Childless at 31, A Rant

[tabsie3210]

Get it all out Tabsie!
I hear you… its difficult to find a good Christian man… I am tired of waiting for him to show up and in the mean while I get my heart broken so much and I do mistakes too that makes me less attractive… Had I met mr. right 5 years ago… oh how much suffering I had been spared.
I would like to try to be a housewife and mother but hey, I have to have a carreer because there is no real marriage prospect and so what else am I gonna do with my self and my time than going back to university?
Its not because I am ugly… I guess I am average… many even say pretty but there are many who are prettier, better and all that… I dont know what I am doing wrong… and another fact is that I have met less than five serious catholic men in my age group since I converted 4 years ago.

In short… I am not going to say: “do something else with your time than worrying and getting bitter”… because I am worried too and its not something I choose.

One of the best things that a person can do is have a life of her own first and then introduce someone else into it, to expand each other’s lives. So at least you are headed the right direction there, growing in your own life. You’re doing good, too.

I’m glad that I’m not the only one who suffers from worry sometimes. It’s not something that I’m proud of, but I think everyone falls prey to worry, especially people who wonder when they’re going to find what they’re looking for.

 

[tabsie3210]

I’m sorry if it sounds trite, but she’s 51, I’m 41… you’re 31. You’re still very young! You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you and you’ve got a lot of love in you to give… you’re very rich! Don’t let your love stagnate in you… give it to those who need it… and that includes YOU. Allow yourself the indulgence of doing something for yourself once in a while (something a lot of women with husbands and kids neglect… with negative results) and use your love and talents to bring God’s love to others–at work, at home, at the store, volunteering, playing volleyball, whatever. And don’t think that being a single parent, you can’t give an adopted child a firm foundation. Single people have the Church as well. Ground yourself in the Church and God’s love for us. For “hard to place” children, just knowing that someone loves them unconditionally and will be there for them is a firm enough foundation.

My SIL says that her happiness comes from accepting whatever blessings God has in store for her, no matter what they are. So should we all feel this way. She’s probably happier than most married people who “did it right”–waiting to marry the “perfect” person, with a “perfect” career, and a “perfect” wedding, and having the “perfect” number of kids (either zero or 2.5 or whatever the media says it is this week).

You’re in my prayers, Tabsie. Rant all you want, but then straighten your shoulders and go forward. God bless you!

God bless you, too, darling! Believe me, I’m not really in a position to get as angry as I do - I only just recently got a new job (I hired on perm in September) that pays enough to let me start paying off my bills. It’s also got the best possible schedule going, so my mother and I are almost always at home when Dad needs us, and I never cared for the 9-5 hours.

One thing that I know and don’t think about often enough is that everything will happen in God’s time. Like, for one example, when I was 30, my aunt showed up out of nowhere to offer to teach me how to drive. I got my driver’s license on November 2, 2007, and bought my first car on Nov. 3, 2007. And without the car and license, I’d never have gotten this new job. Go figure.

So I know that if it’s meant to be it’ll happen in God’s timing, and that I should just enjoy the single life until He sets it up for me, but sometimes I get so FRUSTRATED!

It’s hard to always have to wait for things to fall into place. And then on top of it, having to see and hear people complain about the “modern woman” too invested in herself to invest in a home, sometimes I get a little batty.

But it does feel good to rant from time to time.

 

[tabsie3210]

I agree with YellowBird. Maybe you’re not married yet because you deserve far better than any guy you’ve met. I stayed home with my parents until I married, save the time I was at college. I’m very pretty, everyone says so, I had a lot of looks, but no real takers. I have many attributes that appear ugly in most eyes. Especially the very immature society of men we come in contact with today. It took a long time to find my husband, because I have chronic health issues (mental and physical.) My husband is one of the most selfless and accepting persons I know. I know that I couldn’t have married anyone else, no one would have taken me and all my needs. We are very happily married and thank God for every minute of it. It isn’t perfect though, at least not in the eyes of fellow Catholic married couples. These illnesses of mine have made us unable to have children (though we are completely open to life) and quite possibly even unable to adopt children. As a result, we don’t get along with many catholic families and can’t seem to fit in anywhere because we are so “odd” and “different.” We have even been shunned by some (I guess for not having children?) It seems we are looked upon as contraceptors and sinners. It’s a difficult road, especially when you can’t fit in in your own church and feel like you are scandal itself due to things beyond your control. Please know I understand and hope and pray all works out according your hearts desires and God’s perfect plan for you. :console:

