Celebrity crushes

[Gordon_Sims]

I disagree with you.

What if, instead of a celebrity, it’s a coworker? You’re basically saying it’s a one-sided emotional affair and that the one-sidedness makes it okay. You stated earlier that celebrities are real people. So, again, what if instead of a celebrity it’s a coworker, or a fellow choir member, or your brother-in-law? Is it still okay?

 

[Cat]

What if, instead of a celebrity, it’s a coworker? You’re basically saying it’s a one-sided emotional affair and that the one-sidedness makes it okay. You stated earlier that celebrities are real people. So, again, what if instead of a celebrity it’s a coworker, or a fellow choir member, or your brother-in-law? Is it still okay?

I think that if you nurture a crush on someone who is geographically-close to where you live, you are playing with fire and endangering your chastity.

I see nothing wrong with admiring someone who is geographically-close (choir member, etc.) because they are beautiful or handsome. We are humans, and most of us respond positively to beauty. I also see nothing wrong with admiring someone because they are funny, kind, intelligent, etc.–again, as humans, we are drawn to these positive traits in people. We want to be that way ourselves.

But taking pictures of that person and staring at them, following that person around, always being present when that person is performing or presenting a speech or working, etc.–this isn’t a crush, this is flirting. It’s not appropriate and it’s dangerous to your chastity. For a married person, it can be deadly to a marriage because it can lead to lust, which can lead to sin, which leads to the death of the marriage.

So it’s best to keep the admiration low-key. I would say that you should be able to compliment the admirable person out loud, in person, around other people. If you aren’t able to do that, your “crush” is going too far and you should take steps to halt your out-of-control feelings.

Keep in mind that when we crush on a celebrity, even though the celebrity is a real person, we are not crushing on the real person. We are actually crushing on the “image” that the celebrity is presenting to the public. That image may or may not be real.

For example, Rock Hudson (R.I.P.) (are you old enough to know who he is/was?), presented the public image of being a handsome, virile, hunky, lady’s man. BUT he was a homosexual, and that came out after he became ill and died.

MANY celebrities are homosexual, around 50%! So that handsome actor or singer that we women sigh over is probably never going to be interested in us even if we were available and in a position to be able to meet him!

Many celebrities present a public image of healthy living and vitality, but according to my daughter who works in that industry, most of them smoke. They smoke because they can’t eat (staying thin), and filming movies is extremely dull–waiting for the camera people to set up the shot, waiting for the set to be finished, etc.

Icky. I would never want to be romantic with a smoker in real life! Friends, yes, definitely. But not kissing/hugging romantic.

My favorite actor smokes cigars, which I find disgusting. But I ignore this aspect of his personality, and block it out. You see, I’m not really crushing on the real man, but on my imaginary version of him!

Some of the celebs present a public image of confidence, but in real life, they are horribly insecure. Look at Justin Bieber–so sad. Hopefully he’ll grow out of it, and then if he has any real talent, he’ll grow into a real singer, not just a pop idol.

Or look at Michael Jackson. For years, the public image was super-cool, and many young girls, teens, and women had crushes on him. But as the years went by, it was obvious that his real-life personality did not match his image. He was very sick. So sad.

I think the online technology makes it much harder for celebrities to hide who they really are. Someone will spot them smoking or kicking their cat or yelling at their kids or dressed in a ratty old sweatsuit with no makeup, and the game is up!

I think most of us who have crushes know in our hearts and heads that we really don’t know the person we have a crush on, but we just love the way he/she presents themselves whenever they are interviewed, photographed, etc. We know that in real life, the celeb burps out loud just like everyone else. But we hang onto our romantic illusion that he/she is an ethereal being who never does something embarrassing, never says something stupid, is never mean, and always looks marvelous, even when he/she first wakes up in the morning!

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I believe there’s a world of difference between admiring someone and having a crush on them. There’s a guy I work with who is an expert in his field. He’s the guy other experts call when they’re stumped. But on top of that he’s as confident and decisive as anyone I’ve ever met but will also take the time to explain everything he’s doing to make sure people understand what and why he’s making the choices he does. I admire the heck out of him and go out of my way to work with him when I can in the hopes that some of what he has will rub off. However, I don’t hang pictures of him in my cubicle and get butterflies in my stomach when I talk to him. At the same time there are celebrities–musicians, writers and actors–whose work has both inspired me and gotten me through rough patches in my life. As much as I love their work I’d never say I had a crush on them.

