Communion dresses

[Mintaka]

Baptism is about being reborn without sin. And the white clothes are Biblical, going back to the earliest apostles. Sheesh, have you not read the Book of Revelation? You are expected to wash your robe white in the blood of the Lamb. Though your sins were as crimson, they will be white as snow. Etc.

(Actually, in early Christian days, the person kept the robe on the rest of the Easter night vigil, because they were stripped of their old clothes and baptized naked. Putting on the white robe after Baptism was putting on Christ. And they had to come back to church next Sunday in the same white robe. They were allowed to wear other clothes inbetween.)

The bridal white is actually a German evangelical thing. It represents purity and virginity of body, but also Paul’s comment about Christ’s Bride being “without spot or wrinkle.”

Both strands of thought are foreshadowed in the OT by the sacrificial animals, male and female, that were supposed to be pure white, without spots or stains – immaculate, in fact, since “macula” is a black or gray spot.

These things are theological and religious, on all sorts of levels. There is no point hating symbolism that was baked in, by God Himself, thousands of years ago. It is a lot more fun to delve into it and enjoy it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Actually, at our parish there are people who will lend white dresses/suits if needed.

Growing up in the Rust Belt of the 70s, the Parish found ways to help parishioners who truly didn’t have the money for things like First Communion clothes. We had a lot of people scraping by in our parish and yet every kid managed to be appropriately dressed for the big day. The dreset weren’t necessarily lavish - mine was made from cotton eyelet from the fabric store, by some parish lady who sewed at home for extra money. It looked fine.

 

[CilladeRoma]

Thanks for the berating.

Now, are you going to answer my question? If what you say is so true and so important, why then are not adult converts required to wear all white dresses for women and suit for men?

 

[CilladeRoma]

appropriately dressed for the big day.

And why, in this day and age does “appropriate” still mean dresses for girls?
And why white? What if my child had a pretty, pink dress that she wanted to wear that fit all the other “requirements”?

I do not object to a “generalized” dress code. I do object to pastors and DRE’s overstepping their bounds and requiring all families dress their children in a specific color or style based on their gender or not have the child participate. That is petty, mean, and a very good way to poison said child against the Church.

 

[DeniseNY]

Growing up in the Rust Belt of the 70s, the Parish found ways to help parishioners who truly didn’t have the money for things like First Communion clothes. We had a lot of people scraping by in our parish and yet every kid managed to be appropriately dressed for the big day. The dreset weren’t necessarily lavish - mine was made from cotton eyelet from the fabric store, by some parish lady who sewed at home for extra money. It looked fine.

Same here. And I wore the dress my sister wore two years before me. I didn’t want to wear a dress, I had to, I got over it. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I say this with all charity, but your posts on this thread seem like an overreaction due to your personal experiences or feelings.

On this issue of First Communion attire, I don’t see anything wrong with the normal dress codes of a suit for boys, and a nice white dress or perhaps a nice white dressy girls’ pantsuit for girls. I don’t see it as something severe for kids. Like I said before, kids can’t have their own way in everything, this is relatively minor, and as someone else said, this is not the only time in life they will need to respect a dress code, or do something they don’t want to do.

I am now muting this thread. Have a nice evening.

 

[Allegra]

I agree. We don’t always get our “own special”. If you want to be on the soccer team, you have to wear the jersey even though it isn’t your color. If you want to play the part in the school play, you can’t dye your hair blue. If you want to walk during graduation, you have to wear the cap and gown. Sometimes you have to suck it up and wear what you’re told.

 

[CilladeRoma]

No. I wore a white dress for my first communion.

My issue is micro-management amd the pettiness. “Wear a white dress or you can’t play with us.”