Man, I read that and I have nothing to complain about. It’s not fair that you’re being looked down on for something that’s outside of your control. God does things His way, not our way, and if you aren’t able to have kids, then nobody should be looking askance at you. I’m sorry for your burden and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

I hope that whatever the future holds for you and your husband, you find happiness.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I hear you tabsie! I know exactly how you feel.

To continue the rant…
(WARNING! RANT FOLLOWS!)

It bugs me to no end that the writers you allude to blame women for being unmarried and childless. Why should women bear all the blame for this? What about the men who deliberately avoid marriage, stringing women along in relationship limbo, or putting off marriage for some later time? Men like a former boyfriend of a high school friend. We were at a wedding, and when it came time for the garter toss, her 30 year old boyfriend dashed off to the bathroom as if his life depended on it! It was a disgusting display, and she dumped him soon after that.

I am not saying that women are the victims in this scenario and that men are all evil. I am also not saying that women shouldn’t play an active roll in searching for a husband. But I am saying that it is unfair to act as though all women are deliberately choosing to remain unmarried until a later age, and that the trend of later marriage and even later childbirth are soley the woman’s fault.

 

[Julianna]

tabsie, rant away!

I agree that men want “Barbie”. As a person who has struggled with weight issues all my life, it’s a real kick in the rear. I have been married almost 28 yrs, and for once in my life, I thought this was a time to change. This past September I had LAPBAND surgery and 30 lbs. gone, I am much happier. I have heard also, “you are so pretty, if it weren’t for the weight”. I had always been afraid my DH would leave me for “Barbie”, and it never happened. I found out my weight wasn’t his problem, it was mine. If you have good insurance, look into it.

I also have a 25 yr old son, engineering student, living at home, …like Matrix Refugee, he has Aspergers Syndrome. He can solve a calculus problem, but can’t see to go up to a woman and say, “Hey, I’m CAM, nice to meet you, would like to go see a movie”.

Yes, tabsie, I am the mom who says, “Honey, why don’t find a nice young girl and settle down”. I can’t stop it, it’s all over me to get him someone who will love him as much and my DH and I do. He tells us he has nothing to offer a women right now, as he is still in school and working part time. I even took him to see the movie, “Failure to Launch”…and he doesn’t get it. He has worked and paid for every cent of his school. He has an associate degree, and paid off his car in full. What is there to complain, right?

I am getting it from my sister, my brother, my mother…"why doesn’t CAM move out?..why doesn’t CAM have any friends and go “hang out” somewhere?..

Hey if I knew the answer…it would be done.

You really want the truth…I am afraid…I am afraid he will never leave the house and that no woman on this earth will want him because of the HFA. It doesn’t matter that he is responsible and is going for his BS in Engineering. He doesn’t drink or smoke, to him it is illogical to do such things.

From a parent’s point of view…tabsie, I am scared. Is it God’s will that my son not have wife and children?

 

[valient_Lucy]

Get it all out Tabsie!
I hear you… its difficult to find a good Christian man… I am tired of waiting for him to show up and in the mean while I get my heart broken so much and I do mistakes too that makes me less attractive… Had I met mr. right 5 years ago… oh how much suffering I had been spared.
I would like to try to be a housewife and mother but hey, I have to have a carreer because there is no real marriage prospect and so what else am I gonna do with my self and my time than going back to university?
Its not because I am ugly… I guess I am average… many even say pretty but there are many who are prettier, better and all that… I dont know what I am doing wrong… and another fact is that I have met less than five serious catholic men in my age group since I converted 4 years ago.

In short… I am not going to say: “do something else with your time than worrying and getting bitter”… because I am worried too and its not something I choose.