You said that with celebrity crushes you become enamored of the person’s image. How is that different than me becoming enamored of the image of my coworker, especially in a tight black dress or painted-on jeans? I know you threw in that you like the body of work of some of these celebrities but the crush seems to be more focused on their bodies. It sounds way too much like lust to me.

 

[Cat]

I believe there’s a world of difference between admiring someone and having a crush on them. There’s a guy I work with who is an expert in his field. He’s the guy other experts call when they’re stumped. But on top of that he’s as confident and decisive as anyone I’ve ever met but will also take the time to explain everything he’s doing to make sure people understand what and why he’s making the choices he does. I admire the heck out of him and go out of my way to work with him when I can in the hopes that some of what he has will rub off. However, I don’t hang pictures of him in my cubicle and get butterflies in my stomach when I talk to him. At the same time there are celebrities–musicians, writers and actors–whose work has both inspired me and gotten me through rough patches in my life. As much as I love their work I’d never say I had a crush on them.

You said that with celebrity crushes you become enamored of the person’s image. How is that different than me becoming enamored of the image of my coworker, especially in a tight black dress or painted-on jeans? I know you threw in that you like the body of work of some of these celebrities but the crush seems to be more focused on their bodies. It sounds way too much like lust to me.

Heavens no! Euugh.

A crush is ethereal love, far above all the physical limitations of this world. Most women who have crushes on male celebs don’t think about sex at all. They imagine themselves walking hand in hand with the celeb, having endless conversation over a Coke a Cola (which will never make them or the celeb gain weight, of course), watching swans on a lagoon, etc. Mixing sex with the crush would be icky.

With rare exception, girls and women are not sexually-aroused by SIGHT, but by touch. This means that watching a celeb on TV or hearing him on the radio will not be arousing to most girls and women, let alone “lust-inducing.”

Also, keep in mind that most young girls who have not gone through puberty yet are not capable of experiencing sexual arousal, let alone lust. When I had my major crush on Barnabas Collins (the vampire on Dark Shadows), I was 12 years old, and I honestly knew nothing about sex. Back then (in 1969), girls didn’t learn about sex as early as they have to learn about it now. I didn’t know about sex until I was nearly 16 years old. So how could I have lusted after this man? (Who was, BTW, 45 years old to my 12 years–a bit of an age difference. But that didn’t matter, because I was in love with a dream, not a real man.)

I can’t speak for male crushes, but I know that my husband’s interest in mermaids (e.g., Ariel) has little to do with sex. It’s questionable whether a mermaid can even have sex with a human. He’s interested in the beauty, the mythos, the mystery of a woman-like creature who lives under the sea. He pictures himself swimming along, free of this world, no longer needing words to communicate, with an entire universe of underwater worlds to explore. And no job, no bills, no painful hip (he has a skating injury), no aging and frail parents, etc.

A crush is sweet and innocent, and it leaves a dreamy memory that is always a part of the person, even after they are long grown-up, married, with children and grandchildren, and growing old.

A few years back when Davey Jones died, middle-aged women cried. Same for Elvis–old women who loved him when they (and he) were young make pilgrimages to Graceland–this has absolutely nothing to do with lust.

My mother was invalid with arthritis and living in a nursing home, but she still loved watching old movies starring men she had loved as a young girl.

And like I said, I still have all my scrapbooks of Barnabas and Company, and for my last birthday, my husband bought me the complete Dark Shadows DVD set, autographed by the actor who played Barnabas. Do you see the difference? Barnabas is a dream, a DVD image, and my crush on him is all feelings. My husband is real, and he demonstrated real love by spending money and time on me to buy me this cherished gift, and I hopefully do the same for him in many ways.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Heavens no! Euugh.

