Church bars severely autistic boy from mass...

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If he cannot participate he should;d not be there.
I get a bit perturbed when people or children talk out during mass.
If the boy can sit still then create a special mass just for him and others like him.
When I was a Muslim I was so angry at the women that let their children run free and pester us women who didn’t have kids. Pulling on our hair and clothes. Its not fair to us.

I agree it should have been delt w/differently; but its not fair for the congregation with his disturbances.

IMHO
Then perhaps you need to volunteer in the church nursery, or if there isn’t a church nursery, perhaps you should look into starting one. Since you are so perturbed.
 
This isn’t a kid just making a few noises. The church has tried to accommodate, but the behavior has become more physically dangerous, and a court agrees. It’s not the boy’s fault, but apparently his own parents cannot always control him.

I doubt that even Jesus would condone the enabling of dangerous and disruptive behavior – posing great risks to others and self – in the name of “acceptance”. This is sloppy agape.

Someone can be seriously injured. The pastor has definite moral and legal responsibilities to protect everyone from harm. If he failed to do so, and some child or elderly person were injured, there would be a major lawsuit.

In a perfect world, everyone would be welcomed everywhere. But if I had a highly communicable disease, say TB, I’d have no right to mingle in large crowds where I posed a serious threat. And I think Jesus would agree, notwithstanding Matt.25 (“Whatever you do to the least of these….”)
 
A court agrees? A judge will grant a temporary restraining order for anyone who has a reasonable sounding complaint. A court has not ruled on whether or not the restraining order should become permanent, or even on the mother’s ticket for violating the order, let alone ruled on whether or not the action was disriminatory.

The whole point of this story is the mother says the behaviors are not violent, but misunderstood by the priest. Who are you to say you know better?
 
Honeysuckle,

Who are you to say you know better than the priest? If they have to tie this child down to restrain him…he’s dangerous. I’ve worked with autistic people quite a bit…he wasn’t pulling the teenage girl onto his lap because the weight was comforting to him…he was doing it for a sexual charge…because here’s the thing…autistics don’t find comfort from strangers. I’m siding completely with the pastor on this one. At most, try to make provisions for a live feed of mass in a seperate area of the Church…but with the danger to elderly and young children who can be knocked over when he bolts from the Church…with the danger because of hitting…with the hygene issues surrounding spitting and urinating on himself…with the concerns for the potential of pulling another young teen onto his lap…this is the best thing.
 
Who am I? Who are you?

You don’t know any better than I do whose side of the story to believe. The mother says the priest is misinterpreting his behavior. Who are YOU to say that you know better?

You obviously know much less about autism then you think you do, since you believe you can read the boy’s mind and know he is getting a sexual charge. If you actually knew anything about autism, you would understand that deep pressure is a sensory-based therapy, and the parents sit on their son’s lap for this reason (not to give him a sexual charge). According to them he pulled the girl onto his lap for that reason.

The mother has said he does not spit, he makes spitting faces. Did you just selectively not read that part, or decide you didn’t believe her?

It may be that he is dangerous, but you do NOT know that from the information that has been reported. So instead of jumping all over this vulnerable family, why not express compassion and patience?

This is the kind of issue that separates the sheep from the goats in my opinion.
 
They are more apt to hurt themselves than others…🤷
My friend’s 78-pound, high-functioning autistic nine-year-old broke her arm without a “weapon” in one of his rages. The concern that people might be hurt is not unfounded.
 
Aimee It sounds like you do a good job for your son and are sensitive to the people around you. I have been around Mentally Handicapped people my whole life and not all familys are as thoughtful for others as you are. Most are but not all. Its one thing to make noises but completely another when they get phisical with others. Perhaps this boys bhavior lies somewhere in the middle of the two opposing stories at any rate you cant have someone phisically agressive in such close proximity to other people. I know I watch my sister like a hawk when out with others(she has been known to randomly punc people:eek: )
I agree that there is a difference between “odd” behavior and frightenng behavior. The church where I attend daily 7:00 a.m. Mass has a fellow who comes in with his family a few times a year, who has something very obviously wrong with him. He, twitches, chirps and grunts during the Mass. But when the priest elevates the host, he blurts out in a loud voice: That’s JEEEEEEEEE-SUSSS! Gotta love him.
 
