Chastity

[Hakon]

I know that there are yet many threads about this subject, but I want to ask a particular question. I’ve been fought for all my adolescent years between the wish to be chaste until the marriage and the wish to do sex: so I’ve never had sexual intercourse, but I confess that very often I haven’t could hold down my hormons, and then I masturbated. Lately I considered that sex is normal, boys and girls have always did it, that is a little sin, etc. But today I’ve watched a video by Jason Evert about chastity, and I had again the doubt: Is that what I want, to do sex with a girl that I like, or also I love, but which I don’t want to marry, or that I can’t marry, because I’m still a student, and beacuse I probably won’t have a sure job for many years? I don’t know the answer. I’d like staying virgin until my marriage,but, how can I know if I will find the right girl? Can I wait so much time? But I’m dilating too much. The real question is a little more embarrassing: I don’t know if in a sexual intercourse I could cause pain to the partner, because of a curvature of the penis. The doctor said the only way to find out if I need surgery, is doing sex. You can imagine, I wouldn’t spoil the wedding night due to this problem. Therefore, what do you think about this, I should wait, risking to ruin the first night, or sacrifice my virginity (not my pureness, because I don’t consider pure my soul, after I masturbated) to make me sure that things will go well in that special moment? Thank you for the patience

 

[Norseman82]

Try to find a doctor who is a practicing Catholic and see what he says.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

No, you should not have sex just to see if you can do it properly. It is not a good reason. You should get another opinion, and tell the doctor that you intend to stay chaste until your wedding so what else can he do?

Also, time to go to confession and stop the masturbating!

 

[Leegal]

The doctor said the only way to find out if I need surgery, is doing sex. You can imagine, I wouldn’t spoil the wedding night due to this problem. Therefore, what do you think about this, I should wait, risking to ruin the first night, or sacrifice my virginity (not my pureness, because I don’t consider pure my soul, after I masturbated) to make me sure that things will go well in that special moment? Thank you for the patience

Aside from this piece of “medical” advice, did the doctor say there was anything to be concerned about the curvature of the penis? Did he happen to mention that the woman’s vagina is naturally flexile and conforms it’s shape? Maybe not.

See another urologist and ask the question if the curvature is that unusual or are you unduly concerned? Be direct with the doctor and if you get an answer like that, ask again. This is the time you can question and doubt, especially when you think the advice is not answering your question. If you think you will forget your questions, write a list before your visit, but get another opinion.

Speak to a priest about the masturbation.

If you wait and your future wife (whomever she may be) waits, you will find the unification of the marital act to be much more significant in that you have both waited for each other to be the first.

 

[DexUK]

Unless you suffer a particularly unusual deformity, I’d say not to worry. Human bodies are, how shall I put it… squishy. We meet each other’s “shapes” when intercourse happens.

Obviously we are not in a position to judge your particular bodily form (and aren’t qualified to do so anyway) but I don’t see any reason why a doctor wouldn’t be able to put your mind at rest or diagnose a problem. You certainly don’t need to have sex in order for that judgement to be made. If your doctor is irresponsible enough to advise you to have sex, then get a new doctor fast!

 

[Hakon]

Thank you for answering. No, such curvature isn’t so unusual, there are many men which have it. But it depends on the degree. Mine isn’t so high, but a little more than the riskless degree.

 

[Topaz1128]

I agree with someone else who posted: See a Catholic doctor.

And to echo someone else as well: Do whatever you can to stop masturbating. Pray the rosary, get into an accountability group, cry out to God for strength, etc.

It’s a temptation for me, so I know the struggle, believe me.

 

[Hakon]

I agree with someone else who posted: See a Catholic doctor.

And to echo someone else as well: Do whatever you can to stop masturbating. Pray the rosary, get into an accountability group, cry out to God for strength, etc.

It’s a temptation for me, so I know the struggle, believe me.

I thank you all for the advice. But actually I haven’t said everything. This is the main problem: I can not understand if I really want to get virgin at marriage. To do this you need a very high conception of virginity; although I consider it a splendid virtue, I think it is not so bad to have premarital sex. In the middle ages, in Europe, all penitential books set light penances for sexual sins, especially of young men. It was considered normal for a boy to have sex or to masturbate. And knowing this has influenced a lot my thinking. Like all men, I would like my future wife, whoever she is, kept chaste until marriage, but at the same time it wouldn’t seem to me a great tragedy if neither she nor I got there virgin. I’m aware you will say me “keep chaste, or you’ll regret”, but I’m not sure about this. however I’m still in doubt. Waiting for a thing I value but not as a basic virtue, or allowing myself and my girlfriend to have fun and also a bigger physical union (that I don’t think so deplorable for young) ?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

And…What happens if you then get her pregnant? Thought that far ahead yet?

Having sex outside of marriage is a sin. Using birth control is a sin.

This really isn’t about any curvature of your penis, is it? It’s about wanting to have sex now instead of waiting until you get married. Well, you have free will, and are free to make the wrong choice. You may not regret it at first. Eventually, you will, but once done, it can’t be undone.

