Chatty Parishioners

[Nicea325]

**I need some advice on how to handle the talking before, during and after Mass at our parish. Discussing it with the Pastor is out; he encourages it.

Should I say anything to those near me who mindlessly talk on and on? I’m usually kneeling either praying my Rosary or saying other prayers before Mass begins. After Mass, I try to stay for a thanksgiving, but it’s a bit hard when people stand right by your pew and talk without even bothering to whisper. It’s usually a free-for-all after Mass. Really a disgrace.

Any suggestions will be gratefully appreciated. **

Do what I do. Be kind and simply REMIND them where they are and as Catholics we should know better. I confront them and tell them we must show respect for our Lord. When I tell them in a ‘nice way’ you will be amazed how they react.

If one approaches them with a hostile attitude it will more than likely not change anything.I am a Director of Catechetical Ministry and I make it known.:tsktsk:

 

[MikeDunphy]

I had more success with my one attempt at getting people to settle down. I said something like “I’m sorry, but could you keep it quiet? Your conversation is making it difficult to pray.” I got one of “those looks” too, but the two I was talking to did quiet down and then go outside.

That day it was warm enough to go outside, and they were the only two talking. Usually, we have a couple dozen conversations going on right after Mass, but the talkers will clear out after a couple minutes. Maybe you can outlast your talkers, and offer your thanksgiving after they leave?

You could probably find something to pray about while you are waiting, even in the midst of commotion.

We live in a world of noise. I, like most here (probably everyone), have my share of life’s crosses. I do not go to Church for “fellowship.” I get plenty of that during the week and the parish has coffee and donuts in the Knights’ hall after Mass. It also has what they call a “gathering space.”

Tomorrow it should be a zoo. I feel so sorry for Our Lord. He did so much for us and He gets treated so shabbily.

I know if I say anything, I’ll get one of “those looks.” Once, in another Church, I did, and the lady told her friend that I was one of those people who “thinks you should be quiet in Church.” Well, yes, I do as a matter of fact.

Thanks, everyone, for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[JesuXPIPassio]

I need some advice on how to handle the talking before, during and after Mass at our parish. Discussing it with the Pastor is out; he encourages it.

Could you clarify on this – does your pastor actually encourage talking during Mass, or just before and after?

If it’s just before and after, I’m afraid I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it, except to talk it over with the pastor. Yeah, he might encourage it, but maybe he might change his tune if he became aware that parishioners have a problem with it, maybe ask other parishioners you know if they agree and if they’d talk with him with you. In the Gospels, Jesus tells us that this would be a good way to resolve a conflict, and it could work in your case.

I do know what it feels like though. At my parish, I usually go to the 6AM Sunday Mass, and, well, some of the people who go there are… weird. One guy makes he Sign of the Cross like every ten seconds (and that’s not an exaggeration). Fortunately it’s easy for me to find a seat where I wouldn’t have to see him.

But another lady dresses in weird clothes and does weird gestures that aren’t subtle so it creates a distraction. The thing with my parish is that it has monastic seating (the two sides face each other) and the altar is in the centre, so it’s sort of circular, and it’s just not possible to find a seat where that woman is out of view. She sits right in front too, near the altar, so it gets really obnoxious during Consecration when she does weird things.

I hate to be a complainer and I’m trying to make myself a better person by not being fazed by this stuff. I prayed for the grace so this won’t distract me, and it worked… for a while. I think it stopped working because I didn’t really maintain prayer on it. But I do get what the poster Apryl meant. Why should my ability to meditate essentially depend on other people’s weirdness? I can’t always remember to pray for the grace to ignore that lady, I have other things to pray about. I guess I could go to another Mass, but I don’t see why I should change my schedule around for that. I intentionally go to that Mass because it has less people and I like the idea of having Mass the very first thing I do each week.
I remember reading John Paul II was the same during Mass, he didn’t let himself get distracted by stuff.

What irks me too is when people let their cellphones ring, ring, ring. When it’s just one ring, it’s a little irritating, but it doesn’t bother me that badly if the owner reacts to it immediately. I absolutely hate it when it rings more than that though. I hate it especially when it happens around Consecration and it breaks my concentration. If it rings a third or fourth time, I flash an annoyed look to where the sound is coming from so they get the hint, but that doesn’t help much with concentration. I either get distracted by the constant ringing or get distracted by looking to the cellphones’ owners so they would shut it off… I shouldn’t let it disturb me. It’s funny, it didn’t used to bother me; I have to work on that.

Saint Teresa of Avila had great wisdom when she wrote,

“Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.”

 

[ChurchTorch]

Do what I do. Be kind and simply REMIND them where they are and as Catholics we should know better. I confront them and tell them we must show respect for our Lord. When I tell them in a ‘nice way’ you will be amazed how they react.

