Chit Chat Before Mass, Proper Dress

[CathoRick]

I asked a simple question and some chose to flame me for asking so I won’t post a question like this again.

Uncharitable attitudes are all too common here, I’m afraid. As others have recommended, I would attend a TLM (if you can) and enjoy the reverent silence and dress offered by its participants. Otherwise, your best bet at an OF parish is sitting up front and doing your best to ignore the loud chatter and guffaws.

 

[Irishmom2]

We can not control others, only ourselves. I think you missed the point of Denise’s post. She doesn’t remember what anyone else wore, whether they wore a dress or not. But she remembers that people showed respect to her mother by their showing up. She probably doesn’t have to “remember” what she wore to her mom’s funeral because that is most likely her normal way of dressing for a funeral.

 

[PeterT]

Oh, besides talking in Church, another thing that annoys me is when some sit in the front pews and turn around and constantly look at everyone in the back… :crazy_face:

The only people I see do that at Church are young children and it’s perfectly fine for them to do so, IMHO.

I’d much rather have them stare back at others at church than yell or scream during Mass.

 

[ricmat]

I’m not picking on Denise, and the funeral thing just came up as an example.

People who can afford to dress their best to go out to a movie, or to a bar, or to an interview then go to church with much-less-than their best.

Doesn’t God deserve more (or at least as much as) the movie-goers, the date, the interviewer? God doesn’t care if you are “well dressed” or not but does care that you did your best for him.

For those that have almost nothing, but it’s their best, good.

Regarding chatting - before Mass we have notices and such projected on the front walls. It says basically “no chatting because people may be praying or meditating before Mass.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work

 

[Glennon_P]

Regarding chatting - before Mass we have notices and such projected on the front walls. It says basically “no chatting because people may be praying or meditating before Mass.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work

Best way to cut down on pre-Mass chatter…

Pray the Rosary aloud and time it so it ends just before Mass.

 

[Kindnessmatters]

I certainly agree people should be reverent and silent before mass. I am not bothered if people socialize - not obnoxiously or loudly, but in a normal voice- after Mass, though it is best to do so outside of the sanctuary. I have been to small town churches which had no space other than to go outdoors to socialize, and particularly there, I think the community is important enough to allow people to connect in this way after Mass.

 

[ricmat]

Best way to cut down on pre-Mass chatter…

Pray the Rosary aloud and time it so it ends just before Mass.

My wife tries that every week. A few people come and interrupt her anyway, because they have “important” things to discuss…

But thanks for the suggestion.

 

[ricmat]

DeniseNY - on the positive side, it seems that we’re both Steelers fans

 

[CilladeRoma]

People chat in Church before and after our diocesean TLM. I have also seen people attend in jeans and shorts.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Reminds me of the story about a young monk who went to his abbot to complain about how some other monks were behaving in chapel.

The wise abbot responded with, “this is awful ! You should fast on bread and water for a month to make amends for this abomination !”

The young monk never complained about other monks again.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I agree with you. Conversations before mass can be very distracting to those who are trying to prepare.

The priest is very capable of requesting quiet before the mass to allow people to focus and prepare. If you ask him, and then he ignores that request, that can prove to be another aggravation.

Staying outside may be your best option. Where I am, half the year is a Canadian winter, so it’s not very practical. However I can read prayers on the way there to get myself focused.

I feel your pain. God bless.

 

[OurLadyofSorrows]

I am sorry

I asked a simple question and some chose to flame me for asking so I won’t post a question like this again.

Welcome to the Forum.

I lead by example in these situations. Kneel and pray and ignore all distractions. It is a great time to practice contemplative prayer in which we are practicing pushing away all distractions.
If people are being loud, you are entitled to ask them to be quiet inside a church.

Pray for your Priest and altar servers. There is worse and better dress then what you describe. The Priest will say something to the servers if he does not consider their dress appropriate.
At my daily Mass people attend during lunch hour or before work. It is the norm in all Parishes.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

Good story. Thanks.

 

[po18guy]

In the presence of Jesus Christ, we ought to remain silent. Three reasons at least:

1. He is our Savior, our Lord, our God. We are dust and ashes.
2. We listen to Him - He already knows what our issues are.
3. Mass, from another perspective, is a Holy Hour we choose to spend worshiping the Lord. We have phones if we want to talk sports.

Are we not silent at Adoration? What’s the difference? He, in His Sacramental Presence, is not Lord now, bread then - Christ when we can see him and crust when we cannot! That’s Lutheran. We are not…well… you know.

 

[TomH1]

I am afraid it happens. Sight of the fact of what a church building is has been lost and respect for the House of God is not what it once was.

Standards regarding dress have also changed. I remember being very upset in my early teens. One summer day I was passing our church and decided to go in and pray. (Not my normal teenage behaviour.) As I cam out the priest grabbed me by the arm and told me off for going in to the church wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of shorts. I was most aggrieved he wasn’t pleased I’d gone in to pray!

