Chastity Is Not Joyous

[Mark86]

I can accept that life in Christ is miserable, unrelenting sadness and pain “awaiting final glory” at the end of time… yeahyeahyeah… What bugs me is when people insist that I got to be “joyful” through it. I can’t have this Orwellian double-think going on where I convince myself of something that I know just isn’t true. I can’t lie to God anymore. The fact of the matter is, I’m not a happy person. I am indeed miserable and despaired, and that’s just the way it is.

I’m 29, I suffer from anxiety and sexual addiction and have no friends. I’m miserable and the church doesn’t encourage me to do otherwise, because “hey, it’s a cross, it’ll NEVER get better!!!”

Let’s just be honest for a minute and admit that there is nothing consoling or comforting or pleasuring in this life, long or short term. I’m sick and tired of people trying to make chastity out to be some joyous thing. It’s not. It’s a neverending ordeal were shackled with in this life, these desires are a DISEASE, just like all desire is. I go to confession three times a week… my life is empty and void and friendless, so I turn back to masturbation. I go BACK to confession, confess my sins, and then return back to my empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing… so I turn to masturbation once again. Then I go BACK to confession, confess my wrong-doings, and then return to my life full of unfulfilled desires all over again… etc etc. … every couple DAYS.

It seems all I do is sit in my room repressing my desires, and it’s just making me MISERABLE, and then when I fall, I feel hopeless on top of that.

I GO to confession, okay? I go every couple DAYS… it’s not working. My life shouldn’t be about going to confession… shouldn’t it be about more? Isn’t there a better use of my time? Couldn’t I be doing something with my life, or is this all God wants for me?

Don’t tell me I have to settle for this… I could do so much more with myself.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

Uhm no. You got it all wrong. One becomes chaste because of joy, not the other way around.

Man cannot live without joy. That is why one deprived of spiritual joys goes over to carnal pleasures.

St Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, II–II, q. 35, art. 4, ad. 2

So yeah that is not only from a saint but from a Doctor of the Catholic Church.

Now you get spiritual joy not from being good, not from avoiding sin, not from trying to be perfect, not from going to confession, heck not even from prayer or even going to daily Holy Mass. You get joy from loving God.

 

[Mark86]

Now you get spiritual joy not from being good, not from avoiding sin, not from trying to be perfect, not from going to confession, heck not even from prayer or even going to daily Holy Mass. You get joy from loving God.

How do you “love God?” I pray the office, I pray rosaries, and chaplets, and litanies… I read and study scripture… I go to the Blessed Sacrament and I “feel” nothing… I really try, but I know ultimately that it’s not about “my” effort… it’s a gift of God, and one He just hasn’t given me apparently, despite my pleadings.

 

[Inquiringperson]

Is there a priest you trust that you want to talk to? I would do that. Maybe you can call the parish office and set up an appointment.

 

[Trident_H]

Hey. I get this. I know what you’re saying Ok? I mean I know what you’re saying. So what’s the point of trying right? What’s really the point?

Because this is all about us and what fuels our fires right? It’s all about our drive to fulfill our own wants. To live the Hollywood dream of being on top of the world every minute of the day.

But is it really? Or is it maybe about our own choices too? I mean if I eat cake every night can I really complain if I gain weight? I mean I can. But should I? Because cause and effect are related. They’re close cousins here.

So if you’ve got a friendless routine of masturbation what are you really trying to fix? Are you after our permission to let you masturbate to fill that void? Because if so buddy it’s really not going to work. I mean making your whole world about you and what pleasures you is exactly what’s keeping you friendless.

No. What you need to do is to make sure you don’t let yourself stay in this rut. You’ve got to stretch a bit. You’ve got to reach out of your shell here. I mean just think of the time you could save in the confessional right? So spend that time at the gym instead. Or at a group of some kind. I mean go somewhere where you can meet other people with the same kind of interests. Then use those friendships to stay on top of things. Get other people in your life so you don’t have so clear a routine. Then make it all about them. Then you’ve got a new focus. Then you’ve got goals. Then you can have a new set of feelings. And these cravings of yours will sort of fade into the background a bit.

With time.

I mean just don’t treat the symptom. Treat the root cause. Then the rest can just sort of fall into place.

Peace Mark. Good luck man. This is a hard road. And I feel it. I feel where you’re at. So PM me if you want. Anytime. Give me your pain in this. I can carry that for you when you need.

