Co-habitating house guests - how I handled it

[HouseArrest]

How in the world did you come to that conclusion? Embarrassed about what?

No, I think she was upset because her newly religious friend was imposing her newly found morals on two consenting adults who believe differently than she did. Honestly, it wasn’t the sleeping arrangements that we found to be objectionable. It was the way she presumed to impose her “morals” on us at the last moment with no warning. (Especially given the fact that this friend has a rather colorful sexual history herself.)

No, I doubt that would have been a problem. Like I said, it wasn’t really the sleeping arrangements, but rather the presumptuous, self-righteous, and completely unexpected imposition of her newly discovered standards that was so objectionable.

I guess embarrassed isn’t the right word - offended, maybe angry? - but I think you got the idea of what I was trying to say by what you say here.

 

[sheilathebard]

I have to say that it sounds to me like the OP made the best of a bad situation. She knew she couldn’t necessarily help what her guests did while they were there, but she wanted them to keep from giving scandal.

I also want to point out that many couples don’t have sex when they are houseguests. It’s just awkward, you’re afraid of being overheard, you don’t want to be rude … so you just wait till you get home. I think it’s safe to assume that cohabiting guests (if they’re just staying for a couple of nights) probably follow this pattern. The concern then is just avoiding the scandal of having them share a room. So you give them separate rooms. As to what they’re going to do in those rooms – you can’t stop them, but on the other hand, why assume they’re doing anything?

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I think people have come off WAY TOO judgmental and angry toward the OP. I think many posters could’ve commented in a much more charitable and tactful way with a touch of gentle admonishment instead of the Pharisaic style I’ve read in here. I think AM, the OP, was just trying to be cautious and yet charitable to her guests, trying to do the right thing in her mind. She had no ill intention from what I read. I have some friends who live in a nearby town, a married couple. We’ll call them Alice and Mike. Alice’s brother was cohabitating with a woman. Both had a wedding date set for a couple months away. They invited Alice and Mike over. Alice didn’t want to go to her brother’s house, to enter the home of a cohabitator and have her sons see this lifestyle because it would imply her acceptance of it. Mike wasn’t thrilled at the prospect but he didn’t want to offend the said brother and thought they should just grit and bear it. Alice and Mike were recent converts and Alice called her brother and said to him, “you are living in a sinful lifestyle according to the Catholic Church. I’d love to come and see you both but I can’t let my boys see what you’re doing and cause scandal to them.”

Well Alice and brother Bob had recently been having some intense fights and things weren’t going well. Bob tried to invite Alice to reconcile things, try to get along, and her telilng him he’s a sinner and a bad example for her kids alienated this guy to the point he and Alice are arch enemies now and Bob has refused to see Alice for five years now. They have had stressful, hardcore fights on the phone and Bob is a loose canon.

Could they have left their kids at home and not told them about the situation? Could they have just visited the guy for the sake of peace? Jesus visited the home of a tax collector and other sinners. He was hanging out with Romans. Surely Christ didn’t condone the lifestyles but reached out, trying to make the first gesture of love.

These are tough situations. I can see both sides and the motivations behind the OP. She sounds like a kind, gentle, inviting person with a big heart. I’m no goth fan but I applaud her for trying to see through the weirdness and trying to win folks over to Christ through generosity. I just think we all need to tone down the stone-chucking at this lady and give her a break.

 

[HouseArrest]

Y’know - we do have a responsiblity, all of us, to try as hard as we can to remain charitable when we say anything at all, especially something that may be a sensitive subject, like our house rules, if they include adhering to our faith, no pets allowed, kids eat in the kitchen only, etc.

On the other hand, maybe when we are the recipient of a comment on a sensitive subject, we can remember how difficult it is to be the one who has to bring it up, and give the person a break if they don’t deliver perfectly.