Caught between a rock and a hard place

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Helpless_Sinner

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I’m going through a very difficult situation in my life. I assisted our house helper seek justice. She is a person with disability (deaf-mute) and was allegedly raped (5x) by my brother-in-law. I accompanied the victim to the crime laboratory for genetal examination. Medico legal evaluation shows clear evidence of blunt penetrating trauma to the hymen. The victim also gave her statement before the Police Station and she is required to appear before the City Prosecutor next week for the preliminary investigation. Wife and I quarrels because of this and resulted in our separation. I have done my obligation as an employer to assist the victim by reporting the crime but I lose my family. I’ve tried everything possible to save our marriage and my family. I didn’t work. I can’t do it alone…my wife does have to step up to make things better. I miss my one year old son sooooo much. Please pray for my family.
 
Praying for your intentions. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
 
I am so sorry your wife is punishing you for doing what justice demanded that you do. Does she not understand that you would have had to do this even if the accused had been your own son?

Yes, you will be in my prayers, that you may receive comfort and stand fast!! Your son, too, who must miss you terribly, and your wife, who needs to thaw her heart and have pity on anyone who even claims to be the victim of such a crime.

*Do not trust in sacrifice of the fruits of extortion,
For he is a God of justice,
who shows no partiality.

He shows no partiality to the weak
but hears the grievance of the oppressed.

He does not forsake the cry of the orphan,
nor the widow when she pours out her complaint.

Do not the tears that stream down her cheek
cry out against the one that causes them to fall?

Those who serve God to please him are accepted;
their petition reaches the clouds.

The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds;
it does not rest till it reaches its goal;
Nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds,
judges justly and affirms the right.

God indeed will not delay,
and like a warrior, will not be still
Till he breaks the backs of the merciless

and wreaks vengeance upon the nations;
Till he destroys the scepter of the proud,
and cuts off the staff of the wicked;

Till he requites everyone according to their deeds,
and repays them according to their thoughts;

Till he defends the cause of his people,
and makes them glad by his salvation.

Welcome is his mercy in time of distress
as rain clouds in time of drought.*

Sirach 35:15-26
 
Thank you for your prayers. I’m praying to God for both of our enlightenment and that my wife think deeply about the long term consequence of her action. Our son will be the first casualty. A child growing up without a semblance of a complete family, carry a lifelong scar of psychological traumas and have a hard time dealing with realities. My son might be damaged and he does not stand a chance to put up a defense mechanism as he grows into the present environment of hate and discord. I hope in the end wife will understands me.
 
Helpless_Sinner said:
Thank you for your prayers. I’m praying to God for both of our enlightenment and that my wife think deeply about the long term consequence of her action. Our son will be the first casualty. A child growing up without a semblance of a complete family, carry a lifelong scar of psychological traumas and have a hard time dealing with realities. My son might be damaged and he does not stand a chance to put up a defense mechanism as he grows into the present environment of hate and discord. I hope in the end wife will understands me.
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Perhaps your wife will come to truly appreciate what happened and how impossible it was to deny this woman a chance to report her accusations.
 
EasterJoy said:
Perhaps your wife will come to truly appreciate what happened and how impossible it was to deny this woman a chance to report her accusations.
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Wife said that she lost trust in me. That’s why she doesn’t want to discuss about the future with me. She doesn’t want to live a life with me where everyday she will always be on her toes because she felt that with a wrong move, she or one of her family will pay it with their life. That’s not the kind of life she wants to live. She would rather be a single parent than have a life like that. It is not just infidelity that can break a marriage. Lost trust also breaks a marriage and trust is the most difficult to reestablish. There is a small probability that I’ll get it back but it will never be the same. But she was wrong. I did not betray her. I believe that I did the right thing is God’s eyes. She is allowing her anger to take over. Maybe it’s not the right time to talk to her or approach her. But I believe that time heals, in time, everything will be in its proper place. If we love each other, we will be together in the end, no matter what.
 
