Catholics that say they'd never have any biological children for this reason

[severus68]

What does your son think the purpose of marriage is? Is it just about companionship for him? Being a Catholic you understand what we teach about marriage and you probably understand why. Do you support this?

Really judging and getting rather personal.

 

[Eleanor61]

What does your son think the purpose of marriage is? Is it just about companionship for him? Being a Catholic you understand what we teach about marriage and you probably understand why. Do you support this?

My son is not a practicing Catholic and probably thinks the primary purpose of marriage is companionship. He is part of the majority of people who separate sex entirely from marriage and view marriage as a lifelong commitment based on mutual attachment. This, like it or not, is the way most people think today. I am long finished raising him, he is almost 30. He has a older sister and younger brother who adhere to church teaching in their lives, but neither of them have the genetic problems he has, having only slight autism spectrum issues and no definitesigns of CMT yet, although the 26 year old son does have some indications.

I am not interested in arguing this but I think asking a couple to have a child who is likely to die a horrible, early death as in Tay-Sachs, or be socially and physically crippled for life as in my son’s case, falls into the category of heroic virtue. It may be the right thing to do, but it is wrong to be harshly judgmental of those who cannot accept that martyrdom. It is a very different thing to conceive and then abort a child with issues. Although many here will say they are equally immoral choices I do not personally accept that because of the decision making process that enters into each.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Really judging and getting rather personal.

Not at all. She posted something personal. I had hoped that my questions would not be taken that way. I tried several times to phrase them better but decided that just straightforward was best. I may have been wrong but I meant no harm at all.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My son is not a practicing Catholic and probably thinks the primary purpose of marriage is companionship. He is part of the majority of people who separate sex entirely from marriage and view marriage as a lifelong commitment based on mutual attachment. This, like it or not, is the way most people think today. I am long finished raising him, he is almost 30. He has a older sister and younger brother who adhere to church teaching in their lives, but neither of them have the genetic problems he has, having only slight autism spectrum issues and no definitesigns of CMT yet, although the 26 year old son does have some indications.

I am not interested in arguing this but I think asking a couple to have a child who is likely to die a horrible, early death as in Tay-Sachs, or be socially and physically crippled for life as in my son’s case, falls into the category of heroic virtue. It may be the right thing to do, but it is wrong to be harshly judgmental of those who cannot accept that martyrdom. It is a very different thing to conceive and then abort a child with issues. Although many here will say they are equally immoral choices I do not personally accept that because of the decision making process that enters into each.

Yours is a healthy Catholic attitude. I understand that you have thought about this a lot. Your perspective is appreciated. I hope, as another poster pointed out, that you did not take offence to my questions. You posted. I wanted to know. Thank you.

 

[Xantippe]

“What does your son think the purpose of marriage is? Is it just about companionship for him? Being a Catholic you understand what we teach about marriage and you probably understand why. Do you support this?”

If his Asperger’s is severe (and setting his physical issues to the side), he runs the risk of being a cold and rather selfish father. His future wife may have a tough row to hoe even without any children, just dealing with his emotional and physical limitations.

I know that is not generally true of Asperger’s, but it sounds like it may be the case with this particular individual.

 

[Eleanor61]

“What does your son think the purpose of marriage is? Is it just about companionship for him? Being a Catholic you understand what we teach about marriage and you probably understand why. Do you support this?”

If his Asperger’s is severe (and setting his physical issues to the side), he runs the risk of being a cold and rather selfish father. His future wife may have a tough row to hoe even without any children, just dealing with his emotional and physical limitations.

I know that is not generally true of Asperger’s, but it sounds like it may be the case with this particular individual.

I did say that he would not make a good father. I am sure that my children (5) were affected by my Aspergers, although I am much calmer than he is. I am not a particularly warm or affectionate person, although we can be extremely generous and empathetic to a fault which makes watching one’s children struggle almost unbearable.

 

[Memaw]

I would say the same to you. The links have been posted many times on CAF.

ANYTIME a Catholic is facing a serious moral decision It is very important to talk to a priest about our options. Our decisions should never be made on our emotions or fears. I have said that many times. Doing our “own thing” has caused many problems in our modern Catholic lives. If we can make our own “decisions” then what in the world do we need a Church for. We have the Grace of the Sacraments to help us, to give us strength and courage. Especially Confession and Holy Eucharist. Jesus said, ‘The path to Heaven is narrow and difficult, ( we NEED HIS Grace!) but the path to Hell is wide and easy to follow’ - no grace needed to follow that path. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Memaw]

Really judging and getting rather personal.

I don’t think so, If someone posts their problems on here, I think they are open for questions so one can better understand the situation. Happens all the time, God Bless, Memaw

 

[Xantippe]

“I did say that he would not make a good father. I am sure that my children (5) were affected by my Aspergers, although I am much calmer than he is. I am not a particularly warm or affectionate person, although we can be extremely generous and empathetic to a fault which makes watching one’s children struggle almost unbearable.”

It’s possible that your Aspergers made you a better mother for your particular children, particularly the ones with similar issues. I can, though, imagine a high-functioning autistic guy who would be smart, very much into his interests, and just not capable of the sort of emotional engagement that is necessary for an adequate parent. It sounds like your son has done very well to get as far as he has.

 

[severus68]

My son is not a practicing Catholic and probably thinks the primary purpose of marriage is companionship. He is part of the majority of people who separate sex entirely from marriage and view marriage as a lifelong commitment based on mutual attachment. This, like it or not, is the way most people think today. I am long finished raising him, he is almost 30. He has a older sister and younger brother who adhere to church teaching in their lives, but neither of them have the genetic problems he has, having only slight autism spectrum issues and no definitesigns of CMT yet, although the 26 year old son does have some indications.