My friend’s 78-pound, high-functioning autistic nine-year-old broke her arm without a “weapon” in one of his rages. The concern that people might be hurt is not unfounded.
Well in that case I think that we need to establish a screening program and issue ID cards to get into Churches (so we can all make sure we’re very safe and comfortable and are not disturbed by these freaks) . Because there might be someone with autism who isn’t immediately obvious when he or she walks in the door in the Church, and we want to make sure those people aren’t there posing a safety hazard. People who appear normal suddenly snap and start shooting people at random sometimes, you know, so I think the priest should have a list of normal people and he should stand at the door and let everyone in who is on the normal list, but keep the other dangerous people away.

I really think it is important that we all be very safe at Church and not disturbed in any way. You know, it’s not like those early Christians in Rom were ever forced to have their peace disturbed, or face any kind of danger. Jesus is the Lord or social order and decorum, after all, not the Lord of the outcast.
 
Has anyone heard of SPRED? It is a Catholic program supported by many bishops, that prepares children and adults with special needs to receive the sacraments. It’s final goal isfull incorporation with the Body of Christ. This includes participation at mass. If I could give you the website I would but I am not that adept with information. But you can google it.
 
You have to enter in S.P.R.E.D. to get the website. It is a program I have been involved with for years and I have had my horizons broadened, the outstretched arms of Christ opened, by this program.
 
You obviously know much less about autism then you think you do, since you believe you can read the boy’s mind and know he is getting a sexual charge. If you actually knew anything about autism, you would understand that deep pressure is a sensory-based therapy, and the parents sit on their son’s lap for this reason (not to give him a sexual charge). According to them he pulled the girl onto his lap for that reason.
It doesn’t really matter WHY he pulled the girl on his lap. The fact is that he DID, most likely traumatizing the young girl in the process. Whether the boy understands it or not, it happens to be sexual harassment and nobody should be subjected to it in the name of “tolerance”.

It’s sad that the situation is what it is. But I don’t care what the parents say, the pastor of the church has the moral and legal obligation to protect his parisioners from sexual harassment and abuse.

IMO, the parents have A LOT of nerve taking this to the press and making their priest look like the big boogey man. THEY are the ones responsible for the situation. It is THEIR responsibility to protect others from their son. And yes, I said protect from their son.

I wonder just what exactly they would have to say if the boy ran over a toddler in the parking lot while he “calmed himself” revving somebody’s engine? I’d bet it’d be somewhere along the lines of the girl shouldn’t have been in the way, she should have “accomodated” their son. Pass the blame, pass the blame. :mad:
 
It doesn’t really matter WHY he pulled the girl on his lap. The fact is that he DID, most likely traumatizing the young girl in the process. Whether the boy understands it or not, it happens to be sexual harassment and nobody should be subjected to it in the name of “tolerance”.

It’s sad that the situation is what it is. But I don’t care what the parents say, the pastor of the church has the moral and legal obligation to protect his parisioners from sexual harassment and abuse.

IMO, the parents have A LOT of nerve taking this to the press and making their priest look like the big boogey man. THEY are the ones responsible for the situation. It is THEIR responsibility to protect others from their son. And yes, I said protect from their son.

I wonder just what exactly they would have to say if the boy ran over a toddler in the parking lot while he “calmed himself” revving somebody’s engine? I’d bet it’d be somewhere along the lines of the girl shouldn’t have been in the way, she should have “accomodated” their son. Pass the blame, pass the blame. :mad:
What’s wrong Masondoggy, do you have something against reading the whole newspaper article?

The girl was part of the family, she was an exchange student, and was not traumatized because she understood what he was doing.

And yes, it does matter WHY he pulled the girl on his lap. WHY he pulled her on his lap determines whether he is dangerous or socially inappropriate. There is a difference.

Blame? What are talking about? You don’t make the slightest bit of sense. You are obviously afraid of disabled people, and instead of admitting your ignorance and fear, you lash out against the parents for having such a “bad” kid, and blow the story out of proportion, completing ignoring the entire point of the story, which is that the mother says her child is misunderstood, and that she has asked for accommodations the priest has ignored.

