Changing my Parish?

[rpp]

Sorry for the long post. But I have been trying to figure out what to do.

Recently, I considered changing my parish. I have resigned from my committee positions and had myself removed from the lector list.

There are two reasons behind this.

I am a new convert. I converted from atheism in 2003 and was confirmed in 2005. As I grow in the faith, I find that I am drawn to more and more reverent liturgy. My parish, generally a good one, is sort of so-so in this area. However, there is another parish that had very reverent liturgies and will likely change one of their Sunday Masses to a TLM after Sept. 14. I have a great love for the TLM.

The second reason is that I am getting tired of liturgical abuses. Nearly all are minor but a couple were pretty serious (but may be better described as “accidents” admittedly.) One priest in particular seems much more prone to liturgical accidents, like failing to say the Creed. The music has gotten increasingly secularized. I think drums at Mass are inappropriate.

The result is I find myself leaving Mass annoyed and sometimes upset. I do not think Mass should make me feel this way.

Before I resigned from my posts, I wrote my pastor a very kindly worded letter. I emphasized my personal love for him (which is completely true), but expressing my disappoint at what I described as a “creeping irreverence at Mass”. I did not name names, but I did cite certain examples and explained how this affects me. I concluded by admitting it may be due to my spiritual immaturity, but that I greatly desired a more reverent Mass.

He contacted me and we spoke. While we touched on many topics during our very pleasant and patient 90 minute meeting, I came away with a three important points.

1. The parish I am in had been known for being “liturgically creative” up to about 1999 or 2000 (I started there in 2003) when the diocesan priests were replaced with priests from a religious society. These priests are quite orthodox and have had to slowly undo much of what had been done at the parish, bringing the liturgy and celebrations back into faithfulness with Rome. This progress is ongoing as the pastor has met constant resistance.
2. The pastor is quick to point the difference between something that is “permitted” and something that is “not excluded”. Drums are “not excluded” from Mass for example.
3. Traditionally, and apparently this is supposed to be still true in the USA, Catholics are supposed to attend Mass at the “neighborhood” parish. Catholics should not to “shop around” for a parish as this is like bringing a consumerist attitude to worship.

The pastor described my difficulties as a “crisis of reality”. I think he is right.

Finally, it turns out the “accident” prone priest has suddenly decided to leave the priesthood! He gave me that news as well.

I attend Mass at my parish this past week, but have not decided whether to actually go through with going to another parish. And yes, I have attended this other parish before and know several people there.

But at the same time, I feel like I would be leaving my family. When I converted from atheism, I lost virtually all my friends. Even my wife left me for becoming a Christian. The only close friends I have made are at this parish.

This is a very difficult decision.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

It sounds like you and the pastor are very much on the same wavelength. He’s being honest in saying that he can’t make everything change at once, especially if he meets a lot of resistance.

I think you have to consider the possibility that you will run into problems of some sort at the new parish you are considering. No place is perfect. That’s not to say that the new one might not be a better fit for you, but I’m sure you will find some things you don’t like. What happens then?

To me, changing parishes is a difficult decision to make. You are leaving a lot behind while at the same time looking forward to the good you’ll find in the new parish. From what you’ve said of your discussion with the pastor, I’d be inclined to hold out and see what happens. But if things get to the point where the old parish is toxic to your spiritual health, then it’s time to leave.

 

[dulcissima]

I am going through a very similar situation here. I almost re-registered online for the new parish, but the online form asked me if I lived in the parish boundaries. I’m really not sure. I never even checked into that when I registered at the first parish. I was wondering, do parishes actually have boundaries where if you live on one street you belong to a certain parish but move a couple of blocks in the other direction and you would need to belong to a different parish?

The abuses at the parish I have been attending are not accidental, and parishoners bringing up abuses is one of the pastor’s pet peeves. I have already been going to the new parish for confession and adoration for several months now. Recently I’ve started to attend Mass there and it is much more reverent. They also will be having the TLM there too. So, pretty clearly I do want to change. I just was uncertain about the “boundaries” requirement.

 

[po18guy]

rpp,

Stay the course! Stick with your parish. Even though you feel spiritually immature, in truth you are called by God to be a prominent part of the revival of your parish. He carried you from denial to the Divine in such a short time! You can set the example, make suggestions, gently and patiently work to correct the abuses-many of which may have resulted from poor catechesis of the parishoners.

You have already paid a high price, but from those to whom much was given, much will be required. Seek out the Blessed Sacrament and let Christ speak to your heart. Your pastor is the leader, but he cannot do it alone. He already knows your heart is in the right place and that he can count on you. Pray for him, as well. Imagine what he saw when he first arrived there!

You’re in my prayers.

 

[anniemart]

I am going through a very similar situation here. I almost re-registered online for the new parish, but the online form asked me if I lived in the parish boundaries. I’m really not sure. I never even checked into that when I registered at the first parish. I was wondering, do parishes actually have boundaries where if you live on one street you belong to a certain parish but move a couple of blocks in the other direction and you would need to belong to a different parish?

The abuses at the parish I have been attending are not accidental, and parishoners bringing up abuses is one of the pastor’s pet peeves. I have already been going to the new parish for confession and adoration for several months now. Recently I’ve started to attend Mass there and it is much more reverent. They also will be having the TLM there too. So, pretty clearly I do want to change. I just was uncertain about the “boundaries” requirement.

Yes…every parish does have its boundaries and most offices will have either a wall map detailing it or a book to refer to…in our parish (where I volunteer frequently) many people come in need of assistance. We do ask them if they are registered (always attempting to joyfully and genuinely evangelize) and if not, what their residence is located.

We’re required to refer them to their boundary parish if that parish offers the same assistance we do unless they have come in with a referral.

