Cheating Husband Part II

[Robaynne]

I do not know what to say to you anymore. I feel your pain and I know where you are at right now. But the time comes when you need to just let go.

There is nothing more that you can do now. But except that this relationship is over. He has made it very clear where you fit in his life. He had no right to say it the way he did but he has issues and problems that he needs to sort out. There is just so much that you can do for him and no more.

You are worried and concerned about him and what about the hurt, pain and suffering that he is causing you. You are offering to help but he is the cause of this not you him. He created this situation not you. So leave him be and let him sort out this mess on his own that is the only way that he is coming to come right. You are his wife not his mother it is not your job to clean up after him he must do that on his own.

You have to let him go he will come back and you have to decide if you are prepared to take him back and forgive him and trust him again.

What you do from here is totally up to you. We can all advise you as best as we can but you are the one living this situation and you are the one who is married to this man. And if you feel that helping him and standing by him will bring him back then that is your choice to make. And I will continue to pray for you and hope that everything works out for the best.

 

[mary_s_kid]

]

based on what you are saying… your husband is suffering from bipolar disorder… thats where you say “i hate you dont leave me!!”

Or he is realising that his addictions (to drugs and the other woman) are no longer serving his purpose anymore, he actually hates himself and he is in crisis mode. The thing he has been afraid of for so long may actually happen— being alone. The OP, as a Christian woman and wife, has a delicate line to walk. We must offer help but we cannot do it for them. There is a point at which the offended spouse must realise that the recovery of an addicted spouse is not their responsiblity. We can only do so much except,of course, for prayer. The addicted person needs to decide on their own that they are so broken they need help. They have to decide to get better.
Speaking as the spouse of an addict, it is a horribly, helpless place to be. We, as much as the addict, must rely on our God to sustain us thru this period. It is difficult to think that we can’t control everything after all.
My prayers to the OP and her family. Keep leaning on Jesus. He will never leave you.

 

[jules11]

I have had a rough few days. Today I feel like my whole world has just been shattered. We had it at again on Sunday and then yesterday. Yesterday was painful he said some very hurtful things to me things he has never said before. He told me he wished he could love me like he loves her. He told me he wants the life we build together but was afraid that he couldn’t love me that way. He said I do love you but not that way and then he would scream WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!! WHY CAN"T I DO THIS!!! and then he would flip and yell at me to leave him to go and be happy without him…that if I didn’t leave that he would kill himself. As I was leaving he’s screaming PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!!!. Oh it was aweful. I feel so sad today. Then to top things off she calls me. Can you believe that she calls me yesterday to tell me to tell my husband to leave her alone or she will get a restraining order. Apparently he thru a fit at her house and broke a lot of her things. I didn’t know it was her calling. I didn’t recognize the number… I thought it was one of my nephews. He was furious that she called me and while I was on the phone with her he tries to call me and I didn’t answer and then tried to call her and she didn’t answer. Oh furious he was! I went to look for him and thats when we had it out. He was crying, screaming and you could see the anger in him. He said he has lost everything. He said I have no friends, I can’t go to my family, I really fxxxed things up with you and now I messed things up with her. I hate her I hate you I hate everyone. I quit my job. I’M ALL ALONE. I told him let me take you to get help. I said it doesn’t mean that you have to end up with me I just want to help you I said what do you have to loose. And for about 3 seconds I could see him thinking about it. He said what could they possible do or say to fix me. I don’t know if I should feel sorry for him. I’m afraid that he’s just messing with my mind but I really felt him when he was screaming and crying. I do feel sorry for him. I know its crazy and stupid but I still love him. And I still pray that someday my family will be restored. I need a lot of prayers friends PLEASE keep my family in you thoughts. I know nothing else but to pray. I feel so lost. And I hurt so bad beacuse my husband loves another women this pain is horrible.

