Chastity Is Not Joyous

[anonymous_in_fl]

As someone else has said: get to a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting.
www. sa.org

You will find people who are also struggling, some who are winning the battle, and find friends with a common purpose of sexual sobriety.

 

[liturgy96]

Such beautiful responses from the posters on this thread! I agree with them

I have had some experiences so far that make me agree that indeed, practicing chastity can lead to sadness. But in the end, such can only lead to lasting joy because what you are doing is in accord with God’s will and who you are: a child of God created in His image and likeness

Perhaps what also helped me not to focus too much on the desires and my scrupulosity (which exacerbated by tensions in dealing with those desires) was my innate tendency to keep busy and so decenter my focus from those desires. In time, I learned to deal with the desires in a wholesome manner and I became a much more productive person. Still dealing with the effects of the anguish and tension though. Quite a bit of a story though; feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to (Um, end of semester approaching though. Might not respond promptly)

Also, frequent the sacraments and Eucharistic adoration. They work wonders; I assure you

 

[sticknstring73]

Such beautiful responses from the posters on this thread! I agree with them

I have had some experiences so far that make me agree that indeed, practicing chastity can lead to sadness. But in the end, such can only lead to lasting joy because what you are doing is in accord with God’s will and who you are: a child of God created in His image and likeness

Perhaps what also helped me not to focus too much on the desires and my scrupulosity (which exacerbated by tensions in dealing with those desires) was my innate tendency to keep busy and so decenter my focus from those desires. In time, I learned to deal with the desires in a wholesome manner and I became a much more productive person. Still dealing with the effects of the anguish and tension though. Quite a bit of a story though; feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to (Um, end of semester approaching though. Might not respond promptly)

Also, frequent the sacraments and Eucharistic adoration. They work wonders; I assure you

All of this is true. I agree wholeheartedly.

I am still struggling from time to time as you are but perhaps with a different mindset. Let me know if this sounds familiar: For most of my life I have been exposed to some very bad programming, participated with it and now I am am trying to make a profound change in my life, I discovered religion. But now I am having trouble with the rules. I agree with them but boy are they tough. Am I close?

We can say the prayers, the rosary, the whole mcgilla, but really until you realize that you have to make the decision for yourself you’re going to struggle. The people who are telling you to get outside are right. You must replace all of that time with something else. Ultimately you have to do this. You feel the urge to sin, get up quickly and do something else. It’s very hard and it almost sounds silly but it’s true. It’s so hard in those moments to get out of your own head.

Don’t get me wrong you need God’s grace to do it, but you take the action. There is an Impurity Addiction Support Group here that is private but once you join you can post and such. I highly recommend it.

God bless you and your efforts!

 

[feed_me]

I can accept that life in Christ is miserable, unrelenting sadness and pain “awaiting final glory” at the end of time… yeahyeahyeah… What bugs me is when people insist that I got to be “joyful” through it. I can’t have this Orwellian double-think going on where I convince myself of something that I know just isn’t true. I can’t lie to God anymore. The fact of the matter is, I’m not a happy person. I am indeed miserable and despaired, and that’s just the way it is.

I’m 29, I suffer from anxiety and sexual addiction and have no friends. I’m miserable and the church doesn’t encourage me to do otherwise, because “hey, it’s a cross, it’ll NEVER get better!!!”

Let’s just be honest for a minute and admit that there is nothing consoling or comforting or pleasuring in this life, long or short term. I’m sick and tired of people trying to make chastity out to be some joyous thing. It’s not. It’s a neverending ordeal were shackled with in this life, these desires are a DISEASE, just like all desire is. I go to confession three times a week… my life is empty and void and friendless, so I turn back to masturbation. I go BACK to confession, confess my sins, and then return back to my empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing… so I turn to masturbation once again. Then I go BACK to confession, confess my wrong-doings, and then return to my life full of unfulfilled desires all over again… etc etc. … every couple DAYS.

It seems all I do is sit in my room repressing my desires, and it’s just making me MISERABLE, and then when I fall, I feel hopeless on top of that.

I GO to confession, okay? I go every couple DAYS… it’s not working. My life shouldn’t be about going to confession… shouldn’t it be about more? Isn’t there a better use of my time? Couldn’t I be doing something with my life, or is this all God wants for me?

Don’t tell me I have to settle for this… I could do so much more with myself.

