Children with gay parents

[onthenarrowpath]

I’m not asking this to be controversial. I’m asking out of sincere interest and a bit of curiosity.

How does the Catholic Church address the situation of a family that is headed by two gay men…or two lesbians, for that matter? I mean, let’s presume the “parents” are sexually involved with one another. If they are raising children, and it’s entirely likely those children will grow to be accepting of sexually active homosexuals, does the church advocate removing those children from the household?

 

[Voice_of_Reason_1]

I should think the Church would have no say in such a matter. Would it be wrong for children to grow up accepting homosexuals?

 

[HolyInnocent]

Our local Catholic School had a girl with 2 moms…

Basically, the women were respectful enough to not flaunt their relationship around the school or parish. In fact, I am pretty good friends with the mom (biological) and when she introduced her partner to me, it was, “This is my friend XXXXX” not my lover, wife, or anything else.

People like this are easy to treat just like anyone else. But the ones who flaunt their relationships are much more difficult. To me it is like any other couple who are living together without being married. Do you just assume they are living in sin or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and trat them like anyone else? Most people will assume, which I suppose could be scandalous, but without proof isn’t it just gossip or speculation?

That being said, the Church doesn’t say or do anything specific. Some organizations related to the Church such as adoption services would not place a child for adoption with a gay couple, but that is because each child deserves a mom and a dad for optimal upbringing.

Why do you think that children will grow up gay? I don’t think there is any evidence that will happen.

 

[StrawberryJam]

I’m not asking this to be controversial. I’m asking out of sincere interest and a bit of curiosity.

How does the Catholic Church address the situation of a family that is headed by two gay men…or two lesbians, for that matter? I mean, let’s presume the “parents” are sexually involved with one another. If they are raising children, and it’s entirely likely those children will grow to be accepting of sexually active homosexuals, does the church advocate removing those children from the household?

They have no legal right to advocate any such thing. Thankfully, they never will.
And, if they did advocate it, I would think they would have attempted it by now.

 

[Highwayhound]

I’m not asking this to be controversial. I’m asking out of sincere interest and a bit of curiosity.

How does the Catholic Church address the situation of a family that is headed by two gay men…or two lesbians, for that matter? I mean, let’s presume the “parents” are sexually involved with one another. If they are raising children, and it’s entirely likely those children will grow to be accepting of sexually active homosexuals, does the church advocate removing those children from the household?

We are all called to lead a life of chastity if not married.

 

[Voice_of_Reason_1]

each child deserves a mom and a dad for optimal upbringing

What is optimal about having a mom and a dad? Nothing in the literature suggests that children with gay parents grow up in less-than optimal conditions.

 

[OraLabora]

What is optimal about having a mom and a dad? Nothing in the literature suggests that children with gay parents grow up in less-than optimal conditions.

As someone who grew up through adolescence without a dad I can say that there is plenty wrong. First of all let me say it wasn’t intentional. He died suddenly of a massive stroke when I was 12 (thanks to smoking and diabetes).

I managed to adjust pretty well, overcame my grief, went on to university and had and still have a pretty decent career in science and IT.

But it is now, that I have 3 teen-age boys, that I have trouble relating to them. I just did not have that role model when I was that age. I had no problems when they were younger. My oldest is now 19 and I am also developing a great relationship with him.

Not having a dad was no picnic as a teenager. Children need parents of both sexes. It’s bad enough that some families don’t have that on account of circumstances beyond their control (abandonment, death) without imposing it on children for the sake of sexual gratification. Parenting comes with responsibilities. They should put that ahead of their own sexual gratification.

 

[Rence]

I’m not asking this to be controversial. I’m asking out of sincere interest and a bit of curiosity.

How does the Catholic Church address the situation of a family that is headed by two gay men…or two lesbians, for that matter? I mean, let’s presume the “parents” are sexually involved with one another. If they are raising children, and it’s entirely likely those children will grow to be accepting of sexually active homosexuals, does the church advocate removing those children from the household?