It is up to you which way you will go and God will guide you, but I want to say one thing… He says he loves her more than he loves you?
I don’t believe this… what he is saying is, you are safe, she is forbidden. You are the wife, she is the mistress… there is a sense of the ‘thrill’ of doing the wrong thing… She is his ‘high’, his ‘fix’ if you like… Love comes from God and God is good. Love is not the lustful feelings we feel when we (we, not meaning me… or us in general) are doing the wrong thing, fornicating, commiting adultery.
No, he does not love her, he loves the feeling he gets, the thrill, the knowing it’s wrong and now its all out in the open and all those feelings are all over the place.
Love is enduring, is caring when noone else will. Love will always be there and is more than just how you feel at a given time.It is something that takes time to really mature and grow.
Do not torture yourself with his words… he doesn’t know what love is. If he did, he wouldn’t have done this to you or to the other woman.
What he is saying is that he ‘loves’ the feeling he gets when he’s with her, but that will die, that will cease to fufill and he will go on to look for another high.
He hasn’t been faithful to you, and I doubt with the way he thinks at the moment that he could be to anyone.
Love comes from God and it isn’t selfish and self seeking like adultery is. Love wants the best for the other person and he is not doing that.
So please, do not dwell on his words. They are only words, only feelings and in time, they will be gone too.
Don’t let those words hurt you. They are not truth.

 

[Love31]

I don’t know if I’ve done right or wrong. I really believed that my marriage was pretty much over…My husband called me and said if I beg for your forgiveness and do my best to try to make you happy will you forgive me and take me back? He said if I jump for you will you catch me? He said I need your help. He said I woke up this morning with a strange strength and I knew that I wanted you he said I absolutly love you. He said please forgive me I’m so sorry for all your pain. I so sorry for what I’ve done. I felt your pain he said. He said I want to go home. He said things will be different he said I love you. I left for my business trip the next morning so we really didn’t get a chance to talk. He took care of my daughter at home and during the day she was with my sister in law so he could go to work or sleep (she lives next door). I think he really only went to work for like a day and spent the rest of the time sleeping. ( I read that they sleep for like 2 weeks to get off this drug) When I got back he took us to get groceries and he cooked dinner that night and was just trying to be a part of the family. We went at looked at the TV’s and on our way there we ran into one of the other women’s friends…she took a double take. She looked and it seemd like she was a little shocked to see us together. My husband said hi and she said hi and said hi to me. I forced a smile and said hi. We then checked out went home and he made dinner. I’ll have to say it was nice to have a family again. He slept all day monday. This is what I’m scared of…I’m scared that he only came home because he felt he had no other place to go. I’m scared that he only came home because it was our daughter’s B-day and wanted to be there for it. I’m scared that he’s messing with my feelings and is still seeing her. I’m scared that he’s going to try to make things better and I’m going to try to make things better and its going to feel so fake that neither one of us is going to want to be together. I don’t want it to feel fake I want to feel loved. I want to feel him loving me. I’m scared that those words he told me the other day and all this pain will haunt me forever. I’m scared that I won’t be happy…I’m scared that he can’t make me happy. Can I truly be happy with this man? I pray to God to guide me where he wants me. I asked him yesterday Lord is this where you want me? I prayed over my husband as he slept. I’m afraid to let my guard down. I still feel so sad. I have another therapy session this week. I hope it helps with my emotions. You know that the other thing that is stuck in my mind is the words she told me the last time I spoke to her. She said " I know this is crazy for me to tell you this and I know you don’t want advice from me but…I don’t know what it is you are doing but its affecting him. She said " If I were you I would keep doing what your doing." I thought to myself WOW!! the power of God and prayer. I put my fears in your hands Lord…Guide me

 

[vester444]

Let me be brutally frank with you.

You need to take your husband sit down and give him a list of “rules”. Things you will accept and will not accept. Then tell him the consequences if he violates those rules. If it sounds like an ultimatim it is. If it sounds like boundaries, well, it is.

Then explain that he MUST go to a detox officially for whatever drug he is on. And finish the program.

He must never speak with this woman or any of her friends again.

He must get a job.

Then, he must go to Mass with you each week.

Then, he must talk with a priest with you.

Add whatever you want.

If he does not unequivically do all of that - I would not allow him to stay in the home.

Additionally, I would not be intimate with him until he proves that he has done all of this for SEVERAL MONTHS…

and gets an AIDS test, and all STD tests.

You have no idea what he is bringing home to you.

Stand firm. Thats that. If you can not do the above, then you are just going to keep falling back into a horrible pattern.

I guarantee you if you lay this all out in front of him, you will know in an instant how he feels.