A crush is ethereal love, far above all the physical limitations of this world. Most women who have crushes on male celebs don’t think about sex at all. They imagine themselves walking hand in hand with the celeb, having endless conversation over a Coke a Cola (which will never make them or the celeb gain weight, of course), watching swans on a lagoon, etc. Mixing sex with the crush would be icky.

With rare exception, girls and women are not sexually-aroused by SIGHT, but by touch. This means that watching a celeb on TV or hearing him on the radio will not be arousing to most girls and women, let alone “lust-inducing.”

Then why is it that you never hear about women having celebrity crushes on Steve Buscemi, Peter Lorre or other more appearance-challenged celebrities?

 

[Joe_5859]

I think the word “crush” is being defined very differently by different posters in this thread!

I know that I never understood the reason for celebrity crushes, even when I was a kid. Why would I “like” a girl I had absolutely no chance of ever meeting? In Junior High, when all the girls were ga-ga over the New Kids on the Block, I was so, so confused. I just didn’t get it.

I recall a few times growing up (not many, just a few) where my Mom mentioned having a “crush” on Tom Cruise. That made me feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable as a child.

I would agree that there can be a difference between having a “crush” and lusting after a person. And perhaps it could be taken by some as “all in good fun.” But I don’t think we should be too surprised that not everyone feels the same way.

As far as the “freebies list” goes, that is definitely problematic (and, yes, I recall that Friends episode and so I knew right away what Gordon was talking about). I cannot imagine having such a conversation with my wife. But I don’t think all “celebrity crushes” rise (or rather “sink”) to that level, as evidenced by Cat’s posts.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I think the word “crush” is being defined very differently by different posters in this thread!

I agree. Crushes, being a fan, admiring someone, and lusting for someone are distinct things.

I know that I never understood the reason for celebrity crushes, even when I was a kid. Why would I “like” a girl I had absolutely no chance of ever meeting? In Junior High, when all the girls were ga-ga over the New Kids on the Block, I was so, so confused. I just didn’t get it.

I think some people just aren’t wired that way. A crush is involuntary and temporary (they last on average 4 months) and that is where you not understanding it and my getting over a crush after a short period of time cross paths. I’m not going to experience it forever and I might even come to a point where I wonder what I found attractive about that person.

I recall a few times growing up (not many, just a few) where my Mom mentioned having a “crush” on Tom Cruise. That made me feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable as a child.

I would agree that there can be a difference between having a “crush” and lusting after a person. And perhaps it could be taken by some as “all in good fun.” But I don’t think we should be too surprised that not everyone feels the same way.

Especially since the definition of a crush isn’t agreed upon and there are other types of social phenomena (e.g., being a fan) that are woven in here.

As far as the “freebies list” goes, that is definitely problematic (and, yes, I recall that Friends episode and so I knew right away what Gordon was talking about). I cannot imagine having such a conversation with my wife. But I don’t think all “celebrity crushes” rise (or rather “sink”) to that level, as evidenced by Cat’s posts.

I agree. Having “a list” was introduced on this thread and doesn’t have anything to do with crushes which are short lived, one-sided, and innocent.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Then why is it that you never hear about women having celebrity crushes on Steve Buscemi, Peter Lorre or other more appearance-challenged celebrities?

There are fan sites for Steve Buscemi and but I don’t know about Peter Lorre; some his fan girls might still be alive.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think some people just aren’t wired that way. A crush is involuntary and temporary (they last on average 4 months) and that is where you not understanding it and my getting over a crush after a short period of time cross paths. I’m not going to experience it forever and I might even come to a point where I wonder what I found attractive about that person.

Oh, I had my fair share of crushes. But they were always on girls I knew in real life (even if only that girl from the opposite side of the classroom who I never even spoke to). I guess if there wasn’t at least a glimmering hope that something could come of it, it didn’t really make sense to me.

 

[Cat]

Then why is it that you never hear about women having celebrity crushes on Steve Buscemi, Peter Lorre or other more appearance-challenged celebrities?

thestevebuscemifanclub.tumblr.com/

eviltwin.velvetsofa.com/Lorre/peter.html

All celebrities have fans, including fans of both sexes who have crushes on them.

