Cohabiting Cousin Invite to "House Warming"

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PietroPaolo

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What do you all make of a cousin who is engaged to be married, but is cohabiting with their fiancee, inviting people to a house warming party? They just purchased the house and intend to live in it until they are married. The cousin is a baptized (non-practing) Catholic. For an added twist, the cousin is not marrying Catholic and has chosen not to receive dispensation to marry outside the Church.

I’m leaning toward passing on attending the house warming. What do you all think?
 
Don’t know if this helps…

My wife’s cousin who is a non practicing catholic “married” a baptist.

He didn’t receive the dispensation so my wife and I didn’t go.

Either way, I made it very clear to my wife, even if he did get a dispensation I still wouldn’t have attended because quite simply it’s not Catholic. The “marriage” was conducted by a civil celebrant and they married in an Anglican church because it “Nice” church.

My opinion, with anything that is contrary to the faith is to stay away from it.

As practicing Catholics, we need to make more of a statement to our families/friends as to what is wrong and right. There has been far too much of the “it’ their lives, we can’t do anything” mentality.

Time of the silent Catholic is over IMO…
 
PietroPaolo said:
What do you all make of a cousin who is engaged to be married, but is cohabiting with their fiancee, inviting people to a house warming party? They just purchased the house and intend to live in it until they are married. The cousin is a baptized (non-practing) Catholic. For an added twist, the cousin is not marrying Catholic and has chosen not to receive dispensation to marry outside the Church.

I’m leaning toward passing on attending the house warming. What do you all think?
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paaassss…

In these instances, I tend to wonder what my youngest (who is 10 and had Down syndrome) would say…‘out of the mouths of babes’ as they say:

She would ask: “Why do they need a house if they aren’t married?”

IMHO…that’s a big red flag for ‘PASS!’

I guess if you feel the need to be somehow socially ‘correct’ (you received an invitation and therefore must respond with some sort of gift) a set of small inconsequential measuring bowls or implements would confer your social requirement of a gift but certainly not endorse the ‘activity’ (some may not agree with this…but opinions are just that)🤷
 
This one seems fairly easy to be honest.

I’d pass. It’s just a housewarming party. It’s not a wedding and therefore, more of an obligation to attend.

My sister actually had a housewarming party that we didn’t attend. It was basically because they had officially signed the mortgage papers on a house they had been renting for almost 2 years at that point…before they got married. The house wasn’t officially theirs until after they got married.
But my husband and I had already been to that house many times to hang out and go to parties (not to mention, the house belonged to my Grandparents and my mother grew up in that house…I had been there countless times over 25 years and lived their during my toddler years when my parents built their house!).
Didn’t see the harm in passing up the invite at all.

The wedding itself is something I’d be wringing my hands over as to whether or not I should attend.
If it’s anything like my family…I’d be causing more of a scandal to not attend an invalid wedding between two Catholics. That’s how far away our entire family has fallen from the faith.
 
Are you all sure we are called to live in an insular Catholic world and not share the peace and love of Christ to those who are not exactly like us? Are other peoples’ sins going to rub off on you if you associate with them?
 
It’s just a house warming. It has nothing to do with whether or not you put your blessing on the union. Buy a gift, have a piece of cake and relax.
 
I would not shun them. We cannot give any testimony of the love of Christ if we keep away from them. Attending a party is not going to drag you into sin.
 
Your formerly Catholic relative is sadly acting the same boorish way that many people do when they are living in sin and don’t care what anyone else thinks. Instead of quietly going about their business they like to boldly celebrate their sin and invite others to help celebrate and somehow forget that others may not be proud of them.
It is not required that you attend their party. Just send them an email saying you are busy with no explanation. I would not get into telling them why you are not coming. Let them wonder and if they ever ask then you could charitably tell them your reasons.
 
Louie1983 said:
Either way, I made it very clear to my wife, even if he did get a dispensation I still wouldn’t have attended because quite simply it’s not Catholic.
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Let me get this straight. Even if the local bishop grants a dispensation, you think the wedding isn’t Catholic enough? You think you know more about what is and isn’t Catholic than the local Bishop?

