed to know that?
 
I’m sorry for what I wrote…I just didn’t want to go to anyone in person about all this, I was afraid I’d do damage to someone’s faith and waste their time and sin myself… so this forum seemed like the best place, I hope I can count on your kind help…perhaps through you I’ll see that God indeed doesn’t wish to condemn but to be merciful…but then again, how does that go together with all those things about the Church, requirements for salvation, evil in the world, false religions, marks of untruth in the “true” religion (division, heresy, apostasy - by the fruits we should know the tree…)? Please help…and especially please pray for me…thank you
sincerely yours
E

For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him…Jn 3:17

help me believe this…the opposite seems to be true…
 
Glory to Jesus Christ.

fineca, if you haven’t already got one I would suggest you get a spiritual director. Be totally honest with them and ask them everything you mentioned above, they can provide you with much more thorough answers over the long term.

You would also probably benefit from a good, thorough reading of the book of Job. He asks many of the questions you did and God gives him an answer toward the end.

I don’t even think I can begin to respond here, but if you like we can discuss them through instant messages (Or email if you prefer that). My address should be provided for you in my userinfo. I apologize that I can’t be of more help here.

I’ll surely keep you in my prayers, God bless you.
 
The beauty of our just and merciful God is that He knows our innermost beings, and He will judge us accordingly. Even the Cathechism states (no, I don’t know where) that what a person has been taught by parents, teachers, etc will certainly have bearing on their faith, and therefore their culpability on judgement day. If my parents have always been atheists, or Muslim, and I have trouble finding Truth, that is taken into consideration. If a teenager is encouraged by parents and society to explore their sexuality, then those in authority will answer for what they’ve done, and the soul that they raised without God would be granted the perfect degree of mercy based on it’s opportunity to know Truth, and the roadblocks others may have put up to it.
Another treasure is purgatory! The only options for our protestant brothers and sisters is “saved” or “damned”, and that is of little comfort to a soul like yours who is struggling! Were you never saved in the first place? Like you said, God loves all souls and He will give you what grace you need.
It is not for us to understand all things, and more than a parent is required to explain every nuance of decision making to a child.
Come here, to CAF, to get counsel for your doubts and struggles, we are all in this together, brother/sister.
with love,
 
fineca said:
if you say God only condemns to Hell those that want to go there, why didn’t he found a religion that simply teaches that and doesn’t require anything else…?
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He did.

That is precisely what the Catholic Church has done for the past 2000+ years…She teaches about heaven and hell, about the ways for us to choose our fate, and she invites us to partake of the Sacraments so that we may receive the grace we need to stay on the correct path. She also reminds us that Jesus knew we would face difficulties in our faith journey which is why He left us the Church to offer the grace of absolution, while encouraging us to remain strong. Really, the Church only requires that each member follow Christs’ teaching as revealed through Her. It is that simple.

Basically all the issues you raise are a matter of intellect vs faith.
The bottom line is the magesterium of the Catholic Church on faith and morals is infallible.
We do not have to second guess that. It’s an absolute.
What we get tangled up with is submitting to that absolute.
It just is so difficult to do in light of all the ways the leadership of the church went/goes astray throughout history…but honestly, it makes perfect sense that the Church would be attacked by Satan from the inside. That Jesus promised the gates of Hell would not prevail against His Church is evidence He knew the Church would be a constant target of the gates of Hell.

Know that it is Satan who keeps planting the seeds of doubt and confusion into your intellect and it will help you guard against him. Being aware of the source of your doubts gives you strength do dismiss such doubts. Pray to St. Michael when you start doubting. Pray to St. Thomas. Pray to Mary. Ask them for strength and courage to resist these seeds of doubt. Know that if you are so overwhelmed with them that’s usually a good sign you are valuable to Satan…and think about that…why does Satan want you to turn away from the Church? Probably because if you remain you are destined for great things, to lead many other souls to Christ either through your actions or your words. That means you are very, very important to God in His overall plan for mankind and that you are probably on the cusp of realizing what that is. Please just tell Satan to go away. Don’t give him a smidgen of room in your mind right now. Pray and fast, and yes, seek that spiritual advisor. Something exciting is awaiting you.
 
Good Sunday fineca,

I believe that you need some rest for a period of time. I mean that you should stop thinking for a couple of months and find a level of serenity that would bring you peace.

If you believe in Christ, and you were baptized, you own the “summa theological” importance of the Christendom.

If you love your neighbor and behave like our Christ, you are ok according to the Buddhists and the Hindus. You can’t have a bad karma. 🙂

If you submit to God with all your mind and your heart, you are ok according to the Muslims.

Christianity is a position where you can’t lose at the end.

