Chatting with strangers on the net: a sin or not a sin

[ToeInTheWater]

Opposite sex friends very bad… very bad. If I have learned anything in life. Hell as a guy, eventually you find out most of your female friends want more or have at some point… and that is for a dude. If you are a woman, trust not the friendship of men! They want more far more often.

It’s sad you seem to think men and women can NEVER be friends, since you don’t even mention marriage status here. I personally think it all depends on the men and women involved. Yes, there are some men who sexualize all women, and vice versa. And certainly there should be boundaries in place, especially for the married. But that’s not the same as a blanket “opposite sex friends bad” ban on such friendships.

However, I assume you don’t count your discussions on this forum with female posters to have anything to do with “friendship” at all.

Now, I do know there have been single posters on CAF, who have wound up dating and marrying. I know of other online communities that were NOT actually devoted to dating, but did result in people with similar interests becoming friends, and sometimes more than friend.

So, I suppose this forum may be a “near occasion of sin” for some people. But I’d like to think most marriages of those on CAF, are not on such shaky ground that ANY interaction with the opposite sex would be sinful. Almost sounds like some forms of Islam that ban women from having any contact with the unrelated opposite sex (even medical providers).

 

[pianistclare]

There is not one right answer to such a broad question. I am married, and I am chatting with the bunch of you. Or is this not chatting? In any case, the problem is not the method of communication but what is being communicated.

THIS.

Chat with a single person can be sinful.
it’s the content of the conversation that makes the difference.

 

[Xantippe]

Phrases to be avoided with persons of the opposite sex online:

“My wife doesn’t understand me”

and

“My husband doesn’t understand me.”

 

[EasterJoy]

No, it isn’t a sin per se. It isn’t innocent, per se, either.

Mainly, it could present an occasion for inappropriate emotional ties forming–either with members of the opposite sex or with those who advocate for ideas that are an enemy to a life of virtue in any of a number of ways–secrecy which could damage your relationship with your spouse, and so on. On top of this, it is a time sink, which could lead to neglect of your other duties, exacerbation of your carpel tunnel syndrome, and so on in that direction.

You get the idea, I’m sure.

 

[DarkLight]

I’d say it follows the same rules, roughly speaking, as chatting with people offline.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Phrases to be avoided with persons of the opposite sex online:

“My wife doesn’t understand me”

and

“My husband doesn’t understand me.”

On the other hand, it seems many of the marriage topics on CAF essentially are variations on this theme. And since usually, both men and women wind up replying. So, should all those topics be shut down? Or should the poster specifically request replies from persons of the same sex only? (I recall the evangelical Crosswalk.com site, used to have a forum with “Men’s Only” and “Women’s Only” topics…)

I think that “chatting with strangers” on public forums is one thing. Knowing anyone can browse the forum and read what you write, imposes some level of accountability. That’s not the same for “chatting” or even PMS… I certainly have gotten by share of PMs that I didn’t feel comfortable replying to, though I might have if the posters had replied to me on the open forums.

 

[EasterJoy]

On the other hand, it seems many of the marriage topics on CAF essentially are variations on this theme. And since usually, both men and women wind up replying. So, should all those topics be shut down? Or should the poster specifically request replies from persons of the same sex only? (I recall the evangelical Crosswalk.com site, used to have a forum with “Men’s Only” and “Women’s Only” topics…)

I think that “chatting with strangers” on public forums is one thing. Knowing anyone can browse the forum and read what you write, imposes some level of accountability. That’s not the same for “chatting” or even PMS… I certainly have gotten by share of PMs that I didn’t feel comfortable replying to, though I might have if the posters had replied to me on the open forums.

Whether online or offline, group conversations and private one-on-one conversations present different temptations and different kinds of support.

 

[Xantippe]

Whether online or offline, group conversations and private one-on-one conversations present different temptations and different kinds of support.

Yeah.

 

[mommy_k]

Personally, I would never chat, post etc-anything that I would have to hide.

I always have in the back of my mind that if I wouldn’t do this in real life, I would not do it online either. Online things last forever…and if what I write cannot be printed on the front of a newspaper then a warning flag should go up.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

There is not one right answer to such a broad question. I am married, and I am chatting with the bunch of you. Or is this not chatting? .

So, no forums, ever?

 

[ela2]

What you are chatting about could be a sin.

 

[pianistclare]

Chatting is not a sin.


Flirting, can be, if you are married.
Looking for a hookup, yes.
Trashing your mother, friend, spouse, yes.
Bad mouthing your priest, yes.
Being snarky, yes.
Being rude, yes.
LYING, yes.

But chatting, NO.

 

[Irishmom2]

It all depends who is on the other end. It also depends on the site. On a particular site I found there many men offering to talk but usually to flirt; some harmless, some downgrading. At times I have myself a good laugh and other times you have to block the person; what is more dangerous is when you connect with someone nice…

This does not sound like something that will draw you closer to your husband. You need to ask yourself what you are seeking from other men…

And look for it from your husband.

 

[Beryllos]

I wonder what some of you would think about what I did today. My wife and I went to a folk dance festival (NEFFA), where we danced (and talked) with other men and women. And on a Sunday!

(We met dancing about 28 years ago.)

 

[Bonnie]

I wonder what some of you would think about what I did today. My wife and I went to a folk dance festival (NEFFA), where we danced (and talked) with other men and women. And on a Sunday!

(We met dancing about 28 years ago.)

I wish I had married someone from my old folk dancing group - my husband is a non-dancer.

 

[pianistclare]

I wonder what some of you would think about what I did today. My wife and I went to a folk dance festival (NEFFA), where we danced (and talked) with other men and women. And on a Sunday!

(We met dancing about 28 years ago.)

And I talk to him and (by extension) to his beloved regularly, on CAF! LOL

 

[Xantippe]

Whether online or offline, group conversations and private one-on-one conversations present different temptations and different kinds of support.

I hesitate to post this one, but I once had a CAF guy PM me to ask if Day 2 marital relations are messy (because in an NFP thread, I’d mentioned stopping on Day 2 because of short cycles).



I told him that that was inappropriate of him and he did back off, but if he hadn’t, I would have reported him to the moderators.

 

[Still_Hoping]

Based on your follow ups stop “experimenting” now… and stop “connecting”… just stop all this and save your marriage!

Pray for me because I went past what is normal and I feel terrible. I need your prayers. the temptation is strong. Please help.

 

[Still_Hoping]

Search out the “near occasion of sin.” Your answer and moral guidance in this matter will be found there.

definition:

“Occasions of sin are external circumstances–whether of things or persons–which either because of their special nature or because of the frailty common to humanity or peculiar to some individual, incite or entice one to sin.”
newadvent.org/cathen/11196a.htm

 

[Still_Hoping]

This does not sound like something that will draw you closer to your husband. You need to ask yourself what you are seeking from other men…

And look for it from your husband.

It was more out of curiosity than to have an affair. The only problem is this site has too many interested men paying to much of the wrong attention. I can’t believe how many people have casual sex or virtual sex and most don’t even think it is cheating.. I can’t do it. I experimented and I got burned. I don’t like it and I don’t want it but there was something alluring at the same time. I can’t explain. I pray that God helps me to be released from this. It is horrible from a Christian point of view.

I spoke to men of varying ages and backgrounds, not one thinks it is wrong to have a virtual sexual affair especially if it is just sexting. Most said that as long as no one knows it is ok. I tried to reason but they don’t see it my way. Can’t bring the love of Christ there. I am not strong enough to do it. I don’t know why I even tried.