Yeah, I know what you mean about worrying. The thing that’s hardest on me is not knowing. It is the uncertainty of what I am supposed to do in life. If God wants me to marry and have children, I will do it. If God wants me to stay single, I will do it. If God wants me to become a nun, I’ll do it (though in a way that would be the hardest choice.) But since I am uncertain as to what God would like me to do, I start to feel as though I do not have a vocation to anything, which I know is impossible. I also start to live in the future, rather than in the present, which is dangerous.

 

[crohnie4life]

I have to agree it is very hard for a woman to find a decent man who has morals, same beliefs, is educated and not mooching off the system hoping to score a “sugar mama”, and treats women as people instead of objects.

I worry for my nieces and nephews as I know what is out there. I pray that they find someone who has a strong faith and will treat them with love and respect.

 

[Magickman]

I am listening from the boy’s side of the room, and, from here, not sure if this is mostly about being unmarried, or mostly about being childless.

At almost 60, I have been persistently unmarried and childfree all my life. Compared to some of those who are married with children, it has not been too bad.

From decades of observation, which is what you can do when unmarried and without children, I have seen that there is great variation in the distribution of the aptitudes and skills for relationships and parenthood.

Not all of us are well equipped for that arena. Worse yet, are the cases of those married and childed, who are illequipped for the task.

What we all can do, is to live fully, and with honor and dignity. We do not need marriage or kids to do that.

The unmarried can still make meaningful contributions to society, and find happiness in doing so.

Being single is not a curse, though it can be a challenge.

 

[kage_ar]

Everyone is not called to marriage, and some who are never meet a person who is also called and can share their Faith.

Do know, not EVERY man wants “Barbie”… I should know, I married a wonderful man who loves me because of all of me - even my pseudoachodroplastic dwarfed body.

 

[Morwenna]

Tabsie ~ I loved your posts… ranting and all. And whoever said you were ugly was dead wrong… your beauty just shines through.

Tabsie, yellowbird is RIGHT ON with this! You sound like an interesting, funny, kind and wonderful person to me! Please don’t give up hope yet! I haven’t, and I’m going to be turning 40 within a few months!

(And how’d THAT happen, anyway? Wasn’t I 25 just a couple of years ago? )

Anyway, if you would like to join in prayer with others who are seeking loving spouses (and read lots of other rants from folks who are in the same boat), please check out this thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=231425

Feel free to drop by and say hi!

 

[Sam_Maloney]

I feel your pain: my life hasn’t exactly worked out like I’d hoped, either. A lot of us men are hurting, too.

If some men want Barbie, a lot of women want the Sundance Kid: the outlaw that only their love can tame. The men who treat women with a certain nonchalance [haughty disdain, occasional cruelty]are never long without female companionship, while the Galahads worship from afar-- usually very, very far.

Cormac McCarthy says women like ruthless men because a man who isn’t willing to kill for them isn’t worth having around…

I occasionally read the personals, just for a smile. Men want HWP [height/weight proportionate], but women are just as apt to want ‘professional/financially secure’ and have minimum height requirements well above average.

Sorry-- I know that doesn’t help you really, doesn’t lighten your load or straighten your road-- my own little rant, I suppose.

So as one on a similar journey but far ahead in terms of years, I have to ask you this: what are you going to do today to improve your life? What you’ve done so far isn’t working, so what are you going to do differently?

I know from experience that dreams don’t come true unless you work for them. Contrary to ‘The Secret’, wishing doesn’t make it so.

Forget Barbie: she’s run off with Butch Cassidy, may they be blessed.

Don’t pretend that you can’t be happy because you aren’t her: we both know a lot of very plain women who have great lives, just like we know some nice guys who [amazingly] didn’t finish last.

What they had in common was they felt good about themselves, and made other people feel good, too. They weren’t angry, they didn’t mope, they had no time for self pity, and didn’t inspire [or want to inspire] pity in others. They were in the market for a partner, not a rescue.

They weren’t beauty queens or outlaw kings, but they took good enough care of themselves to present healthy, positive images to the world. They showed the world they mattered by how they spoke, dressed, acted, and the world noticed.

