Chatting with strangers on the net: a sin or not a sin

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Irishmom2:
I have to make something clear. Has much as I like your forward responses Irishmom and appreciate our new found friendship, I do not need the attention of men. And I think it is human nature to want to be listened to. In this instance though, I may have sought out a male listener or worse still an admirer. Whatever my initial intentions, I did speak to the men about my faith and that I am married with no intention to flirt. I also witnessed to women who were looking for something outside of their marriage. If I helped anyone there, I am glad of the experience. I had several men thank me for being sweet and honest and that was that. It was a good feeling and I felt no compunction for this.

Some people here say that it is totally alright to PM men and that most of their friends here are male; I assume it is strictly platonic, right?

So if we are to spread the good news who should we be talking to? And my witnessing to some stranger on an ā€œunholyā€ site means I am ā€œbadā€!?

As I said, my only mistake was to feel a romantic connection with this one particular guy. As for the rest, I remained faithful to my vows and convictions.

God has taught me many things but this is my greatest lesson; in my weakness i will be made strong through Christ.

Some of you may shun me or judge me for being weak but I will be made stronger. Never do I imagine myself more righteous than another, even if that other is a greater sinner. FOOD FOR THOUGHT.
 
Still_Hoping said:
I have to make something clear. Has much as I like your forward responses Irishmom and appreciate our new found friendship, I do not need the attention of men. And I think it is human nature to want to be listened to. In this instance though, I may have sought out a male listener or worse still an admirer. Whatever my initial intentions, I did speak to the men about my faith and that I am married with no intention to flirt. I also witnessed to women who were looking for something outside of their marriage. If I helped anyone there, I am glad of the experience. I had several men thank me for being sweet and honest and that was that. It was a good feeling and I felt no compunction for this.

Some people here say that it is totally alright to PM men and that most of their friends here are male; I assume it is strictly platonic, right?
Well yeah, of course. Why would you think otherwise?

So if we are to spread the good news who should we be talking to? And my witnessing to some stranger on an ā€œunholyā€ site means I am ā€œbadā€!?
Who said THAT? :confused:

As I said, my only mistake was to feel a romantic connection with this one particular guy. As for the rest, I remained faithful to my vows and convictions.
**You answered you own question, yes. **

God has taught me many things but this is my greatest lesson; in my weakness i will be made strong through Christ.

Some of you may shun me or judge me for being weak but I will be made stronger. Never do I imagine myself more righteous than another, even if that other is a greater sinner. FOOD FOR THOUGHT.
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**Hmmm. No one is shunning you that I can see.
Methinks you protest too much. Iā€™m out. I wish you all the best, as does everyone here, Iā€™m sure. **
 
on_the_hill said:
I donā€™t think people flirt here.

šŸ¤·
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IDK I apparently flirt even when I am notā€¦I have gotten dates not flirting because apparently I was flirtingā€¦

But with off limit people (ie: the married) my non flirtatious flirting is not flirting because I wonā€™t date them lol but it may be flirting even though it isnā€™t because I be me and apparently I be flirty o.O
 
LethalMouse said:
IDK I apparently flirt even when I am notā€¦I have gotten dates not flirting because apparently I was flirtingā€¦

But with off limit people (ie: the married) my non flirtatious flirting is not flirting because I wonā€™t date them lol but it may be flirting even though it isnā€™t because I be me and apparently I be flirty o.O
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Iā€™m a little scared that I understood that.
 
pianistclare said:
**Hmmm. No one is shunning you that I can see.
Methinks you protest too much. Iā€™m out. I wish you all the best, as does everyone here, Iā€™m sure. **
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I am answering a particular person to whom I made reference to. Furthermore, I may or may not be protesting, as this is a serious issue for me. I put it out there and not many people would. I showed my weakness and admitted my sin.

I am speaking of people in general as well, not necessarily those who posted on my thread. But if you some of you want to joke around and hijack the thread, well please go and make your own thread.

Nonetheless, thank you for your well wishes. I am sure they are heartfelt.
 
DarkLight said:
Iā€™m a little scared that I understood that.
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The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His nameā€™ sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

Now you donā€™t have to be scared anymore šŸ˜‰
 
ToeInTheWater said:
Itā€™s sad you seem to think men and women can NEVER be friends, since you donā€™t even mention marriage status here. I personally think it all depends on the men and women involved. Yes, there are some men who sexualize all women, and vice versa. And certainly there should be boundaries in place, especially for the married. But thatā€™s not the same as a blanket ā€œopposite sex friends badā€ ban on such friendships.

However, I assume you donā€™t count your discussions on this forum with female posters to have anything to do with ā€œfriendshipā€ at all.

Now, I do know there have been single posters on CAF, who have wound up dating and marrying. I know of other online communities that were NOT actually devoted to dating, but did result in people with similar interests becoming friends, and sometimes more than friend.