Go to confession, take the Eucharist and start to read the ***“Fathers of the desert.” *** Let your intellectual side becoming quiet for a couple months, and look for more spirituality in your days.

You actually need calm and peace for your mind.

Be bless.
 
fineca,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. It would appear that your feelings are overwhelming you. The intellect has a much more difficult time accepting the finer points of the faith when it is over run with turbulent feelings and emotions.

I second the motion that you let go of the apologetics for awhile. Try reading some books on Mother Theresa. She went through an extended period of spiritual dryness and doubts, but she never waivered from her call. Her story and quotes from her have given me great encouragement. Likewise, read the book of Job.

Pray before the Blessed Sacrament as often as you can and make your entire day one of prayer and unification with Jesus. Use every spare moment and time of transition during your day for a quick pray of thanksgiving and request for faith, hope, and love. When you are driving in your car pray to the Lord. When you walk from the car to your home or place of work say a prayer. Between work assignments on your job make a brief prayer of thanksgiving. Use every free moment of thought as a moment of prayer.

Let every door and window to your heart and soul be opened to the grace of God. Examine yourself and see if there is anything that you are holding back. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you where you may have to let go of something and give it over to Jesus. Seek a full commitment of trust in God and love for your fellow man.

Spiritual development and growth are more important than intellectual knowledge and understanding. When properly balance these things energize one another and lead to further growth. Our Christian walk takes a life time. Your most precious commodity is your time. Give it, and everything within it to God. Do not waiver…God will give you the grace to see it through and the doubts will vanish.
 
fineca said:
I’m sorry for what I wrote…I just didn’t want to go to anyone in person about all this, I was afraid I’d do damage to someone’s faith and waste their time and sin myself… so this forum seemed like the best place, I hope I can count on your kind help…perhaps through you I’ll see that God indeed doesn’t wish to condemn but to be merciful…but then again, how does that go together with all those things about the Church, requirements for salvation, evil in the world, false religions, marks of untruth in the “true” religion (division, heresy, apostasy - by the fruits we should know the tree…)? Please help…and especially please pray for me…thank you
sincerely yours
E

For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him…Jn 3:17

help me believe this…the opposite seems to be true…
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I have often thought along the same lines.

And I cannot pretend to be able to answer your question fully. But, one thing I have learned, is that you suddenly realise what FAITH really means.

🙂

Peace and God Bless.
 
you can get answers on solid Catholic teaching and rebuttal for doctrinal points you raise right here on CA, if that is what you really want.

I have no idea what is behind your personal doubts and period of struggle.

I can however share what a wise spiritual director (Jesuit) told me man years ago during a similar period of doubt and struggle. He instructed to examine my conscience very rigorously, using the guide suggested by Ignatius in the Spiritual Exercises ( the long examen given by Fr. Hardon in his Catholic Prayerbook.) In particular I was to examine my conscience in light of the theological virtues of faith, hope and charity.

Sure enough as he suspected, with help, I uncovered areas of habitual sin that I had been excusing, compromises I had become comfortable with, and “choices” I justified and held to obstinately, in spite of clear Church teaching. One we identified those areas, he dealt me to specifica areas where I needed to inform my conscience, and conform my behavior. The doubts, after all, were excuses and evaporated when right conduct and right decision making and right conscience became my goal.
 
There has been good advice thus far! I can only reiterate and summarize:

Find a good spritual director.
Go to confession.
Receive the Eucharist as much as possible.
Pray and meditate in a very quiet place.
And above all–lay off the apologetics for a while. 😃

My prayers are with you,
Mickey
 
I agree with the suggestion to take a break for a couple of months from studying theological issues. What I believe has happened is that you are studying so many difficult issues at the same time that you don’t have the time to fully understand any of them sufficiently. Debating them online then just causes more confusion. I suggest you stay away from from online debate and reading about contentious theological issues for two months.

There are two sides to the Christian life. You know this from your studies. Intellectual pursuits are important, but it is just as important to have a relationship with God consisting of personal prayer and mass attendence. Remember that the ultimate truth of Christianity is that Jesus was crucified, died, and was resurrected for our salvation. Everything else needs to be put aside for the moment. It is time to reflect upon this truth in your spiritual life. I suggest daily personal prayer for the next two months and attending mass at least every Sunday for the next two months. I would also suggest that your reading be limited to the Gospels where Jesus tell us of His sacrafice and desire for humanity’s salvation. You really don’t lose any ground from an intellectual standpoint doing things this way for a little while. A better understanding of scripture is always beneficial.

Finally, don’t let this happen to you again. Not even the great minds of our time and times past could tackle all of the issues you brought up in your post simultaneously. Take on one issue at a time until you sufficiently understand it, then move on to the next. My prayers are with you my friend.
 
