Hi E:
I was thinking on quoting a certain portion of your original post, but then I realized that I needed to quote the whole thing!
I’ve been where you are. For many years I lived without religion or faith because I was so caught up in the intellectual pursuit of religion and faith, feeling the need to engage in apologetics and defend my faith when (in all truthfulness) I had no faith. The moment that any opponent threw me a curveball, I doubted. Like yourself, I could easily dispute such a “curveball,” but it didn’t cause me to stop wondering, “What if their truth is the Truth?” It’s hard not to doubt when you take a peak at the world’s religion demographics and see so many people adhering to so many religions! And then when you approach these other religions, they’ll claim, “Oh, Jesus was never crucified,” or “How is your God a God of Love if He allows so much suffering?” etc. Like you said, it just makes you wanna scream!
I know that I’m responding a bit late to this thread, but building FAITH is important. But what is faith? To briefly paraphrase Kierkegaard, ‘faith begins when thinking ends.’ For intellectuals like you and myself, this sounds absolutely absurd! Faith begins to sound no longer like faith but like ignorance or stupidity, when in fact faith *is *far greater! To quote Kierkegaard again: “If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe. If I wish to preserve myself in faith I must constantly be intent upon holding fast the objective uncertainty, so as to remain out upon the deep, over seventy fathoms of water still preserving my faith.” If we truly meditate on what is being said here, we must concede that our own thoughts are, in fact, limited and finite while we believe and perceive that God’s thoughts and knowledge are infinite. When we see something we, personally, do not understand, or something which seems contradictory to what we think we know about God, we must have faith.
Too much apologetics is a bad thing. Do you think the Church Fathers spent day and night in endless debate with the heretics and pagans? Do you think their faith was any less troubled seeing so many sects claiming to be the Truth? And this was at a time when the Church was still in its infancy, when many truths had yet to be discovered (much less incorporated). The earliest Church Fathers did not have many of the instruments which we are fortunate enough to have with us today, such as encyclical letters, a large population of literate believers who can and do defend their faith everyday, etc. The Church Fathers did not have these things, but they did have faith.
And while it’s easy to concentrate on all the negative qualities about the Catholic Church, because these are so often the qualities which any opponent to the Church will bring to the forefront, it’s important to think on all the *good qualities *which the Church has introduced into the lives of billions of people, not just at one time, but throughout history! Read the life of any saint, and as tragic as the story may end, it’s impossible to come away and realize how this one individual felt the presence of Christ in his/her life! And think on how the Church has fostered education for so many, rescue missions, soup kitchens, etc.! These are the qualities which no apologetic will ever dare to touch with intellectual debate because these are the qualities of faith!
Lastly, don’t get hung up on all the details. Who’s right? The Muslims, Hindus, the Sedevacantists? Realize that we all believe in One God, and if you not only believe in One God but the love of Christ and live your life in peace with those nearby, what have you seriously got to worry about?
I’ll pray for you…