If one approaches them with a hostile attitude it will more than likely not change anything.I am a Director of Catechetical Ministry and I make it known.:tsktsk:

You mention that as if it gives you some sort of special power? I might well talk louder if you tried that on me – not that I would be chatting in church to begin with.

 

[JesuXPIPassio]

You mention that as if it gives you some sort of special power? I might well talk louder if you tried that on me – not that I would be chatting in church to begin with.

To be fair, it does show the person is in a position of some authority. It could incline people to listen more, versus if it just came from some anonymous parishioner. Of course, in a perfect world, even an anonymous parishioner would be heeded, but people oftentimes don’t think that way.

 

[OraLabora]

**I need some advice on how to handle the talking before, during and after Mass at our parish. Discussing it with the Pastor is out; he encourages it.

Should I say anything to those near me who mindlessly talk on and on? I’m usually kneeling either praying my Rosary or saying other prayers before Mass begins. After Mass, I try to stay for a thanksgiving, but it’s a bit hard when people stand right by your pew and talk without even bothering to whisper. It’s usually a free-for-all after Mass. Really a disgrace.

Any suggestions will be gratefully appreciated. **

Do what I do. Be kind and simply REMIND them where they are and as Catholics we should know better. I confront them and tell them we must show respect for our Lord. When I tell them in a ‘nice way’ you will be amazed how they react.

If one approaches them with a hostile attitude it will more than likely not change anything.I am a Director of Catechetical Ministry and I make it known.:tsktsk:

Wouldn’t a simple finger against the lips and “Sshhh…” suffice? It sounds like you are approaching them with a hostile attitude.

Interestingly I find my wife’s Anglican church most irreverent. Noise, children running around, parishioners catching up on the latest gossip, all before the service. At first my prejudice said “a Protestant vs. Catholic thing” but then last Christmas season I had to attend the small Catholic church in the same town for my Mass obligation as a blizzard made it too treacherous to drive to the abbey I normally go to for Mass. I hadn’t been to that church in over 10 years. Turns out it was the same.

I concluded it was the town, not whether it was Protestant or Catholic.

What was worse was that the priest didn’t even properly vest for the service, so at first I thought it was a lay communion service. Abuse heaped upon abuse. I am being charitable by saying that maybe because of the blizzard and the fact that he had to drive in to say the Mass (there is no resident priest), he forgot to bring his vestments.

 

[Nicea325]

**

You mention that as if it gives you some sort of special power? I might well talk louder if you tried that on me – not that I would be chatting in church to begin with.

**

I beg your pardon? My position in the church has nothing to do with it. If it bugs you that much,then why not confront them? That is not having an attitude,but simply shows a lack of respect for those yapping away.You misunderstood me. As I said: I ask them NICELY,so why would anyone turn around and talk louder? I would assume as though if that person believes they have some special privilege to talk and talk ?:ehh:

 

[CatholicZ09]

I realized that when I went to tonight’s Mass, it’s not so much the congregation carrying on conversation before Mass, but it’s more so the ushers. I usually never encounter this at the early Sunday morning Mass, but today I did.

 

[Nicea325]

Wouldn’t a simple finger against the lips and “Sshhh…” suffice? It sounds like you are approaching them with a hostile attitude.

You also misundestood me. Explain where approaching someone to tell them to REMEMBER to show respect inside the church isa hostile attitude? Sounds to me as though many of you are to afraid to say it to them: fact-to-face. That is not having attitude.It is attitude if the talkers display and respond with an attitude as though I approached he or she with hostility. Big difference.

Sorry,but simply saying: sshhhh…is not going to cut it all the time. Not all parishes communities are alike something many forget or do not know.

 

[Apryl]

I think most Catholic parishes I have come in contact with do a horrible job of providing fellowship opportunities particularly on Sundays. I think it’s largely do to the fact that it’s a lot of hard work and can get political very quickly. That differs greatly from Protestantism. Many Protestants have Sunday school, some sort of praise service, small meetings, their kids play together and a meal together

(Oops. I think I skimmed off a bit more than intended, but I can still reply)

Let us please not forget: the PURPOSE of Mass is not to fellowship. That is a by-product of the Mass and the spiritual union we have together

… but at my church, we do have Sunday School (we call it Childrens’ Liturgy), we have a social hall where we gather for coffee and doughnuts after Masses, which can include meals.

In my opinion (and I could be wrong) the chatting has gotten WORSE with these things added. I’m not saying that the social things added, but there has been nothing to offset.

You see: that’s like saying that you have a movie and there was nothing to discuss, when in fact, you still don’t talk DURING the movie, but before and after the movie, you can go and talk, you can blog and find internet sites, sending articles, yadda yadda.

Mass needs to remain Mass… but now, we have ample opportunity to talk to one another about what we’ve experienced and be a part of each other’s lives until the next week.

