College women, take heed: Prioritize marriage and family!

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They made their first mistake when they chose to go “up to their eyeballs in debt” instead of figuring out a plan to pay for their educations while avoiding getting into that mess.

Their second mistake in some cases was marrying some guy who didn’t have the motivation to get out there and support his family to a reasonable degree. “Reasonable” does not necessarily mean well-to-do.

It is quite possible to avoid both mistakes. I did, and my family was pretty broke.

One protip: if you want a husband, work in a primarily male profession that makes good money. You will meet many marriageable guys at or through your work.
 
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I think it’s just important to have a plan. I know many educated and well to do men would prefer an educated women. Also, not all women want to marry or if they do not all want to be stay at home moms. I think it’s just important to be financially responsible when choosing to go to college and to be smart when choosing a degree. One shouldn’t go into debt not knowing if they will be able to land a decent paying job with their degree. And of course college isn’t for everyone and not worth it for a lot of people. It just depends on the person
 
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I think the person who wrote this is suffering from some selection bias. I know plenty of women who prioritize family and marriage while still getting degrees and having jobs or careers. They aren’t torn up inside over this life. Thus they haven’t reached out to a marriage and relationship coach to discuss it.
 
I agree. Virtually every article I’ve ever read about marriage was coming at it from a position of those who had problems with whatever the issue was. Such articles are not written for or about people who aren’t having a problem with whatever the article is about.
 
Agree with jlc2K2. It is ridiculous to state that women are “torn up inside” over opting for a career and a degree. Why can’t we get off this sinking ship of stereotyping women into “all or nothing?” Women who want to get married should do so; women who don’t want to get married and/or have not met the right person MUST learn to support themselves or end up in poverty or marrying just for the financial support. Most women will be single at one point or another in their lives (many will be widowed or divorced) and will need the means to support themselves. The means are: 1) education; 2) work experience/career.
 
It’s not just a woman problem…where is there a discussion of paternal responsibility (and not just financial)?
 
Tis_Bearself said:
One protip: if you want a husband, work in a primarily male profession that makes good money. You will meet many marriageable guys at or through your work.
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I think this is good advice, though I’m wondering how applicable it is to today’s workplaces.

I was talking to a colleague of mine who met his wife at work around 30 years ago, and he mentioned that if he were single in the current environment, he would never date a coworker. He’s seen too many cases of women making claims of sexual harassment for innocuous things like compliments on their attire, or worse, making completely fabricated accusations out of spite when a relationship goes south.

I don’t think that is happening in the majority of cases, but it’s happening enough that it may have a chilling effect on potential workplace romances.
 
Limoncello4021 said:
Most women will be single at one point or another in their lives (many will be widowed or divorced) and will need the means to support themselves. The means are: 1) education; 2) work experience/career.
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My mother advised me that taking care of myself was my responsibility as an adult. Getting married should not be an excuse to foist off this responsibility to a husband.

Most women will spend at least a portion of their lives needing to support themselves. Can’t always count on a husband for financial support.
 
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Your mother was smart. So was mine. My father was ill for nearly 15 years before he died and my mother HAD to go back to work. It was a painful time: she had no skills at first. She taught me to prepare to take care of myself and never have to depend on anyone else.
I’ve seen plenty of women fall into near poverty and are now unable to retire because they did not plan for financial independence. Moreover, even with a husband who has a good job it is unfair to assume he will carry the burden of support for the entire marriage. Things change.
 
Limoncello4021 said:
Moreover, even with a husband who has a good job it is unfair to assume he will carry the burden of support for the entire marriage
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I have a friend since high school days whose husband became disabled due to a stroke. He was in his thirties. Luckily she had training as a nurse and her income supported her and her family.
 
I hear you.

My husband’s grandmother wound up being a widow raising three kids by herself. She had to become a teacher and lived into her 90s. Both of my grandmothers had to work throughout their lives too (even married to men who had jobs) to help make ends meet. I knew two stay-at-home moms (one a widow and the other whose husband has a chronic progressive illness) who wound up scrambling to be the main breadwinner, caregiver, and had to essentially raise the kids solo when tragedy struck. I’ve also known more than one woman who went the stay-at-home mom route and gave up a good career, only to wind up divorced and royally messed over.

College women need to plan on getting a degree or degrees that will make them employable should a fairy tale life not work out, which it often does not.

edit: It’s not about being like men- it’s about planning on getting stuck having to do it all whether you want to or not- if men don’t follow through on their end or tragedy occurs.
 
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Especially with job security going the way of the dodo, even if married, a husband could lose his job and have problems finding another one.

That’s another factor one has to contend with.
 
Tenzin said:
Is courting a practice in the U.S.?
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Not in the older fashion, no. It varies quite a bit now. Some men and women date exclusively but some rarely date and do group gatherings. As a relationship starts to develop, it may, at that point, come with exclusive dates and group gatherings. It’s rarely a formal thing anymore. Group dates are common, too. Many date just for fun, not necessarily looking for a partner for marriage. With most youngs delaying marriage, they are instead looking at opportunities to discover what type of relationship they want for later. Even though many also engage in sexual relationships, there are also many that don’t. They seek experiences over matchmaking.
 
My wife and I were married while we were still in college. She decided to postpone her college career to make money for us to live on until I graduated and got a job.

Like George Bailey in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, her plans were derailed by kids and other life events. Eventually, in her early 40s when the kids were older, she finished her teaching degree and started teaching full time.

In the time between suspending college and going back, if one of her friends asked her what degree she got in college, my wife would tell them she got her MRS degree. 😀

Although she didn’t make much money, my wife’s sacrifice made it possible for our future to take shape and deserves all the credit in the world for it.
 
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