 

[Hakon]

And…What happens if you then get her pregnant? Thought that far ahead yet?

Having sex outside of marriage is a sin. Using birth control is a sin.

This really isn’t about any curvature of your penis, is it? It’s about wanting to have sex now instead of waiting until you get married. Well, you have free will, and are free to make the wrong choice. You may not regret it at first. Eventually, you will, but once done, it can’t be undone.

of course it’s about waiting or not.
I know in USA there are a lot of teen girls pregnant, in relation to the population, but in Italy it isn’t the same, we are more careful.
Yes, it’s a sin, but, I don’t think it’s so grave, as priests themselves don’t think it, where I live.
And in addition, replying to the advice “find a Chatolic doctor”: I don’t know in USA, but in my country a lot of people are Catholic, and the main part of them is against premarital chastity and the pope’s pronouncement on contraception.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

of course it’s about waiting or not.
I know in USA there are a lot of teen girls pregnant, in relation to the population, but in Italy it isn’t the same, we are more careful.
Yes, it’s a sin, but, I don’t think it’s so grave, as priests themselves don’t think it, where I live.
And in addition, replying to the advice “find a Chatolic doctor”: I don’t know in USA, but in my country a lot of people are Catholic, and the main part of them is against premarital chastity and the pope’s pronouncement on contraception.

Yeah, let me know how that works out. I know lots of American teens thought they were being careful too. And you didn’t answer. What happens if your girlfriend does get pregnant? Condoms break and birth control pills fail, even when used perfectly. You see, our bodies were designed to create babies and that is what sex is mainly for, so even with the best attempt to subvert that, it still happens.

So do you think that priests and doctors can be wrong on this point, or do you think God is wrong when he tells us not to do something?

 

[domandcarols]

of course it’s about waiting or not.
I know in USA there are a lot of teen girls pregnant, in relation to the population, but in Italy it isn’t the same, we are more careful.
Yes, it’s a sin, but, I don’t think it’s so grave, as priests themselves don’t think it, where I live.
And in addition, replying to the advice “find a Chatolic doctor”: I don’t know in USA, but in my country a lot of people are Catholic, and the main part of them is against premarital chastity and the pope’s pronouncement on contraception.

Are you condoning abortion? What exactly did you mean by that? Whether a sin is grave or not has nothing to do with what priests think. Sounds like you know some really interesting priests. Italians are against pre-marital chastity? As opposed to what? Post-marital chastity?

 

[YADA]

…The real question is a little more embarrassing: I don’t know if in a sexual intercourse I could cause pain to the partner, because of a curvature of the penis. The doctor said the only way to find out if I need surgery, is doing sex. …

As others have said - you need a new Doctor …

The way I understand what you have written here … your doctor advised you to have sex with someone - and possibly cause them harm … in order to see if your having sex could cause harm … does that not strike you as very odd advice ?

Then its said - should you cause harm - you could have surgery to fix it …

AND THEN - Somehow this potentially causing someone and injury would be okay to do - all without being in a committed relationship codified by marriage …

Huh???!!!???

Sorry - this makes no sense …

Now - make haste to your confessional and all of heaven will rejoice …

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Are you condoning abortion? What exactly did you mean by that? Whether a sin is grave or not has nothing to do with what priests think. Sounds like you know some really interesting priests. Italians are against pre-marital chastity? As opposed to what? Post-marital chastity?

I don’t think he’s condoning abortion so much as he’s pointing out that most European countries have higher teen sex rates and much lower teen pregnancy rates than the US in large part due to the availability of and social acceptance of teens using birth control. And sex tends to be a far less taboo subject. Parents talk more openly with their kids, and even in schools information is freely given.

To the OP, either you accept Catholic teaching or you don’t. If you do, don’t have sex. If you don’t then why call yourself Catholic?

 

[Hakon]

Yeah, let me know how that works out. I know lots of American teens thought they were being careful too. And you didn’t answer. What happens if your girlfriend does get pregnant? Condoms break and birth control pills fail, even when used perfectly. You see, our bodies were designed to create babies and that is what sex is mainly for, so even with the best attempt to subvert that, it still happens.

So do you think that priests and doctors can be wrong on this point, or do you think God is wrong when he tells us not to do something?

Are you condoning abortion? What exactly did you mean by that? Whether a sin is grave or not has nothing to do with what priests think. Sounds like you know some really interesting priests. Italians are against pre-marital chastity? As opposed to what? Post-marital chastity?

As others have said - you need a new Doctor …

The way I understand what you have written here … your doctor advised you to have sex with someone - and possibly cause them harm … in order to see if your having sex could cause harm … does that not strike you as very odd advice ?

Then its said - should you cause harm - you could have surgery to fix it …

AND THEN - Somehow this potentially causing someone and injury would be okay to do - all without being in a committed relationship codified by marriage …

Huh???!!!???

