Well let’s turn the tables around…
Let’s pretend you are a happily married man, many years of wonderful friendship, lovemaking, family time, etc with your wife. She’s the “most perfect” thing in your world, there is not a single other woman that could ever take her place, she’s loved by everyone that meets her, kind, gentle, sweet, never loses her patience and if she has it doesn’t even last more than 30 seconds…She’s always giving, always putting others first, hard working, always greets you with a smile, and she looks great in anything she wears, always cheery and always loving with the children. She is a great leader and a person to admire. You feel you are the luckiest man alive to have such a great partner! Couldn’t have it any other way…You feel you are content with the “great” sex life you have together and the romantic and passionate moments you still share after all these years…You know she’s successful at work and multitasks perfectly well at home. She even waited till all the children were old enough for school to start her career and is managing all things perfectly well!!! You couldn’t be more happy.
One night you decide to get the kids in your room so you can have family movie night, you decide to use the computer since it’s hooked up to your television and the screen is a little bigger, so you decide to click on something in the menu bar or even favorites and it says “movies” and OMG while one of you children is around you, a porn flick comes on…It’s a guy and a girl, both very young and attractive…your jaw just drops and you play it out with your child, and say you accidentally clicked on a “demon’s sight” I don’t know you make up something…Well now what? You decide to put the children to bed and explain that tomorrow night will be movie night…You decide to see what in the world is going on, and click on other “movies” not for curiosity because it’s “attracking” you but because you need to understand what in the world is going on and how many of these perverted things are in your “family” computer, or in your “wife’s” computer…She walks in and gives you some lame excuse at first, of “oh honey it’s nothing really!! Actually it was that one night my bff came over remember and oh she started looking at that stuff I just forgot to delete them!!! hahaha!!! Silly me!!?” And then there are countless more around in other areas of the computer saved, and you are just staring into your wife’s eyes and she confesses she was bored at home and just was curious!!!
The anger that has built up just thinking your wonderful marriage, the nights of passion, the lovemaking could have been happening because of some lustful satisfaction this woman was having?! Your mind begins to ask a million questions at a time, why, when, where, how, what caused this, what were you thinking?! But you can’t put your thoughts together, and you feel your body just burning up with frustration and anger, all the happy moments, the her smiles, her loving words, was it all a lie? You can even begin to question who is this woman? So you blurr out, “well if those kind of men make you happy then I am hitting the gym even longer than before, I will be there 4 hours instead of 2, Oh and see this little gut and these small guns well guess what I am going to take some steriods and building that sixpack you admire so much and make sure I have guns even bigger than that OK!!!” So your wife responds with, “but baby I love you just the way you are!!” And you just blurr out something more painful because you are feeling destroyed, your world just tumbled down, and your wife screams for your teenaged kids, and tells them “daddy wants to do this and this because he’s so greedy!!” And so you respond with, “Oh yeah well mommy stares at young guys all the time and wants them!!” (BIG MISTAKE OBVIOUSLY)
But as horrible as that is, you are not thinking properly at the moment, you are broken, you are hurt, you feel that you are dying little by little inside, you can’t understand what happened and are unable to control yourself…
Maybe to none of you this has happened but I understand how things can get out of hand. Your world is falling apart, even if it’s for a moment, and an hour later everything is fine…I understand that…But it’s a mistake, and something that can be repaired.
Obviously the OP will need some counseling but I empathise with her and I understand her feelings and pain, and even though what she did was wrong,
This is a really good post !!!
My priest told me that when my husband was just looking at women who were immodestly dressed that it was wrong. And that I had a right to be angry because he was betraying me and our marriage vows. It was like committing adultery in his heart. He also said that my husband needed to have custody of the eyes I take care of my physical appearance and we really love each other and have a great love life. I agree that the op has a right to be angry. The husband has no excuse to be viewing other women porn or not. Being male and more visual is not an excuse. Like another poster said he could find other things to do or get help. The op needs to forgive but it will take a lot of time. Put yourself in her place. Forgiving someone when you have been that hurt is very hard and an act of the will but it does not mean that you can forget. Danni, my prayers and empathy are with you!