I think quiet should be kept in church out of respect for the place it is and even if you want to chatter you should show respect for people who want to pray. I also think a certain amount of decorum is appropriate in dress we wear when going to church. Most people would accept a dress code for somewhere like a restaurant so why not in a much more important place? I also think the pace of life today is to blame. Everyone is in a constant rush. So, instead of having a chat with people after Mass outside church everybody has to rush off.

Unfortunately, I think this debate will generate heated arguments on both sides. I doubt it has not already been discussed on these fora. I also doubt whether agreement will be reached.

 

[TomH1]

My perspective on the Mass changed greatly after becoming a parent. Even when they are behaving well, a portion of my attention always has to be with the children. Proper dress and prayerful silence are great and wonderful goals, but the reality is that it is more important just for people to be present there.

I think children are different than adults. This applies especially to young children. It is simply impossible to reason with them and young children will make a noise. I think this is to be expected and as a father I understand this. But, by the time a child is old enough to start school they can be taught to be quiet and respect the place they’re in. Indeed, this is expected of them in school.

As an aside enjoy your children whilst their young. They only get worse, lol

 

[thistle]

If I say something to the priest I believe I would get the response “At least he is attending.” Should I just tolerate it?

So you don’t actually know what the priest would say because you haven’t talked to him about it. Talk about judging.

 

[Mary888]

Can you change parish? There is no way you can change the whole parish just because you came in.
You can pray to Theotokos to help you find another parish where you would feel you belong to, or a priest who understands your p.o.v. and intervenes. The thing is - you can complain to anyone but unless the priest objects to it, even publicly after a homily, nobody will do anything to change it.

 

[Peeps]

In the presence of Jesus Christ, we ought to remain silent. Three reasons at least:

1. He is our Savior, our Lord, our God. We are dust and ashes.
2. We listen to Him - He already knows what our issues are.
3. Mass, from another perspective, is a Holy Hour we choose to spend worshiping the Lord. We have phones if we want to talk sports.

Are we not silent at Adoration? What’s the difference? He, in His Sacramental Presence, is not Lord now , bread then - Christ when we can see him and crust when we cannot! That’s Lutheran. We are not…well… you know.

Yes, He is our Savior,our Lord and our God, and we are but dust and ashes–but we are also His beloved children. John 1:12 says that “to all who received Him, who believed in His Name, He gave power to become children of God.”

Although there are times when children should be quiet and respectful–and I agree, Mass is not a time for chattering, children by their nature are noisy, curious, and gregarious.

And although we should listen to Him, He invites to come to Him and call upon His Name. Matthew 10:28 says “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest…I am gentle and humble in heart…My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

This verse and many others make it clear that Jesus loves us and wants us to share our needs, our thoughts, our dreams and hopes, our frustrations (burdens!), with Him, not just keep quiet like slaves and let Him do all our thinking for us.

Finally, the Mass is a time we choose to spend worshiping the Lord. BUT…the time outside of Mass, and that includes the time immediately before and after Mass–is NOT part of the Mass! Out of common courtesy, it is good to be respectful of others and not chatter about worldly concerns in the nave while people are kneeling to pray, or reading a devotional book or Scripture.

But I see absolutely nothing disrespectful of others or towards Jesus when people stop to greet one another, ask how things are going, ask about a loved one who is ill, ask how someone who has just experienced a trial (death in family, hospital stay, loss of job, recovery from an addiction, child who is rebelling, etc. etc.) how they are doing.

Church is not just the worship of God, it is our FAMILY, and it’s natural to want to greet those we love with a few words.

Jesus is certainly our All, our Everything. But He Himself makes if very clear that He intends for us to be a BODY of BELIEVERS, not just lone sheep. We truly do need each other.

The Church and Scripture agree with your comments, but your comments are out-of-context and incomplete… We are beloved Children of God, brothers and sisters in the Lord, and the time outside of Mass (including those few minutes before and after Mass) are times when we are free to demonstrate our love for Jesus by voicing (in quiet voices!) our love (not our hopes for the outcome of the Sunday NFL games!) for our Christian family.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

the time outside of Mass (including those few minutes before and after Mass) are times when we are free to demonstrate our love for Jesus by voicing (in quiet voices!) our love (not our hopes for the outcome of the Sunday NFL games!) for our Christian family.

It is very important, yes to care about our brothers and sisters though once inside the Church and while others are praying, it is inappropriate and inconsiderate of those praying. One little quiet voice can be distracting. If you start adding more little quiet voices, you have a loud voice.
It is best to wait until outside to speak with others about recent happenings.
Many people come to God’s presence with great problems and would like those few minutes to be with him in quiet personal prayer.