Cell Phone Address Book

[gavin52]

auppie:

Why is that not ok? We are not talking abortion here…so your analogy does not apply. Opposite sex friends are not wrong. Why do research? For what ever the question is, research is generally slanted in that direction.

You said they are not uncommon implying that as a reason why they are okay. Granted, I know it’s not your only reason. I used an analogy showing that just because it common doesn’t make it right. Abortion was the analogy - don’t you get it?!?

Why research? Because if you listen to any Catholic speaker on this subject you’ll see it’s wrong. And you’ll see why it’s wrong. If you can’t see it’s wrong now then you need to do research to figure it out. Show my one Catholic speaker that says it’s okay. Don’t show me some secular speaker or protestant speaker. Show me a Catholic speaker.

 

[auppie]

gavin52:

You said they are not uncommon implying that as a reason why they are okay. Granted, I know it’s not your only reason. I used an analogy showing that just because it common doesn’t make it right. Abortion was the analogy - don’t you get it?!?

Why research? Because if you listen to any Catholic speaker on this subject you’ll see it’s wrong. And you’ll see why it’s wrong. If you can’t see it’s wrong now then you need to do research to figure it out. Show my one Catholic speaker that says it’s okay. Don’t show me some secular speaker or protestant speaker. Show me a Catholic speaker.

It’s this closed-minded thinking that infuriates me. Only show a Catholic speaker/view…nothing else matters.

Um, and yes, I did get your analogy, however a statement like that will only throw this thread off onto another topic.

On that note, I am done with this one.

Good night.

 

[WindyFire12]

auppie:

As a matter of fact, I did go through this.

This wasn’t the case. Infidelity is a SYMPTOM of something bigger going on, not the cause…and I did not allude that the “cause” was “hey my husband won’t let me have male friends, so I think I’ll cheat on him.”.

And the point is that women can have platonic male friends. It is not unheard of.

Infidelity isn’t always caused by “something” bigger going on. Sometimes the person is “just like that” -or- immature. Sometimes they don’t know how hurtful it is to their spouse and more especially to God. So the OP could have been a great husband but his wife was just a cheater to start with. We don’t know. We don’t know the history of their marriage or the personality of his wife.

Frankly, to come out and make it appear that somehow the OP caused this is cold and very poor taste.

 

[WindyFire12]

auppie:

It’s this closed-minded thinking that infuriates me. Only show a Catholic speaker/view…nothing else matters.

Well, if it’s not Catholic and goes against Catholic morality and teaching then why should it matter. This attitude is liberal Catholicism at it’s best. Sorry that it infuriates you.

I am sure those Catholic speakers spoken up will back up their reasons with Catholic teaching and morality.

auppie:

Um, and yes, I did get your analogy, however a statement like that will only throw this thread off onto another topic.

On that note, I am done with this one.

Good night.

First gavin’s analogy didn’t apply then you get it?

Anyway, thank you so much for being done with this one. We do not need people calling themselves Catholic supporting bad Catholic morals.

 

[Princess_Abby]

WindyFire12:

One thing I see in common to all the people here saying it’s okay to have close opposite-sex friends is they all seem to have one. Maybe they are just trying to justify themselves.

IT’S WRONG! Read/Study/Listen to any Catholic speaker on this subject and you’ll see it’s wrong, unfaithful, and does not belong in a Sacramental Marriage.

The original topic was whether or not there is any reason whatsoever to have members of the opposite sex in one’s cell phone book. It somehow turned into a “if you have a member of the opposite sex as a ‘close friend’ then you are wrong/unfaithful’” etc, thread. There are a number of reasons in which a person might have to contact a member of the opposite sex over a cell phone and might in fact have them plugged into their cell phone.

Thankfully, someone went and created a thread about the subject that you and several others are suddenly discussing in this thread, as opposed to what the original post was actually about.

Furthermore, what exactly IS a “close” friend??? That seems to be totally subjective and undefined, but given that this thread is totally derailed, I will go ask it in the other thread if it has not been addressed.

 

[Catholic2003]

WindyFire12:

One thing I see in common to all the people here saying it’s okay to have close opposite-sex friends is they all seem to have one. Maybe they are just trying to justify themselves.

I guess you must have skipped over my post.

WindyFire12:

IT’S WRONG! Read/Study/Listen to any Catholic speaker on this subject and you’ll see it’s wrong, unfaithful, and does not belong in a Sacramental Marriage.

Please cite any magisterial teaching stating that it is wrong. Anything that is truly sinful has been repeatedly condemned by the magisterium.

Having opposite sex friends is not intrinsically wrong, nor intrinsically good. It is something that each couple must work out for themselves.

 

[Mt19_26]

Princess_Abby:

The original post was all about cell phone address books. “Close opposite-sex friends are inappropriate,” is never even mentioned until other posts. You instead state that you can’t think of a reason in which your wife should be able to have another man’s cell phone number in her address book.

Yes, and I later clarified that in some rare circumstances it was okay.