Well, I’m sure they would if they could, but gone are the days that they used to put to death, put under house arrest, “put to the question”, those that didn’t agree with them or live by their rules. They can’t force people to practice the faith, or accept their rules anymore. Being Catholic and living the Faith is something that has to be done of your own free will. The only thing they can do is manage their own: like excommunicating those who won’t conform to their rules or those who do not accept the teachings, and continue to spread the Word, teachings and traditions. And that’s as it should be. Religion should not be forced on people. I’m sure G-d wants people to come to Him of their own, because you can’t beat spirituality into people.

They don’t have the authority to remove children from homes. Only the law governing specific countries can, and in the U.S., it is not a crime to raise children in a homosexual home. The CC can, however, refuse to complete adoptions for homosexual couples if they own the adoption agency in question. They can excommunicate the couple, if it is discovered they are not celibate.

 

[Voice_of_Reason_1]

As someone who grew up through adolescence without a dad I can say that there is plenty wrong. First of all let me say it wasn’t intentional. He died suddenly of a massive stroke when I was 12 (thanks to smoking and diabetes).

I managed to adjust pretty well, overcame my grief, went on to university and had and still have a pretty decent career in science and IT.

But it is now, that I have 3 teen-age boys, that I have trouble relating to them. I just did not have that role model when I was that age. I had no problems when they were younger. My oldest is now 19 and I am also developing a great relationship with him.

Not having a dad was no picnic as a teenager. Children need parents of both sexes. It’s bad enough that some families don’t have that on account of circumstances beyond their control (abandonment, death) without imposing it on children for the sake of sexual gratification. Parenting comes with responsibilities. They should put that ahead of their own sexual gratification.

I have a number of difficulties with this response. 1) You’ve assumed that since your compromised relationship with your boys came after your dad being gone, that your dad being absent is the cause of that uneasiness. This is a logical fallacy (who knows why you have trouble relating to your boys? Just because you’ve made the attribution that it was from growing up without a dad, doesn’t make it correct - it’s mere speculation) 2) Growing up without a father and growing up without any second parent (father or otherwise) are two different things. You must understand that parenting is a labourious task and requires human capital to enact all its functions (whether they are carried out be male or female parents). 3) This telling is anecdotal: even if it is true that growing up without a specifically male role-model caused some uneasiness in your life, it certainly is not the case in much of the literature. The research shows that children with gay parents are as well adjusted in all the same inventories as traditional families (with one caveat: that children who grew up in same-sex homes have more tolerant views of marginalized groups)

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

Well, I’m sure they would if they could, but gone are the days that they used to put to death, put under house arrest, “put to the question”, those that didn’t agree with them or live by their rules. They can’t force people to practice the faith, or accept their rules anymore. Being Catholic and living the Faith is something that has to be done of your own free will. The only thing they can do is manage their own: like excommunicating those who won’t conform to their rules or those who do not accept the teachings, and continue to spread the Word, teachings and traditions. And that’s as it should be. Religion should not be forced on people. I’m sure G-d wants people to come to Him of their own, because you can’t beat spirituality into people.

They don’t have the authority to remove children from homes. Only the law governing specific countries can, and in the U.S., it is not a crime to raise children in a homosexual home. The CC can, however, refuse to complete adoptions for homosexual couples if they own the adoption agency in question. They can excommunicate the couple, if it is discovered they are not celibate.

100% Correct. It’s a shame how much people get away with in this country. Children in normal marriages have it hard enough. They shouldn’t have to go through living with a couple who expose their children to blatant sexual perversion through homosexuality.

The mere refusal of administering sacraments should be enough to show that their state in life is not acceptable in the Roman Catholic Church. If there was sincere repentance with sacrament of confession, and separation of the two, then it would be acceptable.

 

[thistle]

I’m not asking this to be controversial. I’m asking out of sincere interest and a bit of curiosity.

How does the Catholic Church address the situation of a family that is headed by two gay men…or two lesbians, for that matter? I mean, let’s presume the “parents” are sexually involved with one another. If they are raising children, and it’s entirely likely those children will grow to be accepting of sexually active homosexuals, does the church advocate removing those children from the household?

Legally the Church cannot do anything about if it the laws of a country permit such abominations like gay people being permitted to adopt children.

However, the Church is absolutely against gays adopting. The UK either changed the law or is going to change the law forcing all adoption agencies to permit gays to adopt. The Catholic adoption agencies have said they will close rather than agree to that.