-Trident

 

[Mardi_M]

What are you doing for other paople and to help other people.
Life can be miserable and empty when mostly everything is about oneself, what one does and feels, as an inward looking person.

You want to feel love for God, but feelings are less important than intentions and choices, especially the choices you make. When Jesus explained the judgement of souls in Matthew 25, verses 31-46 He showed that the choices we make and act upon are what causes Him to judge us for heaven or hell.

Jesus doesn’t mention feelings at all, but the kind actions of people.

Holiness isn’t just about making ourselves personally devout, it also requires charitable decisions towards other people which Jesus accepts as charitable deeds done to Him.
Great or small acts of charity towards the people in your life is a part of holiness that cannot be neglected. This does require unselfishness, because it can be hard to be thoughtful and generous to others whether we feel like it or not.

We’re always likely while on earth to be imperfect, we all are, but we need the humility to accept that we are human, and that we must try the best we can manage with God’s grace. If we faily, we must have the humility and trust in God to try again, to love God, to love others as ourselves.

As for addictions, there is inclination and there are habits. Habitual behavior creates pathways in the brain. It takes work to develop other habits, other pathways. Substituting other activities, and also thinking and actin more for other people’s good can help us.

 

[Viki63]

Mark,
I’m truly sorry you are suffering like this.
You sound depressed. I highly recommend you see a doctor, get a thorough evaluation, and follow his advice.
Also get plenty of exercise, make some friends, fill your life with enjoyable activities, events, and people. You are choosing to live like this.
Make a change.

.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I am so sorry to read of your difficulties, in this thread and others. Yours is a terrible cross to bear. Having lived in a, well, questionable manner myself, I may be able to relate on some level. Things changed when I got married; now I suffer differently but to a similar level. (I won’t go into details since this thread isn’t about my problems.) So I, too, have come to the conclusion that suffering is ever-present…and that I have to find a way to embrace that. The ideal is to love it, and I struggle mightily with that task.

I can accept that life in Christ is miserable, unrelenting sadness and pain “awaiting final glory” at the end of time… yeahyeahyeah… What bugs me is when people insist that I got to be “joyful” through it.

No one has ever told me I need to be “joyful” through my sufferings to the point of denying the suffering itself. It is okay to tell other people—and God—that we are in pain. It is okay to enlist the help of other people—and God—to help us shoulder that pain.

I can’t have this Orwellian double-think going on where I convince myself of something that I know just isn’t true. I can’t lie to God anymore.

Lying to God is not an option. It’s wrong, and fruitless besides since He knows the truth whether or not we tell Him.

The fact of the matter is, I’m not a happy person. I am indeed miserable and despaired, and that’s just the way it is.

That’s indeed the way it looks right now, in this moment, and in many moments in the past. The future always hold the potential for things to be different.

I’m 29, I suffer from anxiety and sexual addiction and have no friends. I’m miserable and the church doesn’t encourage me to do otherwise, because “hey, it’s a cross, it’ll NEVER get better!!!”

Sometimes (often?), the crosses God gives us are there to help us grow in some way that we don’t always understand or see the benefit of. Please seek help for your anxiety and addiction. Perhaps these challenges have been instilled in you in order to deepen charity in someone else’s soul. You do not have to carry your cross alone. Let me say that again: you do not have to carry your cross alone.

Let’s just be honest for a minute and admit that there is nothing consoling or comforting or pleasuring in this life, long or short term.

If I am honest, I can say no such thing. There may be little consolation or pleasure, but what little there is is still not “nothing.” If we reject it as insufficient by our standards, that’s on us and not on God.

I’m sick and tired of people trying to make chastity out to be some joyous thing. It’s not. It’s a neverending ordeal were shackled with in this life, these desires are a DISEASE, just like all desire is. I go to confession three times a week… my life is empty and void and friendless, so I turn back to masturbation. I go BACK to confession, confess my sins, and then return back to my empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing… so I turn to masturbation once again. Then I go BACK to confession, confess my wrong-doings, and then return to my life full of unfulfilled desires all over again… etc etc. … every couple DAYS.

Chastity can be a joyous thing, but few joys are without their hardships. These hardships can be acute, as they appear to be in your case. I don’t deny that. But the cycle of confession then “empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing” then confession then “empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing” then confession, etc. is not set in stone. Objectively, this is something you can work to change. Change might not be, and indeed probably will not be, instantaneous. It may take months, years or decades for things to be appreciatively different, but if no effort is made to effect this change then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Effort may not change things for you at least in the short- to medium-term, but no effort definitely won’t.