Ok, where to start on the healing. This will take some effort on your part but it will work.

Leviticus 26: 40 - 42. This is your answer that will start the healing process.

 

[AttendeDomine]

I can accept that life in Christ is miserable, unrelenting sadness and pain “awaiting final glory” at the end of time… yeahyeahyeah…

You shouldn’t, because that’s a bunch of bunko.

Chastity is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Why is it called a fruit? One reason is because it’s sweet.

I know this might be shocking in this day and age, but not being enslaved to one’s inordinate sexual impulses is actually quite a wonderful thing.

… it’s the being enslaved to inordinate sexual impulses part that stinks.

 

[pianistclare]

I went back and looked at your post and some older post thinking I missed something. It seems to be in your spiritual life. You seem to be going at it as an intellectual exercise. It is not. You pray a lot of formulated prayers which in itself is good. You seem to expect to feel something , but don’t. Pause and try to pray from the heart and then from the formulas. Prayer needs to be an upwelling from the soul before it becomes intellectual. You must have felt that early on as you were drawn to the Church. If you could only recover a small measure of that first love that drew you in, things will change for you. I can’t tell you how other than to pray from within. All the intellectualizing of the church , prayer books, rosaries, and confessions or whatever you complete as prayer-needs, really needs that foundation of love for the Lord to leap from a spark to a flame. Ignite the fire and you will change and become the man the Lord wants you to be. You have my many prayers.

This^^.
Life in Christ is not about “doin all the right stuff”.
It’s about accepting Him into your life. Which means, being grateful, helping others, being there for people who have far les than you do. A busy person has no time to wallow in sadness. Get out there this holiday season and do some community service. When you
are at Adoration, you are to worship the Lord. Not register “feelings”. Feelings can mislead. I’m sure the prince of lies just loves reading stuff like this. He is leading you away from God. Don’t play into this.
Look toward goodness.
Pray to the Holy Spirit for strength.
I’ll say a prayer for you as well in the weeks to come,
peace

 

[AttendeDomine]

Let’s just be honest for a minute and admit that there is nothing consoling or comforting or pleasuring in this life, long or short term. I’m sick and tired of people trying to make chastity out to be some joyous thing. It’s not. It’s a neverending ordeal were shackled with in this life, these desires are a DISEASE, just like all desire is. I go to confession three times a week… my life is empty and void and friendless, so I turn back to masturbation. I go BACK to confession, confess my sins, and then return back to my empty and friendless life full of unfulfilled desires and self-loathing… so I turn to masturbation once again. Then I go BACK to confession, confess my wrong-doings, and then return to my life full of unfulfilled desires all over again… etc etc. … every couple DAYS.

I’m going to address you man-to-man. I don’t mean to be insulting, and I don’t mean to anger you. You’re clearly annoyed, and I don’t mean to make that worse.

But just a few points.

If you’re doing those things, you don’t HAVE the virtue of Chastity.

How could you judge what it’s like if you don’t have it?

Rather, what you have is the vice of consistently falling to your temptations, and it is THIS that you are judging.

I’m also going to be blunt and tell you you need to man up.

Stop complaining about God and stop complaining about the Christian life or about virtues.

Rather, admit that you are unable to set aside yourself and your desire for pleasure because it’s too difficult. Well, so it’s difficult. A real man does what he needs to do even if it’s difficult. A real man runs to the battle. A real man sets aside himself and PROTECTS others by sacrificing himself for them, especially women, and especially from his own disordered desires.

But most importantly, a real man is one who lives his life by relying on God’s graces, because the natural man CANNOT overcome his sin.

God ALWAYS gives us the necessary graces to overcome a temptation, and He ALWAYS limits the temptations to those we can handle.

But we do need temptation.

You and I have A LOT of atonement to do for past sins, and we have to resist temptations in order to make reparation for all those times that we didn’t.

We need to have means by which we can grow in our love for God, by consistently choosing Him instead of ourselves.

We need a way to merit more glory in heaven. Perhaps you pooh-pooh this idea, but the fact is that a man who has no temptations merits less than the one who has them but yet resists them. Treat this, therefore, like a means to earn such merit, rather than caricaturing it and making the Christian life to be horrible.