 

[Debra_C]

I don’t know what to tell you. I have them come up to me and start trying to engage me in social conversation while I am yet kneeling in my own church.

I generally smile and nod, then return to my prayers. It can be hard to ignore and concentrate, but as a mother of small children, I get a lot of practice.

 

[Cable]

We get this too. Similarly, at one mass we’ll regularly see middle school age or younger children pop out randomly from the pew and march to the back of the church to presumably/supposedly use the facilities. Afterward they proceed back up the middle or side aisle even during the homily. Lately we’re seeing two or three children at a time from the same family.

 

[Saint_wannabe]

… and another thing (this is not directed at YOU, but the sentiment you are expressing)

Why should I have to go some where else to pray? Why shouldn’t I be able to come in to a Church, a Catholic Church, and not have it as a sanctuary for prayer and spiritual renewal?

Why should those who want to pray go any where OTHER than a Church? The Blessed Sacrament is in the Church. And that is where we should be able to go and pray.

You want to be social? YOU go outside. YOU go to the Social Hall. You go to your car. YOU go to the mall or the arena or the dance club or the playground. When you come into a barbershop, you don’t go in there to try on hats, or to try on shoes. When you go to a restaurant, you don’t get on a treadmill. Go into a church, and DO Church!

Sheesh!

A wise man once told me, “No humility, no holiness. no holiness, no heaven.” and those are words that I truly try to live by. I wasn’t trying to state that anyone should have to leave the church to go pray elsewhere, but if they are that upset while they are in prayer, I don’t think thats a good & healthy thing either. The church is not a museum for Saints, it is a hospital for sinners, and we should not be looking down on others because they are having fellowship after Mass. It is noted that Jesus often went off by himself to pray, and it was also never recorded in Scared Scripture that Jesus was angry with anyone because they were talking, etc, while he was in prayer. I do understand that people do get a bit too chatty before Mass sometimes, and people talking during Mass can absolutely make my blood want to boil at times, but what would you rather see? Would you rather see people receiving Communion & then walking straight out of the church? Would you rather see people damn near trampling each other to get out of church & cutting each other off in the parking lot after Mass, right after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist. I have many sins to atone for & many of my own problems to work on, but I don’t see much humility in getting mad at people who are sticking around after Mass and talking for a while. I used to let these things bother me much more, until I realized that I am no better than any of these people. I am a sinner in need of Gods mercy, just like everyone else in that church. How can one piece of dust feel like it is somehow more superior than the other piece of dust? I hope that this clarifies what I was trying to say in the first place, and better explains the sentiment that I was expressing.

 

[Sanctifiable]

Wouldn’t it be nice if the same etiquette used in a public library were used in the naive of the church in the presence of Our Lord. Can’t people shut up for one hour???

 

[desertPavel]

Two years ago, on Easter Sunday, a chatty elderly lady chattered to me non-stop while I was trying to quietly sit and meditate. I knew that she was lonely, so I joined in a conversation with her. Suddenly a congregant turned around and gave me the evil eye as if I were responsible. I just smiled back:shrug: Finally, the elderly lady caught the hint and quieted down.

My pet peeve is that of chatterers and gossips in the confessional line. I have discussed it with people from other parishes and they say it isn’t a problem at their parish. Since I’ve been praying that this “spirit” be “exorcised” out of the parish things have gotten better. I suggest that we all pray that the family of Christ become more reverent in His presence. Prayer works.

Just my 2 cents for what it’s worth.

 

[Joan_M]

… and another thing (this is not directed at YOU, but the sentiment you are expressing)

Why should I have to go some where else to pray? Why shouldn’t I be able to come in to a Church, a Catholic Church, and not have it as a sanctuary for prayer and spiritual renewal?

Why should those who want to pray go any where OTHER than a Church? The Blessed Sacrament is in the Church. And that is where we should be able to go and pray.

You want to be social? YOU go outside. YOU go to the Social Hall. You go to your car. YOU go to the mall or the arena or the dance club or the playground. When you come into a barbershop, you don’t go in there to try on hats, or to try on shoes. When you go to a restaurant, you don’t get on a treadmill. Go into a church, and DO Church!

Sheesh!

Apryl, I totally agree with you.

 

[Dorothy]

The talking in church seems to be somewhat of a problem in almost every parish. In attending weekday Mass this Lenten season there was a woman who came in every day and sat next to a friend of hers. In a totally silent church, she would talk constantly in a whisper to her friend. However, that “whisper” was like a steady murmuring which was quite distracting, before the Mass. Even when I turned my head in that direction (hoping she would get the hint) the murmuring did not stop. I can understand a few whispered words which may be a necessity, but not a long conversation. They can always talk outside after the Mass.

The sad thing is that many do not come in to church early before Mass to pray or recollect themselves before the Mass.