They were involved with life, they volunteered, belonged to clubs, they made a difference to the community. They didn’t wait to be discovered, didn’t hide their lights under baskets.

The occasional rant is just fine, a very good thing if it helps you let go of what is truely beyond your control and motivates you to change what is changeable.

Most important: don’t postpone happiness. Don’t say ‘I’ll be happy when, I’ll be happy if…’ That’s how lives are wasted. Do the things that give you joy now, Don’t wait till everything is perfect.

If you can manage all that, you’ll have made the world a little better and your life will have value and meaning even if Mr Nice Guy Who Treats You Well [never mind the 6’4" lawyer with a beach house] never shows up.

Maybe my own life would have been better if I’d realized this way back at 31…

 

[Lovemyfaith]

I’m overweight and live at home with my handicapped father and my over-worked mother. Granted, I have the ability to live without paying a significant amount of rent, but this isn’t exactly the lifestyle that you need to attract a suitable mate. And let’s face it, I’ve been told I’m ugly enough times to get the message.

If you aren’t happy about the way you look, do something about it. Join a local gym and go a few times a week, even if you start off walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes, it will be a start. If you can’t afford a gym, walk outside for an hour every night. Write down what you eat and see where you can make healthy changes. Give it a try for a week and see how you feel.

Don’t misunderstand my suggestions as critical, because I know plenty of overweight happily married people. It seems however, like maybe your weight does bother you and if that was one thing you could fix about yourself, maybe other things in life would follow suit.

 

[Magicsilence]

1. I’m 31 years old and have been Looking for a husband since I was 15!
2. I’m single, still a virgin, and have NO prospects for a marriage.
3. I’m overweight and
4. live at home with my handicapped father and my over-worked mother.
5. Granted, I have the ability to live without paying a significant amount of rent, but this isn’t exactly the lifestyle that you need to attract a suitable mate.
6. And let’s face it, I’ve been told I’m ugly enough times to get the message.

1. You started looking too young, IMO.
2. Bad mental state to be in, telling yourself its impossible just prevents you from reaching your goal.
3. SO?!, do something about it. Would you prefer your husband to be overweight, or fit and healthy?
4. Your choice here, would you find a man who still lived with his parents at 31 attractive or not?
5. Again, your lifestyle reflects who you are, and you can change it.
6. There isn’t one person on this EARTH who is ugly. Not even one. I promise you, because it is how the Lord of heaven and earth MADE us. And when perfection creates something, it isn’t ugly. But, even if you aren’t especially attractive to the opposite sex (big difference to being ‘ugly’), it doesn’t destroy your chances of marriage. It just makes finding a suitable husband a little harder. And, btw, I see plenty of hollywood ‘dolls’ (and personal ‘acquaintances’) who the world sees as ‘beautiful’, but all I see is an ‘ugly’ cold soul.

No thankyou, Miss “I’m God’s gift to the earth and you better be grateful for my existence” Give me an overweight, faithful Catholic any-day over that.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

I could have written your post almost exactly when I was 31, although I was caring for my mom, my parents were divorced and I did have one child from when I was 16.

I am now 37, VERY happily married, no additional kids, although we are working on that in more ways than 1!!!

Don’t let them get to you and don’t give up hope

 

[kevinsgirl]

I joined Ave Maria Singles (I love that website Sina) and one of the things the priest talked about in the “Road to Canna” videos is how all people are called to parenthood. As a priest, he has a call to be a spiritual father to everyone in his parish. Lay people are called to parenthood, either by marriage and childrearing, or by devoted single life. Everyone’s Vocation is different, but there is a common denominator in all Vocations.

I hear your frustration, hon. I’m happily married with a baby on the way, but there were bumps in the road to getting here. I met my hubby on Ave Maria Singles but I didn’t meet him until I’d been a member for 3 years and had one bad relationship with another guy I met on there. And we have been finally blessed with a healthy pregnancy, but we had two miscarriages and over a year of testing and fertility meds to get here.