We also need a means by which we can actually demonstrate our love for God, and demonstrate our repentance, and demonstrate that we are serious about conversion. Any old dude can SAY he loves his country. Any old dude can salute the flag, and sing its anthem, and eat lots of BBQ on July 4th. But a true patriot and true lover of his country will willingly die for it when it’s need of him. And so it is with God. Will you and I die for God? Or do we just SAY nice things about Him when it suits us? Maybe answering these questions will show us who our true god is.

 

[Mark86]

Thank you all for your targeted and blunt advice. I can deal with blunt advice. What I can’t stand is the “love Jesus more!” kind of advice… ultimately, agreeable, but practically useless. Sometimes it’s like asking “how do you bake a cake?” and getting “By baking it!” as an answer. “How do you live chastely with joy?” “By living chastely with joy of course!” … “How do you love Jesus more?” “By loving him more of course!” … etc. “How do you seek the face of Jesus and gaze upon the beauty of his face?” … “By seeking the ‘face’ of Jesus and gazing at that beautiful face of his… look at those perfectly chiseled cheekbones!” … etc.

I’m being sarcastic of course, but that’s often what it’s like from my end. I don’t get metaphors and poetry and whatnot… not when it comes to trying to find practical solutions to life… and in fact, all that stuff just frustrates me even more… so I appreciate the practical ideas given here.

I just went to confession on Wednesday. I went to Thanksgiving mass and took communion. Today I’ve already fallen back into mortal sin (once again)… which means I’m going to have to go back to confession tomorrow in order to receive Communion on Sunday… that’s how my life has been for a few years now… constantly calculating how I’m actually going to be able to receive communion week after week and often having to go without it because I just can’t make the scheduling work out. I swear, God is trying to clue me into the fact that I’m just not ready to live a Catholic life at this point, because I literally can’t actually live it, even at the most basic level… and I don’t want to just go through the motions like I’m sure so many just end up doing. I want to actually “do this”… you know? I don’t want to be a slacker.

I just don’t have enough love for myself to desire the good things God wants to give me… then if I do desire them at any point, I don’t feel like I’m capable of receiving them… and then if I do feel capable of being loved, I’m not sure I want what God wants for me anymore… and it just goes in cycles like that. People put down “feelings” a lot in the Church, and I can understand why… but at a certain point, you DO have to “desire” good for yourself… because if you can’t desire good for yourself, then it doesn’t matter what God’s offering… even eternity with Him… you won’t want it. That’s my sloth acting up. That’s a learned behavior I learned after years of suffering under a father who used to throw me down stairs and into walls and step on my feet and tell me I was “no good, rotten” and “stupid” and “worthless sack of —” every day of my young life.

so if anyone is actually dealing with a similar issue, you probably know how testy and frustrated that can make a person after a while… having to live that way. So I apologize if I come off kind of standoffish.

The fact of the matter is, in my line of work, I spend at least 8 hours a day working with the mentally challenged, many of which are blind, lower functioning, elderly, and suffer with a wide variety of health and psychological problems. This line of work has erratic hours… so I often CAN’T get to various outings like SA meetings (which are always offered in the evenings, from what I’ve seen)… nor can I even go to Confession at my parish… (my troubles with getting to confession are chronicled in other threads of mine)… at least, confession with a “regular” priest is hindered because of this.

So that basically leaves me coming home around midnight ever day with nothing to do with myself but literally “sit in my room” … (because what is there to DO at midnight?)… and that’s why I’m addicted to impurity with myself. Because I have the four walls of my room and nowhere to go for hours and hours every night… then after I inevitably fall, I end up having to spend my free time in confession at the “shrine” in my hometown… only because they offer confession in the mornings! (imagine that!) … But because pilgrims and visitors area always coming from all over, the lines for the one or two priests are always backed up… so I end up having to sit there for hours sometimes waiting for Confession every couple days… etc. etc.

I’m not whining about any of this though because ultimately, you gotta do what you gotta do.

It’s just very hard, and I don’t know what to do to change things up, unless I put myself out of employment…

 

[Norseman82]

The only additional things I would ask:

1. Do you live alone, with roommates, or family members? Living alone may be an occasion of sin, since when you live with others there are less “hiding places”, so to speak. Also, sometimes having companionship (provided it is not immoral companionship) can help combat the loneliness which may be a trigger for your bad habits. Which leads me to point 2…
2. Do you have any practicing Catholic/Christian friends in your area that you can hang around with?

Also, what are you doing to prepare yourself for marriage (aside from any advice regarding SA groups that you have received in this thread)? What is your employment situation?