When I checked out Steve Buscemi (I’ve never heard of him until you mentioned him here), my first thought was, “Wow, he’s really cute! Gorgeous eyes!” Perhaps your definition of “appearance-challenged” is different than many women’s definition.

Back in the late 1960s, when Dark Shadows was on television, Jonathan Frid, the 45-year-old actor with a craggy face who played Barnabas Collins, received over 5000 fan letters per day. His picture was on the pages of teen magazines like “Tiger Beat” and “16 Magazine” along with Davey Jones, Bobby Sherman, Donny Osmond, etc.–when I look back on these articles (in my scrapbooks), it DOES look kind of strange to see a middle-aged man lined up with all the young men teen idols! He was handsome in a Byronic, Shakespearean way, but hardly a hunk like so many of the young guys.

But teenagers and little girls just adored him anyway, and he STILL has a massive following of fans, even though he died in 2013 (R.I.P.)!

I heard him tell a story once about an autograph line. Hundreds of people were lined up to get his autograph (he was dressed in Barnabas cape and makeup), and near the end of the line, a mother was carrying a young girl, around 5 years old, who was screaming, “I don’t want to, I don’t want to!” Mr. Frid was quite nervous about the situation, and hoped that the mother would take the little girl away, since it was obvious she was terrified of the vampire.

But when she got up to Jonathan Frid, the mother told her little girl, “OK, go ahead and tell him.”

The little girl snuffled, looked up at Mr. Frid through wet eyelashes, and said, “I just love you so much!”

He said his heart melted! He was always popular with children, and spent a lot of time visiting children’s hospitals (in Barnabas costume) and giving the children a thrill. Tricia Nixon invited him to the White House to entertain children at a Halloween party that she gave–he loved that!

I have loved Jonathan Frid since I was a little girl. I still love him. Not in the same way I love my husband. It’s a dreamy, sweet, innocent “crush love,” with no thought of sex or lust.

I know that a lot of women make ga-ga noises over hunky men, but again, always keep in mind that women are NOT (for the most part) aroused by mere sight. Men are completely different than women; they can see a bra advertisement in a old Sear’s catalog and get an erection, even if they don’t even know the woman! But women aren’t like that. We see underwear ads with handsome men, and even if we sigh and say, “Wow, he’s cute!” we are not in the least sexually-aroused. Now if the man stepped out of the page, handed us a red rose and a steaming cup of cinnamon tea, and told us how beautiful we looked, that might START us down the path to arousal. Then if he dimmed the lights, put on some soft music, and started kissing us, that would probably be a little bit more arousing. But at that point, many women would jump up and say, “Wait a minute! I don’t even know you! Who do you think you are?! Stop!”

 

[Jovinovi]

This is funny though. Never thought of celebrity crushes as I’m African. I know I used to admire Alecia Keys until she had a baby out of wed luck. So I guess I admired her initially for her decency. This is not to judge her as lots of us were lucky we stayed till we got married due to our parents efforts.
My issue on celebrity crushes, lust etc. It is like the ebola virus. If you have such desires, keep them to yourself. If you discuss such fantasies you spread them amongst innocent people. Discussing with priests is good but don’t plant that evil seed in them either. They get tempted too.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

This is funny though. Never thought of celebrity crushes as I’m African. I know I used to admire Alecia Keys until she had a baby out of wed luck. So I guess I admired her initially for her decency. This is not to judge her as lots of us were lucky we stayed till we got married due to our parents efforts.
My issue on celebrity crushes, lust etc. It is like the ebola virus. If you have such desires, keep them to yourself. If you discuss such fantasies you spread them amongst innocent people. Discussing with priests is good but don’t plant that evil seed in them either. They get tempted too.

Having a crush and lusting are two very different things. A crush is innocent and lust is sinful. It’s possible to lust over a crush but it’s uncharitable to suggest everyone does that.

 

[Cat]

This is funny though. Never thought of celebrity crushes as I’m African. I know I used to admire Alecia Keys until she had a baby out of wed luck. So I guess I admired her initially for her decency. This is not to judge her as lots of us were lucky we stayed till we got married due to our parents efforts.
My issue on celebrity crushes, lust etc. It is like the ebola virus. If you have such desires, keep them to yourself. If you discuss such fantasies you spread them amongst innocent people. Discussing with priests is good but don’t plant that evil seed in them either. They get tempted too.