I am not interested in arguing this but I think asking a couple to have a child who is likely to die a horrible, early death as in Tay-Sachs, or be socially and physically crippled for life as in my son’s case, falls into the category of heroic virtue. It may be the right thing to do, but it is wrong to be harshly judgmental of those who cannot accept that martyrdom. It is a very different thing to conceive and then abort a child with issues. Although many here will say they are equally immoral choices I do not personally accept that because of the decision making process that enters into each.

 

[severus68]

Not at all. She posted something personal. I had hoped that my questions would not be taken that way. I tried several times to phrase them better but decided that just straightforward was best. I may have been wrong but I meant no harm at all.

Thanks for explaining. Its just that I can only try to imagine what that poster has gone through and will still go through.

 

[maryjk]

ANYTIME a Catholic is facing a serious moral decision It is very important to talk to a priest about our options. Our decisions should never be made on our emotions or fears. I have said that many times. Doing our “own thing” has caused many problems in our modern Catholic lives. If we can make our own “decisions” then what in the world do we need a Church for. We have the Grace of the Sacraments to help us, to give us strength and courage. Especially Confession and Holy Eucharist. Jesus said, ‘The path to Heaven is narrow and difficult, ( we NEED HIS Grace!) but the path to Hell is wide and easy to follow’ - no grace needed to follow that path. God Bless, Memaw

The problem is, most priests I know, aren’t doctors. So their opinion wouldn’t be as knowledgeable as my doctor’s opinion.

Which means when my doctor tells me not to have more children, my priest is not in a position to tell me that the doctor is wrong.

In addition, for those that have financial reasons or are simply “to stressed” or “overwhelmed” to have more children, unless the priest lives with the couple, he isn’t in a position to know how things are.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

The problem is, most priests I know, aren’t doctors. So their opinion wouldn’t be as knowledgeable as my doctor’s opinion.

Which means when my doctor tells me not to have more children, my priest is not in a position to tell me that the doctor is wrong.

In addition, for those that have financial reasons or are simply “to stressed” or “overwhelmed” to have more children, unless the priest lives with the couple, he isn’t in a position to know how things are.

Conversely, Doctors are not Church sanctioned spiritual guides.

I don’t think anyone is saying we should ignore doctors and only talk to priests. I think you are not seeing that it is advisable that to make such an important spiritual decision the Church should be consulted and involved. And that means going beyond "just what “I” think but rather what is the wisdom of God and his 2000 year old vehicle of human matters of life and death.

I’m curious. If you are against a priest being consulted. But you lend yourself to give full credibility to a doctor. Who do you think should be involved in the ongoing formation of consciences that each couple should have. If it does not come from the Church, from where should it come?

 

[Memaw]

The problem is, most priests I know, aren’t doctors. So their opinion wouldn’t be as knowledgeable as my doctor’s opinion.

Which means when my doctor tells me not to have more children, my priest is not in a position to tell me that the doctor is wrong.

In addition, for those that have financial reasons or are simply “to stressed” or “overwhelmed” to have more children, unless the priest lives with the couple, he isn’t in a position to know how things are.

They are not medical Dr.s of course but they are Doctors of the soul. And they are there to help us in our moral decisions. A Dr. cannot give us permission to sin but many of them do try to. And sadly many take their advice without question. Life is not always easy. Jesus said to take up our cross and follow HIM, not the Dr. Especially where moral decisions are to be considered. Dr.s advise women to get an abortion too but that is totally wrong no matter WHAT!!! God Bless, Memaw

 

[maryjk]

I’m curious. If you are against a priest being consulted. But you lend yourself to give full credibility to a doctor. Who do you think should be involved in the ongoing formation of consciences that each couple should have. If it does not come from the Church, from where should it come?

I’m not against a priest being consulted. I am against the thought that a priest MUST be consulted.

They are not medical Dr.s of course but they are Doctors of the soul. And they are there to help us in our moral decisions. A Dr. cannot give us permission to sin but many of them do try to. And sadly many take their advice without question. Life is not always easy. Jesus said to take up our cross and follow HIM, not the Dr. Especially where moral decisions are to be considered. Dr.s advise women to get an abortion too but that is totally wrong no matter WHAT!!! God Bless, Memaw

An abortion is an intrinsic evil.

Using NFP to avoid pregnancy is not.

 

[Memaw]

I’m not against a priest being consulted. I am against the thought that a priest MUST be consulted.

An abortion is an intrinsic evil.

Using NFP to avoid pregnancy is not.

We’re not just talking about using NFP according to Church teaching. Have you ever read Humane Vite? In this beautiful Encyclical Pope Paul XI warned us of the many moral problems we have today. God Bless, Memaw

 

[maryjk]

We’re not just talking about using NFP according to Church teaching. Have you ever read Humane Vite? In this beautiful Encyclical Pope Paul XI warned us of the many moral problems we have today. God Bless, Memaw

Actually we are talking about using NFP because of the risk of medical problems for the child. For the OP, it is Tay-Sachs. For me, it is the death of the child.

Either way, that is the topic. Not the beauty of Humane Vite.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m not against a priest being consulted. I am against the thought that a priest MUST be consulted.

An abortion is an intrinsic evil.

Using NFP to avoid pregnancy is not.

But the Church, and by association, God must be consulted. You may not need to go to Father so and so to do it but you must do it.

 

[maryjk]

But the Church, and by association, God must be consulted. You may not need to go to Father so and so to do it but you must do it.

Please show me where the Church says that to use NFP, a couple must consult a priest.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Please show me where the Church says that to use NFP, a couple must consult a priest.

Please read more carefully. I did not say they must consult a priest. But they must consult the Church.

Odd that you are pushing back so hard on such an easy piece of advice.