Princess_Abby:

All of my posts were in response to your original post, yet now you claim that since you keep changing the point of this thread that I’m somehow twisting your words. I did not have sarcastic questions,

When we are discussing whether it’s appropriate to have male friends in a cell phone. I am pretty sure you know what my post was dealing with and you state if it’s alright to have a priests number I would say that’s being sarcastic. Of course it’s alright to have a priests phone number in a cell phone.

One side note dealing with whether it’s appropriate to discuss personal issues involving your spouse which was also discussed in this thread. When I call our priest for advice he always asks whether or not my wife knows I am calling him and if she doesn’t she should be told first. Also, when discussing issues within our marriage he makes sure it’s alright with the other spouse that these issues are being discussed.

Princess_Abby:

I simply pointed out that blanketly stating that a wife can “never be allowed” to have male numbers in her cell phone is not exactly realistic and that there are plenty of exceptions to that line of thinking. Given that you really prefer to discuss the appropriateness of close friendships between wives and other men, perhaps you should start a thread specifically about that subject.

Looks like one has already been started and I’ll be headed over there to post.

Princess_Abby:

Again, I can understand where you’re coming from given that your wife chose to hurt you in a such a deep way, specifically with a male friend that you did not realize would eventually lead to a betrayal. I can also see why and how you trace this back to inappropriate phone calls, given that from what you describe, many men who were unknown to you would call the house and ask to speak to her. My only issue is when you take your experience and apply it universally to every other marriage. I also find it hard to stay en pointe when the focus of discussion changes.

Never did not apply my experience to anybody’s elses marriage. I stated that I did not believe it is right to have close opposite-sex friends.

 

[rayne89]

I don’t own a cell phone. If I did I would keep phone numbers in it of people I may need to contact regardless of sex. (I keep them in my mini-address book in my purse right now.) If hubby had a problem with it I’d remove them. It’s not worth hurting his feelings over a some phone numbers.

 

[Mt19_26]

Catholic2003:

Please cite any magisterial teaching stating that it is wrong. Anything that is truly sinful has been repeatedly condemned by the magisterium.

Since when does a magisterium have to specifically state that a particular action is wrong to make it truly sinful?

Catholic2003:

Having opposite sex friends is not intrinsically wrong, nor intrinsically good. It is something that each couple must work out for themselves.

It’s wrong and it doesn’t take too much common sense to figure out why. But if more reasons are need simply listen to various Catholic experts in the area.

 

[James_2_24]

rayne89:

I don’t own a cell phone. If I did I would keep phone numbers in it of people I may need to contact regardless of sex. (I keep them in my mini-address book in my purse right now.) If hubby had a problem with it I’d remove them. It’s not worth hurting his feelings over a some phone numbers.

Here is someone who knows what marriage is about and is able to sacrifice for the sake of their spouse. God Bless.

 

[Mt19_26]

rayne89:

I don’t own a cell phone. If I did I would keep phone numbers in it of people I may need to contact regardless of sex. (I keep them in my mini-address book in my purse right now.) If hubby had a problem with it I’d remove them. It’s not worth hurting his feelings over a some phone numbers.

I agree. My wife still keeps phone numbers of male friends (not many) in her cell phone even though she knows I don’t like it. For one friend she even has his house, cell, and parent’s house. I wish she’d remove them but I won’t demand that she does.

 

[rayne89]

Mt19:26:

While reading another thread in this forum, “A Hubby’s Phone”, I thought of another related issue. I was going post in that thread but I think a new thread would be more appropriate.

What does everyone here think about opposite sex phone numbers in their spouse’s cell phone address book? Personally, I didn’t think there was a problem with it. But after having gone through infidelity in my marriage I changed my position. I don’t think it’s appropriate anymore. I see no reason why my wife should have another man’s cell phone or home phone number in her addess book. Even if she says he’s “just a friend”. I’ve been burnt by that “just a friend” phrase already and I blame myself for being so naive to actually believe the person she was unfaithful with was “just a friend”.

My wife still has other men’s phone numbers in her cell phone address book and she refer’s to some of them as “just friends”. I have voiced my dislike for having those numbers in there but haven’t gone as far as asking her to remove them. I know that she’ll very likely get upset and start accusing me of not trusting her.

I think your very limited idea of what is appropriate for male/female friendships is centered around the fact that you have suffered an infidelity in your marriage. This is perfectly understandable. Trust in that kind of situation takes patience and time to rebuild. Being married to a recoved alcoholic believe me I know all about trust issues.

I have a friend who’s husband has done some awful things and her marriage is bad and regrets getting married. Because of her experience her view is skewed about men and marriage in general. She basically thinks all men are jerks, not trustworthy and basically thinks marriage in general sucks. She pretty much thinks it’s like that for every one because that is her experience.

Because your wife was unfaithful you distrust any male/female relationships. Keeping phone numbers off a cell phone will not keep someone from cheating. If your close enough to someone that you consider going to bed with them I’m sure you already know the number by heart.

