Church's Double Standard with Gay Marriage and Divorce and Remarriage

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Do you mean annually, or in total? Catholics have pretty much the same divorce rate as non-Catholics and that’s in the vicinity of 50% of all marriages. 60,000 seems like a very low number spread over 50 years.
60,000 seems like a very low number spread over 50 years.
Well I suppose that depends on the Statistic source and country.
But here mainly I’m speaking about 30 million plus population in the U.S.

The 60 thousand divorces denotes Catholics only.

You might as well add Canadian Catholic divorces too to this continual growing compilation.

It just me but IMHO the Catholic Church in the western world hands out way too many Catholic divorces like finding prizes in cracker-jack boxes.
 
You’re assumption is incorrect. The permissive divorce laws he was talking about were civil laws such as no fault divorce, not divorce within the Church. What he said was that the Church does fight against such civil laws in places where there is still a fight to be had, such as the U.S. many years ago. Even though the Church teaching is in no danger, there is still damage to be done to society when such laws are made.
And by No Fault divorces I assume your speaking about infamous Irreconcilable Differences?
 
Correct if I’m wrong but being against “permissive divorce” laws; I assume your saying the Catholic Church allows divorce in the Church where there is proven grounds of a moral blemish or disgrace between either married couple?
No, this isn’t the case.

I suggest reviewing the canons pertaining to separation while the bond remains. Many people are unaware of the restrictive nature of the Church’s law on the matter. Ecclesial permission is required to separate, and restoration of conjugal living is to be encouraged except under the most extreme circumstances. See these canons:

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P45.HTM
Sacrificial Love seems so misunderstood today and rarely re enforced.
I agree.
 
No, this isn’t the case.

I suggest reviewing the canons pertaining to separation while the bond remains. Many people are unaware of the restrictive nature of the Church’s law on the matter. Ecclesial permission is required to separate, and restoration of conjugal living is to be encouraged except under the most extreme circumstances. See these canons:

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P45.HTM

I agree.
Thank You for reaffirming this!
 
I think that if the Church were more vocal about a lot of things the perception by the masses might be different than it is today. Most people are confused by Catholics being divorced then getting remarried and hearing how the Church is against “gay marriage” yet they seem to allow divorce/remarriage to happen.

First of all, for non-believers in the Church, I have no problem with them getting some kind of union to a gay partner. If that is what they’ve chosen, then so be it. Just don’t call it marriage as that is between a man and woman and it was created by God. Homosexuals seeking “gay marriage” are trying to just take only the good things from the Church while constantly screaming that the Church “hates” them.

Next, the Church needs to be more vocal about its stances on topics that pertain to the masses. It needs to make it clear to people that wouldn’t understand or would just listen to some late-night comedian rather than research it themselves that their views and stances are this, don’t let some other source deceive you. Which is what happens a lot, some popular person screams “the Church hates me because I’m gay!” then the whole gay community picks up on it and is totally against the Church.
I know what you mean, especially about the late-night comedians. I used to love comedy but now I avoid watching it because I either become annoyed by the political correctness of it or get my feelings hurt by the nastiness and ignorance. There’s a big double standard for you, celebrities and comedians are so keen to toe the line and be PC and sensitive when it comes to sexuality, creed and spirituality… except for when it comes to Christianity. The more ignorant and hurtful things they can say about Christians, the better, but it would be considered racist or ignorant (and quite rightly so) if they were to say such things against any other community. And I do agree with you, it would be good if the church was more vocal about its stance (at my RCIA class I was taught that being gay is not a sin and that the church does not condem you simply for being gay, but it does however frown upon a certain gay act and I think we’re all grown up enough to know what that is) then perhaps the public would be less inclined to listen to the opinions of misinformed pannelists on QI (a show which I used to love until it bacame smarmy and stuck up). But then again, one may argue that the church has said its piece and that people would have more fun in being hostile and petulant rather than actually get their facts straight and listen to what the church has had to say before passing judgement. I also used to love Stephen Fry until I realised how hostile he is towards Catholicism and religion in general because of its apparent views of sexuality, yet he’ll inform people that he is Jewish when he wants to take the moral high ground which I think is hypocritical and insulting to devout Jews who have suffered true hardships due to religious prejudice, not dissimilar to the kind of prejudice that the late-night comedians are happy to dole out.
 
My wife and I were discussing gay marriage tonight and she asked a question which I could not effectively discuss from the church’s perspective.