Vester

 

[Love31]

Please keep praying…he tried to reassure me that the realtionship with the other women was no more. That it was done and there was nothing there anymore. He said I want to start new with you a new love a new firendship a new marriage with YOU. I agree. I don’t want what we had before either. He said that he wanted a fresh start and that we had the rest of our lives together. Please keep praying…all of this sound wonderful. I’m scared to let my guard down. Lord be with us

 

[vester444]

Love31:

Respectfully, I ask…did you read my post above?

If past historical actions are any prediction of future events (and they oftentimes are) you can not simply take him at his word.

Vester

 

[Katie1723]

Seems to me this has been going on for a long time. And we see to keep going in circles.He said…she said…back and forth. No one wants to make a decision.
The whole things sounds like a soap opera.

Kathy

 

[jules11]

Seems to me this has been going on for a long time. And we see to keep going in circles.He said…she said…back and forth. No one wants to make a decision.
The whole things sounds like a soap opera.

Kathy

That is very harsh towards someone who has had her life turned upsidedown. A little more compassion please!
If you have never been in this position, please don’t comment with so little empathy. Yes, she is all over the place but when this kind of thing happens your feelings and emotions are reeling and for a long time!
The last thing she needs is to be belittled or have her life compared to a soap opera.
What she is going through is devastating. You cannot make rational decisions. You are not rational. You want the marriage but cannot get past the betrayal. You may go through a hundred emotions in one day.
If you can’t offer some helpful advice, then please just pray for her.

 

[mariam1976]

That is very harsh towards someone who has had her life turned upsidedown. A little more compassion please!
If you have never been in this position, please don’t comment with so little empathy. Yes, she is all over the place but when this kind of thing happens your feelings and emotions are reeling and for a long time!
The last thing she needs is to be belittled or have her life compared to a soap opera.
What she is going through is devastating. You cannot make rational decisions. You are not rational. You want the marriage but cannot get past the betrayal. You may go through a hundred emotions in one day.
If you can’t offer some helpful advice, then please just pray for her.

i second this opinion… seems to me that she does not have good friends or family telling her what she need to be doing being strong and she is not listening to us…

 

[mikenpamela]

I am new here and a new Catholic (as of Easter Vigil!) I read this entire thread parts I & II. I am amazed that our stories are simular. As far as the “emotions” & “stages” that adulters go through. My husband and I have been married for 14 years (15 in May). In 1998 we lost our one and only child (7 weeks in uterto) After that I could not have children. I was devastated. I never felt like a “woman” again. In 2001 we adopted our son. He is a beautiful child. I home school, he is bright, smart and has a wonderful personality.

I have suffered irrational thoughts, emotional mood swings, highs & lows and they seem to get worse as time went on. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar and post traumatic stress disorder after a while but was never medicated properly until November 2006. During this time I was not a very good wife. By the time I was hospitalized I discovered that I also had an eating disorder. Luckly I had good doctors that were thorough. They got me medicated properly for the Bi-Polar, they found out my Thyroid was low so the medicated me for that and they treated my eating disorder. I was in the hospital for 30 days. During this time my husband realized that we have not had a good marriage for sometime, I quit cooking, stopped grocery shopping (I wanted nothing to do with food) sex was not important to me and so he felt unloved, not appreciated, not important to me, not respected the list goes on. He decided that he was leaving me. We were finished. He asked himself when did he last feel “loved” (this made me feel real good) When? When he was 15-16 years old with a girlfriend. His “first” love. Now I knew of this woman because I was always reminded of her (She had cheated on him and broke her heart) Go figure. So he calls her up after 16 years and finds that she is unhappy in her marriage. Well one thing leads to another and what do we have “AN AFFAIR” Now my husband has been a godly man for 10 years and he just lead us to the Catholic Faith (He was confirmed early because of his backgroud in September) He was awesome! when he was on fire for God!

Now lets jump to when I am getting ready to released from the hospital…I arrives on the floor and I knew immediatly he was leaving me. He looked like ****. He said I didn’t love him and he loved me but wasn’t in love with me (what is that anyway??) We through an emotional ordeal at the hospital. We were able to talk and we were able to spend some days together. That is when I figured out that there was someone else.

My husband has always stood for fidelity and the sancity of marriage. Now he has lead a complete double life, he lies so much he doesn’t know the truth, he is angry, and a man that was an excellent father has not realized the impact this has had on our son. Our son misses him so much!