 

[Trident_H]

Thank you all for your targeted and blunt advice. I can deal with blunt advice. What I can’t stand is the “love Jesus more!” kind of advice… ultimately, agreeable, but practically useless. Sometimes it’s like asking “how do you bake a cake?” and getting “By baking it!” as an answer. “How do you live chastely with joy?” “By living chastely with joy of course!” … “How do you love Jesus more?” “By loving him more of course!” … etc. “How do you seek the face of Jesus and gaze upon the beauty of his face?” … “By seeking the ‘face’ of Jesus and gazing at that beautiful face of his… look at those perfectly chiseled cheekbones!” … etc.

I’m being sarcastic of course, but that’s often what it’s like from my end. I don’t get metaphors and poetry and whatnot… not when it comes to trying to find practical solutions to life… and in fact, all that stuff just frustrates me even more… so I appreciate the practical ideas given here.

I just went to confession on Wednesday. I went to Thanksgiving mass and took communion. Today I’ve already fallen back into mortal sin (once again)… which means I’m going to have to go back to confession tomorrow in order to receive Communion on Sunday… that’s how my life has been for a few years now… constantly calculating how I’m actually going to be able to receive communion week after week and often having to go without it because I just can’t make the scheduling work out. I swear, God is trying to clue me into the fact that I’m just not ready to live a Catholic life at this point, because I literally can’t actually live it, even at the most basic level… and I don’t want to just go through the motions like I’m sure so many just end up doing. I want to actually “do this”… you know? I don’t want to be a slacker.

I just don’t have enough love for myself to desire the good things God wants to give me… then if I do desire them at any point, I don’t feel like I’m capable of receiving them… and then if I do feel capable of being loved, I’m not sure I want what God wants for me anymore… and it just goes in cycles like that. People put down “feelings” a lot in the Church, and I can understand why… but at a certain point, you DO have to “desire” good for yourself… because if you can’t desire good for yourself, then it doesn’t matter what God’s offering… even eternity with Him… you won’t want it. That’s my sloth acting up. That’s a learned behavior I learned after years of suffering under a father who used to throw me down stairs and into walls and step on my feet and tell me I was “no good, rotten” and “stupid” and “worthless sack of —” every day of my young life.

so if anyone is actually dealing with a similar issue, you probably know how testy and frustrated that can make a person after a while… having to live that way. So I apologize if I come off kind of standoffish.

The fact of the matter is, in my line of work, I spend at least 8 hours a day working with the mentally challenged, many of which are blind, lower functioning, elderly, and suffer with a wide variety of health and psychological problems. This line of work has erratic hours… so I often CAN’T get to various outings like SA meetings (which are always offered in the evenings, from what I’ve seen)… nor can I even go to Confession at my parish… (my troubles with getting to confession are chronicled in other threads of mine)… at least, confession with a “regular” priest is hindered because of this.

So that basically leaves me coming home around midnight ever day with nothing to do with myself but literally “sit in my room” … (because what is there to DO at midnight?)… and that’s why I’m addicted to impurity with myself. Because I have the four walls of my room and nowhere to go for hours and hours every night… then after I inevitably fall, I end up having to spend my free time in confession at the “shrine” in my hometown… only because they offer confession in the mornings! (imagine that!) … But because pilgrims and visitors area always coming from all over, the lines for the one or two priests are always backed up… so I end up having to sit there for hours sometimes waiting for Confession every couple days… etc. etc.

I’m not whining about any of this though because ultimately, you gotta do what you gotta do.

It’s just very hard, and I don’t know what to do to change things up, unless I put myself out of employment…

Ha I know all about this. I work late hours usually get home around 9:30 - 10:00 at night. Then I’ve got all that beautiful time between then and 3 or 4 in the morning to keep myself ‘busy’. Well at first it was pretty bad. But then I got onto some online friends. Some of them are up all hours like me. We chat. We play online games together. We vent to each other and solve each others problems.

I’d use the internet as a tool in this. For once as a tool for good. It’s saved my hide. And I’ll tell you what. If you want you can join me online sometime. Or friend me on Facebook. We can talk and stuff. I mean that’s my way out anyway. Just PM if you want to hook up that way.

Peace Mark.

-Trident

 

[JRS_88]

1. Have you spoken to a priest outside of confession about your struggles? Are you interested in getting a spiritual director?
2. Do you confess to the same priest each time or do you not have a regular confessor?