Does the church have a double standard with being so openly against gay marriage but not openly against divorce and remarriage (at least in the realm of law)? The church is against homosexual marriage being allowed by the law, but the church is not against banning divorce and remarriage. Obviously the Church does not recognize either gay marriage or divorce and remarriage without annulment. Why does the church not advocate against both.

Is this a double standard? What am I missing here? Thanks!
Yes, it is a gigantic double standard that the Church makes no attempt to explain or excuse.
 
First, the media has been blaring about “freedom” for the past 40 years. The freedom to open Adult Bookstores, Strip Clubs and Topless Bars in our neighborhoods. In the past, when any sort of immoral display was frowned upon, Christians in general were called repressive. Any laws that prohibited certain types of sexual activity were called repressive. When Humanae Vitae was published in 1968, telling Catholics to avoid all forms of artificial contraception, the howl of protest from dissidents inside and outside the Church was great. It was repressive, they said.

This was promptly followed by the Sexual Revolution which was about sex, not love. And by Hippies living with their girlfriends. One told me at the time: “I don’t need no piece of paper to live with my old lady.” Illegal drug use was popularized. “Expand your mind, man.” This was followed by legalizing abortion in 1973. Does anybody here think that the Church did not speak against this? There were many Christians, not just Catholics, protesting this, but high priced lawyers tried to keep us away from those places selling porn and strip clubs. They argued they had the First Amendment right to do what they were doing. Freedom of expression!

Gay Marriage was not a public issue in the 1970s, or 80s. Or at any other time before 1970 in the United States.

The Church has spoken about homosexual activity being disordered. The gay lobby has responded with the word bigotry.

Yes, Catholics and other Christians responded wrongly when No-Fault Divorce went national in the 1980s. Like a woman I knew, annulment was out of the question for some: “If I get an annulment then my kids would be bastards.”

No. Unlike the mass media, the Church spoke clearly and directly to the faithful and to anyone else who would listen. But, we have been trained by spending much more time with the media than the Church - a media that basically tells us, the Church is wrong.

Until same-sex marriage began appearing on state ballots, it was not an issue in the US. The gay lobby paints this as the Church standing against their rights.

Gay marriage is simply not possible. The Church has clearly defined what marriage is but I highly doubt anyone will get the Church’s teaching on any mainstream media outlet.

We are not as loud as the mainstream media. We are called to imitate Christ. A priest will not be pounding on your door Monday demanding an explanation of why you weren’t in Church on Sunday. Right now, the Church is inviting Catholics to come back in the United States and thousands are responding.

Peace,
Ed
 
The Church and many apologists work very hard through many subtleties and convolutions of argument to justify annulments and to keep the topic separate from gay marriage. To most of the rest of us, and to many lay Catholics, this is seen as hairsplitting and we/they wink at the double standard.

Clearly, reps from the CC make more widely covered comments on gay marriage than they do on divorce. Both are American legal issues, both, according to the CC involve the potential for enabling of sexual sin, both are against scripture, but the CC rails NOT against divorce or remarriage as a legal issue in America. Very few Catholic posters here at CA do, either. 🤷

How many posters here ask their congressional representatives to vote to outlaw divorce in order to secure their votes in re-election? I have NEVER seen that stated here. Does any Catholic representative ever introduce such a bill?
 
The Church and many apologists work very hard through many subtleties and convolutions of argument to justify annulments and to keep the topic separate from gay marriage. To most of the rest of us, and to many lay Catholics, this is seen as hairsplitting and we/they wink at the double standard.

Clearly, reps from the CC make more widely covered comments on gay marriage than they do on divorce. Both are American legal issues, both, according to the CC involve the potential for enabling of sexual sin, both are against scripture, but the CC rails NOT against divorce or remarriage as a legal issue in America. Very few Catholic posters here at CA do, either. 🤷

How many posters here ask their congressional representatives to vote to outlaw divorce in order to secure their votes in re-election? I have NEVER seen that stated here. Does any Catholic representative ever introduce such a bill?
Jesus Christ presented the only reason for divorce - adultery. The Church allows annulments for marriages for various valid reasons. I would like to see No-Fault Divorce outlawed. But, at the time, here’s how it was marketed: Courts were clogged with divorce cases that just went on and on, costing time and money. No-Fault Divorce would clear court dockets and save time and money.