It seems all I do is sit in my room repressing my desires, and it’s just making me MISERABLE, and then when I fall, I feel hopeless on top of that.

Then stop making yourself miserable. Don’t sit in your room repressing your desires—go out in the world and repress them while doing something else. I don’t know what you have tried so I can’t give you any suggestions, but God has left us plenty to do. Take something you think you won’t like or be good at, and give it an honest shot with an open mind. You might be surprised (in a good way) with what happens next.

I GO to confession, okay? I go every couple DAYS… it’s not working. My life shouldn’t be about going to confession… shouldn’t it be about more? Isn’t there a better use of my time? Couldn’t I be doing something with my life, or is this all God wants for me?

You’re right: life shouldn’t be about going to confession. But confession isn’t a magic bullet, either. Regular confession puts us right with God through absolution and should help us overcome our sins, but it’s not the only thing we can do to achieve that end. It sounds like you need additional help, assistance that the confessional isn’t the best place to obtain. That’s where a spiritual director can be valuable. Now, I know it is rarely easy to find an SD who is a good fit. I don’t know of anyone who started looking on Monday and had the deal sealed on Thursday. But again, looking might take a long time, however not looking will change nothing.

(continued in next post—I’ve run out characters in this one )

 

[UpUpAndAway]

(continued from previous post)

Don’t tell me I have to settle for this… I could do so much more with myself.

You do not have to settle for this, and your acknowledgement that you could do so much more with yourself proves that. God knows this. He did not create you to sit by yourself in a room with only your misery as company. Now it’s incumbent upon you to go out and show the good you are capable of.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. It’s not meant to be. I’m coming from a place where I spent years doing what you do (for different reasons) and it was only in breaking that cycle that things changed. The change was not easy: I spent a month trying to avoid it then two years wondering why I subjected myself to such torture day after day after day. In the end, however (I’m now 3½ years into the change), I have trouble remembering a time in my past when I was so content. It may happen for you like this, or it may not. If you don’t make an effort to change the way things are, however, they simply may not. Confession is good. Prayer is good. But we have to roll up our sleeves and do our part as well.

You are in my prayers, and I invite you to PM me if you wish to discuss in more detail as I have said about all I’m willing to say publicly.

God bless you, Mark!

 

[Mary_Estelle]

You “like” it , right? So you do it. You have offered every excuse you can think of in order to justify the continuance of your habit because you do not want to do otherwise. As a female with six brothers(and 4 sisters)I never heard them complain or was aware that they sat alone in their rooms messing around. In a big family you are not nieve’ to the ways of the world. I just wonder if you really want to stop. Going to confession does not negate the sin if you intend to go right back to the act that you claim to continue after confession. Anyway, I do wish you well and will pray for that you can find the strength you need. Just my opinion here.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

I went back and looked at your post and some older post thinking I missed something. It seems to be in your spiritual life. You seem to be going at it as an intellectual exercise. It is not. You pray a lot of formulated prayers which in itself is good. You seem to expect to feel something , but don’t. Pause and try to pray from the heart and then from the formulas. Prayer needs to be an upwelling from the soul before it becomes intellectual. You must have felt that early on as you were drawn to the Church. If you could only recover a small measure of that first love that drew you in, things will change for you. I can’t tell you how other than to pray from within. All the intellectualizing of the church , prayer books, rosaries, and confessions or whatever you complete as prayer-needs, really needs that foundation of love for the Lord to leap from a spark to a flame. Ignite the fire and you will change and become the man the Lord wants you to be. You have my many prayers.

 

[bobballen_18]

Hey Mark,

I just want to echo UpUpAndAway on the importance of change and breaking out of the cycle. You identify that you are not fulfilled in your current lifestyle, so I think it is safe to say that if you are not fulfilled by doing what you have been doing, then a change is in order.

Obviously, that is easier said than done. Lol. I am going through a period in my life where I am not going to be able to really move forward unless I make a bigger effort to actually change things myself (though with the help of others), and though I am not going through the exact same things (though similar in some aspects), I really do understand how hard it is to change different things about our habits and lifestyle. I just hope that you understand that in order for anything to change, you have to be open to doing things which you don’t usually do or which you haven’t ever done, and a support system is essential - as a poster said, you do not have to suffer alone! I really hope and pray that you may find a priest you trust to discuss one on one, and that you are able to find a professional counselor (preferably Catholic) to help you with your anxiety and addition.