The pastor explained to me once that the reason for boundaries is because no parish should have its “tithing” taken and given to another parish but people are free to register where they wish in the end.

 

[anniemart]

rpp,

Stay the course! Stick with your parish. Even though you feel spiritually immature, in truth you are called by God to be a prominent part of the revival of your parish. He carried you from denial to the Divine in such a short time! You can set the example, make suggestions, gently and patiently work to correct the abuses-many of which may have resulted from poor catechesis of the parishoners.

You have already paid a high price, but from those to whom much was given, much will be required. Seek out the Blessed Sacrament and let Christ speak to your heart. Your pastor is the leader, but he cannot do it alone. He already knows your heart is in the right place and that he can count on you. Pray for him, as well. Imagine what he saw when he first arrived there!

You’re in my prayers.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

rpp…trust in the Lord, He will reveal to you what should be done. I also will pray…Remember this, in our faith we often need to ask ourselves if we are part of the problem or part of the solution. God Bless You abunduntly and may He increase your boundary!

 

[rpp]

Thank you all for the encouragement.

I would like to answer one point that SuscipeMeDomine brought up.

I completely realize that no place is perfect. I would expect that there will be things I like and dislike about any parish. I have just been annoyed at the increasing number of liturgical abuses. And the music is awful.

At the two parishes I am considering going to, their music at Mass is nearly exclusively Gregorian Chant.

 

[John_Higgins]

rpp,

Just a correction of a few of the comments here. While it may be a parish or diocesan policy, being bound to parish boundaries is not in Canon Law. Below are two recent quotes from Fr. Serpa answering on AAA:

Originally Posted by Fr. Vincent Serpa
Jun 15, '07, 11:26 am

While one ought to attend his parish church regularly, the new code of canon law does not specify that it must be in the parish territory in which one resides. By all means shop around and register where you choose.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

Jun 18, ‘07, 11:38 am

The new code of canon law does not require one to register in the closest parish to where one resides. Nor does it say anything about hopping the boundaries of the diocese. Go where you are fed!

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

My wife and I have been members of the best parish in the Archdiocese of Chicago although we live in DuPage County (part of Joliet Diocese) for four years or so. We agree with Father Serpa, go where you are fed!

John

 

[aimee]

rpp,

Just a correction of a few of the comments here. While it may be a parish or diocesan policy, being bound to parish boundaries is not in Canon Law. Below are two recent quotes from Fr. Serpa answering on AAA:

My wife and I have been members of the best parish in the Archdiocese of Chicago although we live in DuPage County (part of Joliet Diocese) for four years or so. We agree with Father Serpa, go where you are fed!

John

Would that be St Sabina?

 

[po18guy]

rpp,

How about the best of both worlds? One weekend a month, you can go visit the neighboring parish for a refresher. Invite someone (music director?) to go with you. Once heard, the chant is not easily forgotten.

Christ’s peace.

 

[chicago]

Well, I must say that this is one of the more worthy and inspiring threads I have seen around here in awhile. For, rather than mere whineyness that typically happens, both you and your pastor have approached this in an honest, sincere manner. It’s a good example of what really ought to happen.

I do believe that there is a value with remaining attached to your local parish. It is your natural community (which is why it is your home intended to serve that area of the world.) It’s important to be at least tacitly attached.

Further, if your pastor is willing to go the extra yard and have you involved in some way whereby he respects what you are about and allows you to positively influence others around you, then this is a very valuable thing that most Catholics don’t receive the opportunity for.

Finally, we as Catholics are not mere congregationalists. Rather, we are a communion of the faithful who sometimes are tossed all in together in our society who have to find a way to make things work out practically in this less than ideal world in which we live.

Yet I also think that some parishes do a better job at reaching the needs of people than others. And certain parishes may have a ministry or Mass or whatever which suits sensibilities and helps a person to better move forward spiritually. Indeed, it could well be the case that there are times in our life where we simply need to move on, take advantage of what one place can give us, making the next step in our journey. And, clearly, we are allowed to attend Mass or be involved in programs at other parishes than our own. In this sense, if what you’re presently dealing with is just too much of a struggle to reasonably handle, then it may be worthwhile to have the peace of attending Mass somewhere else should that provide the repose of soul which you require.

 

[PalaceFlophaus]

I’m a new Catholic also, going through an almost identical situation. I don’t have any answers for you, but just wanted to post to let you know we’re going through it together. May God lead us both to do the right thing.

 

[grandfather]

However, there is another parish that had very reverent liturgies and will likely change one of their Sunday Masses to a TLM after Sept. 14. I have a great love for the TLM.

Maybe the anwer to your problem lies here. Individual Catholics and priests of the Latin Church will very soon have the freedom to worship using either the traditional or new order of the Mass. If you love the traditional Mass and your current parish will offer it then you can stay there, assumig the traditional Mass will solve the liturgical abuse problem. If it is not to be offered in your current parish go where you can find the form you rightfully prefer, perhaps the Dominican parish if they already plan on a traditional Mass. It is difficult to leave friends behind, but you will make new ones. No one should not be leaving Mass angry or upset. We should worship in peace not agony, One (only one) of the reasons that abuse is so widespread is that people tolerate it. Complaints about abuses are generally ignored by priests and bishops, but if parishoners left parishes where Mass is irreverant, silly, heterodox, illicit or invalid there would be much less abuse. There is nothing in canon law that says Catholics are prisoners within geographical boundaries. Worship is very important to our souls. It can advance or hinder spiritual progress. No one ever questions that a sincere Catholic should find a good confessor to help on the spiritual journey. Why should it be different when we look for a place where worship is most meaningful to us?