 

[OraLabora]

I have a number of difficulties with this response. 1) You’ve assumed that since your compromised relationship with your boys came after your dad being gone, that your dad being absent is the cause of that uneasiness. This is a logical fallacy (who knows why you have trouble relating to your boys? Just because you’ve made the attribution that it was from growing up without a dad, doesn’t make it correct - it’s mere speculation) 2) Growing up without a father and growing up without any second parent (father or otherwise) are two different things. You must understand that parenting is a labourious task and requires human capital to enact all its functions (whether they are carried out be male or female parents). 3) This telling is anecdotal: even if it is true that growing up without a specifically male role-model caused some uneasiness in your life, it certainly is not the case in much of the literature. The research shows that children with gay parents are as well adjusted in all the same inventories as traditional families (with one caveat: that children who grew up in same-sex homes have more tolerant views of marginalized groups)

Yes I know it is anecdotal as far as science goes.

You can quote research all you want. I terribly missed having a male role model when I was a teen.

I would not wish it on anybody. I know of other boys and men with the same feeling. On the surface we may turn out alright, but something is missing.

In any case I don’t believe that children should be the objects of a social experiment. Man and woman He created us. Gay parents’ first responsibility should be to their children, not their sex drive.

 

[StrawberryJam]

Legally the Church cannot do anything about if it the laws of a country permit such abominations like gay people being permitted to adopt children.

However, the Church is absolutely against gays adopting. The UK either changed the law or is going to change the law forcing all adoption agencies to permit gays to adopt. The Catholic adoption agencies have said they will close rather than agree to that.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=414515

please add your thoughts on the “abominations” of gay people being permitted to adopt children. I can’t wait to hear them.

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m not asking this to be controversial. I’m asking out of sincere interest and a bit of curiosity.

How does the Catholic Church address the situation of a family that is headed by two gay men…or two lesbians, for that matter? I mean, let’s presume the “parents” are sexually involved with one another. If they are raising children, and it’s entirely likely those children will grow to be accepting of sexually active homosexuals, does the church advocate removing those children from the household?

the same way she “handles” any other Catholic who is living openly in defiance of Catholic teaching, with pastoral care that has as its goal the reconciliation of the individual and return to full communion through the sacraments. If as I assume you are asking about their child, they would be addressed as any Catholic parents who request baptism for their child, such as an unmarried heterosexual couple. Under canon law the priest should delay (not deny) baptism for a child until such time as the parents can give assurance the child will be raised Catholic, which is unlikely of the flagrantly sinful living condition persists.

 

[onthenarrowpath]

I should think the Church would have no say in such a matter. Would it be wrong for children to grow up accepting homosexuals?

They have no legal right to advocate any such thing. Thankfully, they never will.
And, if they did advocate it, I would think they would have attempted it by now.

What is optimal about having a mom and a dad? Nothing in the literature suggests that children with gay parents grow up in less-than optimal conditions.

I have a number of difficulties with this response. 1) You’ve assumed that since your compromised relationship with your boys came after your dad being gone, that your dad being absent is the cause of that uneasiness. This is a logical fallacy (who knows why you have trouble relating to your boys? Just because you’ve made the attribution that it was from growing up without a dad, doesn’t make it correct - it’s mere speculation) 2) Growing up without a father and growing up without any second parent (father or otherwise) are two different things. You must understand that parenting is a labourious task and requires human capital to enact all its functions (whether they are carried out be male or female parents). 3) This telling is anecdotal: even if it is true that growing up without a specifically male role-model caused some uneasiness in your life, it certainly is not the case in much of the literature. The research shows that children with gay parents are as well adjusted in all the same inventories as traditional families (with one caveat: that children who grew up in same-sex homes have more tolerant views of marginalized groups)

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=414515

please add your thoughts on the “abominations” of gay people being permitted to adopt children. I can’t wait to hear them.

In response to each of these quoted posts, I’d just like to state that while I recognize your right to participate in the forums, I’m looking for the official Roman Catholic position on this matter, if indeed there is one - not the opinion of those who admit to a philosophical view that is generally in opposition to the teachings of the church. Perhaps your views would be more suited for an open general discussion in a neutral environment among many people of varying perspectives and opinions regarding this subject. Thanks!