Just know that those bumps were very hard to get through, but I think they made me appreciate what I have now even more. Perhaps in a couple of years you’ll find yourself doing the same thing–looking back and realizing that all those worries and pain helped you become a better woman. :hug1:

 

[tabsie3210]

I am listening from the boy’s side of the room, and, from here, not sure if this is mostly about being unmarried, or mostly about being childless.

It’s about society’s perception of a woman who’s childless at 31 being an annoying stereotype.

Once upon a time, when I was a kid, one of the big things was to assume that a woman who wasn’t married with children by 30 was probably a lesbian. After homosexuality came into vogue, that went away, and now it’s assumed that a woman who isn’t married with kids is putting off marriage out of a selfish desire for a career, so she can “wear the pants” for a while.

Christian websites assume this is bad, because it’s a vanity that denies God’s calling to a life of marriage.

Secular society assumes that this is good because a woman who doesn’t settle down gets to have sex with whomever she wants, and be free, so she can have a relationship without being bogged down.

It’s the same mentality that has doctors telling pregnant college students, “I’m so sorry,” and handing them abortion pamphlets. The idea is that modern society frowns on women with children and treats them like dirt.

I don’t like being lumped into a category that I don’t fit in. I don’t look down on marriage or motherhood, and I certainly don’t think that there’s anything to be sorry about when a woman gets pregnant. But supposedly the “sacrifices” that a woman has to make if she marries and/or has kids is the reason why women don’t marry young anymore.

I come from a very traditional Judeo/Catholic house. My mother married my father when she was 19. My dad had married his first wife (he was a widower) when he was 20 and his first wife was 22. Getting married young isn’t something bad in my book, but I was never successful at it, and now I find myself strangely lumped into a category I don’t belong in. I’m not selfishly trying to prevent having to make “sacrifices” so that I can sleep around or build up my career. But there’s no real category for someone like me, who has tried and failed to marry, and I don’t like being associated with people that I disagree with.

That was what this rant was about, at the heart of it.

 

[tabsie3210]

1. You started looking too young, IMO.
2. Bad mental state to be in, telling yourself its impossible just prevents you from reaching your goal.
3. SO?!, do something about it. Would you prefer your husband to be overweight, or fit and healthy?
4. Your choice here, would you find a man who still lived with his parents at 31 attractive or not?
5. Again, your lifestyle reflects who you are, and you can change it.
6. There isn’t one person on this EARTH who is ugly. Not even one. I promise you, because it is how the Lord of heaven and earth MADE us. And when perfection creates something, it isn’t ugly. But, even if you aren’t especially attractive to the opposite sex (big difference to being ‘ugly’), it doesn’t destroy your chances of marriage. It just makes finding a suitable husband a little harder. And, btw, I see plenty of hollywood ‘dolls’ (and personal ‘acquaintances’) who the world sees as ‘beautiful’, but all I see is an ‘ugly’ cold soul.

…you’re a guy, aren’t you?

I don’t mean to be offensive about that, so don’t take it that way, but I can tell you’re a guy because you’re trying to “solve my problems” for me when this wasn’t a rant about problems.

Still, you responded, so I’ll go ahead and give you a response back.

1. My mother’s family is Jewish, and in the Jewish culture it’s not uncommon for girls to marry as young as 15 or 16. My mother married at 19 and has been happily married to my father ever since.
2. I never said it was impossible. I said I had no prospects. Meaning: I do not have a boyfriend. I do not have any female friends who have brothers or male friends they can introduce me to. I do not know anyone to date casually. I don’t know very many people online who are single males. Therefore, I do not currently have prospects. My saying NO like that was in reference to the assumption made by many websites that a girl like me - a professional woman with a college education who is single - is probably sleeping around and has at least one or two boyfriends on the side who would be prospects for marriage. Remember, this is a rant about the assumptions people make concerning single women in their 30’s, not a rant about my prospects.
3. It’s assumed that women in their 30’s who are single do everything they can to enjoy an active sex life, and that usually means sculpting the body to be appealing. I do work out regularly and I am on a diet.