I think your wife should be more sensitive to your feelings considering your circumstances but this really isn’t about cell phone numbers it’s about not being able to trust your spouse.

 

[Catholic2003]

Mt19:26:

Since when does a magisterium have to specifically state that a particular action is wrong to make it truly sinful?

Since about 33 A.D.

The power to bind and loose (Matthew 16:19) was given to St. Peter, and today resides with the Pope. Individual Catholics do not have the power to invent new sins and impose those sins on the rest of us.

 

[_Jenn]

As far as the whole issue of the OP - cell phone address book - I have easily 60+ numbers in mine. Family, friends(including cell of both members of married couples), co-workers, etc. A number in a cell phone doesn’t automatically mean someone you are close to. For me, it is an easy way to have any number I might need right at hand. Not to mention, we’ve got one cell phone - so my cell phone is also my husband’s cell phone. Generally in my possession, but he will occasionally take it and use it.

I personally don’t see the difference in having someone’s number programmed in my cell vs. having someone’s number written in my paper address book. Both are with me at all times, both contain numbers for everyone we have a number for.

The notion that having such easy access to a phone number belonging to someone of the opposite sex is going to lead to temptation and cheating is just immature, IMO.

 

[Mt19_26]

Catholic2003:

Since about 33 A.D.

The power to bind and loose (Matthew 16:19) was given to St. Peter, and today resides with the Pope. Individual Catholics do not have the power to invent new sins and impose those sins on the rest of us.

So are you saying that having close opposite-sex friends that puts one in the near occasion of sin has to be specifically identified as sinful by the magisterium in order for it to be a sin? I think not. It falls under an exisiting sin.

My point was not every little detail of a sin has to be identified by the magisterium to be sinful because it usually falls under something they have already labeled a sin.

 

[Mt19_26]

rayne89:

I think your very limited idea of what is appropriate for male/female friendships is centered around the fact that you have suffered an infidelity in your marriage. This is perfectly understandable. Trust in that kind of situation takes patience and time to rebuild. Being married to a recoved alcoholic believe me I know all about trust issues.

I do not have a limited idea of male/female friendships. In fact, I have a much better understanding than I ever had after spending the last few years reading/learning/studying what a Sacramental marriage is. Rather than repeat what has already been posted go to this forum:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=79737

for the reasons why close opposite-sex friendships are not good in a marriage. It’s been discussed in detail over there.

 

[Orionthehunter]

Mt19:26:

So are you saying that having close opposite-sex friends that puts one in the near occasion of sin has to be specifically identified as sinful by the magisterium in order for it to be a sin? I think not. It falls under an exisiting sin.

My point was not every little detail of a sin has to be identified by the magisterium to be sinful because it usually falls under something they have already labeled a sin.

While this on another thread, I will respond. Church Teaching is very clear that it is Godly to have philia love, storge love, and even agape love for others and it does not distinguish that it is restricted to only those of our own gender.

 

[dulcissima]

I don’t have a problem with it. My husband has literally everyone’s numbers in his phone. I find that very convenient. Last night his cell was ringing and he didn’t answer it. It was his personal assistant from his old job, calling his cell from her home number, which showed up with all of that info because it is pre-programmed in there. I guess if I were the suspicious type, I would be alarmed, but I’m not. I asked him this morning if he checked his voice mail and knew why she was calling. It was to get his opinion on a new job offer. It is OK with me if he wants to stay close with old co-workers. It’s called networking, and that is why he always has so many job opportunities.

I think having the numbers pre-programmed in his phone even shows that he is honest and above board about it. Of course, he has never cheated on me, so I that is why I feel the way I do. If he had a past history, that would be another story.

 

[Catholic2003]

Mt19:26:

So are you saying that having close opposite-sex friends that puts one in the near occasion of sin has to be specifically identified as sinful by the magisterium in order for it to be a sin? I think not. It falls under an exisiting sin.

My point was not every little detail of a sin has to be identified by the magisterium to be sinful because it usually falls under something they have already labeled a sin.

Here is what I am saying:

Things that fall under existing sins are still sinful in the case at hand. Thus, adultery is sinful. Lusting after someone in your heart is sinful.

Things that fall under the near occasion of sin are still near occasions of sin in the case at hand. Thus, a close friendship with a person that you are attracted to sexually is a near occasion of sin.

However, there are many cases of close friendships with members of the opposite sex that do not fall in the above categories. These cases are not sinful. That is, there is no blanket “married people can’t have close friends of the opposite sex” sin that covers every single case of this.

 

[wabrams]

I couldn’t tell you how many phone numbers are in my cell phone, but over half are women. At least 2/3 of the numbers are business contacts. About 8 months ago my fiance decided to go through and throw a hissy fit about it. I explained why they were there, and when that didn’t smooth her over, I told her to get over it. Business is business. Funny thing was, hers is about the same as mine and I’ve never questioned it.