Cohabiting while engaged

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I understand that it is fornication that is sinful. Cohabitation usually features fornication. But sharing an apartment isn’t sinful per se. It could be a near occasion of sin, or could be a source of scandal.

My dad lived with my mom and family for two months before they were married. Chastely in separate rooms. That wasn’t a sinful scenario.
 
F_Marturana said:
I understand that it is fornication that is sinful. Cohabitation usually features fornication. But sharing an apartment isn’t sinful per se. It could be a near occasion of sin, or could be a source of scandal.

My dad lived with my mom and family for two months before they were married. Chastely in separate rooms. That wasn’t a sinful scenario.
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Actually, even if a couple living together isn’t actually having sex with each other, it’s still sinful, the sin of scandal. Anything that gives off an appearance of sin is considered scandalous. It doesn’t matter if they committed the actual sin of fornication or not, they’re giving off the appearance of sin, which is the sin of scandal and goes against the Catholic Church.
 
That’s not exactly right.

2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

Something is scandalous because it causes another to sin.
 
Yes…which is exactly what cohabiting does, regardless of whether or not the couple is actually having sex (which they are 99.99% of the time).
 
that’s not exactly the same situation as living together under a separate roof, and sharing a bedroom.
 
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@1Lord1Faith?

for the vocabulary, (for being sure we speak of the same situation).

“Cohabitation, in a commonly understood sense, means living together in a sexual relationship without marriage. Living together in this way involves varying degrees of physical and emotional interaction”
http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-act.../marriage/marriage-preparation/cohabiting.cfm

Compendium of Cathechism of the Catholic Church, §502 (2380-2391 2400). The 6 Commandement:
" 502. What are the offenses against the dignity of marriage?
These are: adultery, divorce, polygamy, incest, free unions (cohabitation, concubinage), and sexual acts before or outside of marriage."
http://www.vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html#“You%20Shall%20Love%20Your%20Neighbour%20as%20Yourself”

In the Catechim of the Catholic Church, § 2390- 2400:
you are right, the word “cohabitation” is not explicitly written.
The words used are : “concubinage”, “free union”, "**inability to make long term commitment,* *“trial marriage”
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
 
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The closest I know if uses the more specific term “trial marriage”:

2391 Some today claim a “right to a trial marriage” where there is an intention of getting married later. However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, “the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim.” Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.
 
I’m really glad I didn’t discuss my relationship, engagement and other situations between me and my husband with any Catholics before we got married. Based on CAF comments, most of the room would have presumed we were completely unfit and unprepared to be man and wife and would have had us divorced and gone to hell before we even started talking proposal. I am also going to say an extra prayer for our priest who gave us no hassles when I was expecting a lot of them.

I’m not saying go commit sins, but blanket statements always have exceptions…usually lots of exceptions.
 
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Again, do I really have to prove the obvious in order to know that it’s true? In the same way that you don’t have to stick your hand in a fire to know that you’ll get burned, same idea applies here.
 
I’m talking about the common definition of cohabitation that @TheLittleLady gave earlier. I’m not talking about whatever other definition you’re perhaps thinking of. And the definition she gave is, by definition, a sin in the eyes of the Church.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I’m really glad I didn’t discuss my relationship, engagement and other situations between me and my husband with any Catholics before we got married. Based on CAF comments, most of the room would have presumed we were completely unfit and unprepared to be man and wife and would have had us divorced and gone to hell before we even started talking proposal.
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Agreed with that…there’s times I read on here that our marriage was so “unwise” I have no idea how we made it 15 months vs. the 15 years we’ve been married.
 
Diamond93 said:
Ummm it’s kind of common knowledge that they’re doing it… why are you acting like I need to prove it? Are you trying to justify cohabiting?
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At the risk of being blunt, I think you are way too confident in your abilities to know what is going on in other people’s relationships. I would advise minding your own business. If more people would do that, the sin of “scandal” might not even exist.
 
JMMJ said:
At the risk of being blunt, I think you are way too confident in your abilities to know what is going on in other people’s relationships. I would advise minding your own business. If more people would do that, the sin of “scandal” might not even exist.
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No, @Hoosier-Daddy just explained it all in his post. That’s what happens with cohabitation, it’s not me prying into others’ business, it’s knowing what something is all about.