4 & 5) I have no idea how to take what you wrote here. Keeping in mind that my father is legally handicapped and that my mother and I are the only family anywhere near here to take care of him, and that he doesn’t need or want to go into a nursing home, I would assume that people would think it reasonable for the youngest daughter to stay at home . I suppose even if I didn’t live at home it would probably be a turn-off because eventually I’ll have to either move in or move close so I can help my mother with him, even if I were married. As to what I find attractive, I prefer people who live close to their birth families, visit often, and if a man were helping with a disabled parent, I’d find that very attractive, because here’s someone who knows my issues and knows why I want to be close to the family.

1. This was a spiteful snap, I admit. It’s something I’ve lived with since growing up and I think I take it to heart when I shouldn’t, but I find it very hard to be attractive to people in general. Like, at my place of work, the guys are loud and obnoxious about their sex lives. They go through women like a fish goes through water, and their complaints are usually about being hit on by unattractive women who, having seen a few of them, don’t look all that different from me, really, and yet these girls aren’t bad people. So it irritates me because if these guys are typical, then before settling down they have some very high standards. You have to look like a movie star before you get their attention, and then they want to talk to you and get to know you.

Anyway, as I posted above, the original rant was a complaint about getting classified as a selfish 30-something woman looking for a good time at the expense of her fertil period who will eventually come to regret having used the pill and slept with so many guys when she finally marries, finds herself dissatisfied with life, and then finds out she has to struggle to have children.

I don’t fit this, and neither do the other women who’ve responded to this post. I don’t use birth control at all, I never slept around (haven’t slept with anyone), I’m happy to make sacrifices for kids and don’t consider them an unnecessary burden, and I don’t believe in dating casually because it makes it harder for you to bond to someone you love later.

I have a hard time attracting a mate, true, but I dont’ deliberately avoid marriage and motherhood. And that, Magicsilence, is the reason I wrote this rant. I wasn’t asking anyone to come up with a fix for me. Or rather, I was hoping that people who think that way (usually men, a larger number of men than women write such things on Christan blogs), might be less inclined to sigh over our sinful neglect of womanly duties and more inclined to feel some sympathy.

 

[iluvmybabies]

One of my friend’s is 24 and not married. Graduated from college a couple of years ago and is a gorgeous girl… She was dating several guys from my job, whom were professionals, in the same field as her profession. They had a lot of things in common every one of them. BUT the one that really made her fall was this man whom was several years older than her, owned his own homes, etc, not married…had serious relationships and was engaged once but his fiance left him for another guy…(another story)

He was outgoing like she is, and shared a lot of things in common. He was sweet, loving, kind, gentle, and most importantly LOVED kids. That just drew her in completely… They dated for a while. At their six month anniversary- dating anniversary- he begins talking to her about children and weddings… She was soooo psyched and SO WAS I!!! I felt like I was in a romance novel or something! Everything they did was so cute and made me want things in my relationship to be that perfect as well! It seemed every time I would tell her about how great my relationship was she would just get frustrated and change the subject quick?? After a while of her doing that though, made me think that maybe her great relationship wasn’t all that great???

Well anyhow, they kept on dating, and things start getting really steamy between them…She’s not Catholic but he is…AND even though he knows what he’s doing is wrong, she tells me he starts romancing her on several occassions after their 6th month anniversary…She asked for advice and I told her what NOT to do which is to you know, engage in anything physical. She was holding herself for marriage, since she thought that’s what this relationship was going to you know? Especially since he spoke about wedding and children… She was so happy!! One of those nights they went out together, she ended up in his home, his gorgeous mansion… She said she felt she was in a fairytale, and she was the princess and he was her handsome prince. I reminded her SHE WASN’T MARRIED! She told me she couldn’t help it. That she never felt this way before. I asked her if she lost her you know what over this guy just because he had a castle?? She said no that she lost it to the man she loved…

Well I was afraid for her but I kept my opinions to myself…even though she kept bugging me about what I thought… I told her if it makes her happy what was I going to do? You know?

