Cohabitation Situation

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I would definitely say they’d also have to make sure there are viable living situations for those in financial need.

I lived with a male friend for some time, due to being unable to work due to illness. He was not a Catholic but he was a solid conservative Presbyterian - so our beliefs lined up regarding premarital sex. We were not in any way romantically involved. I didn’t exactly have a lot of options at the time either (and I think recent events have confirmed my conclusion that my family wasn’t a realistic one).

At that point I was more concerned with my own safe housing than any idea of scandal anyway.
 
Lara said:
The Church says it takes marriage very seriously and that’s why people should shudder in their boots for six months.
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If folks are that afraid of marriage, they need longer discernment and preparation. Fear is not a reason to enter into marriage.
 
It is the rare person who has no family, no friends, no acquaintances who will provide a place to stay for these visits. Either the local person or the visitor stays with a family, friend, acquaintance. No cost except the cost of hospitality. Hospitality to visitors is a work of mercy.
 
My husband at the time I mention was renting a room in a part of the country he had never even visited before. In our case there wasn’t anyone.
 
OP

Since you don’t list a religious affiliation, most of the replies have been pertinent to Catholic thinking. Chastity prior to marriage is a respectable and hopefully desired goal for all people who consider God a part of their relationship. What no one has addressed (I haven’t read every post) is that if you are Catholic and occupy any position in the Church, from teacher, youth leader, clerical staff, etc. etc. the problem of scandal is amplified. I for one side with those who say that your chosen living arrangement is problematic but if you stay true to your goals of maintaining a chaste relationship, you are okay from a personal standpoint, and a little on the edge when it comes to the consideration by others. However, if you are in any way in a position of visibility in the Church, that’s another kettle of fish, and something you need to speak to your pastor about.
 
Not when you are visiting every other weekend or so, it would have been a huge expense. My situation certainly wasn’t exceptional, most of my peers have had to relocate frequently for short periods while studying or for work or been in long distance relationships.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
Not when you are visiting every other weekend or so, it would have been a huge expense. My situation certainly wasn’t exceptional, most of my peers have had to relocate frequently for short periods while studying or for work or been in long distance relationships.
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Certainly he could find a female friend you could stay with, or was he a hermit?

It’s things like cohabitation, with or without sex, that cause others to say, “Oh, Catholics! They’re no better than anyone else.” And we aren’t, for the most part. We indulge in sinful acts, we treat others with disrespect, we’re uncharitable, etc. So we go to church and follow the Lenten prohibitions, etc. Most of us don’t “love one another as [Christ] has loved [us].” And that was the ONLY commandment Jesus gave us. Yet most of us refuse to follow it because we want what we want, and we have to be right all the time. Shameful of any who live that way. We should NEVER cohabitate prior to marriage, and I believe everyone here knows it. We shouldn’t even be here on this board. We should be volunteering at a hospice, a homeless shelter, a community clinic. Me, too. I should volunteer more than I do.
 
Not immediately, many young adults move quite frequently and it takes time to make the sort of friends you can ask for favours. On a practical level most of the friends he did make were living in flatshares themselves and wouldn’t have had the space.
 
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for young adults to want to maintain stable relationships despite not yet having settled lives. Churches probably have more pressing needs than providing accommodation to working young adults and most people I know didn’t have the luxury of contacts who could provide a room wherever they were living.

We don’t control the education system, job or housing market.
 
Yup. I really don’t know any guys in my area that would house a long-distance boyfriend. I do have family, but in my case that’s a terrible idea for several reasons.
 
After Mass “Father Smith, my boyfriend is coming from Minnesota to visit in three weeks. Do you know a parish family who would let either he or I sleep in their guest room on that Friday & Saturday night?”
 
If churches were concerned about this then having a list of people with spare rooms wouldn’t be a bad idea. I’ve never heard of a church doing this though.
 
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