I have told him I am willing to forgive him (that has been only through God’s help) but if you ask him if he can forgive me for my transgressions…no. We went to my sacrament of reconcilation on the 31st (we have been in marriage counseling since 13 March, a catholic counselor) and that was the day he told me he has said his final good bye to her. And yes there were other times that didn’t stick and we have been apart. I was on cloud nine! He moved back home! He told our son he was home for good! We could finally begin to heal.

Well one week later after my confirmation and our son’s baptism on Saturday night, he told me today that he doesn’t love me, he only came back for our son and he was hoping his feelings for me would follow. I asked had he been talking to her (I could tell, he had locked me out of thecell phone site) he said no and she would not take him back anyway. We had words (I get mean and hateful when I feel my son is in jeporady and my marriage is ending…he doesn’t understand that) He left. I was a mess! I finally gave it a shot to get on the cell phone site and well it wasn’t that hard. I saw that he has NEVER stop talking to her. (yes I have read marriagebuilders too) He has never cut off the relationship to even give us 100%. We paid for counseling!

I called her and she was nice. (I have been praying for this woman for awhile) After we compared notes and dates and what he has told us…we cried. She was going to leave her husband with her 2kids for my husband. She said I thought I was going to have a life with him. She asked me about his lying. She was crying and she was apologizing for hurting me and my son.

As love31 on here, I need every prayer possibe. Plus I am a new Catholic. I apologize that this is so long. I would have been here a long time ago if I knew you were here.
Thank you and God Bless

 

[Love31]

I appreciate all your time, advice, opinions and prayers…I know it seems that maybe I’m just stupid because I can’t make a decision. And everyone is probably really sick of this story… as I am. But I have made a decision…to let God handle it. To let the Lord’s will be done. He is my defender…

 

[vester444]

I feel I have been frank, and honest, and given practical advice, none of which has even been responded to.

1. He needs to never speak to this woman again.
2. Then explain that he MUST go to a detox officially for whatever drug he is on. And finish the program.
3. He must get a job.
4. Then, he must go to Mass with you each week.

and finally and probably most important for your HEALTH…

**He must get an AIDS test and all STD tests. **

You have no idea what he is bringing home to you.

Again, I guarantee you if you lay this all out in front of him, you will know in an instant how he feels.

Vester

 

[mariam1976]

vester… all the advice that you have given is wonderful. I do think that she is not thinking right now as she is on a emotional rollercoaster. I was in the same place and I know what it feels like. I only hope and pray that she realises soon what she is doing.

My dear Love31, His will can only be done if you are willing to do it. Remember He will never force you to do anything. He will simply show you the right direction. It is upto you to do it or not.
Pray and take a decision based on all the advice that your well meaning friends have given you.

God Bless

send me a PM love31 incase you need to talk… willing to listen to anything and will respond to it as well as i can

 

[Love31]

I feel I have been frank, and honest, and given practical advice, none of which has even been responded to.

1. He needs to never speak to this woman again.
2. Then explain that he MUST go to a detox officially for whatever drug he is on. And finish the program.
3. He must get a job.
4. Then, he must go to Mass with you each week.

and finally and probably most important for your HEALTH…

**He must get an AIDS test and all STD tests. **

You have no idea what he is bringing home to you.

Again, I guarantee you if you lay this all out in front of him, you will know in an instant how he feels.

Vester

Vester444, I appreciate your advice. Thank you. He said he has nothing to do with her but how do I really know this. Detox program…yeah I thought it would be easy to find in an area with a big drug problem. But its not. I have been searching online and I have my therapist bringing in information of the closest clinic. We live in a very rural area. He has been trying to get off on his own while we find a place that is better qualified to help. He has a job. He was able to save it. We’ve been praying alot and reading the Bible but we haven’t made it to mass since he’s been back. He has a doctors appt scheduled for Friday and I have already gone. I appoligize if you thought I was ignoring you. We have been covering these and other areas at home and I see positive things but at the same time I’m still scared. I know I have a long road ahead.

 

[vester444]

Vester444, I appreciate your advice. Thank you. He said he has nothing to do with her but how do I really know this. Detox program…yeah I thought it would be easy to find in an area with a big drug problem. But its not. I have been searching online and I have my therapist bringing in information of the closest clinic. We live in a very rural area. He has been trying to get off on his own while we find a place that is better qualified to help. He has a job. He was able to save it. We’ve been praying alot and reading the Bible but we haven’t made it to mass since he’s been back. He has a doctors appt scheduled for Friday and I have already gone. I appoligize if you thought I was ignoring you. We have been covering these and other areas at home and I see positive things but at the same time I’m still scared. I know I have a long road ahead.