You know, if you don’t want to understand people with disabilities, that’s fine, but why do you have to pretend to be a follower of Christ? You and the other 100 people who are actually angry at this family for having the nerve to bring their disabled son to church are giving real Christians a bad name.
 
What’s wrong Masondoggy, do you have something against reading the whole newspaper article?

The girl was part of the family, she was an exchange student, and was not traumatized because she understood what he was doing.

And yes, it does matter WHY he pulled the girl on his lap. WHY he pulled her on his lap determines whether he is dangerous or socially inappropriate. There is a difference.

Blame? What are talking about? You don’t make the slightest bit of sense. You are obviously afraid of disabled people, and instead of admitting your ignorance and fear, you lash out against the parents for having such a “bad” kid, and blow the story out of proportion, completing ignoring the entire point of the story, which is that the mother says her child is misunderstood, and that she has asked for accommodations the priest has ignored.

You know, if you don’t want to understand people with disabilities, that’s fine, but why do you have to pretend to be a follower of Christ? You and the other 100 people who are actually angry at this family for having the nerve to bring their disabled son to church are giving real Christians a bad name.
WHERE in my post did I say this boy was bad?

I have absolutely no problem with people with disabilities. What I have a problem with is their care-takers that think it’s hunky dory for innocent bystanders to be put in danger because of uncontrollable outbursts. We’re not just talking about unruly behavior here, we’re talking about dangerous behavior and it’s about high time this family calls it what it is.

I don’t know about your daughter, but if MY daughter had a 200+ lb. kid pull her on his lap like that, it would terrify her and you bet your butt I’d be taking action against the caretaker that stood by waving her hand and telling ME to be tolerant.

I am thoroughly disgusted with this family for taking this to the press and playing the sympathy card with the public at the expense of the priests reputation. I saw them on the news last night going on and on about how their priest is discriminating against their son yada, yada, yada…but not ONE WORD about their son getting into running cars in the parking lot and revving the engine, potentially killing somebody, or forcing young girls on his lap, or knocking over elderly parisioners. Why not tell the whole truth if they’re going to go to the media? All this is is one more case of a Catholic not getting their way and going around telling anybody who will listen how rotten their priest is and franky, I’m tired of hearing it.

I don’t have anything against the autistic boy. My beef is with his parents. And I REALLY do not appreciate you questioning my Christianity. You are way out of line.
 
You are obviously afraid of disabled people, and instead of admitting your ignorance and fear, you lash out against the parents for having such a “bad” kid, and blow the story out of proportion, completing ignoring the entire point of the story, which is that the mother says her child is misunderstood, and that she has asked for accommodations the priest has ignored.
Then I have missed part of the article too. What accommodations has the family requested that have been ignored? What the concern seems to be is that if the boy’s behavior needs to be ‘understood’ by a very large group of strangers, has the family asked the impossible?

Is it being suggested that the parish post a sign that says, “Do not warm up your car in the winter as we have an autistic boy who likes engines and may rev yours. He means no harm and won’t actually run anyone over with it?”

Accusing people of being afraid of the disabled is not helpful to the discussion. I can tell you that if someone hopped in our running car, I don’t care who it is, my husband would forcibly remove him. If we were guests at an out of town parish and saw a large boy urinating on himself, we would be concerned as to where we just sat. Please show compassion for other people’s concerns too.

Concern for my children doesn’t mean I ‘fear the disabled.’ It means that autism is a very difficult disorder to understand and can have some frightening implications when viewed without knowing the whole story of that particular person.
 
If you would like to read the mother’s perspective on this all you have to do is go to Google and enter the search term “Adam Race” and search “news” rather than the Internet. You can read the more in depth reports.

MasonDoggy, if I am out of line questioning your Christianity, then let me ask you, is Jesus out of line to question your Christianity? If you don’t want to answer to me, you will answer to Him, and in Matthew 7:21-30 he makes his position pretty clear.

I will emphasize once again that my position on this is not throw out all common sense and let a disabled child endanger people with a car. That is not the point at all. And once again, I know no more about the real story than anyone else here.