Wow.
 
BillP said:
Let me get this straight. Even if the local bishop grants a dispensation, you think the wedding isn’t Catholic enough? You think you know more about what is and isn’t Catholic than the local Bishop?

Wow.
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I agree with this… not trying to be uncharitable, but if the person had received dispensation, the wedding has the approval of the Church. I find no reason whatsoever to shun such a wedding. There is danger in being more “Catholic” than the Church.
 
eamonnroma said:
I would not shun them. We cannot give any testimony of the love of Christ if we keep away from them. Attending a party is not going to drag you into sin.
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It’s not “shunning” them or about “being dragged” into their sin - it’s simply not going along and pretending they ought to be living together (and celebrating it) apart from marriage.

What if it was a gay couple? Or a woman and two men? Or a woman “celebrating” her recent abortion? Or someone throwing a party to celebrate leaving the Faith and rejecting Christ? Is there any party you would excuse yourself from on moral grounds? If so, is this shunning?
 
I would not go to either the housewarming or the wedding, I think, because it can be seen as approval of what they are doing. Especially for the wedding. My own mother didn’t come to my (Catholic) wedding because she didn’t agree with the timing (I’m “too young”) or my choice of spouse, and I actually think that was the logically consistent thing for her to do. This has nothing to do with associating with them otherwise (if we didn’t talk to/be around/be friends with sinners, we couldn’t talk to anyone, including ourselves!) but these occasions are explicitly celebrating a person going against what is required of them by virtue of being a baptized Catholic.
 
Mangaartist said:
I would not go to either the housewarming or the wedding, I think, because it can be seen as approval of what they are doing. Especially for the wedding. My own mother didn’t come to my (Catholic) wedding because she didn’t agree with the timing (I’m “too young”) or my choice of spouse, and I actually think that was the logically consistent thing for her to do. This has nothing to do with associating with them otherwise (if we didn’t talk to/be around/be friends with sinners, we couldn’t talk to anyone, including ourselves!) but these occasions are explicitly celebrating a person going against what is required of them by virtue of being a baptized Catholic.
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Gold Star reply! 👍 Thanks.
 
PietroPaolo said:
What do you all make of a cousin who is engaged to be married, but is cohabiting with their fiancee, inviting people to a house warming party? They just purchased the house and intend to live in it until they are married. The cousin is a baptized (non-practing) Catholic. For an added twist, the cousin is not marrying Catholic and has chosen not to receive dispensation to marry outside the Church.

I’m leaning toward passing on attending the house warming. What do you all think?
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What do you plan to do if they invite you to their home for dinner?

Or to celebrate Christmas?

Will you decline their wedding invitation as well?
PietroPaolo said:
It’s not “shunning” them or about “being dragged” into their sin - it’s simply not going along and pretending they ought to be living together (and celebrating it) apart from marriage.
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From my experience housewarmings are more like baby showers than weddings: it’s an antiquated excuse to show off the decor and collect free gifts.

If you pass, chances are your cousin will read that as saying “I don’t have enough money right now” rather than “I don’t think you lot should live together.”
 
Bezant said:
What do you plan to do if they invite you to their home for dinner?

Or to celebrate Christmas?

Will you decline their wedding invitation as well?

From my experience housewarmings are more like baby showers than weddings: it’s an antiquated excuse to show off the decor and collect free gifts.

If you pass, chances are your cousin will read that as saying “I don’t have enough money right now” rather than “I don’t think you lot should live together.”
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I’m leaning toward not attending the wedding or the house warming as the housewarming is celebrating the sinful lifestyle they are living and the wedding would be invalid. Other parties don’t seem to present the same difficulty. Eating dinner with them or even being at a Christmas party doesn’t have any intrinsic connection to a particular immoral act or lifestyle choice which they are engaging in. I’m not “shunning” them. If I were to try to avoid all sinners I’d have to follow the example of the Desert Fathers, but I don’t want to celebrate the moral evils. If they wanted to eat dinner at our house, we’d welcome them. If they wanted to spend the night with us, they’d have to sleep in separate rooms (even post-marriage if the marriage is invalid). That’s at least where I’m currently standing on the issue.
 