1. You know he has nothing to do with her because he is willing to be monitored 24 hours a day every day without exception until you gain trust again. That is the price he has to pay, without one complaint.
2. Drug detox. I dont care where you live, I’m sorry if that is harsh, but you can find a hospital, clinic, etc. to have him go to.
3. He must go to Mass. The end of the story. No excuses.
4. I’m glad he is going to the doctors and you have already been. That is good for your health.

At the end of the day, he has to be willing to put in the time, effort and sacrifice that it will take to get this marriage back on track. That means a lot of rules, a lot of you being upset with him for a long time, that means you keeping him on a short leash, and him not complaining about ANY of it. He created this situation. Its by your grace alone that he is still there.

I also would not be intimate with him until he proves to me that he will never speak to this woman again, or cheat on you.

Good luck with all of this. I think you have a hard road ahead of you - and I dont envy that. I think you are trying to do the Christian thing, and I do believe you love him. And remember if two people are willing to work on something, anything can be fixed. But by that same notion, if one person is unwilling, nothing can ever be fixed.

I wish you the best of luck and will say a prayer for you.

Vester

 

[Jesus1]

These are the things he is saying…He doesn’t want to hurt or be cruel to her. He also says that he needs to deal with feelings with her so he can completely be rid of her. And that is the reason for him having to see her. He says that he doesn’t want her that way anymore and that he chooses me and our marriage. This is hard for me…I have talked to a priest and he said the same thing that it would take a while for this to be resolved. That I was not to expect it to go away overnight. He said for me to pray and have faith and trust in the Lord. He said to put it all in the Lords hand and let his will be done. This is hard too…

First, I’d like to say that I am soo sorry that this has happened to you and your marriage - something that you have felt is such a gift from God. You will both be in my prayers tonight.

Just a couple of thoughts. I had lost a son through miscarriage. In order to be at peace, I had to let go of him. And so, I put him in God’s capable hands. When I got pregnant again, my daughter’s placenta ruptured at 15 weeks. We were in danger of losing her as well. I wanted to emotionally cling to her and never lose her, but I had to tell God that my hand was open, that He had placed this child in my life/hand, but if He chose to take her, His will be done. She is now 3 years old. Put your husband in God’s loving and capable hands, and let go. Open up your hand and your heart, and release him today! He is God’s child and He will take care of him. God sees all areas of our lives. He has removed certain people from my life to protect me. God can see everything, the big picture, that is happening in your and your husband’s lives. Just as your child might beg to swim in the neighbor’s pond, you look over the tall fence and see the alligators there, and out of love say no.What you have been called to endure is hard, but a wise priest said, Man is not made for the situation, the situation is made for man. God sees the good that will come through this situation - you will be wiser, more compassionate, help your daughter be a great judge of character while dating, whatever. When you start to worry or are tempted to follow your husband around, as one member said, turn that time into worship! God inhabits the praises of His people, Sacred Scripture tells us. You are not alone, especially when you are praising God. Look at Jesus’ passion. He picked Judas even though the Bible tells us that Judas stole from Christ’s purse, and then betrayed Him. Yet Jesus remained loving. John lay on His chest, Jesus comforted the weeping women, and gave His Mother to John. Jesus said that He who is worthy of Him, let Him pick up his cross and follow Him. And so, follow! I spiritually picked up my cross, and followed Jesus. I felt very wobbly, sometimes I just lay at Christ’s feet the pain was so bad, but remain close to God. Keep your eyes on Him. Every day, every minute that you find yourself starting to worry, put your husband in God’s hands again. God will take care of him better than you ever could. Offer up your pain for the conversion and salvation of these two (which will be really hard), and whenever you become angry forgive!! Ask God to help you forgive, and then ask God to forgive you for your sins as well. The Our Father says “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us!” Even Jesus on the Cross while He was dying said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
If God knew you couldn’t handle this, He would have never required this from you. Keep praying! Prayer changes everything,the Bible says that worrying changes nothing. Tell God you accept all, because God’s Word tells us that all things work out to the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.