One of those nights some of his friend’s showed up without calling him… And since they all were bffs they had their own keys, so they came inside the house… They were drunk making noises and woke her and her db up…She said that he made her go inside the closet while he kicked his bffs out!! My jaw dropped… But I didn’t say anything to her… She told me how embarrassed she was and when she tried asking him what in the world? He told her to please understand his situation because his ex fiance and those guys are all bffs…So she was ok with it…

Another incident like that happened to her another time… except this time was in a bar when they went out… They were hanging out and all of a sudden another group of friends including his ex just walked in through the door. He asked her to go get them drinks… She told him she was going to go to the bathroom and then get their drinks… When she came back he was getting friendly with his ex, she interrupted them, she said this woman was wearing these “hooker” boots, and a miniskirt with nothing under…She couldn’t believe it and her bf was wrapped up in her legs… He let her go and told my friend, “oh thanks hon for the drinks how much do I owe you??”

 

[iluvmybabies]

She walked out of there immediately!!

A few nights later he kept calling her begging her to forgive him that he was so drunk he didn’t even know what he was doing that he didn’t recognize her…And that he spent all night looking for her… He loved her blah blah blah… She forgave him… because he had a tendency of taking his prescription meds with alcohol and it made him literally forget things and nearly lose his mind…

When they were close to their 1 year anniversary, she told me he was taking her on a trip exclusively for the 2 of them to a private place…This private place was some hot spot where “honeymooners” went… I was so happy for her, I jumped the gun and thought the same thing she did!! HE WAS PROPOSING!!!

She promised me she would call me, so when the weekend went by and I didn’t hear from her I was not really worried I was like “let them enjoy their honey moon!!” When the week passed and she wasn’t at work or anything else, I got really worried. No one was able to get a hold of her. When I asked her parents, they said she was tired and over worked…

I had a bad feeling…

Finally 3 weeks later I get a call and an email…We meet for lunch and she tells me everything…
She told me that one of our coworkers went out that weekend and found her boyfriend’s fiance in the bar, and she started initiating she wanted to have sex with him…He even went all perverted and asked to let him “see…” While he was doing the deed in the bathroom of the bar, she kept calling him by her ex fiance’s name…he said he left her there and then…and couldn’t believe it…HE demanded to know what was going on and she told him, in her drunkness that they were getting married again!! And that he was in their honeymoon spot making the reservations for the honey moon.
He called her immediately and told her everything, but she didn’t answer because she was busy with her bf…

The next morning her boyfriend was waiting for her to wake up with breakfast in bed and all…And then he told her that he loved her so much, and he couldn’t live without her, a love declaration… She felt he was going to pop the question… And then he turns around and shows her this ring… SHE LOVED IT!! She screamed for joy…He looked at her and said that it wasn’t for her. She just like nearly fainted… He told her he loved her but that he now knew where his heart belonged and it was in the arms of his ex.

I felt so horrible for her…I didn’t know what to tell her, and she looked at me and was like “I wished you would have told me not to go!”

Still to this day she’s not married, nor dating… Since she lost her you know what, she’s been promiscuous and she hasn’t cared at all about anything… One time she called me about 4 months ago telling me she thought she was pg and was scared… that was the last time I heard from her… I think about 2 months ago I got a hi and bye email and that was it…And she deserves so much better…

It’s really hard subject to come across you know? To be able to find a good mate… and sometimes I guess it really isn’t meant to be but other times it makes you really wonder you know?

I admire those whom have kept themselves happy even being single, just as those who’s marriages and relationships have lasted…I know I was very lonely for a while…And loneliness can sometimes be your best friend or worst enemy…

And for this girl, she told me she swore off relationships and was just seeing them as her toys, she was going to have all the fun she wanted and when she was ready to have kids if she was married by then she would if not she really didn’t care if she didn’t…I pray for her, she’s really broken…And I hope she finds her prince charming someday if that is GOD’s will for her, you know?!

 

[Leonius]

Your looking in the wrong places for happiness, try here:

http://www.fssp.org/album/VPR200805/altare.jpg

And remember Mary was a virgin to. There is no shame in not marrying as long as you remain chaste and live a virtuous life, just be open to God’s will for you whether it be the married life or that of a virgin.