Getting a spiritual director was key for me in fighting these sins of the flesh. And, having a regular confessor is very important, in my opinion. A regular confessor can help you by observing your routines, and pointing out patterns and giving you strategies that will help you.

It doesn’t sound like you have a regular confessor. Some may completely disagree but, a regular confessor can ascertain your degree of culpability in regards to the masturbation. If you truly are addicted, and have an ingrained habit, your sin of masturbation, while still a serious sin, may not be at the level of a mortal sin (as the Roman rite describes). Only a priest can help you with that, but remember even if your addiction has compromised you, it’s not a “get out of jail free” card. The sin is still serious and you need to be working on stopping it every day.

Something else that helped me was praying to Saint Joseph every morning and night, for his intercession for fortitude, chastity, and spiritual joy. The other thing I do throughout the day is say, “Dear Saint Joseph, Chaste Spouse of The Virgin Mary, pray for me”. I say it every time I feel tempted (well, nearly every time).

I will pray for you.

 

[feed_me]

Thank you all for your targeted and blunt advice. I can deal with blunt advice. What I can’t stand is the “love Jesus more!” kind of advice… ultimately, agreeable, but practically useless. Sometimes it’s like asking “how do you bake a cake?” and getting “By baking it!” as an answer. “How do you live chastely with joy?” “By living chastely with joy of course!” … “How do you love Jesus more?” “By loving him more of course!” … etc. “How do you seek the face of Jesus and gaze upon the beauty of his face?” … “By seeking the ‘face’ of Jesus and gazing at that beautiful face of his… look at those perfectly chiseled cheekbones!” … etc.

I’m being sarcastic of course, but that’s often what it’s like from my end. I don’t get metaphors and poetry and whatnot… not when it comes to trying to find practical solutions to life… and in fact, all that stuff just frustrates me even more… so I appreciate the practical ideas given here.

I just went to confession on Wednesday. I went to Thanksgiving mass and took communion. Today I’ve already fallen back into mortal sin (once again)… which means I’m going to have to go back to confession tomorrow in order to receive Communion on Sunday… that’s how my life has been for a few years now… constantly calculating how I’m actually going to be able to receive communion week after week and often having to go without it because I just can’t make the scheduling work out. I swear, God is trying to clue me into the fact that I’m just not ready to live a Catholic life at this point, because I literally can’t actually live it, even at the most basic level… and I don’t want to just go through the motions like I’m sure so many just end up doing. I want to actually “do this”… you know? I don’t want to be a slacker.

I just don’t have enough love for myself to desire the good things God wants to give me… then if I do desire them at any point, I don’t feel like I’m capable of receiving them… and then if I do feel capable of being loved, I’m not sure I want what God wants for me anymore… and it just goes in cycles like that. People put down “feelings” a lot in the Church, and I can understand why… but at a certain point, you DO have to “desire” good for yourself… because if you can’t desire good for yourself, then it doesn’t matter what God’s offering… even eternity with Him… you won’t want it. That’s my sloth acting up. That’s a learned behavior I learned after years of suffering under a father who used to throw me down stairs and into walls and step on my feet and tell me I was “no good, rotten” and “stupid” and “worthless sack of —” every day of my young life.

so if anyone is actually dealing with a similar issue, you probably know how testy and frustrated that can make a person after a while… having to live that way. So I apologize if I come off kind of standoffish.

The fact of the matter is, in my line of work, I spend at least 8 hours a day working with the mentally challenged, many of which are blind, lower functioning, elderly, and suffer with a wide variety of health and psychological problems. This line of work has erratic hours… so I often CAN’T get to various outings like SA meetings (which are always offered in the evenings, from what I’ve seen)… nor can I even go to Confession at my parish… (my troubles with getting to confession are chronicled in other threads of mine)… at least, confession with a “regular” priest is hindered because of this.

So that basically leaves me coming home around midnight ever day with nothing to do with myself but literally “sit in my room” … (because what is there to DO at midnight?)… and that’s why I’m addicted to impurity with myself. Because I have the four walls of my room and nowhere to go for hours and hours every night… then after I inevitably fall, I end up having to spend my free time in confession at the “shrine” in my hometown… only because they offer confession in the mornings! (imagine that!) … But because pilgrims and visitors area always coming from all over, the lines for the one or two priests are always backed up… so I end up having to sit there for hours sometimes waiting for Confession every couple days… etc. etc.

