Clueless Mom Curious About Facebook

[Abeille]

Thanks… Still trying to weigh the good w/ the bad. At this point my head is swimming. I just looked at another thread about FB, & I wonder how many 14 year olds posted the color of their bra. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but I’d rather my sweetie not be navigating those waters yet. I need to learn more, but have to sign off for now.

Appreciate ALL the help!

The bra thing was about supporting breast cancer awareness.
No one was forcing anyone to participate. It did raise awareness as well - making it onto the news. I chose not to participate. (I ignore all chain mail type letters)

If your daughter has good judgement and you watch her online activity, FB isn’t really dangerous. It may be an excellent opportunity even to teach your daughter those ‘common sense’ things about the internet. (like not posting/sharing extremely personal information.) This way you’ll at least have a hand in helping shape how she interacts online instead of her figuring it out on her own in a few years.

 

[joandarc2008]

Sweet stepdaughter! Did not know the min. age was 14. I feel like what is the rush, because her friends are just 14, but I guess no one wants to be left behind.

It wasn’t my decision - it was her grandmothers and she has legal say - another thread another story - no if it were my say I would have waited until she was 14. However, since it is not it is better to teach her how to do what she does safely than fight and undercut authority.

The 14 year old age limit is not to be on there it is to have an account. Since she is on her grrandmother’s account she is not breaking any rules.

Also, It has been a nice way of keeping in touch with her since her father and I don’t get to see her as often as we would like.

I would also rather have her on facebook supervised than MySpace unsupervised (whihc does allow minors to have accounts) with all of its teenage sexuality thrown right out there.

 

[Harmony1988]

14 is far too young to be posting her personal life on the internet for all to see (and no matter what you think is safe, if it is online, someone can get it - the owner of Facebook had his private photos show up for the whole world to see).

Listen to Dr Ray, just because everyone else is running amok on line does NOT mean your daughter should. Stay strong.

Do not be ridiculous, FB is not a call to the occult.

 

[BBaller]

I have a Facebook account, as do my husband, mother, aunts, uncles, grandmother, step-daughter, other family, friends…you get the idea. Due to the nature of my job, I have all my information blocked: only my friends can see my pictures, status, posts, notes, etc. When you “Google” me, no Facebook information is found. These safety measures are relatively easy and will protect her. I also think other posters’ ideas about having your own account and access to her account as well as the rule that she only “friends” people she knows in real life.

As for the “rule” that one must be 14 to have an account, I know of several parents who have apparently allowed their under-10 children to have an account. All they have to do is lie about their year of birth. Hmmmm, wonder what else they are teaching their kids.

 

[Harmony1988]

Nothing wrong with Facebook at all. Just as long as it’s used in moderation, because it’s can be a big time waster if one’s not careful.

There’s not so much to think about, if your head is swimming with thoughts after weighing the pro’s and con’s over such a non-issue you probably should stop reading any further comments on the topic (too many cooks spoil the broth). It seems you have some kind of unjustified paranoia, intensified perhaps by some of the ludicrous posts in here.

I know you want to keep your daughter safe, so just get a Facebook account yourself, and add her, that way you can monitor her profile from time to time.

 

[Augusta_Sans]

Like any other social interaction (online or in person), Facebook is what you make of it.

Each individual user can set his or her settings to allow certain levels of disclosure for different levels of users. For example, your daughter could set it so only approved friends can see her pictures, read or write on her “wall” (a page on her profile kind of like her own personal message board visible to others), and see what school she attends. She could set up a special group for “friends” that she doesn’t want seeing certain details of her life. For example, she could set up a group for “teachers” that she wants to connect with, but doesn’t want to be able to read her wall (in case she comments “mr johnson is sooo boring!”)

Facebook isn’t really conducive to chatting in groups, and certainly not with strangers. It could be used that way, but it’s not set up to facilitate that.

I suggest you sit down with her when she registers and help her go through the different levels of Privacy Settings, talking in detail about WHY you think certain information should be private. Speculate on the possible negative effects of sharing too much information with too many people. Go beyond the “there could be creeps out there” topic, and cover other reasons to guard one’s own privacy.

For example, you could set up a friends group called “Close Friends.” “Photos and Videos of Me” should be visible only to those Close Friends. The reason: Over time, she will accumulate many Facebook “friends” including teachers, grandparents, or friendships that dwindle. A picture of her, uploaded by someone else and “tagged” with her name, might be embarrassing in some way (an unflattering angle, a silly pose with friends that grandma just wouldn’t understand, etc.) Then she can add people to (and remove people from!) the Close Friends group as time goes on.

That’s just one example. Having been a teenage girl on the internet when the internet was still “new” (I was online as early as 12, back in 1996), I wish I had been more thoughtful before posting personal things online. For example, my crush found out I liked him when he found a picture I had drawn of him on my personal website (which resulted in a LOT of teasing).