Jovinovi, I think that perhaps you haven’t been in the U.S. long enough to understand what “celebrity crushes” and “fandom” are all about.

Part of the fun of having a crush on a celebrity is getting together with all the others who share your crush and celebrating the life of the celebrity. Fans do this at “conventions”. The Star Trek conventions are amazing events in the U.S. where fans dress up in costumes, attend panel discussions, watch episodes of the television show, watch Star Trek movies, and best of all, MEET the various actors who portrayed the characters on Star Trek (TV and movies), as well as the writers, producers, musicians, or anyone remotely associated with the shows! The meetings are often done in group settings, where all the fans sit in the audience, and the celebrity comes out, and people applaud for many minutes (often standing ovation is given!), and then the celeb gives a little talk, and then the audience asks questions and the celeb answers.

SO much fun!

I have attended one Dark Shadows Convention (they call them “festivals”) and it was such fun. When I saw Jonathan Frid, the actor that I have had a crush on since childhood, my heart was literally beating out of my chest! There were hundreds of others in the audience with me, and they all felt the same way! All weekend long, we would sit around the convention center and chat about our favorite actors on the show (especially Mr. Frid)–all that is part of the fun of being a fan!

There were lots of children there–many children love this show and they were having as much fun as the adults.

Please don’t make the assumption that fandom and celebrity crushes are evil in any way. There is no evil.

Of course, some fans DO turn their crush into something evil. Some fans become “obsessed” with a celebrity, and stalk the celebrity and sometimes even try to hurt the celebrity. This is extremely frightening for celebrities (they are often terrified that the fanatical fan will try to hurt their children or other family members, and sometimes, this does happen). Stalking is against the law in the U.S.

But the huge majority of fans just have fun with their celebrity crush, and when they talk about their crush, it is pure, innocent fun, not evil in the least.

 

[Joe_5859]

Jovinovi, I think that perhaps you haven’t been in the U.S. long enough to understand what “celebrity crushes” and “fandom” are all about.

Part of the fun of having a crush on a celebrity is getting together with all the others who share your crush and celebrating the life of the celebrity. Fans do this at “conventions”. The Star Trek conventions are amazing events in the U.S. where fans dress up in costumes, attend panel discussions, watch episodes of the television show, watch Star Trek movies, and best of all, MEET the various actors who portrayed the characters on Star Trek (TV and movies), as well as the writers, producers, musicians, or anyone remotely associated with the shows! The meetings are often done in group settings, where all the fans sit in the audience, and the celebrity comes out, and people applaud for many minutes (often standing ovation is given!), and then the celeb gives a little talk, and then the audience asks questions and the celeb answers.

SO much fun!

I have attended one Dark Shadows Convention (they call them “festivals”) and it was such fun. When I saw Jonathan Frid, the actor that I have had a crush on since childhood, my heart was literally beating out of my chest! There were hundreds of others in the audience with me, and they all felt the same way! All weekend long, we would sit around the convention center and chat about our favorite actors on the show (especially Mr. Frid)–all that is part of the fun of being a fan!

There were lots of children there–many children love this show and they were having as much fun as the adults.

Please don’t make the assumption that fandom and celebrity crushes are evil in any way. There is no evil.

Of course, some fans DO turn their crush into something evil. Some fans become “obsessed” with a celebrity, and stalk the celebrity and sometimes even try to hurt the celebrity. This is extremely frightening for celebrities (they are often terrified that the fanatical fan will try to hurt their children or other family members, and sometimes, this does happen). Stalking is against the law in the U.S.

But the huge majority of fans just have fun with their celebrity crush, and when they talk about their crush, it is pure, innocent fun, not evil in the least.

The way you describe it, I think then that all of my “celebrity crushes” are on popes and bishops.