I’m not whining about any of this though because ultimately, you gotta do what you gotta do.

It’s just very hard, and I don’t know what to do to change things up, unless I put myself out of employment…

Again thats part of the problem with generational curses, you end up doing the same sins as your parents. if one of your parents was a SA or an alcholic exe… then you might end up doing the same things as they did. Its like cancer how it can go from parent to child, same with sins but with sins you can actually get rid of them by confessing those sins of your parents and forgiving them. Take an look at your family line and look at all the sins they did as much as you remember like your father, you said he was an abuser so that falls under murder, anger. Did your grandfather do the same to him as well? Does somebody also have a porn addiction that you know of, take an account and write all that stuff that you know off down, write down all the stuff he said and done to you, next time you see a priest then talk to him about all this stuff and the generational sins and he will help “hopefully” from there to break those sins. Your not held accountable for those sins but the influences that they do to you need to be broken so you can clear up that cancer from spreading down the line. but talk to the priest about it next time you see him. it really does seem like you have a generational problem cause no matter how much you seem to confess you get stuck in the hamster wheel doing the same thing over again.

 

[ClaireS]

Dear Mark86
Some things that helped me when I was unable to stop this sin and was in a similar situation as you. I read a book by Fr Benedict Groeshel called The Courage to Be Chaste. It isn’t mostly about masturbation but there was a small part that was. After affirming that this is serious he said that it really is possible to overcome it. This gave me hope because I was feeling I couldn’t, even with God’s grace and confession. The desire was so strong and it felt like the only way to get rid of it was to give in.
The other thing he said in the book was that after overcoming the habit there would be an “integration of personality” and it sounded like this was something very good.
Knowing it was possible, others had done it, and I would be glad afterwards and not always feel deprived gave me courage to fight against myself.
But I had failed for so long I didn’t really have much confidence so I went to a Marian shrine on Dec 12 which is the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I told her that I was out of control in this area of my life and asked her to take it over.
The first time I didn’t give in to temptation I was so angry I remember I made fists and said I will NOT I will NOT even if it takes until morning I will NOT. Finally the temptation died away. I didn’t even know that could happen. Afterwards I felt like angels and saints were cheering for me. Also, I realized that the fight was not against only my own desire but against a tempter as well. After that the times I gave in began to get farther apart. And eventually even the temptations became less frequent. I became more used to turning my mind away immediately. And when I failed I was assured of His forgiveness in Confession.
And once you are chaste you do have joy became you are free to use your sexuality according to God’s plan.
I know I have rambled but I hope something I have said might encourage you.
Now that we are about to begin the year of mercy perhaps you could offer all that you do in your job as acts of mercy to benefit your clients and the whole church. May God bless you.

 

[ClaireS]

Just a suggestion, if you get home at midnight could you go to bed at that time, get up at 8am, and start your day in the light when temptation is less likely?

 

[Teabag]

Waw, i know those feelings. Can’t say it is me 100% but i suffer from impure and lustful thoughts. With me though it is over one person whom i am covetous about and had a relationship with. It is a hard ‘Mind’ battle for me!!

 

[SjMelnychuk]

… so I appreciate the practical ideas given here.

OK… some practical advise - take it or leave it!

**1. Stop the “stinkin-thinkin” ie the negative self talk. **

Here’s what I mean:

You might say, “I’m a miserable failure”

change it to what is true about you so instead of saying you’re a miserable failure say something like, “I am learning”

**2. Understand the cycle of addiction and get to know your triggers **

What is the cycle of addiction? It’s a pattern that leads to acting out. Google cycle of addiction.

**3. Remember: HALT **

What do I mean by HALT?

HALT is an acronym to 4 questions to reflect on.

**H= Hungry = Am I hungry?
A= Angry = Am I angry?
L= Lonely = Am I lonely?
T= Tired = Am I tired? **

These 4 questions aid in self care.

So… HALT is good to remember. It’s a good idea to periodically HALT throughout the day to reflect on these most basic questions. Sometimes literally stop what you’re doing, place your hand on your chest, take in a deep breath slowly in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Then spend a couple of minutes to ask yourself these 4 basic questions.

Am I hungry? If yes … eat something. Believe it or not, people who struggle with addiction will at times get so caught up with day to day activities that they neglect the most basic need of eating a proper diet.