My point is this… You seem quite comfortable telling this mother what HER responsibility is in all of this. You seem completely oblivious to the cross that she has borne for 13 years. I seriously doubt that any of you people criticizing her have a clue what it is like to care for a disabled child. You seem quite cavalier about blame. Are you willing to carry that cross for her?

What is YOUR responsibility, Mason Doggy, and you others who are angry at her, and not listening to her perspective? We’ve heard how she needs to take more responsibility, but what about YOU?
Have you fulfilled YOUR responsibility to Adam Race, Mason Doggy?

Because Jesus tells us what YOUR responsibility is to Adam Race.

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory,
and all the angels with him,
he will sit upon his glorious throne,
and all the nations will be assembled before him.
And he will separate them one from another,
as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.
He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
Then the king will say to those on his right,
‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father.
Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
For I was hungry and you gave me food,
I was thirsty and you gave me drink,
a stranger and you welcomed me,
naked and you clothed me,
ill and you cared for me,
in prison and you visited me.’
Then the righteous will answer him and say,
‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you,
or thirsty and give you drink?
When did we see you a stranger and welcome you,
or naked and clothe you?
When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’
And the king will say to them in reply,
‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did
for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’
Then he will say to those on his left,
‘Depart from me, you accursed,
into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels.
For I was hungry and you gave me no food,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
a stranger and you gave me no welcome,
naked and you gave me no clothing,
ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’
Then they will answer and say,
‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty
or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison,
and not minister to your needs?’
He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you,
what you did not do for one of these least ones,
you did not do for me.’
And these will go off to eternal punishment,
but the righteous to eternal life.”
 
A disclaimer - we really don’t know the whole story, just the biased side of the mom who was the only one ever quoted in any of the articles or even the tv news I watched. Is this child a danger to others? I don’t know because I don’t know the whole story. Is he a potential danger to others, I can unequivocally say yes as I have done a lot of study on this subject because I have a cousin who is severely autistic and I was at one time one of her primary caregivers.
What’s wrong Masondoggy, do you have something against reading the whole newspaper article?

The girl was part of the family, she was an exchange student, and was not traumatized because she understood what he was doing.
.
I am not Masondoggy but I did read the article and no-where did it say the girl understood that he was using her for sensory (name removed by moderator)ut! The girl was an exchange student who may or may not have understood what was going on.
And yes, it does matter WHY he pulled the girl on his lap. WHY he pulled her on his lap determines whether he is dangerous or socially inappropriate. There is a difference.

Blame? What are talking about? You don’t make the slightest bit of sense. You are obviously afraid of disabled people, and instead of admitting your ignorance and fear, you lash out against the parents for having such a “bad” kid, and blow the story out of proportion, completing ignoring the entire point of the story, which is that the mother says her child is misunderstood, and that she has asked for accommodations the priest has ignored.

You know, if you don’t want to understand people with disabilities, that’s fine, but why do you have to pretend to be a follower of Christ? You and the other 100 people who are actually angry at this family for having the nerve to bring their disabled son to church are giving real Christians a bad name.
As for blame, yes I blame the parents for not doing what is needed for their son. Are they willing to let one of his unexpected outbursts hurt someone? His intent is not to hurt someone but I have to tell you that it can happen. Would they go to the news about the times he went into sensory overload (an unknown as to when that will happen) and he seriously hurt one of the Parishioners? I can almost guarantee that the Priest wouldn’t go there if it had happened.

I have a cousin who is severely autistic and I was one of her caregivers prior to the time when she got to be an adolescent and even as a child she was very strong when she “lost it”, she was in a regular ed classroom and the only way the teacher could control her when she got like that was to put her in a closet (dark, no one else around did tend to calm her down), she was still small enough to just pick up and move at the time but if any of the children in her classroom had been near her when this happened they could easily have been knocked over or gotten a black eye - the good news is the other parents understood this, the children were taught about her personal space etc. so it never happened and yes, this could be one of the things to do at the Parish level but then, don’t you think discrimination could be called on that too? What about toddlers who don’t have enough words to understand “give Joey space, he needs it” What about those times when he runs out of the building and someone who isn’t steady on their feet is in his way? Do you understand that all he can see is the door and not any other parishioners who just happen to be between him and it?