Sorry - this makes no sense …

Now - make haste to your confessional and all of heaven will rejoice …

I don’t think he’s condoning abortion so much as he’s pointing out that most European countries have higher teen sex rates and much lower teen pregnancy rates than the US in large part due to the availability of and social acceptance of teens using birth control. And sex tends to be a far less taboo subject. Parents talk more openly with their kids, and even in schools information is freely given.

To the OP, either you accept Catholic teaching or you don’t. If you do, don’t have sex. If you don’t then why call yourself Catholic?

@The Real Julien: I know lots of people which regularly have sex but nobody who has an unwanted children, and none of them aborted.

@domandcarols: You’ve been answered by blue eyed lady. I complete: as I wanted to say, lots of Italians, and Europeans in general, don’t consider sex a sin, or at the most, a very light sin. Maybe because the marriage age average is rather high, in the last decades, (around 28 for female and 30 for males), I don’t know. Many of them just don’t understand the premarital chastity. And of course neither the post marital.

@Yada: It was an urologist, a specialist. He simply said the only way to understand if the intercourse can be a little painful is trying, and if so to stop it.

@BlueEyedLady: You have understood.
But I thought this: if Catholic during all the middle-ages had sex without too much regrets, why now we would must to haven’t? (is it right written?) I think that God is not so fixed on strict norms, rather than on the love we have for the others. I listened a theory about the concept of impurity, that you can find in S. Paul’s letters: that thought considers the word “impure” in the Jewish meaning of something that you can clean with a simple purifying bath. So, not a moral impurity, but a ceremonial impurity.

I hope I answered all.

 

[YADA]

…
@Yada: It was an urologist, a specialist. He simply said the only way to understand if the intercourse can be a little painful is trying, and if so to stop it.
…

So this response sounds little like your original posting which implied that you would possibly hurt your partner during intercourse … now it appears it is generally - or in fact you - who might be hurt … sheesh …

You still need a new doctor … any person who has [by your own testimony] performed a sexual act - solo … is - most probably not incapable of having sexual relations without causing any real harm to yourself or another … as another poster stated - this post seems to be one intended merely to justify masturbation and pre-marital sex … why bother …

Are you seeking a plurality of support - like a democracy - to justify your ends? You should be seeking the truth …

And I will leave you with this … if and when you get married … will it be okay for you or for your spouse to have sexual relations with some friend from the office or the coffee shop? After all it is just a means of deepening a friendship - forging a bond - it has no real permanency or purpose ix exclusivity in your relationship to each other …

riiiiight … IMHO - this is how divorce attorney’s can afford luxury cars and children end up visiting a parent on weekends … because the culture has deluded us into believing drivel like you are peddling …

 

[Hakon]

So this response sounds little like your original posting which implied that you would possibly hurt your partner during intercourse … now it appears it is generally - or in fact you - who might be hurt … sheesh …

You still need a new doctor … any person who has [by your own testimony] performed a sexual act - solo … is - most probably not incapable of having sexual relations without causing any real harm to yourself or another … as another poster stated - this post seems to be one intended merely to justify masturbation and pre-marital sex … why bother …

Are you seeking a plurality of support - like a democracy - to justify your ends? You should be seeking the truth …

And I will leave you with this … if and when you get married … will it be okay for you or for your spouse to have sexual relations with some friend from the office or the coffee shop? After all it is just a means of deepening a friendship - forging a bond - it has no real permanency or purpose ix exclusivity in your relationship to each other …

riiiiight … IMHO - this is how divorce attorney’s can afford luxury cars and children end up visiting a parent on weekends … because the culture has deluded us into believing drivel like you are peddling …

Probably it was so, I’m seeking reasons in favour of premarital sex, and others pro-chastity, to help me to do the best choice. I thought it was almost impossible staying chaste for so many years, but perhaps I’m starting believing it isn’t so.

 

[CesarAugustus]

Hakon,

Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the encyclical Humanae Vitae by Paul VI.

Fornication, birth control, masturbation… all of these are mortal sins.

It doesn’t matter if people sees them as light or venial. Faith, and doctrine, doesn’t depend of democracy or popular opinions.

God Bless you!

 

[Hakon]

Hakon,

Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the encyclical Humanae Vitae by Paul VI.

Fornication, birth control, masturbation… all of these are mortal sins.

It doesn’t matter if people sees them as light or venial. Faith, and doctrine, doesn’t depend of democracy or popular opinions.

God Bless you!

Thank you, an God bless you too.
But do you think that our merciful Lord will send all those Christian to the Hell because they had sex with their partners? I hope not, or more than 95% of Christian are damned. It’s true that in Saint Paul , 1 Corinthians 7,8-9 is written “Now to the unmarried and to widows, I say: it is a good thing for them to remain as they are, as I do, but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire.” The same Saint knew that dominating the instincts is difficult, but in this times, with poor possibility of indefinitely job, people can’t get married so soon, and for a 20 the prospect of have to control himself not for 4-5 years (that is an acceptable time), but for 8-10 is not so attractive. But I think I’m starting convincing myself to keep virgin.

 

[Hakon]

Thank you all, it’s also due to you that at last I understood I want to remain chaste.