Cohabitation, marriage and confession.

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Hello brothers and sisters. I am happy to say that after 30 years of being a Protestant, I am now home in the Catholic Church and was accepted Easter Vigil. It has been such a blessing! I love this so much. I feel like I’ve found what I’ve always been looking for.

So, to make a long story short; growing up I always thought and was taught that you meet someone, fall in love, move in together and get married. Then have kids, etc. I mean, this is how I was raised and how I have lived my life with past girlfriends. Well, so I’ve been living together with my now fiancé for over a year. And we’re getting married in two months (June).

I know it’s sin and I need to go to confession. I am truly sorry for my sin. Unfortunately I have suffered from invincible ignorance I never knew its wrong.

One of my fears is that the priest will not marry us after I spill my guts. And we’ve done all the required marriage prep. But, I feel The Lord drawing me into him to go to confession. And I want to serve The Lord even though I have my own personal desires.

I could go on this way, keep it to myself and never tell anyone. Then we would be married in a couple months and it would have never been a big deal. But, I dunno…just got this feeling.

Has anybody gone through this or know someone who has? What are some options for me? I mean really, how horrible of a sin is this? It’s not like I’ve committed murder or something.

Help me brothers and sisters, point me in the right way.

God bless you all.
 
Wasn’t this situation, cohabitation, not already confessed as part of your pre vigil confession ?

Go see the priest… Do what he says…
 
No Its not murder just adultry. Confession is the way to go. It is a sin but if you honestly did not know it was a sin then tell that to the priest as well. Person has to have full knowledge in order for it to be mortal sin other wise my guess is it is venial. Ask your priest. However knowing this is a sin and you don’t confess it then you are creating sin upon sin in which you will have to answer for. My prayers are with you! God Bless and congrats on your becoming a Catholic!
 
Remember there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, the problem you’re dealing with, however, is the time from now until you are married. Can you go without relations until then. For some, it is much harder than others, but for us as Catholics, it is the right thing to do. If you can live together and pray together for the strength to overcome, than so be it. If not, one of you should maybe move for just a couple of months until you are married. Remember, a priest will not judge you, they will simply forgive you, and you should not judge yourself; just take the proper steps from here on out. Also, it will make things quite special in the end. Embrace who you are in Jesus, two advantage of the sacraments, and believe that the right choices have already come to pass, because you know what they are!
 
Jesus said “go and sin no more”…

For confession there must be a “firm purpose of amendment”.

For example if I murdered someone I need to firmly resolve not to murder again (or any mortal sin…).

If my night job is working for the mafia – well I cannot just confess it and return to work…

Or if I am a thief – I need to resolve not to steal anymore…I cannot simply return to knocking off banks…

Same with adultery or fornication, or perjury or missing Mass etc…

I need to resolve not to do such and avoid the near occasion of sin.

In Jesus of Nazareth is* true life* --and the strength to do whatever needs to be done
 
I cohabitated with my wife before we got married. I wasn’t really being a good Catholic at the time all around, so yeah. While we didn’t have outright sex, we did other stuff, which is the major problem with cohabitation.

You should confess it, and when you do, I think the priest will probably tell you to abstain from any sexual activity and, if possible, sleep separately.

In response to something else in your post, you say
I mean really, how horrible of a sin is this? It’s not like I’ve committed murder or something.
Click to expand...
You shouldn’t look at sin this way. All sin is bad, no matter the severity, and should be avoided.
 
bitznbitez said:
Wasn’t this situation, cohabitation, not already confessed as part of your pre vigil confession ?

Go see the priest… Do what he says…
Click to expand...
I didn’t have to go to confession because I had to be baptized.
 
I was in a similar situation. Cohabitating for 15 years. Our priest just told us to “live as brother and sister” until our upcoming wedding. We also went to confession. If you’ve slept together since your last confession, go to confession and be celibate until your wedding. I don’t think you need to tell him, in my opinion.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
I cohabitated with my wife before we got married. I wasn’t really being a good Catholic at the time all around, so yeah. While we didn’t have outright sex, we did other stuff, which is the major problem with cohabitation.

You should confess it, and when you do, I think the priest will probably tell you to abstain from any sexual activity and, if possible, sleep separately.

In response to something else in your post, you say

You shouldn’t look at sin this way. All sin is bad, no matter the severity, and should be avoided.
Click to expand...
Thanks for your honesty.
 
Jesus said “go and sin no more”…

For confession there must be a “firm purpose of amendment”.

For example if I murdered someone I need to firmly resolve not to murder again (or any mortal sin…).