 

[Jovinovi]

Nice making it look clean. If I go for morning mass, say my rosary, offer my work up to God. Earn more money to support the church, I don’t thing celebrity crush would appeal to me. I’d be too engrossed in the work of the Lord my God than spend time discussing some fantassy of some imoral atheist whose been divorced x times with kids out of wedluck etc. Celebrity crush won’t aid your spiritual life and might even distroy your wedding. On one post a lady said her husband knows she would leave him for some celebrity. I want to own my wife and God own us as one. I’d faint if she kisses me but has a picture of Bekham under her pillow. My friends wife told me once that she enjoys sex with her husband cos she assumes its me. I was quick to tell her it would never happen, she should thank God for what she has and face her marriage. Still on celibrity crush it leads to lust, its not holy and definitly won’t get u to God

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Again you are mixing up different things.

Nice making it look clean. If I go for morning mass, say my rosary, offer my work up to God. Earn more money to support the church, I don’t thing celebrity crush would appeal to me.

Crushes are involuntary. In the beginning, they just happen. Saying it wouldn’t appeal to you doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

I’d be too engrossed in the work of the Lord my God than spend time discussing some fantassy of some imoral atheist whose been divorced x times with kids out of wedluck etc.

I can’t tell if I am perceiving a bit of spiritual pride or judgment but if that’s your approach to spiritual counsel I’m afraid it’s a little heavy handed. You make it sound like a crush is all consuming or something. If it is then it’s not a crush anymore; it’s an obsession. Don’t conflate those two different things.

Celebrity crush won’t aid your spiritual life and might even distroy your wedding. On one post a lady said her husband knows she would leave him for some celebrity. I want to own my wife and God own us as one. I’d faint if she kisses me but has a picture of Bekham under her pillow.

That freebie list has nothing to **do **with innocent crushes. The OP introduced people have “a list” and having such a list and crushes are two different things. A crush would only destroy a marriage if it was very weak in the first place.

My friends wife told me once that she enjoys sex with her husband cos she assumes its me.

Gross. That’s not a crush, that is lust and adulterous.

I was quick to tell her it would never happen, she should thank God for what she has and face her marriage.

Good.

Still on celibrity crush it leads to lust, its not holy and definitly won’t get u to God

Not sure if you meant to say “if it leads to lust” or “it leads to lust.” If you were saying “**if **a crush leads to lust, it’s not holy…” I agree. But if you meant to “it leads to lust” then you are wrong. Crushes and lust are different things and I say again it is uncharitable to suggest that all crushes lead to lust. This time I’m going to go so far and say just because it became lust for you doesn’t mean it will become lust for others. You don’t know my thoughts or experiences or those of others.

 

[on_the_hill]

So are you saying that my Pinterest shrine :compcoff: to Adam Levine is wrong? That I should delete all 1,095 pins??? :takethat:

I think my wife *might *have a secret crush on Adam Levine. His name came up in conversation, and I didn’t think she’d even know who he is.

Well, not only did she know who he is, but she actually reacted favorably at the mention of his name!

I’m sort of fond of Jennifer Lawrence.

 

[Jovinovi]

All well and good. Thanks for judging me. If you think it will get you closer to God, fine. I don’t think it would help me in anyway. I have enough sins on my plate and not currently ready to experiment. That’s your way, fine. It’s different strokes for different folks you got 7up pepsi n even coke. Just asking, am I on ur celibrity list? (Just joking. Really I am. God bless you).

 

[on_the_hill]

My friends wife told me once that she enjoys sex with her husband cos she assumes its me.

O.k., that goes waaaay beyond celebrity crush.

She’s full-on coveting her neighbor.

If you’re worried about spreading sin by discussing celebrity crushes, the first thing you need to do is break your friendship because there’s a whole lot more sin involved with your friend’s wife than someone pining over a snapshot of a celebrity.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I think my wife *might *have a secret crush on Adam Levine. His name came up in conversation, and I didn’t think she’d even know who he is.

Well, not only did she know who he is, but she actually reacted favorably at the mention of his name!

I’m sort of fond of Jennifer Lawrence.

My crush on him was very short lived but I remember it was sort of embarrassing to realize how long Maroon 5 had hit songs and I had no idea. I used to follow music closely (my best friend from high school even went into radio.) It made me feel old.

And I totally get the Jennifer Lawrence thing. She seems like she would be a blast to hang out with.