In the end, some bought into the it’s nobody’s fault idea. Books about having a healthy divorce began to appear – as opposed to a healthy marriage. Movies about divorce as an answer began to appear. It was presented not as a sad state of affairs, but as an opportunity to “find someone better,” What a bunch of baloney. This state of affairs was encouraged by an anarchist element that kept saying: “Leave us alone! We’ll do what we want! We’re responsible adults!”

So, people left these people alone and the rot of broken families and alternative lifestyles began to spread. Everything needed to be tolerated. Everything. The truth was obscured and then lost.

Peace,
Ed
 
Here’s a list below stating Reasons for Annulment Divorce in the Catholic Church from the 1983 Code of Canon Law.
Marriage Annulment Grounds:
There are very well defined canonical grounds for Marriage Annulment . Once these have been established marriage Annulment can proceed. It is important to understand the grounds for Marriage Annulment before making application, and if in doubt you should consult your local priest.
Insufficient use of reason (Canon 1095, 10)
You or your spouse did not know what was happening during the marriage ceremony because of insanity, mental illness, or a lack of consciousness.
Grave lack of discretionary judgment concerning essential matrimonial rights and duties (Canon 1095, 20)
You or your spouse was affected by some serious circumstances or factors that made you unable to judge or evaluate either the decision to marry or the ability to create a true marital relationship.
Psychic-natured incapacity to assume marital obligations (Canon 1095, 30)
You or your spouse, at the time of consent, was unable to fulfill the obligations of marriage because of a serious psychological disorder or other condition.
Ignorance about the nature of marriage (Canon 1096, sec. 1)
You or your spouse did not know that marriage is a permanent relationship between a man and a woman ordered toward the procreation of offspring by means of some sexual cooperation.
Error of person (Canon 1097, sec. 1) Reasons for Marriage Annulment
You or your spouse intended to marry a specific individual who was not the individual with whom marriage was celebrated. (For example, mail order brides; otherwise, this rarely occurs in the United States.)
Error about a quality of a person (Canon 1097, sec. 2)
You or your spouse intended to marry someone who either possessed or did not possess a certain quality, e.g., social status, marital status, education, religious conviction, freedom from disease, or arrest record. That quality must have been directly and principally intended.
Fraud (Canon 1098) Reasons for Marriage Annulment
You or your spouse was intentionally deceived about the presence or absence of a quality in the other. The reason for this deception was to obtain consent to marriage.
Total willful exclusion of marriage (Canon 1101, sec. 2)
You or your spouse did not intend to contract marriage as the law of the Catholic Church understands marriage. Rather, the ceremony was observed solely as a means of obtaining something other than marriage itself, e.g., to obtain legal status in the country or to legitimize a child.
Willful exclusion of children (Canon 1101, sec. 2)
You or your spouse married intending, either explicitly or implicitly, to deny the other’s right to sexual acts open to procreation.
Willful exclusion of marital fidelity (Canon 1101, 12)
You or your spouse married intending, either explicitly or implicitly, not to remain faithful.
Willful exclusion of marital permanence (Canon 1101, sec. 2)
You or your spouse married intending, either explicitly or implicitly, not to create a permanent relationship, retaining an option to divorce.
Future condition (Canon 1102, sec. 2)
You or your spouse attached a future condition to your decision to marry, e.g., you will complete your education, your income will be at a certain level, you will remain in this area.
Past condition (Canon 1102, sec. 2)R
You or your spouse attached a past condition so your decision to marry and that condition did not exist; e.g., I will marry you provided that you have never been married before, I will marry you provided that you have graduated from college.
Present condition (Canon 1102, sec. 2)
You or your spouse attached a present condition to your decision to marry and that condition did not exist, e.g., I will marry you provided you don’t have any debt.
Force (Canon 1103)
You or your spouse married because of an external physical or moral force that you could not resist.
Fear (1103)
You or your spouse chose to marry because of fear that was grave and inescapable and was caused by an outside source.
Error regarding marital unity that determined the will (1099)
You or your spouse married believing that marriage was not necessarily an exclusive relationship.
Error regarding marital indissolubility that determined the will (Canon 1099)
You or your spouse married believing that civil law had the power to dissolve marriage and that remarriage was acceptable after civil divorce.
Error regarding marital sacramental dignity that determined the will (Canon 1099)
You and your spouse married believing that marriage is not a religious or sacred relationship but merely a civil contract or arrangement.
Lack of new consent during convalidation (Canons 1157,1160)
After your civil marriage, you and your spouse participated in a Catholic ceremony and you or your spouse believed that (1) you were already married, (2) the Catholic ceremony was merely a blessing, and (3) the consent given during. the Catholic ceremony had no real effect.
 
