Cold approaching the opposite gender

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Tis_Bearself said:
It might be good to just practice chatting a little bit with everybody throughout the day - old people at church, convenience store clerks, somebody at the bus stop. And by “a little bit” I mean like “Nice weather we’re having”, not a whole paragraph of conversation.
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Great advice! And while “practicing casual conversation,” the OP could be helping lonely people, the elderly, store employees, etc. have a pleasant moment in their day!

I think most of us love a moment or two of conversation with another human being, especially during the pandemic, but anytime! It’s terrible to feel isolated and alone, and that little greeting and comment about the weather or a sports team connects us with others if only for a brief moment or two!
 
I think that shyness/social awkwardness is something that can get to be a “habit.” Everytime the shy or awkward person fails in a social interaction, it reinforces their idea that they are unlikeable, unable to make friends, unattractive, etc.

It doesn’t take a lot of “failures” to convince someone that just can’t do something.

But the shy/awkward person shouldn’t give up! Keep trying–use some of the suggestions on this thread (’“Nice weather today, isn’t it?” etc.) to make contact with others. Or stick with elderly people who seem
 
We all need to learn to see “failures” in a different light.
Successful salespeople know that only a percentage of their attempts to make a sale will succeed. If only 10 percent of sales calls result in a sale, then to make 10 sales you need to make 100 sales calls and fail at 90 of them. Every failure is one step closer to success.

Men who habitually chat up women also know that many, possibly most, women they meet are not going to be interested in them. The guy at the bar who talks to 15 women might have one, or none, that he clicks with. However, if he talks to 15 different women on a regular basis, he will likely get his share of women who are interested, unless there’s something seriously wrong with him like bad personal hygiene or him being openly rude.

Unfortunately we are taught in this society that failure is totally unacceptable and people need to be getting an A in everything all the time instead of just learning from our failures and moving on to success.
 
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Part of the problem could also be where you’re from. I spent most of my life in the Seattle area which made talking to women very hard. When nearly anything you say could be interpreted as a sexist remark somehow, you kind of stop reaching out. I remember earlier this year I was fishing off a dock and a woman was there and she was struggling with the line on her reel. My first reaction was to offer to help, but past experience held me back because offering to help could imply that I think only a man can manage fishing stuff. It’s stupid I know, but I actually had to get over that.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Unfortunately we are taught in this society that failure is totally unacceptable and people need to be getting an A in everything all the time instead of just learning from our failures and moving on to success.
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Exactly this. Socializing with the opposite sex is a skill. Flirting without coming off as lewd or creepy is a skill. If a guy chats up a woman he finds attractive and finds out she’s married/uninterested/whatever, that time wasn’t wasted. It’s practice.

I don’t mean to sound mercenary or overly calculating about it, but if you’re a young single guy, stop treating every interaction with an attractive woman like this is your future wife and everything is riding on this.
 
Never really noticed that in Seattle. Maybe in some areas but the people there are completely approachable. If not extremely talkative and friendly. I mean coffee shop conversation kinda started there. Now the Midwest mind you… you don’t say hi to people at the supermarket if you know what’s good for you.
 
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Socializing in general is the skill. I’ve never really met a well rounded social and capable person who struggled with the interaction of another based on gender. I mean even the title sounds like cold calling sales. All this how to trick, hunt, sell, or convince someone that you are a datable person gives me the heebie jeebies. Women should not be conned. They should be treated as daughters of the King and fellow humans. If you can’t talk to me at a bus stop you aren’t gonna stand a chance with one of my daughters.
 
redcatholic said:
Now the Midwest mind you… you don’t say hi to people at the supermarket if you know what’s good for you.
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What?! 😮

I live here in the Midwest, and I’ve always found it friendly! I agree that you have to be careful about talking to strangers if you are in certain “dangerous” parts of a city, but usually, Midwesterners are ready and willing to talk!
 
The regional stereotypes as defined by me.
East. Get out of my way and dont talk to me.
Midwest stoic, face to ground mind own business no eye contact. West. Smile and ask super personal questions to start a conversation. South. Mumble.
 
redcatholic said:
The regional stereotypes as defined by me.
East. Get out of my way and dont talk to me.
Midwest stoic, face to ground mind own business no eye contact. West. Smile and ask super personal questions to start a conversation. South. Mumble.
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Interesting!

I would agree with you about East (I’m thinking New York City, not New England)–before 9/11. I’ve been there a couple of times since 9/11, and the people are so friendly that I actually asked someone on Staten Island about it. He told me that a lot of people changed after 9/11.

I’ve only been in New England twice (once in Massachusetts, and one in Rhode Island.) I didn’t have a lot of interaction with anyone in Mass, but the Rhode Islanders were so friendly.

I live in the Midwest, and I’ve always found the people friendly. They might be slow to begin with–just a nod and a “hey.” But if someone starts the ball rolling, everyone will join in the conversation.

Haven’t been out West in years, so can’t offer much opinion.

But South!–lived there for 10 years, and my kids live there now. “Bless your heart, let me hug your neck, honey!” They are the FRIENDLIEST, neck-huggingest, honey-callingest people in the U.S.!
 
I really hate small talk.

I don’t want to talk about the weather with a shop assistant, let alone a guy. I think it is a slavic thing. Not doing small talk, we skip the cr@p and just cut to the chase. 🙃
 
Rozellelily said:
I really hate small talk.

I don’t want to talk about the weather with a shop assistant, let alone a guy. I think it is a slavic thing. Not doing small talk, we skip the cr@p and just cut to the chase. 🙃
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Are you Russian? Russian dating customs are…unique.
 
i hate small talk too because i associate something else underlying the motive.
 
There are wonderful people here-that’s painting with a wide brush there RC! 🙂
 
I am a Bosnian Croat. But Russians are like our slavic cousins so we share some similarities in regards to personality and some of our words are the same language.
 
I only spent about ten days in Russia, but I’ve never been to a place with such beautiful, stunning women and such disheveled, unkempt guys. Every woman dresses like she’s going to walk the runway and every man is just wandering around in a dirty bathrobe, slippers, and a four day old beard.
 
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