Just please don’t lose hope! I pray you never lose sight of the reality that God loves you no matter what and always gives you and each and every one of us the graces necessary to be holy!

 

[bobballen_18]

I went back and looked at your post and some older post thinking I missed something. It seems to be in your spiritual life. You seem to be going at it as an intellectual exercise. It is not. You pray a lot of formulated prayers which in itself is good. You seem to expect to feel something , but don’t. Pause and try to pray from the heart and then from the formulas. Prayer needs to be an upwelling from the soul before it becomes intellectual. You must have felt that early on as you were drawn to the Church. If you could only recover a small measure of that first love that drew you in, things will change for you. I can’t tell you how other than to pray from within. All the intellectualizing of the church , prayer books, rosaries, and confessions or whatever you complete as prayer-needs, really needs that foundation of love for the Lord to leap from a spark to a flame. Ignite the fire and you will change and become the man the Lord wants you to be. You have my many prayers.

Just adding on this response to say thanks for your post, and that I definitely agree with you regarding the “intellectual” vs. “spiritual” side. The intellectual side is ever so important, but the intellect can only take one so far if there is not a spiritual aspect to affirm, support, and work side by side with the intellectual aspect. I have been coming to realize this in my own journey very recently so I just wanted to say to the OP, Mark, that the spiritual side is very important to develop. And to emphasize again the importance of finding others to interact with, a good, holy priest whom you think you can trust would be a good start in terms of trying to develop a strong prayer life.

 

[SjMelnychuk]

I read through your article and I read through some of the responses. I actually know what you’re going through because I am in that same place myself. Instead of going to confession three times a week my tendency is to go through self-pity and hold off on going to confession and than I end up missing Mass because I have a difficult time going to Mass when I know I can’t receive of our Eucharistic Lord. It’s a hard place to be in. I know. Then after missing Mass for a week or two I go back to Confession. I love the fact that you actually take the time to go to Confession on such a regular basis. That is something I should do more often but in my own immaturity I don’t. I feel your pain from the feeling of isolation created by a life and aloneness and a life without friends. I know because I am in that same boat. I too have been struggling to find the joy in this season. It’s not joyous but rather a season of lamenting. I got frustrated with some of the responses because some have responded in a way that perhaps was not helpful but perhaps they don’t quite get it but to no fault of their own. Sometimes words cannot adequately speak into the situation. I wanted to respond from out of my own experience.

I can accept that life in Christ is miserable, unrelenting sadness and pain “awaiting final glory” at the end of time… yeahyeahyeah… What bugs me is when people insist that I got to be “joyful” through it.

Have you ever read through the book of Lamentations and The Psalms? If not I strongly recommend it. In there you see men in Sacred Scripture wrestling through great turmoil and suffering. None of which did they ever say they were happy and joyful through it. In our culture and society we fail to understand lamenting and true heartfilled crying out to God in the midst of such pain and hardship. Even taking Jesus as an example, the Bible said that for the joy set before Him He endured The Cross. It wasn’t a joyous time for Jesus it was the joy that would come following his death on The Cross. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering,” Paul wrote that not because he had some sadistic tendency but he knew there was no resurrection without first death. This isn’t to take pain and suffering lightly but rather to know the opportunity to just how deeply connected we can be with Jesus at The Cross His Cross and Our Cross that we made the choice to pick up and walk with daily and how deeply connected our suffering is with Christ and His suffering. Cry lament … find trusted people you can share honestly with without having them minimize the pain or suffering you are enduring through because what has made a huge impact on my life was when I did have people sit with me in my pain albeit I went through an inner healing prayer discipleship program and so it was structured these weren’t people I call friends but people who set aside time for me in this context. Nevertheless, the sat with me and acknowledged my pain without giving me advise. I also take great comfort in the story of Job.

 

[SjMelnychuk]

I can’t have this Orwellian double-think going on where I convince myself of something that I know just isn’t true. I can’t lie to God anymore. The fact of the matter is, I’m not a happy person. I am indeed miserable and despaired, and that’s just the way it is.

**I can only say that by trying to pretend to be some happy joyous person on a spiritual high loving chastity like some perky cheerleader has only been the very thing that actually kept fueling my sexual addiction. The more honest I am about the struggle and the more I cry out to God and acknowledge the pain and suffering the less tendency of trying to white knuckle my way through to sobriety which pretty much never ends in success. The only way is through The Cross and not in just some flimsy or vain pursuit but honestly offering up my pain and suffering to God. You can’t do that if you pretend to be somebody you’re not or telling God you’re happy when in truth He already knows you intimately. He knows how you feel and through His own suffering is intimately acquainted with your suffering in ways other people will never be because all of us here will fail you at some point but Jesus is always faithful, he’s a faithful friend who desires closeness with you. **

I’m 29, I suffer from anxiety and sexual addiction and have no friends. I’m miserable and the church doesn’t encourage me to do otherwise, because “hey, it’s a cross, it’ll NEVER get better!!!”

