Cohabitation or not?

[Joab_Anias]

I think you’re playing with fire here, Allen. As innocent as things may seem now, there are a lot of ways this could go sideways on you. This is not to discount your friendship with this person or your honorable intent.

Is that to say that there are no problems with a roomate no matter what there gender? Whats next, all men or women roomates who live together must be gay or that Jesus and Mary Magdaline must have sinned because they lived together? I’m sorry but your reply makes no sense to me and it does discount Christian virtue as being worthless to over come temptation.

 

[Joab_Anias]

I would just like to say once again, this is only a hypothetical situation. I understand that many people will pose certain situations they are in as hypothetical, so not deal with embarassement or anything of that nature, but I can assure you that I am not in this situation. I don’t mean to sound too defensive, but being in the seminary, I feel the obligation to do my best to not cause scandal. I was simply looking at this situation to get an understanding as to how people would apply the term Cohabitation to a different (albeit rare) situation of a plutonic relationship. I must say, I have found the diversity of responses to be very interesting. Thanks for al of the responses!

If honest plutonic cohabitation causes scandal then those scandalized are done so by true Christian virtue and by their own wrong thinking/judging or calumnies. If the truth scandalizes another then the scandal is the denial of the truth not the denial. Jesus never appologized for over turing sin and neither should a virtuous person accept condemnation or accusation from a money changer. Instead the money changers should turn to Jesus for the strength to overcome their inordinate lack of self control that they cannot concieve as possible for anyone else. All virtues are contained within Humility. Fear of the Lord is the essance of wisdom and purity of heart is the right path to all the cardinal virtues. Not the fear of temptation.

 

[Joab_Anias]

I agree that two mature women (or men) living together would cause many to belive they are gay. And I agree that rumor-mongering is also a sin and people should NOT presume the worst. However, I do think that it is much more likely for people to think the worst about an opposite sex couple living together than a same sex couple. And I also assume that it is more likely for the opposite sex couple to fall into sin.

Given all that I wonder how people managed in the past? Young adults were more likely to live with their families or relatives. Mature, non-married women living together were presumed to be old-maids and not lesbians. Mature, non-married men living together were presumed to be crusty old crumedgeons who non one wanted to marry and not gay.

Wouldnt the real scandal be failing to see the plank in ones own eye while focusing on the speck in someone elses? Meaning they are failing to focus on Christ?

 

[StCsDavid]

Is that to say that there are no problems with a roomate no matter what there gender? Whats next, all men or women roomates who live together must be gay or that Jesus and Mary Magdaline must have sinned because they lived together? I’m sorry but your reply makes no sense to me and it does discount Christian virtue as being worthless to over come temptation.

This isn’t about a problem free living environment. Obviously there are challenges in any situation where people share space. My wife can probably make a fine list about living with me. Hoooow do you make the leap that I have discounted Christian virtue as being worthless? Is it not virtuous to avoid the near occasion of sin?

 

[Delphinus85]

I would just like to get an idea where people stand. We all know that cohabitation is wrong, for example a boyfriend and girlfriend living together living as husband and wife if you will. But what would you say about a man and a woman who are not romantically involved, living together as “roommates”, i.e. sharing a rather large apartment. !n order to prevent too much background questioning, assume for the sake of the argument that the two are friends and there is no possibility of them getting together. I am only trying to find out what your view is on the principle of the argument. In other words, would you apply the word “cohabitation” as we use it in the church to the man and woman who are only friends?

I think that having a room mate of the opposite gender is perfectly acceptable! Frankly, if I had to have a room mate again, I’d live with a guy friend of mine. I don’t think anyone could PAY me to have a female room mate again. ugh!! can anyone say “too much drama”?

 

[Joab_Anias]

This isn’t about a problem free living environment. Obviously there are challenges in any situation where people share space. My wife can probably make a fine list about living with me. Hoooow do you make the leap that I have discounted Christian virtue as being worthless? Is it not virtuous to avoid the near occasion of sin?