Looking at many of the grounds under the Code of Canon Law as Reasons for Annulment;
why don’t more lengthy Catholic Marriage Courses tackle the intricacies mentioned in these Laws???

Is their blame in the legitimacy and strictness of the Marriage Course itself or does the Marriage course have a negative bearing on who it is today teaching these courses?

Or is their fault in both the Marriage Course itself and who it is teaching these courses?
 
My understanding of annulments is that they are given only when it can be proven that the marriage was not valid in the eyes of God. The Church does not condone divorce, which is basically when the married couple decides they can’t work things out and they give up on the commitment they took to love and honor each other for better or worse until death do them part.
Civil marriages are fornication, which the Church rightly opposes. Homosexual activity is fornication, which the Church rightfully opposes. God ordained marriage as between one man and one woman.

The double standard is man’s not God’s.
Your comment requires qualification.

The Church doesn’t condemn civil marriage, she just requires that her members marry in the form she has established: two Catholics, in the Church, in front of a priest, deacon, or duly appointed lay person, in the presence of two witnesses. 3 of those requirements can be dispensed with the bishop’s approval.

Those who are not Catholic are free to contract civil marriages and, if there are no impediments, those civil marriages are valid and often sacramental.
And by No Fault divorces I assume your speaking about infamous Irreconcilable Differences?
I love that term. Yep, we can’t agree, let’s get divorced.
Yes, it is a gigantic double standard that the Church makes no attempt to explain or excuse.
How so?

In all this discussion, methinks it needs to be kept in mind that an annulment doesn’t change anything about the marriage i.e. it’s not making a valid marriage or a marriage was valid at one time to be invalid. It is a delclaration that there never was a sacramental marriage present in the first place.
 
I love that term. Yep, we can’t agree, let’s get divorced.

In all this discussion, methinks it needs to be kept in mind that an annulment doesn’t change anything about the marriage i.e. it’s not making a valid marriage or a marriage was valid at one time to be invalid. It is a declaration that there never was a sacramental marriage present in the first place.
Agreed; in someways I can’t help see your short description being an awfully cold reality for the husband and wife involved in the annulment and in many respects the annulment does change what marriage should or could have been for the two involved.

When should Divorce and Annulments become the Norm
 
How so?

In all this discussion, methinks it needs to be kept in mind that an annulment doesn’t change anything about the marriage i.e. it’s not making a valid marriage or a marriage was valid at one time to be invalid. It is a delclaration that there never was a sacramental marriage present in the first place.
Refer back to the OP. The question was whether it was a double standard to fight with all the resources of the Church against civil law allowing gay marriage, but not seem to care at all whether the civil law allows divorce and remarriage at will. I agree that annulment is not the issue - just as whether the Church will allow gays to marry in the Church is not the issue (it won’t, obviously). The question is why the Church has virtually ignored the issue of civil divorce, while paying so much attention to civil gay marriage. Some Catholics go so far as to suggest that a Catholic cannot in good conscience vote for a politician that supports civil gay marriage, but think its perfectly fine to vote for a politician that is civily divorced and remarried.

You would think that the millions upon millions of divorces and remarriages would be a bigger issue than the relatively few gay marriages, but maybe that is the problem. Is the Church afraid to speak out on an issue that effects so many people, and only finds the courage to speak out on an issue that only impacts a tiny minority? I hope that is not the case, but I can’t think of any rational reason the Church feels so strongly about advocating that the civil law on marriage conform to Church teaching in one area, but doesn’t seem to have anything to say about an equally important marriage issue that effects so many more people.
 
My)? The church is against homosexual marriage being allowed by the law, but the church is not against banning divorce and remarriage. Obviously the Church does not recognize either gay marriage or divorce and remarriage without annulment. Why does the church not advocate against both.

Is this a double standard? What am I missing here? Thanks!
what Church would that be? if you are asking about the Catholic Church, she forbids remarriage after civil divorce, because Christ did. She allows for the fact that upon investigation the marriage may be found to have been invalid from its inception, because of impediments or breeches of law, as Christ allowed for, and that declaration is called a decree of nullity. But she is and always has taken a strong stand against divorce and remarriage. None of which applies to the concept of “gay marriage” which is an impossibility by definition. There is and can be no such thing since marriage by definition of the Creator is the union of one man and one woman for the unitive and procreative purpose.
 