Helpless_Sinner said:
Wife said that she lost trust in me. That’s why she doesn’t want to discuss about the future with me. She doesn’t want to live a life with me where everyday she will always be on her toes because she felt that with a wrong move, she or one of her family will pay it with their life. That’s not the kind of life she wants to live. She would rather be a single parent than have a life like that. It is not just infidelity that can break a marriage. Lost trust also breaks a marriage and trust is the most difficult to reestablish. There is a small probability that I’ll get it back but it will never be the same. But she was wrong. I did not betray her. I believe that I did the right thing is God’s eyes. She is allowing her anger to take over. Maybe it’s not the right time to talk to her or approach her. But I believe that time heals, in time, everything will be in its proper place. If we love each other, we will be together in the end, no matter what.
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so she is blaming you because of the trouble her brother will be in for what he did to the deaf mute woman? does that sound fair you are being punished for doing the right thing? praying your wife will understand what her brother did was wrong and he needed to be reported. praying for you and your wife.
 
7_Sorrows said:
does that sound fair you are being punished for doing the right thing?
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I am not good in the eyes of my wife and her relatives. For them I am a traitor. She said nobody appreciates a traitor. From old ages traitor are stoned/burned to death. She expects complete loyalty from me. Extending my vow to her extended family. She wants me to take side in every way to protect her brother. Unconditional love. Blind to all.
 
Helpless_Sinner said:
I am not good in the eyes of my wife and her relatives. For them I am a traitor. She said nobody appreciates a traitor. From old ages traitor are stoned/burned to death. She expects complete loyalty from me. Extending my vow to her extended family. She wants me to take side in every way to protect her brother. Unconditional love. Blind to all.
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Your wife loves her brother, but justice needs to be applied also for your employee. Does the brother-in-law profess innocence?
 
Helpless_Sinner said:
He insisted that it was a consensual sex, but from victim’s sworn statement it was a nonconsent. I will let the court render due process.
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yes. it is up to the court now. and your wife might support her brother no matter what the evidence shows, but you did the right thing and did not cover it up.
 
Helpless_Sinner said:
I am not good in the eyes of my wife and her relatives. For them I am a traitor. She said nobody appreciates a traitor. From old ages traitor are stoned/burned to death. She expects complete loyalty from me. Extending my vow to her extended family. She wants me to take side in every way to protect her brother. Unconditional love. Blind to all.
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Disclaimer: I could be way far off–and I’ve been wrong before-- but here’s the thought that occurred to me as I read what you wrote…

Is it possible that your wife is herself a victim of abuse from either that same brother or another family member? Was she trained by her family-of-origin towards protecting perpetrators she’s related to while seeing people who report their family members’ crimes as “traitors” for revealing family secrets? Has this type of thing gone on before within her family without being reported to authorities?

I will pray for everyone involved here. :gopray:
 
gardenswithkids said:
Disclaimer: I could be way far off–and I’ve been wrong before-- but here’s the thought that occurred to me as I read what you wrote…

Is it possible that your wife is herself a victim of abuse from either that same brother or another family member? Was she trained by her family-of-origin towards protecting perpetrators she’s related to while seeing people who report their family members’ crimes as “traitors” for revealing family secrets? Has this type of thing gone on before within her family without being reported to authorities?

I will pray for everyone involved here. :gopray:
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I thought that too

Praying for you and that justice is served.
 
Helpless_Sinner said:
I am not good in the eyes of my wife and her relatives. For them I am a traitor. She said nobody appreciates a traitor. From old ages traitor are stoned/burned to death. She expects complete loyalty from me. Extending my vow to her extended family. She wants me to take side in every way to protect her brother. Unconditional love. Blind to all.
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You have not accused him or testified against him. A woman working for you who can neither hear nor speak claimed to have been raped, and you made it possible for her to get to the police to communicate her story. It is up to her testimony and the evidence to say whether he did what she says or not.

Does your wife really think that loyalty to you means trying to keep employees who say you’ve raped them from going to the police? (I think if you admitted* you* were going around having “consensual sex” with your employees, your wife might react very differently than she implies! Her family would throw you out for the dogs to eat!!) To give people who say they are crime victims a chance to go to the police is not the same as believing them, after all. It is letting them tell their story to the authorities. As you say, it is for the authorities to decide who is telling the truth and who is lying.

By the way, if “they” killed people who helped rape victims to confront their accusers in the old days, that is evidence that “they” had no fear of God. Those who fear God will protect the oppressed and work so that justice can be reached. Provided you also do what you can so your brother-in-law can defend himself, you are no traitor.
 
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