Cohabiting while engaged

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I kind of agree with your post. I think it’s a sin I also think its unwise. I think people excuse it out of shame or denial but ultimately we shouldnt walk around judging this with people we dont have any say with. Now it’s my goal to raise my kids better than I was raised. That should be everyone’s goal. So I hope that even though I made many mistakes in my relationships my kids will fare far better I’m honor and morality than I did.
 
I lived with girls and had sex with them. I also did not cohabitate with my wife before marriage and guess what. Yup. Still had sex. It worked out, but it wasn’t holy or smart. It’s worth repentance not defense.
 
Legend said:
I’d think you’d get better answers, just looking up the statistics of the percentages of couples that cohabited, or didn’t cohabitate, and how many later divorced.
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This. OP, if you just want to know this out of curiosity, it might be better to do your own research. It seems like this thread has gone off down a lot of judgmental tangents that are simply unnecessary if you’re only asking an idle question out of curiosity.
 
Diamond93 said:
But what about couples who get engaged, then cohabit together throughout their engagement, and then marry?
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Cohabitation firstly means having sex. Absent a sexual relationship, living together is a roommate situation that is neither encouraged nor forbidden.

Secondly, the danger with sex before marriage in general, and cohabitation in particular is not divorce, but distance from God. Any statistical correlation between sexual sin and divorce is not directly relevant to the morality of the situation.
 
Diamond93 said:
And I wasn’t talking about married people and their sex lives (or lack thereof). That has nothing to do with what I was talking about in the first place. I’m talking about unmarried cohabiting couples here, so I don’t know why you’re going off on that tangent.
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My point was that things are not always as they seem when it comes to other people’s relationships and you should not be speculating on what other people are (or are not) doing with regards to the intimate aspects of their relationships, regardless of the situation.
 
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Legend said:
I can’t tell you if it would be better if you told more about your reason for asking the question. But, there’s really no reason to go out of your way to judge other people.
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Oh my gosh, if you actually read my first post fully you’ll see at the end that I was just asking out of curiosity, so I did give an explanation. But then everyone else started going off on other tangents so I’ve just been responding to them as they come up. Am I not allowed to ask things out of curiosity here?

I don’t even know why I bother posting on here anymore. Almost every thread I’ve posted has wound up turning into people attacking my character and labeling me as judgmental, when you all know nothing about me in real life and I don’t appreciate how judgmental you guys are being by labeling me as judgmental. And earlier when I tried to make some peace with @JMMJ, I got attacked for that too. It’s like I can’t do anything right on this site, and I’m done trying to please you all. No matter what I do, you guys always look for ways to get upset with me even when I was trying to be kind. And I’ll have you know that I’ve grown so much in my faith recently, but no thanks to you all. I’ve grown on my own, despite some of the bullies on here, and I really don’t need that in my life. Perhaps I should consider just leaving this site.
 
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Back-and-forth dialogue in a forum environment means that conversations take on a life of their own. I reviewed my postings because I wanted to make sure I hadn’t posted out of left field. I hadn’t. I built upon comments made by you in response to other people.

I recognize your original question was about stats. There is nothing wrong with that, but if you only want an answer and no conversation, then it may be best just to google that. When you post a question such as your OP, surely you know there aren’t a whole bunch of statisticians here weighing in. This is more of a place for discussion and opinions.

I am very sorry you felt attacked. I don’t think anyone intended for that to be the outcome.
 
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Just a little defense of JMMJ. JMMJ probably has 90 percent different views than I do but I’ve always found the poster to be honest, upfront, and thoughtful. I think I responded in this thread to a post by JMMJ and by the time I responded JMMJ had self edited. I did as well. We dont have to agree to view charitably, others in a free and fair discussion.
 
Yes, you said it was out of curiosity’. But, almost any adult would know that you get better results from sites that do research. That’s what they do! At a discussion forum, we discuss. And expect questions and criticism…especially when using phrases like ‘mortal sin’ in our questions/statements. If you’ve grown so much, spiritually, you should be understanding this better.
 
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Diamond93

https://app.box.com/s/1k256dlh4cchrkgawp0d8emzppo9l6ny
As too your original question…
  • Serial cohabitation is associated with greater risk for divorce. Cohabiting with more than just your future spouse is linked to poorer marital outcomes.
  • Cohabiting with your eventual mate before having clear, mutual plans for marriage correlates to lower marital satisfaction and higher divorce risk. Couples who currently live together and have clear plans for marriage have stronger relationships.
  • Cohabiting without a mutual and clear intention to marry is on the rise. Unmarried, cohabiting women have greater rates of unplanned pregnancies than married women.
  • Living together often creates constraints that make it harder to break up. Yet, the kind of dedication most strongly associated with happy, strong relationships levels off.
Table 1

Brief Review of Major Findings Related to the Cohabitation Effect

Category

Major Finding

Citations

Higher numbers of premarital cohabitation partners are associated with risk for
divorce.

2003

as

reported by Popenoe & Whitehead,

2002

Cohabitation with more partners and /or for longer period
s prior to marriage isassociated with a reduction, over time, in esteem for marriage and childrearing.

Axinn & Barber, 1997; McGinnis,

2003

Sliding vs. Deciding

31

Relationship Quality

Premarital cohabitation is associated with more negative communication in

marriage, both on objective coding of couple interaction and self esteem.
report.

Cohan &

Kleinbaum, 2002; Kline et

al., 2004; Stanley et al., 2004;

Thomson & Colella, 1992

Premarital cohabitation is associated with lower levels of marital satisfaction.

Brown, 2004; Brown & Booth, 1996;

Nock, 1995; Stafford et al., 2004;

Stanley et al., 2004

Premarital cohabitation is associated with higher perceived marital instability.

Kamp Dush et al., 2003; Stafford et

al., 2004; Thomas & Colella, 1992

Premarital cohabitation is associated with greater likelihood of marital domestic

aggression.

Brownr

idge & Halli, 2000; Kline et

al., 2004; Stanley et al., 2004

Divorce

Divorce is more likely among those who cohabited premaritally than those who

did not cohabit, especially those who cohabit with more than one partner prior to

marriage (Teachman) and n

on
Hispanic, white women (Philips & Sweeney).

DeMaris & Rao, 1992; Kamp Dush

et al., 2003; Philips & Sweeney,

2005; Teachman, 2003

Personal Vulnerabilities

Sliding vs. Deciding

32

Premarital cohabitation is associated with higher levels of depression and lower levels of self-

esteem, as well as lower life satisfaction.

Stafford et al., 2004

Premarital cohabitation is associated with lo

wer levels of dedication to one’s

spouse for men but not for women.

Kline,

Stanley, & Markman,

in press;

Stanley et al., 2004
 
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