Am I angry? If yes… why? Anger is a secondary response to deeper emotions. Usually people are angry because they were offended or hurt by somebody. Reflect on the situation. Try to find a healthy way to resolve the conflict.

Am I lonely? If yes … and we’ve established you do feel lonely. A good way to remedy the lonely feeling is to actually find an older married couple you trust who will also mentor you. It doesn’t have to be a HUGE commitment. Just meet once a month or twice a month, chat, socialize, have coffee or tea, watch a game on TV or a movie, learn from them, talk about the Catholic faith and discipleship.

Am I tired? If yes, try to get regular sleep. I know that’s difficult if you work strange hours. I know, I work strange odd hours myself but regardless if I’m working days or evenings I make sure I get sleep. If I don’t lack of sleep is a trigger, a HUGE trigger.

 

[Teabag]

Some good help here but i have to say that unless u are in the position of the OP it can be very difficult to understand. So easy to give advice if you are not affected by these things!

I know as i am currently going through a very very difficult time of very lustful and impure thoughts of another married person while i myself are married!!

I have been to priest to seek help but ultimately it is down to oneself and the grace of God.

I know that PRAYER is the best thing. From the HEART.

I am on the brink of collapse myself but i continue to fight.

 

[Mark86]

I appreciate all the advice and the well-wishes and prayers.

Most of these things I already do though. I actually have a spiritual director I see monthly. I’m in a transition right now to changing days off so that I can attend this young adult group once a month. I also set up a little “prayer corner” in my room. There are a number of things I’m doing to try to combat the multiple lackings that are feeding my compulsive appetites. But when it comes right down to it, all these things are still external things, and I believe mine is a very internal imbalance.

I feel like I need daily confession for this, otherwise I will never be able to receive Communion. I can never receive Communion, week after week, despite going to confession… the addiction that I suffer with always takes hold. It doesn’t seem to matter… I could go to confession on a Friday (as I often do), and already have fallen to the impurity by the time Sunday comes around. Even Saturdays… I confess the masturbation one day and end up unable to receive Communion the next. And I know it’s not the Church’s problem. It’s a problem with ME. I understand that. I have a problem. I can’t seem to function without that “dopamine” boost in my system.

I even told my spiritual director this, I said… “I’m not desiring to be impure… I’m not desiring to offend God, and I’m not desiring to lust… I’m desiring the dopamine… there’s a chemical thing going on. I feel intense, paralyzing anxiety without it… even after a day without it…” And I mean, the kind of anxiety that literally keeps me bedridden and gasping for breath… a few weeks ago I even came under a panic attack situation and had other health complaints, because I end up feeling sick without it. I don’t seek out “temptation” … it seeks ME out. One time it came upon me while I was folding my laundry… it doesn’t matter what I’m doing… any time, anywhere… and when it hits, I can’t think straight… I freeze up, I get the chills, shortness of breath… even sick to my stomach… and I have to stop what I’m doing. I can no longer “go outside” or “focus on a task” or even “pray”… because I’m feeling queasy and sick. I can barely even remember the words to an “Our Father…” when I’m feeling like that!

Once again, no source of temptation in sight… in fact, I just felt it a moment ago just sitting in this chair… it hit me… no temptation in sight, and suddenly I just had an INTENSE anxiety seeking that “dopamine” shot for alleviation… That’s what I need. I don’t need the impurity, I just need alleviation… .and prayer just doesn’t cut it. Prayer can change all those alpha-waves and such, I understand… but it doesn’t alleviate or provide what my body is craving.

I really want people to understand this.

I feel sick without it. I don’t want to offend God, but I also don’t want to feel this way all the time.

And yes, I know… “it’s a cross.” I just wish this cross didn’t separate me from Communion with all of you.

 

[Teabag]

God knows the pain you are suffering.

Pray from the heart. Picture Jesus on the cross everytime you get this ‘urge’.

Beg for guidance.

It will pass!

I am going through a difficult time myself. It is so hard to be pure.

Believe in the mercy of God.

 

[Mark86]

I often liken it to this… especially when people say “oh just stop and pray…”

Let me kick you in the stomach three times, and then as you drop to the ground, writhing in nausea and pain, let me hair YOU try to “recite a rosary”…

Simple, yes? (I don’t think so).

That’s how hard it is to do what many suggest, at those moments.