Sacraments are gifts from God and to see someone have jump through hoops for someone else’s sense of what is “proper” for the occasion is very off-putting to me.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

In my parish it’s “Sunday best”…girls need to wear a dress below the knees, no spaghetti straps or sleeveless. Colors not specified but we do warn that if it isn’t white, you will likely be one of the only ones wearing another color. Boys, they can wear a suit of any color or even khakis and a shirt with a collar. Many Hispanic/Latino boys wear white suits and others wear dark suits. The only think to do in your situation OP, is to ask the dress code if you haven’t already received it by now. Your daughter can always just skip the ceremony and receive during a regular mass if she isn’t allowed to wear pants and would rather not wear a dress.

 

[dochawk]

I’m sorry but this is totally irrelevant.

How rude . . .

It is absolutely relevant, going to the core of the issue . . .

Dressses need not be “froo-froo”.

My oldest went through an “I’m not a girly-girl!” stage. Even then, she made an exception for “twirly dresses” :crazy_face:

And then she met a boy, and . . . .

nd often required to be fitted on me which involved standing still and more tight and scratchy pins.

hey, we had to go through that as boys, too . . . we truly didn’t care what we wore, and there we were, all these pings and boards and scissors and . . .

Even when she falls asleep in the Lord, her coffin will be draped with a white pall - that same innocence and baptismal beauty throughout her whole sacramental life.

A few months ago we were out of town at another byzantine parish, there was a baptism, and during the homily the priest referred to returning in 90 years for burial. My 20 year old daughters were seriously wigged out over that . . .

I’d like to wear my pajamas to work, but, there is a dress code.

just having a thought about my showing up in court like that . . . . . . . although, if I had a county appropriate kilt, I’d show up in it on St. Paddy’s day and Irish Independence Day . . .

The bridal white is actually a German evangelical thing.

The clergy resisted white and yellow wedding dresses for quite some time! Their reason was that the purity they “advertised” should be a given, not something to boast about . . .

 

[Londoner]

Devastated? I could just about understand that you might be slightly disappointed, but devastated seems pretty strong.

 

[Londoner]

I don’t see why the dress code should be a big deal or should even be an issue at all. When I was received into the Church and received Holy Communion for the first time I was wearing a grey lounge suit. For my confirmation in the Church of England some years previously I had worn navy blazer with charcoal trousers. There is no theological basis for any particular dress code being necessary.

If it’s a group of children and there’s an expectation that they should all dress alike I’d assume that there would be a trouser alternative for girls. The days in which it was compulsory for women and girls to wear a skirt or dress are now long gone. For example, it was in 1995, now 24 years ago, that the Lord Chancellor decided that female counsel appearing in British courts could wear trousers. The Royal Air Force caught up in 2001 when women were allowed to wear trousers as part of full dress uniform. I can’t tell you exactly when women at the University of Oxford were first allowed to wear trousers as part of sub fusc, but it must be more than 20 years ago. Although she certainly favours skirts and dresses, even the Queen has been seen in trousers on occasions since the 1940s. Margaret Thatcher was known to dislike trousers, but Theresa May, Jacinda Ardern, and Julia Gillard (to name but a few) are all regularly seen in trousers.

 

[Peeps]

I was Evangelical Protestant for the first 47 years of my life before converting to Catholicism 15 years ago.

When I was growing up, I knew a LOT of girls who received their First Holy Communion wearing the beautiful white dress and veil–and never went back to church again, and didn’t believe in any religion and didn’t actually know ANYTHING about Jesus. I remember bringing these girls to church with me, and they didn’t know anything, and they were excited to learn stories about Jesus from the Bible, and what the Bible says about love, peace, joy, etc. They had never learned this in their Religious Ed. classes.

I would say that over half the people I worked with received First Holy Communion dressed to the nines–and it meant nothing to them other than a Family Tradition and Celebration. They don’t practice any religion today. Many of their families stopped practicing Catholicism decades ago.

To me, what’s important is that the children have a good, working knowledge of what’s happening when they process forward to receive the Lord, and that they have at least started to internalize their Communion with Jesus so that Jesus is real and present in their lives moment by moment, day by day.

In other words, they have “accepted Jesus as their Personal Savior, and asked Him to come into their heart and help them to be like Him.”