So, I suppose this forum may be a ā€œnear occasion of sinā€ for some people. But Iā€™d like to think most marriages of those on CAF, are not on such shaky ground that ANY interaction with the opposite sex would be sinful. Almost sounds like some forms of Islam that ban women from having any contact with the unrelated opposite sex (even medical providers).
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Good point you brought up. However, as some other posters pointed out, the near occasion of sin is far less in a forum than a one on one discussion.
 
Still_Hoping said:
I am answering a particular person to whom I made reference to. Furthermore, I may or may not be protesting, as this is a serious issue for me. I put it out there and not many people would. I showed my weakness and admitted my sin.

I am speaking of people in general as well, not necessarily those who posted on my thread. But if you some of you want to joke around and hijack the thread, well please go and make your own thread.

Nonetheless, thank you for your well wishes. I am sure they are heartfelt.
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Still Hoping,

I am not sure that I see ANY sin in what you describe as your behavior. You shared that you were TEMPTED, but then recognized that and backed off and sought advice here at CAF and are now determined to stay away from that chat site. Where is ANY sin in that?

Please note that my use of CAPS in the previous paragraph was to reassure you, not yell at you. :o

Further, I have seen Irishmom and others saying, not that you are bad, but that you have been wounded and are therefore, vulnerable. And also advising to seek a qualified counselor to help you heal your woundedness and strengthen your vulnerability. Those are wise things to do, and has nothing whatsoever to do with how good or bad you are. We are ALL wounded and vulnerable in one way or another. I recently went through several months of cognitive behavioral therapy to help me overcome a vulnerability and it has been so powerful! šŸ™‚

You sound like a woman who has been hanging on so hard, and now that you are getting some blessed relief and your marriage is improving, you are unsure of how to feel and how to proceed. That is so normal of a reaction in your situation. A therapist, and close friend, a pastor, a life coach, a mentor, or even a woman at CAF who has gone through something similar, any of those people can help you figure out how to finally get YOUR emotional needs met in wholesome and uplifting ways, through your marriage AND holy friendships. Now that your marriage is getting back on track, it is time to focus a bit of your attention on getting you adjusted to a new normal, and meeting some of your needs for friendship and attention.

God bless you, and please take care of yourself, Still Hoping!!:hug1:
 
jmjZelie said:
Still Hoping,

I am not sure that I see ANY sin in what you describe as your behavior. You shared that you were TEMPTED, but then recognized that and backed off and sought advice here at CAF and are now determined to stay away from that chat site. Where is ANY sin in that?

Please note that my use of CAPS in the previous paragraph was to reassure you, not yell at you. :o

Further, I have seen Irishmom and others saying, not that you are bad, but that you have been wounded and are therefore, vulnerable. And also advising to seek a qualified counselor to help you heal your woundedness and strengthen your vulnerability. Those are wise things to do, and has nothing whatsoever to do with how good or bad you are. We are ALL wounded and vulnerable in one way or another. I recently went through several months of cognitive behavioral therapy to help me overcome a vulnerability and it has been so powerful! šŸ™‚

You sound like a woman who has been hanging on so hard, and now that you are getting some blessed relief and your marriage is improving, you are unsure of how to feel and how to proceed. That is so normal of a reaction in your situation. A therapist, and close friend, a pastor, a life coach, a mentor, or even a woman at CAF who has gone through something similar, any of those people can help you figure out how to finally get YOUR emotional needs met in wholesome and uplifting ways, through your marriage AND holy friendships. Now that your marriage is getting back on track, it is time to focus a bit of your attention on getting you adjusted to a new normal, and meeting some of your needs for friendship and attention.

God bless you, and please take care of yourself, Still Hoping!!:hug1:
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Thank you. I am sure that the posters here have good intentions. I need to speak to a counselor, a therapist most likely. I have been under stress most of my life; living in fear and control, never being able to be free. People ask me what I want in life, now that it is better at home, I have no idea what I would want for myself.

I have a group of women I pray with on Fridayā€™s. I stopped going to spend more time with my husband but since then I have lost my connection with God. I need to go back even if it is selfish.
 
Still_Hoping said:
Thank you. I am sure that the posters here have good intentions. I need to speak to a counselor, a therapist most likely. I have been under stress most of my life; living in fear and control, never being able to be free. People ask me what I want in life, now that it is better at home, I have no idea what I would want for myself.

I have a group of women I pray with on Fridayā€™s. I stopped going to spend more time with my husband but since then I have lost my connection with God. I need to go back even if it is selfish.
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It is most certainly not selfish at all to meet with a group of women once a week to pray and fellowship!

That sounds like a wonderful thing to do, and I would say that it is a necessary. šŸ™‚
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
Same here. I grew up in a nearly all-boys neighborhood. Played with cars instead of dolls. šŸ˜ƒ
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Growing up in a large extended family, I mostly socialized with my cousins, most of whom are boys. We went hiking and looked for wild strawberries, collected grasshoppers and befriended stray cats.

Always felt more comfortable with men rather than women. I am not that attractive anyway so there is no danger of anyone of them falling for me. šŸ˜‰
 
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