I hear you, and being there myself … I have the perspective that it’s my Cross to walk with and maybe it will never get better or maybe it will get better. Who am I to say one way or another because if I do then I place a limitation of God and His healing work in my life so I have hope for something better in my future but even if it doesn’t get better… what is my choice? I have a choice in how I respond to my pain and suffering and honestly I don’t always respond the healthy way but there is no greater truth than Jesus and His Church. So, I don’t just pursue holiness and wholeness in Christ for what I might get out of it in this life but rather also for what comes in eternity. A friend of mine who also struggled with sexual addiction had a very interesting perspective. Take a piece of paper and place a little dot in one corner of that piece of paper. In comparison to the length of that piece of paper that dot is the life you live now the rest of the length of the paper is eternity which goes on and on even beyond the paper itself. The life we live right now is a relatively short period of time but it may seem like an eternity and it might seem like that all there is but truthfully there is so much more yet to be revealed. Some people have a weightier Cross to pick up. Taking a closer look at the Stations of The Cross even Jesus’ Cross became to weighty for Him to walk with. Along the way somebody had to help Jesus pick up his Cross. It’s a painful thought to find no friend who’s willing to walk with you to help ease the load because we’re not meant to live this life alone. In our humanity we need one another because we were never intended to do life alone. The very nature of God is relationship… Father, Son, and Spirit. He Created us in His Image. We were Created for relationship. Being isolated is a trigger for sexual addiction.

Can you find an SA Group near you? If you can’t find an SA group I highly recommend going to an AA Group. I know it sounds funny attending AA for a sexual addiction but if you can’t find an SA Group an AA Group is the next best thing! I actually attended an AA Group to help deal with my SA issues. The goals are the same, the steps are the same. It’s quite funny to think a female talking opening at an AA group about her sexual addiction issues but the support I found was incredible. It’s just an idea, take it or leave it.

 

[SjMelnychuk]

Let’s just be honest for a minute and admit that there is nothing consoling or comforting or pleasuring in this life, long or short term. I’m sick and tired of people trying to make chastity out to be some joyous thing. It’s not. It’s a neverending ordeal were shackled with in this life, these desires are a DISEASE, just like all desire is. I go to confession three times a week… my life is empty and void and friendless, so I turn back to masturbation. I go BACK to confession, confess my sins, and then return back to my empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing… so I turn to masturbation once again. Then I go BACK to confession, confess my wrong-doings, and then return to my life full of unfulfilled desires all over again… etc etc. … every couple DAYS.

**I would argue that our desires are actually a good thing not an evil. Our desires are not some DISEASE **that we need to get rid of. Our desires are placed there by God. The problem isn’t with our desires. Our desires are rooted in our need for relationship and for connection. We have these desires because we were CREATED for RELATIONSHIP so we have these desires because they speak to our legitimate human needs. How we go about trying to meet our very legitimate and healthy desires will not always be met through healthy mature and appropriate ways. God created sex and he created sex for greater connection within the context of marriage between one man and one woman. I know that in Catholic teaching there’s been heavy focus on sex being primarily for pro-creation it’s just pro-creation even though that’s a major component… sexual addiction actually further isolates us from community and while an immature response it’s understandable. It was a coping mechanism for those of us with SA issues and it was an appropriate response when the behavior initially began (for most it begins in childhood) … NOW you have to make a distinction between your desires and tendency to withdraw into your addiction. Your addiction is one way you try to meet you legitimate needs and legitimate desires for intimacy and connection. The first step is to understand why the addiction and acknowledging your actual desires as a good thing that is based upon God-Given human needs. When we can understand that then we’re half way there. But you’re right, there is nothing consoling or comforting or pleasuring in this life at this time and in this season for right now which may seem like an eternity but actually is not. Who are we to place any limits on what God can do for us in this life? Don’t lose hope because you’re truthfully not alone in this journey. If there is one thing consoling it’s the fact that if there is anybody who knows what you’re going through it’s me. I just refuse to believe that my life will always be like it is now. Healing is a life long process far from easy. It is for this reason I suggest finding an SA Group and if not an SA Group then going to an AA Group. A good AA Group will accept a person or should accept a person struggling with SA issues.