My wife and I were discussing gay marriage tonight and she asked a question which I could not effectively discuss from the church’s perspective.

Does the church have a double standard with being so openly against gay marriage but not openly against divorce and remarriage (at least in the realm of law)? The church is against homosexual marriage being allowed by the law, but the church is not against banning divorce and remarriage. Obviously the Church does not recognize either gay marriage or divorce and remarriage without annulment. Why does the church not advocate against both.

Is this a double standard? What am I missing here? Thanks!
The Church is against remarriage. Not totally against divorce because the Church sees divorce as a legal procedure, and sometimes a good can be salvaged from the bad. If a spouse is abusive it is acceptable to seek a divorce to protect the other from the abuse, for example.

Its just more clear today the fight against gay marriage because its still an ongoing issue. The Church has tried to prevent the legalization of divorce in the past. In the Philippines where its one of the last countries to have no divorce laws, the Church is still fighting the government from allowing it. Here in Canada where gay marriage is a foregone conclusion and is legal everywhere, the Church doesn’t do verbal opposition of the government anymore. Instead they would rely on catechisis to let people know why its a sin.
 
Its just more clear today the fight against gay marriage because its still an ongoing issue. The Church has tried to prevent the legalization of divorce in the past.
OK, I understand this argument, but I don’t buy it. The Church didn’t throw up its hands after Roe v. Wade and say “well, that’s settled, guess we lost that one.” Why did the Church give up on divorce? Divorce is probably the biggest threat to marriage in our culture – certainly a much, much bigger issue than gay marriage will ever be. I agree that the Church has to have a somewhat pragmatic approach to divorce, and can’t expect that civil law on divorce will match Church law–but the Church could work to encourage some practical, common-sense and moral limits on divorce and remarriage. Also the Church’s pragmatic approach to divorce would suggest that the Church should have an equally pragmatic approach to other marriage laws. Instead, gay marriage is nuclear war and divorce is ho, hum.
 
OK, I understand this argument, but I don’t buy it. The Church didn’t throw up its hands after Roe v. Wade and say “well, that’s settled, guess we lost that one.” Why did the Church give up on divorce? Divorce is probably the biggest threat to marriage in our culture – certainly a much, much bigger issue than gay marriage will ever be. I agree that the Church has to have a somewhat pragmatic approach to divorce, and can’t expect that civil law on divorce will match Church law–but the Church could work to encourage some practical, common-sense and moral limits on divorce and remarriage. Also the Church’s pragmatic approach to divorce would suggest that the Church should have an equally pragmatic approach to other marriage laws. Instead, gay marriage is nuclear war and divorce is ho, hum.
good points
 
OK, I understand this argument, but I don’t buy it. The Church didn’t throw up its hands after Roe v. Wade and say “well, that’s settled, guess we lost that one.” Why did the Church give up on divorce? Divorce is probably the biggest threat to marriage in our culture – certainly a much, much bigger issue than gay marriage will ever be. I agree that the Church has to have a somewhat pragmatic approach to divorce, and can’t expect that civil law on divorce will match Church law–but the Church could work to encourage some practical, common-sense and moral limits on divorce and remarriage. Also the Church’s pragmatic approach to divorce would suggest that the Church should have an equally pragmatic approach to other marriage laws. Instead, gay marriage is nuclear war and divorce is ho, hum.
OK, I understand this argument, but I don’t buy it. The Church didn’t throw up its hands after Roe v. Wade and say “well, that’s settled, guess we lost that one.” Why did the Church give up on divorce? Divorce is probably the biggest threat to marriage in our culture – certainly a much, much bigger issue than gay marriage will ever be.
👍

No disrespect to the OP but I don’t see why the Gay Marriage topic should be seen under the same guise when speaking about Catholic Marriage or even Civil Marriage for that matter.

Where’s the real Double standard with the Church and between Gay Marriage and Divorce?
 
Why did the Church give up on divorce?
It didn’t.
but the Church could work to encourage some practical, common-sense and moral limits on divorce and remarriage.
It has and does, starting with ecclesial law, which most people simply ignore. If you read the canons I linked to, you will see divorce is allowed only in very serious circumstances and requires ecclesiastical permission-- i.e. permission of the bishop.
Also the Church’s pragmatic approach to divorce would suggest that the Church should have an equally pragmatic approach to other marriage laws. Instead, gay marriage is nuclear war and divorce is ho, hum.
This is your opinion, not fact.
 
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