Dear Aureole, Dear Exiled, Dear YinYangMom, Dear St.Augustine, Dear Pax, Dear Magicsilence, Dear puzzleannie, Dear Mickey, Dear tdgesq!

I wanted to address each one of you in order to thank you personally for your responses. Guess what - I’m reading them only now, that is, 4 days after my original post, because the day after the post I went to spiritual direction and got a 3-day ban on any Internet forums and a 7-day ban on theology and apologetics! 😃 The former was harder to obey since I wanted to read your responses but I succeeded and now I’m here to THANK you.

It’s really incredible what happened. You suggested talking to a spiritual director. Well I received my formation in a center of Opus Dei and I’ve received spiritual direction from 2 priests and 2 laymen there (not simultaneously of course - nowadays I talk to one priest once a week), and the morning after writing my post I left work (took 2 days off, couldn’t stand the mental anguish&fear&all) and went to this center. My current spiritual director was not there so I talked to this layman, the director of the center who has directed me before, and after that to the priest that used to direct me before. And as I already told you - and funnily enough just as you told me - I was told not to read apologetics or theology but to pray and do practical things instead. You told me to pray - I did, I went to the chapel and sat there in silence…and Thank God I ended up going to confession and since then I’ve been ok although some of the issues remain of course since I haven’t been working on solving them. But it gets better: you told me to read the book of Job, and without being aware of your advice, I did! Funnily enough I had never yet read that book from beginning to end and I found it pretty helpful, there were a lot of similarities to my case.
As to “attending Mass at least every Sunday for the next two months” - come on - we’re obliged to attend Mass every Sunday all the time - I haven’t missed a Sunday Mass in years and I do go to Mass more often than on Sundays only already (used to go every day when it was geographically and chronologically easier - there is no Catholic Church in my city and only 2 in the capital city 15 miles away).
As to YinYangMom’s point about the Devil and God’s plan for my life, I thank you for those thoughts. It might be not so far from the truth - I guess I’m the first person planning to do serious Catholic apologetics in my country since the reformation, indeed it’s possible that many souls could come to Him through this work, and what would be better for the Devil than to make me eat my own medicine and lose the faith through Catholic apologetics!
Once more - thank you, and keep me in your prayers! I will definitely remember you as an act of gratitude for your help. The Church is the body of Christ, and I experienced his love and support through you, members of his body…peace and blessings
Emil
 
fineca said:
Once more - thank you, and keep me in your prayers! I will definitely remember you as an act of gratitude for your help. The Church is the body of Christ, and I experienced his love and support through you, members of his body…peace and blessings
Emil
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God bless you Emil! Rest assured that you will be in my prayers and I will light a candle for you in chapel tomorrow morning. May the peace and love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ be with you always.
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Fineca,

My advice will be simple, since I do not have the biblilcal knowledge of so many in this forum.

Keep your faith, and the questions you want anwered simple.
Everytime I get into doubt about the Catholic Faith, and religious faith in general, a simple thought process calms me down.

Historically, I know there was a savior - Jesus. The Bible is so clear on this. Too many witnesses saw Jesus’ miracles for it to be anything but the truth. My issue with general religon is satisfied. I know there is a Christian God.

Next, from everything I’ve ever read, the Apostles and the Early Church Fathers were very Catholic in their beliefs.

So, now I am satisfied that the Catholic faith is for me.

I know this may seem silly, but it relaxes my human mind from
doubt.

God Bless.
 
It is good to hear that you’re doing a bit better now fineca. Mysterious how God works! So very mysterious. You obviously have good and holy spiritual directors and they’re giving you wonderful advice.

God bless you.
 
Nobody has mentioned The Blessed Virgin Mary yet. Ask her to guide you where Jesus wants you to be. She knows better than anyone else how to touch Jesus’ Sacred Heart.

Honestly and sincerely, in your personal prayer, before the blessed Sacrament, and during the Holy Sacrifice of the Altar ask your Mother for some consolation, comfort, and Maternal love. She will help. Jesus gave us This wonderful gift of His Mother because He know exactly how much we will need her.

Persevere. Fight the good fight. Don’t leave your post.
 
Such good guidance already…all I can do is add my prayers for you!
 
catholic.com/thisrock/1993/9302fea1.asp

by the way - despite my apologetics ban I did pretty well in an apologetics quiz I was sent yesterday - and didn’t get into another crisis:)
a theologian/catechist from our parish sent me the above link to CA’s toughest Catholic quiz - pretty funny but I (who have never studied a couse in theology in any university but only studied apologetics on my onw) beat him (he has a degree in Catholic theology in Maryvale) and the director of the Catholic information center (who was in seminary too for some time at one point) in this country - they got 14&17, I got 18 right:) It’s a nice quiz:)
 
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