 

[StrawberryJam]

In response to each of these quoted posts, I’d just like to state that while I recognize your right to participate in the forums, I’m looking for the official Roman Catholic position on this matter, if indeed there is one - not the opinion of those who admit to a philosophical view that is generally in opposition to the teachings of the church. Perhaps your views would be more suited for an open general discussion in a neutral environment among many people of varying perspectives and opinions regarding this subject. Thanks!

I don’t know what country you live in, but if you live in the USA and are asking this, can I ask you how old you are?

Do you think the USA has to bow to the vatican? Most certainly not!

 

[onthenarrowpath]

Why do you think that children will grow up gay? I don’t think there is any evidence that will happen.

I didn’t say I thought they would grow up gay. I said they could conceivably grow up to become people who might view homosexual sex as morally acceptable.

 

[onthenarrowpath]

We are all called to lead a life of chastity if not married.

I agree. But the assumption put forth in my OP was that the parenting couple was NOT married and not leading a life of chastity, and I wanted to know how the RCC would address the matter. Nevertheless, the questions I asked were answered by others.

 

[Voice_of_Reason_1]

Yes I know it is anecdotal as far as science goes.

You can quote research all you want. I terribly missed having a male role model when I was a teen.

I would not wish it on anybody. I know of other boys and men with the same feeling. On the surface we may turn out alright, but something is missing.

On the surface and deep inside us, we turn out right. It’s not really open for debate as far as the literature is concerned.

In any case I don’t believe that children should be the objects of a social experiment.

You say “the objects of” as if they’ve been manipulated (the old image conjured of the evil psychologist pricking babies and toddlers to measure the ebb and flow of their screams). No, it’s really just assessing children from an existing demographic (no manipulation) on a number of items. All of which is carefully filtered through ethics boards.

Man and woman He created us. Gay parents’ first responsibility should be to their children, not their sex drive.

Do you mean to say that because of someone’s sexual orientation, their first responsibility would not be their children? I can’t see how that could be true for gays any more than for straights. How did sex drive even slip into this conversation?

 

[onthenarrowpath]

As someone who grew up through adolescence without a dad I can say that there is plenty wrong. First of all let me say it wasn’t intentional. He died suddenly of a massive stroke when I was 12 (thanks to smoking and diabetes).

I managed to adjust pretty well, overcame my grief, went on to university and had and still have a pretty decent career in science and IT.

But it is now, that I have 3 teen-age boys, that I have trouble relating to them. I just did not have that role model when I was that age. I had no problems when they were younger. My oldest is now 19 and I am also developing a great relationship with him.

Not having a dad was no picnic as a teenager. Children need parents of both sexes. It’s bad enough that some families don’t have that on account of circumstances beyond their control (abandonment, death) without imposing it on children for the sake of sexual gratification. Parenting comes with responsibilities. They should put that ahead of their own sexual gratification.

100% Correct. It’s a shame how much people get away with in this country. Children in normal marriages have it hard enough. They shouldn’t have to go through living with a couple who expose their children to blatant sexual perversion through homosexuality.

The mere refusal of administering sacraments should be enough to show that their state in life is not acceptable in the Roman Catholic Church. If there was sincere repentance with sacrament of confession, and separation of the two, then it would be acceptable.

Yes I know it is anecdotal as far as science goes.

You can quote research all you want. I terribly missed having a male role model when I was a teen.

I would not wish it on anybody. I know of other boys and men with the same feeling. On the surface we may turn out alright, but something is missing.

In any case I don’t believe that children should be the objects of a social experiment. Man and woman He created us. Gay parents’ first responsibility should be to their children, not their sex drive.

the same way she “handles” any other Catholic who is living openly in defiance of Catholic teaching, with pastoral care that has as its goal the reconciliation of the individual and return to full communion through the sacraments. If as I assume you are asking about their child, they would be addressed as any Catholic parents who request baptism for their child, such as an unmarried heterosexual couple. Under canon law the priest should delay (not deny) baptism for a child until such time as the parents can give assurance the child will be raised Catholic, which is unlikely of the flagrantly sinful living condition persists.

I want to thank each of you for answering the questions for me.