I think many priests do not want to address this. Perhaps there can be a weekly notice in the bulletin about this, just as there is for cell phones.

And, I must say my parish has lots of opportunities to chat with other parishioners at donuts and coffee after Mass, a monthly first friday brunch, etc.

 

[Cat]

For some reason, this thread and this whole topic is bothering me more today than it usually does.

I grew up Evangelical Protestant and we used to use the following expression–“leave it at the altar.”

I know, it’s not that easy. You take this problem up to the altar and leave it with Jesus, then you turn to go away, but you run back and pick the problem back up and once again, you’re burdened with it.

Well, try to really leave it at the altar this time. I’ve read so many of these threads, and never have I seen any truly effective way to deal with chatty parishioners in Mass. Some of you feel comfortable turning and shushing other fellow human beings. Most of us do not.

I think that once you have shared your concern with the priest, that’s all you can do and you need to let go and let God.

You have to start working on YOURSELF, not others. You have to try to find the quiet place inside your own soul to retreat to rather than wishing that everyone else in the world would give you that quiet place outside in this world.

Yes, certainly you SHOULD be able to pray in the Church in peace and quiet. You really should. Gol ding it all, people should shut up and be quiet in a Catholic Church, dag nab it!

But it’s not going to happen. It really isn’t. Face it. Railing about it here isn’t going to make it happen. You can shush all through the Mass, but I’m willing to bet you a Cadbury egg that within five minutes, the chatterers will be chatting again. You’re just torturing yourself. You can blame whatever for the chatting problem in the Church, but that doesn’t make it go away, does it?

Just learn to change yourself and find quiet in the midst of the noise. God is perfectly capable of dealing with the chatterers.

 

[Dorothy]

For some reason, this thread and this whole topic is bothering me more today than it usually does.

I grew up Evangelical Protestant and we used to use the following expression–“leave it at the altar.”

I know, it’s not that easy. You take this problem up to the altar and leave it with Jesus, then you turn to go away, but you run back and pick the problem back up and once again, you’re burdened with it.

Well, try to really leave it at the altar this time. I’ve read so many of these threads, and never have I seen any truly effective way to deal with chatty parishioners in Mass. Some of you feel comfortable turning and shushing other fellow human beings. Most of us do not.

I think that once you have shared your concern with the priest, that’s all you can do and you need to let go and let God.

You have to start working on YOURSELF, not others. You have to try to find the quiet place inside your own soul to retreat to rather than wishing that everyone else in the world would give you that quiet place outside in this world.

Yes, certainly you SHOULD be able to pray in the Church in peace and quiet. You really should. Gol ding it all, people should shut up and be quiet in a Catholic Church, dag nab it!

But it’s not going to happen. It really isn’t. Face it. Railing about it here isn’t going to make it happen. You can shush all through the Mass, but I’m willing to bet you a Cadbury egg that within five minutes, the chatterers will be chatting again. You’re just torturing yourself. You can blame whatever for the chatting problem in the Church, but that doesn’t make it go away, does it?

Just learn to change yourself and find quiet in the midst of the noise. God is perfectly capable of dealing with the chatterers.

Very good thoughts Cat! It is true that when nothing works we should just offer it up. And, that reminds me of St. Therese who daily offered up the “racket” of an elderly nun’s rosary beads constantly clicking on the pew. Sometimes those little things are like a whipping for those who have to hear it. Yes, we could very well offer it up for the conversion of those who talk incessantly in church!

 

[turtle18]

Very good thoughts Cat! It is true that when nothing works we should just offer it up. And, that reminds me of St. Therese who daily offered up the “racket” of an elderly nun’s rosary beads constantly clicking on the pew. Sometimes those little things are like a whipping for those who have to hear it. Yes, we could very well offer it up for the conversion of those who talk incessantly in church!

I think a nun unintentionally clanking her rosary beads on the back of a pew is a lot different from the stupid chatter that goes in Church today. I admit, it does give you a lot to offer up, but admonishing a sinner and instructing the ignorant are spiritual works of mercy. So perhaps we should make up cards that say something like, “instructing the ignorant” is a spiritual work of mercy-I wanted to inform you that it is rude and disrespectful to God and your fellow brethern to talk before Mass. Then you could just hand these cards off to the fellow chatter.

Okay, I know that won’t work but really how much are we supposed to take? I went to Church about a month ago and this couple–husband and wife in their late forties and early fifties talked ALL during Communion. The priest took an extremely long time to pass out Communion to the Eucharistic ministers (about five minutes) so the Communion song had not begun yet. And all during those five minutes the couple kept talking about FOOTBALL. So finally, I did ask them to be quiet. And CAT had a great point. It just made me upset to do that and sort of angry. But then again, I have to wonder, why do the talkers always sit by me in Church?