Chit Chat Before Mass, Proper Dress

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sefarlow

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I was brought up that inside the church (nave) it is supposed to be a place of silence and reverence. I attend daily mass and there are those who carry on conversations before mass in the church when people are praying/meditating to prepare for mass and those conversations are VERY distracting. When I attend a daily mass at at larger parish 30 minutes away there is no chit chat. How can I address this or should I just put up with it?

There is a man show attends daily mass regularly but comes dressed in cargo shorts, white socks, tennis shoes and a t-shirt. Even worse, he acts as altar server 2 days a week or so. If I say something to the priest I believe I would get the response “At least he is attending.” Should I just tolerate it?
 
My perspective on the Mass changed greatly after becoming a parent. Even when they are behaving well, a portion of my attention always has to be with the children. Proper dress and prayerful silence are great and wonderful goals, but the reality is that it is more important just for people to be present there.
 
sefarlow said:
I was brought up that inside the church (nave) it is supposed to be a place of silence and reverence. I attend daily mass and there are those who carry on conversations before mass in the church when people are praying/meditating to prepare for mass and those conversations are VERY distracting.
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I was brought up that way also and I agree it is very frustrating and rude for people to be talking while others are trying to pray. Where I live it happens more after daily Mass. Not too long ago a couple who was praying after Mass got up and left shaking their heads because two men stood right by them while they were praying and the two men were talking and chit chatting as if sitting in a living room.

Sadly we have lost the reverence and the reality of where we are when inside the Catholic church.

One parish deacon said we could turn and gently shush the talkers but I have not done that yet. They would probably ignore me anyhow. I had to learn to attend daily Mass at a parish where it rarely happens.

You could speak to the priest about it and perhaps he would put a reminder in the bulletin, asking people to be respectful of those praying or better yet announce it in a homily. Many people don’t read their bulletins.
sefarlow said:
There is a man show attends daily mass regularly but comes dressed in cargo shorts, white socks, tennis shoes and a t-shirt. Even worse, he acts as altar server 2 days a week or so. If I say something to the priest I believe I would get the response “At least he is attending.” Should I just tolerate it?
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You probably will have to just tolerate that. I agree it is too bad there isn’t respect in attire at Mass but I think that is our society today.
Dewey83 said:
My perspective on the Mass changed greatly after becoming a parent. Even when they are behaving well, a portion of my attention always has to be with the children. Proper dress and prayerful silence are great and wonderful goals, but the reality is that it is more important just for people to be present there.
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I think that is a way more understanding situation than adults without children talking inconsiderately. Children do not always yet understand where they are and are learning.
 
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The man who shows up in dress you don’t approve of is none of your business, so yes, “just tolerate” him. People do tend to come to daily Mass dressed in whatever they will be wearing for the day, provided it is clean.

If the level of idle conversation before Mass is distracting to you, however, ask Father if something can be done about it. He may see his way to mention it to the regulars.

(Just as an aside, just because the priest is working on somebody to do a bit better on the clothing does not mean that it would be an overnight change. In other words, you don’t know what words Father has had with his altar server. You do know that Father is aware of the situation and that he is the pastor. He ought to be left to handle that as he sees fit. The sound level before Mass, on the other hand, may be something he doesn’t experience because he is in the sacristy or outside the church talking where it is appropriate to do so.)
 
This has been rehashed a good bit in the couple months since I’ve joined.

My thoughts: give the benefit of the doubt to that guy in shorts. It’s not my preferred attire for Mass, a job interview, retirement ceremony, nice anniversary dinner with my wife, or evening at the opera, but…

…we don’t know the dude’s situation in life; upbringing, finances, work, etc. Perhaps mention to the pastor to discuss proper disposition, dress, and 'tude during Mass.

In regards to folks chatting prior to Mass, again, try to be patient, and mention it offline to the pastor. Yes, it can be distracting to others, but it’s best addressed by the pastor, not an individual parishioner as that has more potential to be taken the wrong way.
 
DeniseNY said:
I think the question you should be asking your pastor is “how do I not let these things bother me”.
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I think an even better question (for you) is “Could you provide an example (even a theoretical one) of something that DOES bother you?”
 
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ricmat said:
I think an even better question (for you) is “Could you provide an example (even a theoretical one) of something that DOES bother you?”
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Is that for me? Lots of stuff bothers me. I’ve just figured out that I can’t control what people around me do, but I can control how I react to it.
 
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I believe that an adult man should try and wear a suit to Mass, and possibly a tie unless they are, for example attending daily Mass as a construction worker.

But regardless of my or your beliefs, we have no right to police what this man wears.
 
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
 
A few years ago, I attended the funeral of a dear friend. My wife and I were dressed with the “best” clothes we had, out of respect for the deceased and his family. When we got to the church, we noticed that a large group of people were dressed in shorts, spaghetti straps, sandals, baseball caps, etc.

We thought “how embarrassing for the family.”

Then we looked closer and saw that it WAS the family.

Perhaps nobody told them to dress up nice.

Or perhaps they were told everything is permitted.

Most likely - they saw no reason to respect God, so why show respect for their father/grandfather?

And yes, they could afford it.
 
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Thanks for the feedback. I asked a simple question and some chose to flame me for asking so I won’t post a question like this again.
 
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I would advise not to be judge mental,
And yes it’s important they are at least there. When I would attend daily mass at times I looked rough, why? Because I just got off an overnight shift with no sleep no chance to change clothes. If you don’t know someone’s personal life then you can’t judge, daily mass is complicated to get to because of work schedules. It’s so great that people even are able to go! I hardly even notice nowadays what people wear to Church because I’m just happy to be there given my work schedule
 
I wore a dress to my mother’s funeral and to tell you the truth, I have no recollection of what anyone else in attendance was wearing. The most important thing is that they came to pay their respects and support us in our time of grief.

Edit: And it would be gross to me to accept someone’s condolences and prayers for my mother, and then go home and talk about what they wore. I think that’s a bigger issue than someone wearing a pair of cargo shorts.
 
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Appropriate dress for Church is so important to me and probably to me only. I was raised by a Mom that instilled in us the proper way to dress for any occasion. I don’t like to be observed by others in a negative way…Today, I believe that some individuals just don’t care or have respect for themselves to actually look in the mirror before they walk out the door! One is actually “painting” a picture of themselves on how they look and what they wear. Oh, besides talking in Church, another thing that annoys me is when some sit in the front pews and turn around and constantly look at everyone in the back… 😳 🥺 😲 :crazy_face: 😉
 
But you remembered that you wore a dress. No doubt because you wanted to respect both God and your mother.
 
ricmat said:
I think an even better question (for you) is “Could you provide an example (even a theoretical one) of something that DOES bother you?”
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Great question. I think for some people, they were raised in an overly structured home or family and so reject any kind of rules or structure, it doesn’t matter how rational or how much sense they make. From their standpoint I can emphasize with that, coming from where they are. I had a lot of rules and structure too, including dress code and behavior, but it wasn’t a negative experience (for me) since I saw how other people would miss out on opportunities without that structure. So I don’t recoil from the kind of rules in the OP.
 
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