Keep a journal. Ask God to show you what you need to be learning and doing during this time, then wait. God will start giving you specific themes to deal with. Several people/writings will talk about forgiveness, hope, trust, etc. Contemplate & write about what God is revealing to you, the insights that He is sharing with you. You will be blest by all you gain, and you will not have squandered this time of suffering. It will end up being a time of great grace. Trust me, it helps. The Bible promises us that God is close to the brokenhearted, and so He is right there with you, His dear cheek touching yours! This is truly a time of grace, now accept the gift. Just the packaging is really hard to endure, I know

Again, I am so sorry for this pain and betrayal. As St. Anthony Mary Claret said, when bad things happen to you, don’t run from God, run even faster towards Him, because you will never endure such pains in Heaven.

God bless you so much for sharing. It is hard, but with many people praying for you and giving you advice, you are going to get through this pain so much faster

 

[vester444]

Jesus1:

Your post almost moved me to tears. What a kind and compassionate and eloquent response. Your answers helped me with a situation of mine that even has nothing to do with this (completely separate) so you have touched more hearts than one with your post.

Vester

 

[Love31]

Thank you Jesus1 you truly touched me.

 

[Jesus1]

Thank you Jesus1 you truly touched me.

Thank you, and also Vester444. It is healing for me in knowing that what I learned during hardships is helping others

God has taught me:

1. God loves you. You are His child, no matter how anyone else treats you. Just as you kept your infant daughter from running in the street, even though she didn’t like it, you did it to protect her. You have to trust that God removes people from our lives to protect you. When you look back at the outcome of this situation, you’ll see how God worked through all of it.
2. A powerful but hard way to pray is to ask God to open the door - to have your husband come back, if that is God’s will for you or to ask Him to please close the door and Have your husband leave. Sometimes the door is slammed in your face - ouch! But you will have peace because you know that God is truly protecting and caring for you. The more we submit ourselves to His perfect will, the more that He can protect us, perfect us, and move in our lives.
   A wonderful priest, Fr. Pinto, has developed a plan of life. He says that through our crosses, we see how God is wanting a relationship with you. If you are called to be alone, then God, our Bridegroom, is calling you to be His Bride Love31. As a bridegroom closes the bridal chamber door on the wedding night to let be alone with his bride, so He is doing the same with you. When you are lonely, spend that time instead telling Him just how much you love Him! The world’s sins also hurt God. He is so lonely! Look to His needs as well. It will be hard at first, but the more you do that for Him, the easier that it will get, and you will experience moments of joy. Keep doing that! Picking up our crosses isn’t easy, but He knows that you can do it, or He would never ask this supreme sacrifice from you. Just as you knew the day that your daughter was old enough to pick up her toys, and you had her do that to help her mature, God is the same way with you. He is standing behind you, knowing that He can clean up the entire situation Himself, but He knows that you are big enough to handle this so that you can become the competant, wise and strong woman of God that He knows you can be. You will be so much better off because of the lessons that you have learned throughout this time.
   I know that this season of your life is hard, but, this too shall pass. The Word of God says that there is a time to cry, and a time to laugh. So, you need to get out with friends, or go for a walk, and let your mind think about something else, even if it is for a couple of minutes. By giving yourself mental rests, you will find that the healing gets easier. It will still hurt, but not so much. After my miscarriage, I went down and took a walk in the park, and forced myself to listen and observe. I realized that the birds were still singing, the sun was still shining, and that life goes on, and for our children’s sake, so must we! Show your daughter how to keep your chin up, tell her how hard this is, she knows it is, but tell her how God is really helping you. Teach her the insights He gives you. Teach her how to handle disappointment. Kimberly Hahn says that the reason so many people lose their Catholic Faith as young adults is that when something bad happens to them, they have never been prepared on how to deal with it, and so they become angry and bitter and quit believing in God. You are becoming such an example of Faith and courage and strength to your daughter! Plus, there are going to be other women in the same situation, and you will be able to help them deal with this in Godly ways immediately so that they can heal faster too.
   So, God bless you so very much.
   My prayers are with you, and I have so much faith in you! You are approaching this in the right way, and so you are such a witness to all of us as well, to keep God #1, no matter how much pain you are going through
   God bless
   thanks again for the kind words