 

[mmm1]

The bra thing was about supporting breast cancer awareness.
No one was forcing anyone to participate. It did raise awareness as well - making it onto the news. I chose not to participate. (I ignore all chain mail type letters)

If your daughter has good judgement and you watch her online activity, FB isn’t really dangerous. It may be an excellent opportunity even to teach your daughter those ‘common sense’ things about the internet. (like not posting/sharing extremely personal information.) This way you’ll at least have a hand in helping shape how she interacts online instead of her figuring it out on her own in a few years.

Hi, Abeille, & welcome to CA. Yes, I know, the bra thing wasn’t that big of a deal, & was supposed to raise awareness, but I just think the younger users would be even more likely to get caught up in something like that. (Again, not such a bad thing, but I don’t really want her posting her bra color on an impulse & then regretting it…)

Thanks, I am wondering more & more if it might provide some good teachable moments for her…

 

[mmm1]

It wasn’t my decision - it was her grandmothers and she has legal say - another thread another story - no if it were my say I would have waited until she was 14. However, since it is not it is better to teach her how to do what she does safely than fight and undercut authority.

The 14 year old age limit is not to be on there it is to have an account. Since she is on her grrandmother’s account she is not breaking any rules.

Also, It has been a nice way of keeping in touch with her since her father and I don’t get to see her as often as we would like.

I would also rather have her on facebook supervised than MySpace unsupervised (whihc does allow minors to have accounts) with all of its teenage sexuality thrown right out there.

Hi, joandarc, I’m so sorry if you thought I was talking specifically about your stepdaughter when I said something like, ‘what is the rush’. I really thought it was sweet of her to message you on New Year’s Eve like that. I didn’t know your stepdaughter’s age, & when I mentioned rushing it & 14, I meant kids in general. I hadn’t heard the rule that you have to be 14 yet, & I also was thinking about the kids in her class who are just turning 14, but in no way did I mean it as a critique of your stepdaughter using it… I think it’s an individual thing for families to decide. The families really know the kids, whether they are ready, & some 13 year olds are more mature than other 19 year olds!

It does sound like it has been great for families to keep in touch, & I have heard that myspace has gotten pretty bad.

 

[mmm1]

Nothing wrong with Facebook at all. Just as long as it’s used in moderation, because it’s can be a big time waster if one’s not careful.

There’s not so much to think about, if your head is swimming with thoughts after weighing the pro’s and con’s over such a non-issue you probably should stop reading any further comments on the topic (too many cooks spoil the broth). It seems you have some kind of unjustified paranoia, intensified perhaps by some of the ludicrous posts in here.

I know you want to keep your daughter safe, so just get a Facebook account yourself, and add her, that way you can monitor her profile from time to time.

Thanks, BBaller & Harmony 1988. I think I definitely will get my own FB to check it out & learn about it. I definitely have been worried thinking about some of the possible problems, like a friend releasing some private info or bullies posting pictures or something, but I think my head was also spinning from the technical talk & wading through facts about FB. I’m pretty illiterate & slow to learn when it comes to computer things- I think it took me about 2 years to learn how to use the smilies & make quotes on CA. I was so psyched when I figured that out.. Thanks!

 

[mmm1]

Like any other social interaction (online or in person), Facebook is what you make of it.

Each individual user can set his or her settings to allow certain levels of disclosure for different levels of users. For example, your daughter could set it so only approved friends can see her pictures, read or write on her “wall” (a page on her profile kind of like her own personal message board visible to others), and see what school she attends. She could set up a special group for “friends” that she doesn’t want seeing certain details of her life. For example, she could set up a group for “teachers” that she wants to connect with, but doesn’t want to be able to read her wall (in case she comments “mr johnson is sooo boring!”)

Facebook isn’t really conducive to chatting in groups, and certainly not with strangers. It could be used that way, but it’s not set up to facilitate that.

I suggest you sit down with her when she registers and help her go through the different levels of Privacy Settings, talking in detail about WHY you think certain information should be private. Speculate on the possible negative effects of sharing too much information with too many people. Go beyond the “there could be creeps out there” topic, and cover other reasons to guard one’s own privacy.

For example, you could set up a friends group called “Close Friends.” “Photos and Videos of Me” should be visible only to those Close Friends. The reason: Over time, she will accumulate many Facebook “friends” including teachers, grandparents, or friendships that dwindle. A picture of her, uploaded by someone else and “tagged” with her name, might be embarrassing in some way (an unflattering angle, a silly pose with friends that grandma just wouldn’t understand, etc.) Then she can add people to (and remove people from!) the Close Friends group as time goes on.

That’s just one example. Having been a teenage girl on the internet when the internet was still “new” (I was online as early as 12, back in 1996), I wish I had been more thoughtful before posting personal things online. For example, my crush found out I liked him when he found a picture I had drawn of him on my personal website (which resulted in a LOT of teasing).

Hey, thanks, Austa Sans. I really appreciated your advice too, especially what a wall really is specifically, & concrete ways to handle friends & discussions about photos, etc. Thanks!