I know a lot of you despise that ol’ Evangelical Protestant language–but it’s quite descriptive of what life should be for a Christian, including a child Christian, and Catholics are Christians! I still remember vividly the day, place, time, who was there, etc. when I asked Jesus to come into my heart–and I was 7 years old!

Do these children who receive First Holy Communion really KNOW WHO they are receiving–or is it just a celebration of a “ceremony” that involves wearing a beautiful outfit?

If a child sees their parents more concerned about the outfit than the Lord–they will have a hard time seeing Jesus in their Holy Communion and recognizing that they are making a commitment to Him.

As for comparing First Holy Communion to a wedding–we all know that a lot of women marry wearing a ten-thousand dollar wedding gown–and many are divorced within a year. This was the situation TWICE with my sister-in-law.

I, on the other hand, wore a fifty dollar dress that I bought off the rack at a Carson Pirie Scott, and 40 years later, my husband and I are still in love and happily married and looking forward to celebrating that 40th Anniversary.

I like the leggings/tunic idea–this is the current style, and I think it’s very pretty and also very comfortable with no chance of a skirt flying up and revealing too much. It’s also something that could probably be worn again (and whenever it was worn, the young girl would remember the time she wore it to receive Jesus–that’s nice!).

 

[Lea101]

Okay…is this even a big issue?

I was a tomboy, now I’m more feminine-ish. I can barely remember my Communion. I wore a boring white top and a straight, boring skirt because the dresses were too girly for me. Tasted the weird wine. That’s all I remembered.

If she feels really strongly about it I would just go with what she wants, because you don’t really want her to feel self conscious and uncomfortable on that day. But whatever she wears isn’t going to be a problem in the grand scheme of things.

But honestly, it’s barely an issue! I know I’m a Catholic and all…but it wasn’t a big event for me and I still don’t think back on it. The whole dressing up, photos etc…imo it seems like it’s more for the parents than the child.

 

[CilladeRoma]

@Peeps, I wish I could like this 1000 times.
This is exactly my experience, hence my objection to this micro-management by parishes all for the sake of “tradition”.

 

[Peeps]

I’m glad this was helpful.

I don’t mean to deride all families who choose to go 'all out" and treat a First Holy Communion like a wedding celebration, complete with an expensive dress, hair do, and make up. I also know families who do this who continue to be devout and in love with the Lord Jesus throughout the entire year.

All I’m saying is make sure that Holy Communion isn’t just another 'tradition," but a recognition that the Lord Jesus is in our hearts and lives and as a result, we are called to be a different kind of people–our First Love and Loyalty is to Jesus, not the kingdoms and institutions of this world.

 

[NeedANap]

I don’t remember the clothing being an issue. I wore a white dress that my cousin had worn the year previously. I also think that at age 8 or so a child can suck it up and wear a dress for the occasion.

However, I also don’t see why you couldn’t discuss this with the Religious Ed Director and see what they say.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Some parishes do have a dress code for Easter Vigil, Confirmation, etc. I know our Diocese has one for Confirmation. The Parish uses this same dress code for FHC and Easter Vigil. The dress code applies to both the recipients of the Sacrament(s) and their sponsors.

Other parishes have been so tired of fighting the battle that they simply put robes on FHC kids, Confrimandi, Easter Vigil reception folks.

 

[Feanor2]

You’re right- devastated was too strong a word.

 

[HeDa]

In my parish the FHC children wear these kinds of albs. Children were coming in all kinds of clothes from the white frilly fancy white dress to sweatpants and t-shirt. The parish owns the albs and the first 15 or so were donated. As there are some 70 nationalities in the parish, with just as many traditions, everyone agrees that this is a good way.

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The confirmandii wear white albs and school aged children and adults who are baptised are dresses in one as well. Infants receive a white garment but some are not dressed in it after their baptism. Seems like different traditions in different families.

There are several Poles that bring or are asked to bring items with them from Poland as it is much cheaper there than where we live, and also because a lot of the items we Catholics need are not sold here.