As an additional thing here, my parents have guardianship of my cousin who is now 40 and she lives in an assisted living facility with two to one help 24/7. She visits my parents for several days at a time and they take her to Mass - they take her to the least populated Mass on the weekends she is with them, life revolves around her and her needs when she is visiting. They put her between them so she can not bolt out and run down the old people who are unsteady on their feet and the toddlers. The routine, a very important part of life for the autistic, is to kneel and say a prayer before they leave and she knows it.

Am I afraid of the autistic or those who exhibit different behavior? No but I am wary because I know I can get hurt if I just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time with them. With my cousin I am willing to put myself between her and others and take the brunt of her outburst but I am not with someone I don’t know. Caution is not discrimination, being given options is not discrimination. Educating others is a good thing which maybe can be the good that comes from this awful circumstance.

Brenda V.
 
I wonder how many people posting here actually have experience as a parent or a caretaker of a special needs child? I do. I have a 6 year old with Down’s, and I am a leader of a supoort group for parents with special needs children at my parish. We actually have a mom with a 13 year old severly autistic boy who wieighs in at just about 250 pounds. Very similar story and this hits home with me.

I am torn as to what should be done, but we don’t know all the facts either. I saw a news report that said the Pastor has offered to go to their home and give mass for their family. How many Pastors would do that?

Another thing I wil say is that I often run into parents who feel that their not so typical child should be treated no differently than any other typical child. I am sorry to say, but this is an awful expectation of any parent of a special needs child. These parents are only setting themselves up to be let down when the child doesn’t meet those expectations. I am not saying to not be an advocate for your child, but be realistic when setting expectations.

This mom seems to want her child to be treated just like any other child. Her expectations might be unrealistic. Often times parents feel that they need to do absolutely whatever it takes to make their child as “normal” as possible. A good advocate first must accept their child as being exactly as God intended the child to be. Then they must work to find realistic expectaions for that child when it comes to school, church, and everyday life. And yes, for some, that may mean that they have to sit in the cry room, or find some other accomidation to meet their spiritual needs. This is the sacrifice that us parents must be willing to make.

I pray for a good outcome with this situation. And for the rest of you who have taken it upon yourself to fight this one out, perhaps you oughta spend some time in prayer as well. Remember, we don’t know all the facts.
 
I am not Masondoggy but I did read the article and no-where did it say the girl understood that he was using her for sensory (name removed by moderator)ut! The girl was an exchange student who may or may not have understood what was going on.
SIGH. And of course you arrogantly argue with me. Nope. Sorry. You’re wrong.

startribune.com/local/19033344.html?page=2&c=y

"Walz wrote that Adam once pulled an adolescent girl – an exchange student staying with the family – on top of him, grabbing her thighs and buttocks…

Obviously, you ignored me when I asked you what YOU have done for Adam Race, and you go on with a tirade about how dangerous and unpredictable people with disabilities are.

I think we all get it, Brenda. That’s not the point. The point is your heart toward people with disabilities.

I am not even saying I thing the family should have their son in Mass along with everyone else! The point is how people with disabilities are treated, and was the family really accommodated?
 
MasonDoggy, if I am out of line questioning your Christianity, then let me ask you, is Jesus out of line to question your Christianity? If you don’t want to answer to me, you will answer to Him, and in Matthew 7:21-30 he makes his position pretty clear.
And just exactly who are YOU to make a judgement concerning what I will and will not have to answer to God for? You know absolutely NOTHING about me or how I conduct my life. So please get over yourself and stop judging me.
 
Honeysuckle,

I give up, obviously you know better, the 40 years of having a mentally handicapped brother, the 20 years of working with the mentally handicapped…the 20 years of raising an autistic step son…I have NO IDEA what I’m talking about…OBVIOUSLY the priest is just a hater of different people and the parents are poor victims who fully have control of their son.

No, I know NO MORE than you do about the case, but knowing the parents of disabled children and knowing priests…I’m trusting the priest on this one.

Yes, we need to be sensitive to the needs of the child and family, but at the same time it’s unfair and UNCHARITABLE to put the congregation at potential risk.
 
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