Comments on family size...a twist

[SeekerJen]

People can be just clueless. But, if it is any consolation, for every idiot who has an opinion about your having too many children, there is another idiot (maybe the same one) harrassing some poor parent who has only one child or a couple who are childless.

No kidding. I know my parents took flak for having only me, and I’ve taken flak for our lack of children (which most wrongly assume to be due to use of contraceptives). I wish people would learn to shut their traps WRT others’ family size. Very rarely does any good come of comments on either small or large families, as evidenced by the plethora of threads on this very topic.

 

[3GirlsRUs]

Yeah…why is it so hard for people to keep their mouths shut?

My cousin got pregnant with #3. She had always been quite vocal about not wanting more than 2…they were done…yada yada yada. I was so happy for her when she announced the pregnancy. I had been praying that her husband wouldn’t succomb to the temptation to get a vasectomy, and this pregnancy seemed to be the answer to prayers.

Well, when Icalled and told her how happy I was for her, how wonderful to be blessed again…she has to spoil it with…“Well, we didn’t plan it or anything. Our (contraceptive) failed us…”

I have been led to believe that her husband has had a vasectomy or is at least pushing for it to happen. I keep praying. They are Catholic, too.

So…sometimes the “diarhea of the mouth” can be people asking impertinent questions…and sometimes people just inflicting information on you that you’d rather not know.

 

[JKS]

3girlsRUs,
Just keep praying. We wanted three, and that’s all. We had the yard sale, gave everything else away, because we were DONE, you see.

Though we love all our children dearly, our fourth one is so sweet, beautiful, wonderful in every way, that we didn’t merely go along with the “mistake”: we realized that any plan that didn’t involve Annie was a really lousy plan. She’s almost 10 now, still sweet, beautiful and wonderful, and a great help to her four younger siblings, too!

 

[Tracy10]

Tell them with a smile, “I’m quite delighted with the way we’ve handled things and pray that you will experience the same joy one day.”

Re the posters on the window, there are all kinds of nuts out there who will put just about anything on car windows. Ignore them and congratulate yourself for having the fortitude of not allowing your mind to be controlled by others."

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I read the thread about comments coming from strangers, co-workers and relatives, and I can relate to nearly every one of those. But, how about those negative comments from other Catholics, the ones in your parish or in your prayer group or bible study. The ones who say things like “Ya know, the church does okay NFP” … “Just b/c your Catholic doesn’t mean you have to have has many children as possible.” or, “do you know about NFP” or, “don’t you breastfeed?” I even get this from elderly people at daily mass, and mothers with big families that are further spaced.

Does anyone else get these? How do you respond to this? My kids are very closely spaced. We do not use NFP (have never had the need Thanks be to God!) and yes, I do breastfeed, for a few years actually. We have serious reservations with the way CCLI promotes NFP. We even found the brochure from CCLI “NFP, Safe, Healthy, and Effective” on our windshield once!!!

How do others deal with this?

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

heard all those and more. yep from other catholics. at church. in homeschool group. sich.

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I just say, “Are you asking because you don’t think I wanted these kids or because you wouldn’t want them?” With a very confused look on my face.

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Really. Isn’t that why they really ask? They can’t imagine anyone wanting this many or willing to have them close, or whatever, so they presume I must be doing it because either I’m an ignorant zealot who thinks she has to have as many as possible or I don’t know what I’m doing (not bf-ing “right” or don’t think I can use NFP)?

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Rude.

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That or I just say, "NFP stinks. I’d rather just enjoy my marriage and the blessings God sends it."

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which is true. If I feel I have a serious enough reason, I’ll use NFP. But NFP stinks. It’s a pain in the backside and we feel no desire to use it at this point in our marriage.

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Rude of them again. Because what, when, and under what circumstances we conceive or do not conceive a child is none of their business.

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**a bit cranky. I’m slowly but surely starting to leave my sick bed more and more and all I hear is, “OMG! Why don’t you use NFP if this hypermesis is what pregnancy is like for you?” **

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**gee. maybe, just maybe, I think this baby is going to be worth it? there’s a crazy idea! **

 

[strngrnrth]

And if you have none, there are the types who think either you are still growing up and not ready to get serious yet (though if you have a couple of kids without marrying first nowadays these people think that’s normal and all just part of growing up). If you are obviously too old to be putting it off, they figure your values must be against kids and they tell you you’re lucky, you did it right, focus on you, this world has way too many people in it… and put down their children who are listening. I wish I could just say, “Oh, thank you! I thought you’d never offer. They’re beautiful!” And walk off with the kids.