J
JimEK
Guest
I feel like I am going insane. My Wife asked me for a divorce in June, and since then, I have lost my job, the house has been sold, and we are living in separate apartments.
We have been married for 5 years, 3 of which I spent on the road Monday through Friday, for work. It was a good job, and helped us meet our financial goals, when we decided that it was right for us, the plan was to stay at the company for 5 years, or until something closer to home came along. I stubbornly adhered to the plan, taking for granted that any deterioration of the marital relationship would be fixable once our financial goals where met. We talked about how the job was affecting our marriage, but i never thought it would come to divorce, each time she would ask me to start looking for a new job, I did, only to have her come back a few days later and tell me to stick with it.
We had a communication break down, and I refused to see it. When she asked me for a divorce I was devastated (still am) and I have been trying to get her to come home for the past five months. My son, who is 3 has told both of us that he is sad that we are not living together, and until recently he refused to let me read him “Guess how much I love you” to him at night, a practice that we kept since he was born, albeit on the weekends when I was home.
I found out a few weeks ago that my wife was having an affair, it started in April and she hid it from me until I got suspicious when my son mentioned “mommy’s new friend” by name. A mental flag went up, I knew who the guy was and I knew that he was married, I contacted his wife and sure enough, he had been much sloppier about the affair, putting charges on a joint credit card that his wife found.
When I confronted her, she confessed but went on to say that she had no intention of coming home, and that what she had was “real” with this guy. Things were easy, and while she was sorry for what she had done to me, she no longer wanted to fix our marriage.
This has, against all the reason and analytic thinking in my head, caused me to redouble my efforts to get her to come back. All the research I have done on divorce in general, and affairs in particular, point that the affair will not last, and that the behavior pattern she is setting up for herself is only going to cycle further out of control.
My family thinks I am crazy, her family will not talk to me, and most of my friends are trying to be supportive, but do not understand.
I just don;t know what to do, except stay on the path that I am on, my therapist is helping me identify the and deal with the emotional fall out of this, and I’m doing what I can to focus on myself and my son in the mean time.
Am i holding on too tight? Should I just walk away and seek an annulment based on the evidence that she never intended to keep the sacrament? I’m lost in the woods and can’t see the forest from the trees.
We have been married for 5 years, 3 of which I spent on the road Monday through Friday, for work. It was a good job, and helped us meet our financial goals, when we decided that it was right for us, the plan was to stay at the company for 5 years, or until something closer to home came along. I stubbornly adhered to the plan, taking for granted that any deterioration of the marital relationship would be fixable once our financial goals where met. We talked about how the job was affecting our marriage, but i never thought it would come to divorce, each time she would ask me to start looking for a new job, I did, only to have her come back a few days later and tell me to stick with it.
We had a communication break down, and I refused to see it. When she asked me for a divorce I was devastated (still am) and I have been trying to get her to come home for the past five months. My son, who is 3 has told both of us that he is sad that we are not living together, and until recently he refused to let me read him “Guess how much I love you” to him at night, a practice that we kept since he was born, albeit on the weekends when I was home.
I found out a few weeks ago that my wife was having an affair, it started in April and she hid it from me until I got suspicious when my son mentioned “mommy’s new friend” by name. A mental flag went up, I knew who the guy was and I knew that he was married, I contacted his wife and sure enough, he had been much sloppier about the affair, putting charges on a joint credit card that his wife found.
When I confronted her, she confessed but went on to say that she had no intention of coming home, and that what she had was “real” with this guy. Things were easy, and while she was sorry for what she had done to me, she no longer wanted to fix our marriage.
This has, against all the reason and analytic thinking in my head, caused me to redouble my efforts to get her to come back. All the research I have done on divorce in general, and affairs in particular, point that the affair will not last, and that the behavior pattern she is setting up for herself is only going to cycle further out of control.
My family thinks I am crazy, her family will not talk to me, and most of my friends are trying to be supportive, but do not understand.
I just don;t know what to do, except stay on the path that I am on, my therapist is helping me identify the and deal with the emotional fall out of this, and I’m doing what I can to focus on myself and my son in the mean time.
Am i holding on too tight? Should I just walk away and seek an annulment based on the evidence that she never intended to keep the sacrament? I’m lost in the woods and can’t see the forest from the trees.