 

[TK421]

@Mark:

You cannot continue doing the same thing and expect a different result. In theology, in science, in anything, this is always true. If you are stuck in a cycle, then you need to do something to change it. It seems to be, from what you have said, that there is currently far more potential in your life for improvement than there is for further dishonor.

Your idleness is a playground for temptation. It is like you’re an early 20th century soldier standing in No Man’s Land with machine guns pointing at you on the other side of the trench. You don’t stand a chance in your current situation. Do whatever it is you need to do in your life, but change the circumstances. That might involve something seemingly petty, like insuring you put fresh clothes on in the morning, or it might involve something frightening, like moving out of your apartment and living on a $400 stipend, or it could involve some of both. You are my brother and a son of Mary, however unreal that might seem to in your current pit, and you are in my prayers tonight.

 

[SjMelnychuk]

It seems all I do is sit in my room repressing my desires, and it’s just making me MISERABLE, and then when I fall, I feel hopeless on top of that.

**Again, all the more reason to find either an SA Group or if not SA Group than an AA Group. In that setting you can process through what you’re going through because regardless if you’re there in recovery from an addiction to alcohol or an addiction to porn or masturbation or both an addiction is an addiction and besides… it’s very likely you’ll meet other guys in the AA Group who will also struggle with SA issues. It’s the belief that people with alcoholism will struggle with more than just an addiction to alcohol. So in attending an AA Group for SA issues will be good for both you and others in that group. It’s a place where you can actually start to talk about it. Repressing your desires will only make you either implode or explode one or the two or both … not a good idea. In an AA Group you can find a Sponsor… vent with your Sponsor and he’ll probably have a few good words of advise to give especially if you truly desire sobriety. And if you’re not married you need to maintain sexual sobriety. If that makes you feel jaded then you’ve got good company. I’m going to be 38, I’m single, no real friends, not much a support system, a feel desperately lonely more often then not, I go through bouts of depression anger and I’m constantly filled with anxiety… I can’t stand the thought of being sexually sober and maintaining chastity but … I take one step at a time, one moment at a time, and if need be I just take it second by second and if I take two steps forward but then take a step back it’s still moving forward. I once walked across a room taking two steps forward and one step back as a little exercise. I did that so that I could feel that accomplishment was still possible and that falling down and making the choice to get back up is not failure but rather a learning experience… and an opportunity for the grace of Christ to empower me and for His mercy to cover me in my weakness. **

I GO to confession, okay? I go every couple DAYS… it’s not working. My life shouldn’t be about going to confession…

**Confession is a Sacrament. This is an opportunity for you to receive as much grace as you need to walk through this season and towards wholeness in Christ. When you go to Confession what is your experience? Does The Priest you go to provide a little spiritual guidance or provide you with any guidance or does he rush you through Confession and just tell you to say 5 hail Mary’s? How long do you spend in the Confessional? When I go to Confession I’m there for at least 15 minutes and in Confession I don’t just Confess my sins but we have a conversation and he provides guidance. In a way he becomes the very definition of a Spiritual Father because a Priest is a Spiritual Father. Perhaps spiritual direction is a good thing to think about. You say that your life shouldn’t be about going to Confession. You have the wrong idea about Confession if you’re worried about the number of times during the week you end up in Confession. Go to Confession as often as you need without feeling guilty about it because God desires to impart His blessings of grace and mercy through the Sacrament of Confession. If the Priest you see for Confession does not provide a little guidance when giving you your penance then you need to find a Priest that will do that. Believe me, it makes a huge difference in Confession. When you go to Confession to Confess face to face with the Priest or do you sit behind the veil? When I go to Confession I make a point of Confessing face to face. Believe me, as a woman confessing masturbation to a Priest it’s not exactly comfy but I do it because it heals me of the shame because addiction is fueled by shame and shame fuels self hatred. **

 

[SjMelnychuk]

Don’t tell me I have to settle for this… I could do so much more with myself.

So don’t settle … there is more … you could do so much more but it’s a process and takes time.

 

[GLam8833]

Learn from the monks and desert Fathers, and
FAST, looking after GOD’S interests while doing
so and treating your own interests as doing it for
God. That might mean spending time “on your knees”
praying for the conversion of sinners, but that will
solve your problems of self consciousness as regards
to sexual temptations!! May prayers are w/ you Mark86!!