Children leaving the faith.... a Dad's dilemma

[graceandglory]

Again, I don’t think this is a Catholic/Protestant issue. Many evangelicals believe in “once saved, always saved” and this unfortunately has a negative affect on some because they twist that and believe they can sin and never have to worry about hell at all. .

Yes…this is true. You might even have to wait out a whole “generation” for your child to see that there are hot and cold people on both sides, and start his journey Home. Some evangelicals trick themselves into thinking that they are perfect and without sin, and do nothing to grow up in the Lord past “getting saved.”

 

[fulbert4605]

I dabbled in several eastern philosophies for awhile looking for meaning in my life. I read a book called a Case for Christ (and then a Case for Faith) which negated my intellectual arguments. At the end of the Case for Christ, the author states that intellect can only take you so far, that at the end, you need the leap of faith which only the Holy Spirit can give

Indeed, the 3 seers of Fatima did not know what Russia was back in 1917. Of course, Sister Lucy learned at a later age. But Jacinta and Francisco died young without knowing what Russia was yet they made it to Heaven.

i had a brother that i watched slowly slip away from the faith. He became more and more unhappy and would exhibit such traits as blatant pride or constant impatience whereas he did not exhibit these before. He seemed to feed off of such emotions.

While knowledge is not necessarily a requirement to salvation of a soul, certain virtues help. The best advice i could give upbeatjonm is to exhibit such virtues toward your straying son and daughter. Always be patient with them. Do not exhibit anger towards them. Be charitable in giving them gifts. And just every once in a while remind them these are Catholic values. When words meet a hardened heart, actions (good deeds mentioned above paired with prayer with specific intention that the Holy Spirit may give them guidance and also that God may soften their hearts) might suffice. Then maybe they employ these charitable actions more often and could be led back to the Faith this way.

 

[Elementaryteach]

Just sharing our walk…

I have 3 sons. My oldest went off to college 9 yrs age, my middle son left the next year and my youngest followed 2 years later.

My husband and I are both on fire for the Lord and believe we live the life as humanly possible as we are sinners and do fail (mostly by not trusting). Our sons grew up in the church i.e. parochial school, CCD, praying the rosary, altar serving, ministers of the Eucharist, Lecturing, retreats (Stubenville, World Youth group) volunteering in soup kitchens, I was a DRE, parish secretary, my husband led RCIA, the list goes on. We still are very involved because that is what we want to do.

All this did not stop our sons from gradually participating in the secular world and eventually accepting social sin as a social norm and living in sin. Our sons still come home regularily and we visit them regularily. When they come home they go to church as well as when we visit. Do they go to church regularily, no.

In the beginning, we were devastated and very vocal but that didn’t help. We needed to accept that they were making independent decision. We needed to accept a new role with boundaries for children who no longer were under our ‘control.’ Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t run a dictatorship but we were the parents. We needed to learn to communicate respectfully with grown children even if their reasoning was skewed.

We do bring up the will of God when appropriate and address when we think they have made sinful decisions (like shacking up, having premarital sex, foul language, excessive drinking) but we don’t beat a dead horse.

Something we have always done is to prepare for the readings on Sunday by doing our daily readings. We also talk about how the scripture has spoken to us after Mass over breakfast or lunch. Thanks be to God our sons still like doing this and sometime initiate themselves. This is one of the ways the Lord reassures us that they know who he is and what he wants of them. They still continue to make excuses for some of their sinful choice and say they are working on making changes. We have seen some changes but we still feel that their life styles have pulled them away from our church teachings.

However, and more importantly we as parents have to have Faith in God that he is working on them.

Do I worry about their salvation, yes! We never know when our time will come but God wants our children to chose him of their own free will not because mom & dad said.

Sometime we cry and get depressed only to realize that we are not trusting in the Lord and letting this depression separate us from God, which in turn keeps us from glorifying him. Isn’t just like the devil to creep in like that!

This isn’t about us (our ego), it is about letting go (in Faith) and letting God.

Keep the Faith, keep praying, and keep seeking support from your Catholic community.

Love & Peace

Elementary Teach

 

[Norseman82]

My 19 year old son just said that he is not attending church today, and doesn’t want to anymore. I tried convincing him of the importance of staying. He can’t be convinced. This is just heartbreaking to me.

I have two daughters who did the same basic thing. I have an 18 year old son and a 12 year old son, and a wife who still attend.
My faith is very important to me, and the fact that my 3 oldest children have all fallen away, is tearing me up.

I feel like a failure as a father.
What have others done in this situation?

Jon

This could be a “red flag” that your kids are sexually active. I remember reading somewhere - it may even have been a letter from Catholic Answers - that it is probably one of the biggest reasons that teenage Catholics lose their faith.

Maybe it is that evangelical upbringing, I KNEW that if I sinned and walked away from God - if I died, I would go to hell. I would not have renounced my faith, I knew what the alternative was.

It is odd that I see so many Catholic young people who don’t have that same
“fear of God”.

I think kage is on to something here. Jon, does your son know that unless there is an emergency (like he is barfing up a lung or giving medical assistance to someone who is), it is a mortal sin/grave matter to miss Mass on a Sunday/Holy Day of Obligation, the penalty of which is eternity in hell? At least discussing the heaven/hell aspect of it with him can help you gauge how far he has drifted away. The same goes for your older daughters.