Yes, I would go…we are NOT supposed to judge other people. We are all sinners and we all ask for forgiveness. Are they harming any other person by living with each other before marriage,NO. We can’t make other people’s decisions and neither can God; that is why He gave us free will.

You have friends for taking people for who they are and if you don’t you will be lonely for the rest of your life because everyone, except God, is flawed.

Buy a gift and have a piece of cake and enjoy the company.
 
Linybaby said:
Yes, I would go…we are NOT supposed to judge other people. We are all sinners and we all ask for forgiveness. Are they harming any other person by living with each other before marriage,NO. We can’t make other people’s decisions and neither can God; that is why He gave us free will.

You have friends for taking people for who they are and if you don’t you will be lonely for the rest of your life because everyone, except God, is flawed.

Buy a gift and have a piece of cake and enjoy the company.
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In answer to your question " are they harming anyone by living together" the correct answer is YES they are harming EVERYONE by sinning and causing scandal and that scandal offends God and hurts all of His children. God does give us free will to sin or to follow His commandments. And yes we all have flaws and we have to accept our loved ones warts and all. We must be kind to others but not encourage their sins. Jesus loved sinners but He also challenged them to “go and sin no more”. In fairness to the cohabitating couple thay may not even understand the gravity of what they are doing. But in reality they are commiting a mortal sin. Hopefully somebody close to them will gently make them aware and help them back to the Church and to God. They need our prayers!
 
Demetra2 said:
In answer to your question " are they harming anyone by living together" the correct answer is YES they are harming EVERYONE by sinning and causing scandal and that scandal offends God and hurts all of His children. God does give us free will to sin or to follow His commandments. And yes we all have flaws and we have to accept our loved ones warts and all. We must be kind to others but not encourage their sins. Jesus loved sinners but He also challenged them to “go and sin no more”. In fairness to the cohabitating couple thay may not even understand the gravity of what they are doing. But in reality they are commiting a mortal sin. Hopefully somebody close to them will gently make them aware and help them back to the Church and to God. They need our prayers!
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No one can tell others how to live or what to do, that is the Beauty of free will. I don’t think it’s our place. The only think you can do I is pray for them and if it bothers you that bad then you are dwelling on something that you have no control over and should be concentrating on your own life and things you can control.

Do I personally agree with it NO! But then again they are not hurting ME by having relations that take place in a private environment.

Call me more liberal in this society but people will do what they want and everyone sins and if I looked for perfect people who tried never to son I would be friendless and miserable. Ad if I worried about what everyone else’s sins are the I would be a nervous wreck and not a happy person.
 
I see no problem with skipping the housewarming and would likely pass on it myself. However, I should point out that we brought the ire of my wife’s family down upon our heads by not mourning the breakup of one of her cohabiting cousins and have recently gotten some negative comments for not being openly supportive of two of my cousins who have decided to shack up on an indefinite basis instead of getting married. I had to explain that, contrary to what has been claimed, me refusing to laud their fornication isn’t hypocritical since my wife and I didn’t cohabit or engage in premarital sex. On the other hand, me congratulating them for living in sin would be hypocritical since I teach my kids that it’s not acceptable.
 
Gordon_Sims said:
I see no problem with skipping the housewarming and would likely pass on it myself. However, I should point out that we brought the ire of my wife’s family down upon our heads by not mourning the breakup of one of her cohabiting cousins and have recently gotten some negative comments for not being openly supportive of two of my cousins who have decided to shack up on an indefinite basis instead of getting married. I had to explain that, contrary to what has been claimed, me refusing to laud their fornication isn’t hypocritical since my wife and I didn’t cohabit or engage in premarital sex. On the other hand, me congratulating them for living in sin would be hypocritical since I teach my kids that it’s not acceptable.
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Luke 6:22 comes to mind:

Blessed shall you be when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man’s sake.
 
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