 

[mmm1]

Sorry to keep posting so many times in a row, but has anyone had or known people with problems with addiction? I’m also a little worried that I, &, to a lesser extent, my daughter, might have a hard time turning down friend offers, out of a sense of “niceness”.

Anyone know anyone with the dreaded “people pleasing disease” that has trouble turning people down? I could kind of anticipate that being a problem for me…

Also, a teacher told my daughter that they shouldn’t use their full names, but should use their 1st & use their middle name as their last. Does that sound like a good thing to you guys? Gotta figure something out for dinner, but thanks again, guys!

 

[exoflare]

That being said FB skills are a work skill now just like Microsoft and other internet applications.

How do you figure that?

 

[exoflare]

Anyone know anyone with the dreaded “people pleasing disease” that has trouble turning people down? I could kind of anticipate that being a problem for me…

One of my best friends has that problem. As for me, I never really understood why people even claim it’s so “addicting”… Most of the time my FB page is de-activated unless I have no other way to get in touch with a certain person, then in that case I’ll re-activate it briefly. That’s really about all it’s good for. If you plan on making a profile and think you’ll have a problem turning people down who try to friend you, though, you can always set your privacy settings so that only your friends and those you send a message to can see your profile or find you in search results. That way the only people you have to talk to on FB are those you WANT to talk to.

 

[joandarc2008]

How do you figure that?

Because I am a business owner and many of us use Facebook for networking and advertising especially in people centered businesses. That is why how to use these apps appropriately becomes a skill. We even have an account that represents the business and is the image on the facebook network. It is free marketing.

 

[Chiltepin]

Sorry to keep posting so many times in a row, but has anyone had or known people with problems with addiction? I’m also a little worried that I, &, to a lesser extent, my daughter, might have a hard time turning down friend offers, out of a sense of “niceness”.

Anyone know anyone with the dreaded “people pleasing disease” that has trouble turning people down? I could kind of anticipate that being a problem for me…

Also, a teacher told my daughter that they shouldn’t use their full names, but should use their 1st & use their middle name as their last. Does that sound like a good thing to you guys? Gotta figure something out for dinner, but thanks again, guys!

I wouldn’t say that I am addicted, but I do get to where I want to check it once a day or every other day. It does have that sort of pull.

Niceness is not as much of a problem with turning down friend offers as curiousity, I would say. Sometimes I end up accepting friends just to see their profile (or even to figure out how I know them in the first place)

I’ve never heard the middle name as a last name advice.

 

[exoflare]

Because I am a business owner and many of us use Facebook for networking and advertising especially in people centered businesses. That is why how to use these apps appropriately becomes a skill. We even have an account that represents the business and is the image on the facebook network. It is free marketing.

Yeah, you’re right… I forgot about that possibility. I guess it can be pretty useful if you own a business.

 

[GraceSofia]

Upthread, there was mention of creating lists so that different friends can see (or not see) different things on your facebook. I’ve just been trying to figure that out, and I can’t.
I found a page about it on FB – and people wrote that this feature doesn’t exist anymore.
Could someone who knows how to do it explain, please?

 

[Augusta_Sans]

Upthread, there was mention of creating lists so that different friends can see (or not see) different things on your facebook. I’ve just been trying to figure that out, and I can’t.
I found a page about it on FB – and people wrote that this feature doesn’t exist anymore.
Could someone who knows how to do it explain, please?

CREATE A FRIENDS LIST

1. Log into Facebook.
2. Click on “Friends” in the top navigation.
3. In the left column under “Lists,” click “Create.”
4. Click on “Edit Name” and type a name for your new friends list.
5. Click on each individual that you wish to add (you can type names in the textbox to narrow it down.) You can edit/delete lists at any time.

CHANGE PRIVACY SETTINGS

1. Hover over “Settings” in the top navigation and click on “Privacy Settings.”
2. Click on “Profile Information.”
3. Click on the button with a lock icon next to “Photos and Videos of Me.”
4. Choose “Custom.” Under “These people” choose “Specific People…”
5. In the textbox that appears, type the name of the friends list you created.
6. Click “Save Setting.”

DONE.

 

[GraceSofia]

CREATE A FRIENDS LIST
…]
DONE.

Augusta,
Thank you very much for this! Simple instructions that even a computer-challenged person like me can follow!

 

[mmm1]

One of my best friends has that problem. As for me, I never really understood why people even claim it’s so “addicting”… Most of the time my FB page is de-activated unless I have no other way to get in touch with a certain person, then in that case I’ll re-activate it briefly. That’s really about all it’s good for. If you plan on making a profile and think you’ll have a problem turning people down who try to friend you, though, you can always set your privacy settings so that only your friends and those you send a message to can see your profile or find you in search results. That way the only people you have to talk to on FB are those you WANT to talk to.

Hey, thanks, exoflare, it’s good to know I can just avoid that whole problem.