Yes it is virutous to avoid the near occasion of sin. However there is a fine line between purposly isolating oneself from others via excesive scruple or fear of weakness. The sin then becomes a sin of presumption and a doubt in reliance on God to overcome. Cohabitation if truly entered into in virtue needent be feared because of what might or could happen or even what calumnies may be wispered behind ones back. The same sins are nearly as probable without cohabitation. A near occasion wouldn’t be the cohabitation per se’ but the actions and intentions within that cohabitation that could just as easily be succombed to simply by visiting. Such things as respect, modesty and selflessness for example. For someone deficient in true Christian virtue they may do well to run away from cohabitation because they recognize their own weakness and proclivity to sin while the one with the intent and understanding to enter a plutonic relationship should have no fear. This begs many more difficult and confusing questions about cohabitation. I maintain from my own experiences that there is no sin in cohabitation in peace and even love so long as the lust of fornication or some other strife does not enter the relationship. There are many more a married couple who live seperate lives under the same roof yet few recognize they haven’t a true marriage. A piece of paper constitutes a marriage no more than cohabitation constitutes a sin.

 

[StCsDavid]

Yes it is virutous to avoid the near occasion of sin. However there is a fine line between purposly isolating oneself from others via excesive scruple or fear of weakness. The sin then becomes a sin of presumption and a doubt in reliance on God to overcome.

True, however, does not one also run the risk of putting God to the test? That, too, is a sin of presumption.

Cohabitation if truly entered into in virtue needent be feared because of what might or could happen or even what calumnies may be wispered behind ones back. The same sins are nearly as probable without cohabitation. A near occasion wouldn’t be the cohabitation per se’ but the actions and intentions within that cohabitation that could just as easily be succombed to simply by visiting. Such things as respect, modesty and selflessness for example. For someone deficient in true Christian virtue they may do well to run away from cohabitation because they recognize their own weakness and proclivity to sin while the one with the intent and understanding to enter a plutonic relationship should have no fear. This begs many more difficult and confusing questions about cohabitation. I maintain from my own experiences that there is no sin in cohabitation in peace and even love so long as the lust of fornication or some other strife does not enter the relationship. There are many more a married couple who live seperate lives under the same roof yet few recognize they haven’t a true marriage. A piece of paper constitutes a marriage no more than cohabitation constitutes a sin.

This presumes that entering into the relationship that both parties have a well-formed conscience. If that were the case, then it certainly would be possible. I believe it is too much of a case by case event to be able to paint a broad brush stroke that cohabitation is not sinful regardless if one’s intent was platonic or not. (plutonic would suggest folks from the recently demoted planet of Pluto ) On the reverse side, I cannot not say that it is always sinful, but IMHO, there seems to be more risks than not for a great many people.

 

[otjm]

Maybe the first question is “how ugly is the roomate?”:extrahappy:

 

[Joab_Anias]

True, however, does not one also run the risk of putting God to the test? That, too, is a sin of presumption.

Yes of course. Meaning we must be dedicated to Jesus in our vocation be it single, married or clergy. This requires complete and honest descernment of our selves. Even then God has been known to put US to the test which we should never run away from.

This presumes that entering into the relationship that both parties have a well-formed conscience. If that were the case, then it certainly would be possible. I believe it is too much of a case by case event to be able to paint a broad brush stroke that cohabitation is not sinful regardless if one’s intent was platonic or not. (plutonic would suggest folks from the recently demoted planet of Pluto ) On the reverse side, I cannot not say that it is always sinful, but IMHO, there seems to be more risks than not for a great many people.

Unfortunately I recieved my Earthly citizenship at puberty and lost my innosence shortly there after so I can realte.

Seriously though I agree that cohabitation is not advisable yet know of many who succeed. I once lived in a coed dorm with no problem. I didn’t fear the opportunity because of any stigma or even weakness. I believe in the hypothetical example of this thread, though a bit vague about boundries, falls into that same category or even that of a cloister within a monestary.

Peace.