If my night job is working for the mafia – well I cannot just confess it and return to work…

Or if I am a thief – I need to resolve not to steal anymore…I cannot simply return to knocking off banks…

Same with adultery or fornication, or perjury or missing Mass etc…

I need to *resolve *not to do such and avoid the near occasion of sin.

And I need to make whatever changes that are needful (including the need to avoid scandal).

In Jesus of Nazareth is* true life* --and the strength to do whatever needs to be done
 
Is your fiance willing to live as brother and sister until you get married?
 
I had a similar experience my husband and I had been living together for 7 yrs i was afraid to tell the priest during confession but he was very understanding and he gave me absolution still but you have to be willing to remain celebate until your wedding if you have relations in the time being go to confession again but don’t worry the priest will still marry you guys 🙂 we had our marriage blessed at the easter vigil
 
Mgray82 said:
Hello brothers and sisters. I am happy to say that after 30 years of being a Protestant, I am now home in the Catholic Church and was accepted Easter Vigil. It has been such a blessing! I love this so much. I feel like I’ve found what I’ve always been looking for.

So, to make a long story short; growing up I always thought and was taught that you meet someone, fall in love, move in together and get married. Then have kids, etc. I mean, this is how I was raised and how I have lived my life with past girlfriends. Well, so I’ve been living together with my now fiancé for over a year. And we’re getting married in two months (June).

I know it’s sin and I need to go to confession. I am truly sorry for my sin. Unfortunately I have suffered from invincible ignorance I never knew its wrong.

One of my fears is that the priest will not marry us after I spill my guts. And we’ve done all the required marriage prep. But, I feel The Lord drawing me into him to go to confession. And I want to serve The Lord even though I have my own personal desires.

I could go on this way, keep it to myself and never tell anyone. Then we would be married in a couple months and it would have never been a big deal. But, I dunno…just got this feeling.

Has anybody gone through this or know someone who has? What are some options for me? I mean really, how horrible of a sin is this? It’s not like I’ve committed murder or something.

Help me brothers and sisters, point me in the right way.

God bless you all.
Click to expand...
My friend was in a similar situation. She told the priest she was living with the guy and he asked them both to abstain from relations until marriage; they were engaging in premarital
sex.
Therefore they did and that satisfied the priest and they said it was the best decision
they had made for they had felt they were living a lie. They were however both
Baptized Catholic and knew it was against the Church teachings, they were just
tempted they said.

Now Married 26 years! One Son and one daughter.

Welcome to the Church and best wishes for you and intended 😉
Mary.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
Happy to be able to be honest. There was a point in my life where I wasn’t ^^ But yeah, talk to your priest, that’s really your best bet.
Click to expand...
There was a point in my life where I was severely addicted to drugs and alcohol. I was extremely ill tempered and at times potentially violent.

The Lord has brought me from a lot. That is why I’m so thankful to be Catholic. And, that’s also why I say…I’ve done a lot worse than live with a female. Especially one that I’m marrying in two months. But I understand the Church’s position and am willing to submit my will to God.
 
This should have come up in your marriage preparation. You need to tell the priest and go to confession. I doubt if the priest refuses to marry you, but he may tell one of you to move out until after the wedding.
 
hannajomar said:
Is your fiance willing to live as brother and sister until you get married?
Click to expand...
Confess it…then live as brother and sister.

The only time a priest might delay your wedding is if your finance is pregnant…as it might be looked at as a HAVE to wedding.

Actually confessing it…and then waiting can be a great gift. My husband and I did that…but confession was to our protestant minister…but then we abstained…although we were not living together…and having to wait until we were truly married was actually a huge blessing!
 
Mgray82 said:
But I understand the Church’s position and am willing to submit my will to God.
Click to expand...
That is the most important realization you will ever have in your life! Congrats for taking the step to start living through God again.
 
Jesus said “go and sin no more”…

For confession there must be a “firm purpose of amendment”.

For example if I murdered someone I need to firmly resolve not to murder again (or any mortal sin…).

If my night job is working for the mafia – well I cannot just confess it and return to work…

Or if I am a thief – I need to resolve not to steal anymore…I cannot simply return to knocking off banks…

Same with adultery or fornication, or perjury or missing Mass etc…

I need to *resolve *not to do such and avoid the near occasion of sin.

If not – I cannot be absolved of my sins. Such would not be valid.

And I need to make whatever changes that are needful (including the need to avoid scandal).

In Jesus of Nazareth is* true life* --and the strength to do whatever needs to be done
 
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