And at the risk of sounding accusatory myself, I think you’re just trying to avoid taking responsibility for your actions and how they affect everyone else around you. I don’t know what religion you are, but as Catholics we acknowledge how our actions affect everyone else around us and how sinning leads others into sin as well. We all have that duty to lead by example, and for you to have said what you just said sounds like you just want to live as you please and not have to take responsibility for how your actions affect others around you.
 
Wow. Judge much?. I think you are quite incorrect in your assumption about the way I think about things or what I feel guilt about or how I feel a responsibility to other people. If I remember correctly, I think you are young, so I will cut you some slack because of that. Again, do you believe that all married people have sex? Because I can tell you there are a heck of a lot of married people who have no sex at all. It would be a false assumption on your part, just like assuming people are having sex just because they are living under the same roof. I don’t have a problem with it if they are, but you do. You shouldn’t be making assumptions about things you don’t have knowledge about. It is fine to say that you believe most cohabitating people have sex. Believing that, and believing specific couples you know of are doing that, are two different things.

So you can understand me better, I will share with you that I am a cafeteria Catholic. I observe and follow those Church teachings which I feel makes sense. The ones that do not make sense, I do not subscribe to. For example, I do not believe in the sin of scandal the same way you apparently do.
 
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JMMJ said:
Wow. Judge much?. I think you are quite incorrect in your assumption about the way I think about things or what I feel guilt about or how I feel a responsibility to other people. If I remember correctly, I think you are young, so I will cut you some slack because of that. Again, do you believe that all married people have sex? Because I can tell you there are a heck of a lot of married people who have no sex at all. It would be a false assumption on your part, just like assuming people are having sex just because they are living under the same roof. I don’t have a problem with it if they are, but you do. You shouldn’t be making assumptions about things you don’t have knowledge about. It is fine to say that you believe most cohabitating people have sex. Believing that, and believing specific couples you know of are doing that, are two different things.

So you can understand me better, I will share with you that I am a cafeteria Catholic. I observe and follow those Church teachings which I feel makes sense. The ones that do not make sense, I do not subscribe to. For example, I do not believe in the sin of scandal the same way you apparently do.
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But again, I’m not making assumptions about couples who cohabit- what I’m saying is the truth. 99.99% of cohabiting couples are having sex. And I wasn’t talking about married people and their sex lives (or lack thereof). That has nothing to do with what I was talking about in the first place. I’m talking about unmarried cohabiting couples here, so I don’t know why you’re going off on that tangent.

As far as your being a cafeteria Catholic goes, all I can say that being a true Catholic means following all of the Church’s teachings, not just the ones that we personally do or don’t agree with. We can’t go based off of our own feelings or logic, given that we’re fallen humans who often get both of those very wrong. I’m sorry that you feel the way you feel. I’ll be honest and say that there are some Church teachings I myself have struggled with and disagreed on, but having really grown recently in my faith, I’ve come to realize that faith means following God’s commands even when they don’t make sense. That’s the greatest form of faith- believing when you don’t see. Because often times, the “why” part will eventually come in time, and everything that God wants for us is ultimately for our good whether we realize it or not. And even if we don’t get all the answers we want here on Earth, hopefully we’ll reach Heaven and there everything will be revealed and all questions will be answered. But really when you stop and look at how the world is and why it is the way it is, it’s very clear to see evidence of God and why He wants us to live a certain way and why sin is so wrong. It’s easy to prove that the Catholic Church is the truth when you really stop and look at things. I always say that the more I see people ignoring God’s laws, the more evidence of Him I see as their lives become complete wrecks.

Faith is hard, I know. But it’s what we’re called to have. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
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OP,

I know you’re not under any obligation, but it would help if you told us why you were asking this question. I’d think you’d get better answers, just looking up the statistics of the percentages of couples that cohabited, or didn’t cohabitate, and how many later divorced. Unless someone states otherwise, most people are here for conversation, and would expect you to say why you are asking the question.

You don’t say that you, or anyone you know, is thinking of marrying, and wondering if having cohabitated previously would make divorce more likely. But, you are quite judgmental with those who say they did cohabitate. So, I’m guessing that you’re not cohabitating, or considering it. But, you already know it’s a sin. Why judge others?

I can’t tell you if it would be better if you told more about your reason for asking the question. But, there’s really no reason to go out of your way to judge other people.
 
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